tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19323403811954295742024-02-20T02:11:01.488-08:00Calling all Jew-Ju'sA collection of thoughts from my experiences as a Jewish educator, a teacher and learner of texts, a parent, a member of the Jewish community, a firm believer in bring all of us together by what unites us, and a human being, and my attempts to put it all together.Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.comBlogger294125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-34414594218596524572023-10-10T07:10:00.004-07:002023-10-10T07:10:15.834-07:00An Open Letter to my Brothers and Sisters in FaithDear Friends in Faith,
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My heart is breaking. Too much hatred. Too many deaths. Too much sadness and crushed dreams. My friends and family in Israel are living in fear and will never be the same. My Muslim and Christian and other brothers and sisters of this region including Israel and Palestine belonging to our larger family of Adam and Eve are living in fear and will never be the same. I who work so hard to build bridges that join and not fences that divide and destroy am hurting beyond words and will never be the same. I am hurting for all of these people, who are members of our human family, the beginning of which we read this week in our Torah portion in our synagogues as we begin the cycle of Torah readings once again. How do we get through this?
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This is NOT about politics; it is about the respect we are to show for human lives and the humility we must all hold onto as we remember that we do NOT have the right to destroy the lives of others.
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This is exactly why this work of Multi-Faith engagement and connections is of such vital importance to me. We need to respect each other. We need to listen to each other. We need to learn to understand each other and truly see each other for all that we are. We need to acknowledge differences and have the challenging conversations because when we can't talk with each other, and we can't see the humanity in each other, fear, hatred and destruction such as we are all now witnessing happens.
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As the lives of too many Israelis and Palestinians all faiths who are innocent and just want to live are destroyed, we must all recommit ourselves to this work of realizing we are all the children of G-d who created us and remember that our G-d, our Lord, Allah or whatever we call The Supreme Being wants much better from us. We, however, must work to be much better and not fail ourselves or The One To Whom We Hold Ourselves Accountable. We must not fall into the trap of moral equivocation when we see one party of the conflict try so hard to NOT destroy lives and the other one parading those they do.
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With prayers and ongoing thoughts for the loss of too many lives and the destruction resulting from not working together to be better.
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Let us pray, hope and work for a better future for Israel and Israelis of all faiths, for Palestine and Palestinians of all faiths, and for all of us of all faiths.
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Sunnie
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-85069804368809393652023-10-06T10:16:00.003-07:002023-10-06T10:16:48.917-07:00The Very Sad State of Affairs, Why We Have To Care, and a Victory!
You most likely have never heard of Dr. Jake Kleinmahon but you must pay attention to the cautionary tale of his life. He is one of Louisiana's only three pediatric cardiologists dealing with profoundly ill children, and has had to leave the state over anti-LGBTQ legislation. He and his husband and two children are now making a life in New York where he is not fearful for the safety of his family and he will open a new pediatric cardiologist practice there.
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You should also know the name of Benjamin Sumner Wells. He served President Franklin D. Roosevelt for many years in various roles, ultimately as Under Secretary of State, assisting with the saving of Jews from Nazi Germany. This was halted as he was forced out of his position in 1943 due to rumors that he was gay. One can only wonder if more Jews could have been saved had he been allowed to continue his very important work.
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I speak with LGBTQ+ Jews who are religious daily and unfortunately, have had to come to the realization with them that an increasing number of states in the USA are no longer safe places. One of the saddest conversations I had recently was with a wonderful Rabbi who called to ask about safe communities he could counsel the transgender persons in his Kehillah/community to consider as new homes, given that his state was becoming an increasingly dangerous place for these individuals to JUST LIVE!
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………. Okay, so I do not really keep up with this blog any longer as I am really busy on so many fronts and the Hagim (the Jewish holidays) have been an additional element in our lives at present. BUT, there must be a reason I did not continue this UNTIL TODAY. For today, we have so much to celebrate.
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Oakland, California is where one of our Eshel Rock Star Rabbis, Rabbi Gershon Albert is the Senior Rabbi at Beth Jacob Congregation and they now have the first openly gay Orthodox Rabbi, Shua Brick, in a congregational post. Rabbi Brick is a Yeshiva University Rabbinic alumnus and he has already established himself as a wonderful teacher, leader and dugma (role model) for how to live. meaningful and involved Jewish life. There are many of us in the Orthodox Jewish world and especially as allies and members of the LGBTQ+ community amongst us that are marking this significant milestone. You can read the story here https://forward.com/news/563113/shua-brick-gay-orthodox-rabbi-oakland/
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As a strictly observant Jew, I have never questioned the importance or my ability to walk in any lane of the Jewish world or the Multi-Faith world or just the world….. My husband and I have taught and shown our four children how to do the same. Three of the four of them are in the LGBTQ+ spectrum and are living their lives purposefully and meaningfully. This is what I try to help ensure that people can do through my work with Eshel, the Orthodox Jewish consortium for LGBTQ+ inclusion. I have seen so much change in the past ten years, being able to have more meaningful and deep conversations with Rabbis, parents and community members who did not even engage with this topic not so long ago. I always say that it is our responsibility and our privilege, and ultimately we will benefit, from including and valuing our children and community members who are LGBTQ+ for who they are. With one daughter as a palliative care physician, another as a community organizer working with populations at risk, and my daughters-in-law --- one a rabbi and one engaged in community work, counseling and bringing students of different faith communities together, I could not be more proud. SO MANY people are benefitting from their professionalism, their wisdom and their skill sets. THIS is what we want for all of our children and just imagine who will benefit.
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I feel badly for the community in New Orleans who has lost one of their very few important medical specialists. I often wonder how many more Jews could have been rescued from Nazi Europe had Wells been able to continue his important work. How many other communities are suffering as I am counseling people who are being forced to leave their homes IN THIS COUNTRY because of their gender or sexuality diversity.
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And then there are places to celebrate. I am so glad and grateful that I live in the Greater Philadelphia area and we have so many really important members of our community doing significant work who are LGBTQ+. I know so many in Boston benefit from the efforts and initiatives of our children there and their friends. And now Oakland California is here to teach us all …. It is NOT about gender or sexuality. It IS about what people have to offer to make us all better people.
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Shabbat Shalom and Chag Sameach!
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-79274136471582787942023-04-11T08:11:00.002-07:002023-04-11T08:11:34.720-07:00Democracy and Freedom – What We Are Allowed and What Is Asked Of Us in this Season of Reflection
I sit here on the sixth day of Pesach, 5783/2023 amidst the fracture and pain of so much in our world. I think a lot about the two countries on this planet closest to my heart – the United States of America and Israel, as well as all of the other countries and inhabitants and citizens who are often not so different than you or I. We are privileged to live in a land that is a democracy in which many freedoms are afforded us. However, so much of that continues to be at stake with abuse of legislative powers, co-opting of hard fought freedoms and increasing dangers to our very being. Protests for democracy in Israel, protests in the United States over the ousting of democratic members of a primarily republican legislature, lack of ability to negotiate how to keep all citizens safe and respect their integrity, concern over removing pharmaceuticals that will protect the lives and bodies of our daughters, sisters, mothers and all women, and …..
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So, on this sixth day of Pesach, called <b>Zeman Heiruteinu</b>, the Time of our Freedom, I am reminded that this freedom was NOT granted to abuse and grab power, but rather, so we as the Jewish Nation could accept the discipline that is celebrated seven weeks later on Shavuot as we observe the time of the Giving of the Torah, <b>Zeman Matan Torateinu</b> or Shavuot, that ASKS so much of us so that we are ALLOWED to remain as free people. In that spirit…
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Democracy allows us to freely think; and asks that we protect that right for all others;
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Democracy allows us to believe in G-d or any Higher Being or… as we wish; we are asked to respect that others will do what they find right for them;
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Democracy allows us to live where we want; it asks us to acknowledge that all others can do the same;
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Democracy allows us to choose our own path, career and course of life; it asks that we respect the choices of others;
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Democracy allows us to own our property, increase our savings and resources; it asks that we share our good fortune with others;
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Democracy allows us to walk on the street in any garb we choose that is appropriate; it asks that we do not look disparagingly at those who may look different;
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Democracy allows us to use whatever resources and agencies that we need; we are asked to help others access them;
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Democracy allows us to be who we are, our gender, our sexuality, our ethnic grouping, our racial identity; it asks that we accept others for all they are.
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Democracy allows us to exercise so many different freedoms; it asks – DEMANDS – that we protect those freedoms for all people.
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For Jews, we are now in a period of time called <b>Sefirat HaOmer</b>. Similar to <b>Lent</b> for Christians and <b>Ramadan</b> for Muslims and other cycled periods of thought and reflection for other faiths, it asks that we think long and hard about our lives, to not take the freedoms we have for granted and to consider how we can be the best people possible. This is so central so so many people of faith and various traditions of belief.
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Amalek is the archetypal nation that did not do or understand any of this and destroyed the weak, the different, the ones who struggled the most in the Jewish Nation so long ago. G-d saved the Jewish nation from their cruel grip, and G-d did not protect us so that we would become Amalek; rather, that we protect all people from any Amalek that may rise.
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As we all celebrate or wrap up our seasons of reflection, may we all remember not just what is <b>ALLOWED </b>for us, but more important what is <b>ASKED</b> of us. In that way, we will build bridges of understanding and acceptance that freedom allows and not construct the fences that divide, fracture and threaten that freedom.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-15468741424535118482022-11-14T15:50:00.002-08:002022-11-14T15:50:09.745-08:00Conflict and Resolution are both possible – which will we choose?
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First let me begin by saying I just do not have the time to keep this blog going, so this is why my offerings are now so erratic and infrequent. If you want to see my weekly Parsha Shiyurim/Torah studies on our readings in the Jewish community, please do go to either of these Facebook pages (remembering you may have to ask to be accepted):
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https://www.facebook.com/sunnie.epstein
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/mbiee.org
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So why do I not have time? Because as I am acutely aware of and pained by the amped up degree of conflict in our reality today, I am constantly working on the resolution end of this continually vexing and increasingly difficult question. Through my work in Multi-Faith Dialogue, insuring welcoming communities for Orthodox LGBTQ+ individuals, addressing women’s issues such as domestic violence and procuring a Jewish divorce, teaching, etc. I try very hard to use my time to be part of the solution, not exacerbate the conflict. What is important, actually critical to note, is that those of us who can work to maintain calm and validation are even more needed in our world today. I look at the news, listen to commentators and feel so dejected. Then I join my professional teams as we work on shared goals and feel so much better and empowered.
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Both in the United States and Israel, we are sitting after recent elections – elections that tell us several things.
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1. We are all living in countries with divided entities that are very separate and too often antithetical to each other, no longer even interested in engaging with the other in too many instances. In a recent poll in the United States, we have learned that the one thing that Republicans and Democrats agree on to the highest degree is that the other party is an imminent threat to democracy. How sad, and clearly, we are not living up to the expectations of our Founding Fathers.
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2. How long will this election and the resulting Knesset hold in Israel? Clearly both countries are so divided and the notion of resolution and compromise, so clearly and painstakingly etched in Jewish learning culture, is lost to too many. In the meantime, while the opponents in the boxing ring of politics are amplifying their hatred and opposition to their opposing political party, REAL issues are not dealt with and people are having their liberties and lives threatened. How is this in any way appropriate on any party’s or leader’s watch in these countries and others that call themselves democracies?
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3. There is a commercial in the United States for an auto insurance company. It’s about being safe drivers. Two people approach an intersection and each tells the other to go first. They go back and forth and in the midst of their very polite debate about who should go first, a cute “little old lady” in a third part of the intersection just throws up her arms and zips on through. It’s adorable but …. While we are all NOT allowing the other to go first or even to listen to them as we learned so well from Hillel and Shammai, who will barrel through and destroy way too much?
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4. We all know the statement “Evil prevails when good people do nothing.” Evil is destructive. Evil is not valuing human life. Evil is an active desire to rid the world of all people who do not agree with the person who wants to do so. Evil is taking up way too much of our collective bandwidth and for those of us working to insure women’s reproductive rights, the dignity of ALL people who are created in the image of G-d, the notion that economic disparity is not helpful to anyone in the end, and so many other causes of justice and social/cultural health, evil too often sucks the air out of the room.
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As you know, I am a religiously observant Jew. Trust me, I get way too much backlash due to the work I do and the beliefs I hold within the larger Orthodox Jewish Community as it exists today. Yet, as an educated Jew who learns as well as teaches from our sacred texts daily, I often find myself in the middle of debates about different approaches to what our Rabbis held to be the correct way. Yes, there is some name calling and glib comments to be sure, including a controlled degree of comedic interchanges. However, this is conflict for the purposes of trying to do and be what G-d wants us to be. Within that dynamic, there are NOT always solutions, but there is resolution, often only partially so. Sometimes. it means each person goes the way they believe, while at other times we are told there is not a final answer and we will just have to do the best we can.
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Trying to do and be the best we can means acting as honorable human beings. It means listening to each other and realizing that if we do not, we all stand to lose way too much. We are indeed in TWO Americas and the same might be said of Israel, in which a recently released mini-series called Autonomies in which there are two entities – a right wing religiously closed society and a separate state for everyone else. It is dystopian to be sure and represents the worst of where present conflicts could lead, with the two warring factions being within the Am Yisrael – the Jewish people, forgetting any other parties to conflicting needs and hopes.
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As an American, our money, our pledge of Allegiance and so much else reminds us that we are “one nation under G-d.” But are we really? It’s fine to disagree, to want different things, to use different approaches… this is human nature. BUT when one side – either side -- villainizes the other, then how can we speak of “one nation under G-d.?” The Hebrew name of the United States is Artzot HaBrit, meaning the lands of the covenant. Interesting, in both the cases of the United States and Israel, covenant is involved. G-d’s name is invoked. We are to act in a way that does honor to that connection and yet….. here we are.
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There is a statement in the Qu’ran, Surah 48 that I love. Muslims are taught that G-d (Allah for Muslims) could have made all people alike, could have created one nation, but instead created all different groups so that we can “compete in good works.” In other words, we can all teach each other and work with each other. In my Multi-Faith work which I value more than I can say, I often suggest that we have all been given pieces of the larger picture that The Creator G-d alone knows. By sharing what we know and celebrating what we share, we can also acknowledge there will be differences that will distinguish us from each other. However, those differences are not intended to destroy any chance we have of working together to honor G-d and to respect and cherish each other. Resolution means I SEE YOU. Conflict means in today’s world I DON’T OR DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. Which one will you choose?
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-32772152226849578972022-09-20T06:36:00.002-07:002022-09-20T06:36:27.355-07:00The Way It Should and Can Be …As Imperfect As It Is
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Ken and I returned from Israel a few weeks ago. We are there as often as possible and due to COVID, this has been the longest time not there in many, many years – 2 2/3 years. We were traveling throughout the country for a few weeks – Ashdod, Zichron Yaakov, Tzfat, Tiveria, Tel Aviv, Beerot Yitzchak, Ginot Shomron, Ma’ale Adumim and Yerushalayim, including the Old City. In all that time, we saw Jews of every religious appearance on the spectrum, Christians and Catholics, Muslims, Armenians, Arabs, Israelies, etc. and this was EVERYWHERE – at the Mamilla Mall, on the way to the Kotel, in the shuk, on the beach in Ashdod, in the many cities in which we spent time, in the museums that we went to – as we were interested in archeological work as a theme for this trip. There was PEACE and CALM, conversations amongst people obviously of different faith and cultural groupings --- in the interactions between everyone we saw, joy, sharing of spaces with respect AND everyone was holding onto their identity – as indicated in their dress, their language and their affect. This is the way it should be, the way it IS in most of Israel and unfortunately, the world is just not aware… and that hurts my heart.
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Then I came home…. to the name calling, intolerance, “alternative facts,” and other harmful dynamics that have become a most normative part of daily life here in America. A candidate for governor of the state of Pennsylvania calling out his opponent for attending what he called a fancy privileged private prep school… which is a Jewish Day School at which the majority of students receive financial aid and is attended for reasons more akin to those that send families to, let’s say, Catholic schools as opposed to the fancy privileged prep schools. The entire Modern Orthodox community of which I am a part is trying to square how Yeshiva University states that it accepts and welcomes its LGBT students and then states that they cannot have a safe space for a club to gather, ultimately halting the good work of all clubs as a response to the uproar. Children should not see our television screens not because of violent shows or cartoons, but because of political advertisements that clearly cross the line of truth, appropriate messaging and so much else. And the list goes on….
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I think I would rather be back in Israel. This is certainly not to say everything is perfect in Israel. Far from it. But so is the nature of the human being—we have free choice to accept or inflame each other; to work towards living together with respect, regard and humility or claim we are right and if one does not agree with us, its simple – they are wrong and deserve to be attacked because they are wrong. I am personally working to counteract this hatred and lack of understanding every day. When I am surrounded by my colleagues in the Multi-faith work we do together, I am heartened. When I watch those who are struggling to be included in their respective, because of gender diversity, sexuality, learning differences, physical or mental limitations, neurodiversity, or so many other reasons, I think of the missed opportunities of so much that we can and should be learning from these incredible souls. There is also the sadness that people are not considering that there are many ways to be.. and that ultimately, all of these differences are part of the design of humanity, which I believe, is intended by The Creator G-d.
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This is what I observe daily – there is a profound difference between refusing to accept the other and struggling to figure out how we can live together in a way that maintains the integrity, well-being and safety of all. I see too much of the former in the United States at this point and more than is credited or acknowledged in too many public forums in Israel. There is an ongoing attempt to try to be and do better, though not always hitting the mark in this small country of so many different groupings. THE MAJORITY of the people that are in Israel are involved in various efforts one way or another to figure out how to live together. Israel is attempting to maintain its identity as both a democracy and a Jewish homeland, not an easy feat for so many reasons of which we are all aware. I feel this dynamic every time I am there and am hopeful, because the effort is ongoing and so very visible to anyone paying attention.
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Then I come back to the United States and worry about this flailing democracy as it is now identified. How will our citizenry truly commit itself to and learn how to be a both/and culture instead of the either/or dynamic that presently exists and is tearing apart so much of what we have come to depend on in these United States of America. As one who is so grateful for the opportunity provided to the generation of immigrants in my own family by this country, I am hurt about how too much is running counter to this notion of providing such opportunity to people today. Personally, I am already exhausted. Maybe it’s time to go back to Israel and be part of a country that is trying so hard to reconcile so much of different histories, narratives, people’s perspectives and realities. I feel like the United States could learn a lot from the imperfect results but the ongoing efforts in Israel.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-59839344645849155412022-06-30T08:41:00.000-07:002022-06-30T08:41:42.590-07:00The Lessons We Learn From Each Other: Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni z’l<br /><br />
I have often written about people who have inspired me – the teachers and Rabbis whom I have had the ‘zechut’ (privilege) of learning with and from; my amazing peers whom I have been privileged to work with in trying to bring the best out from all of us; and the students who have always made everything so worthwhile and from whom I have always learned new insights. I have always taken the dictum of “Be not a sage on the stage, but rather a guide on the side” seriously and have tried continually to live by it.
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Yesterday we learned about the death of one of the most remarkable teachers, people and ‘mensches’ (amazing human beings) with whom I have ever had the honor of sharing an orbit. Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni left our earthly community of learners, Jews, seekers, and human beings after 94 years of sharing his wisdom, his intellect and most important his heart with us. This loss comes at a time when our world is so fractured, too many have lost the sense of the importance of nuance and no longer value the skill set of listening and learning with and from others. While one of the most formidable sages, he always took on the persona of the guide on the side when I was in the room with him.
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Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni was acknowledged as a Talmudic prodigy and was ordained as a Rabbi in his hometown of Sighet before reaching the age of 17. He and Elie Wiesel were lifelong friends and Wiesel often publicly credited HaLivni with safekeeping his Jewish soul and spirit during the horrors of the Holocaust. HaLivni would learn daily in the most horrible of circumstances, using his photographic memory of the Talmud and so much else. His method of learning with others was to reflect the conversation in the Talmudic page, pointing to the disagreement amongst the Rabbis and continuing the lively questioning process drew a great deal of criticism. He was one of the scholarly, strictly observant Jewish leaders who chose to teach at the Jewish Theological Seminary (the Conservative Rabbinical Seminary where he earned his doctorate) at a time when this was a line of demarcation between Conservative and Orthodox approaches in learning. He was there until 1983 when the Conservative Movement changed considerably (ordaining women was part of the realignment, but to be sure, there were other issues as well).
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I am an observant Jew who was brought up in Baltimore. In my own educational journey, I was exposed to and educated by scholars of all ideological positions who encouraged such questioning and dialogue – including educators and Rabbis from Gateshead in England, Ner Yisrael in Baltimore, and non-Orthodox learning institutions as well. This notion that guided Weiss HaLivni’s life that one’s level of observance and adherence is not compromised by questions and exploration, hoping to truly absorb the complexity of our faith and its elements resonated well with me.
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During the 1980s, I was literally thrown out as a professional in the Conservative Movement’s Educational Leadership in Greater Philadelphia because I was “too observant and therefore not an apt role model.” I had been told I have no home in the movement that began as an incredibly rich intellectual journey in the 1800s with strictly observant Jews. It was then that I could only find community in an Orthodox shul. At the same time, in the fall of 1984, a new organization, The Union for Traditional Judaism was formed and both Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni and I found a home there – he as our founding Rav and me as a founding board member. I was immediately embraced by this group, closer to the roots of the Conservative Movement than what was happening in too many communities and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni became my Rav. In fact, I was privileged to bring him to other communities in my professional world in the years that would follow. One particularly poignant event that was supposed to happen was a conversation between him and Elie Wiesel at a Coalition for the Advancement of Jewish Education winter conference. However, unfortunately Wiesel was ill at the time, so we just engaged in a wonderful chat with Rabbi Weiss HaLivni, in a style that was uniquely his. You always felt like you belonged and he became an important support structure for me during the 1990s.
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This worked for a number of years and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni reinforced that I was on the right track as a learner, engaging with the culture of disputation that one finds in the Gemara, and in many ways keeps Jewish learning alive and fresh throughout generations. I think of him from time to time today and how much more we need voices like his in our deeply fractured world. Too much of Orthodoxy has in too many cases become narrowly “yeshivishized” and is barely recognizable to me, who grew up within its framework. The great divide between those way to the right and others way to the left of our Jewish continuum leave too many of us (who are indeed observant) bereft of our embracing wider Jewish tent.
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This is in many ways a loss beyond words. Rabbi Dr. Weiss Halivni gave so much during his 94 years. It is now up to us to continue to take up what he called <i>The Book and the Sword</i> (title of his seminal book) and learn in his spirit and merit. May the teachings and the character of David Weiss HaLivni continue to inspire us all and for those of us who were privileged to learn from him, let us remember the spirit as well as the words and impart both to others.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-73333902803995684882022-04-14T06:52:00.000-07:002022-04-14T06:52:29.687-07:00Pesach Sameach, Happy Easter and Ramadan Mübarek and ...
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This is the season of celebrations and observances and we also wish our Zorastrian friends a meaningful Nowruz and Sikhs have just observed Vaisakhi, Baha’i faith adherents begin Ridvan and I am certain I am missing others, but know you are included in my heart and this message.
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We love our holidays and so often mark time by our celebrations, observances and religious calendars. In so doing, each and every one of us are acknowledging that there is something bigger than us individually and very often that recognition is accompanied by a sense of humility and understanding that we are but limited human beings.
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Unfortunately, we are all witnessing too many situations in our world in which this understanding is not exhibited and hubris takes its place. For me, this is antithetical to who I and so many people in my life are as individuals who adhere to a faith tradition – any faith tradition. You secular humanists are included here, for you too acknowledge that the good of the collective must define and limit the expanse of the individual. This we ALL share regardless of whether or not we believe in a Divine Being or the name and character of that Being.
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My dear Muslim friends are in the midst of Ramadan, fasting from food and drink during the day for one entire month. A very dear friend and colleague (Thank you AN) explained to me during one of our many conversations that this is the easy part. The more challenging part is to also “fast” from bad thoughts of others, not engaging in gossip, not undertaking business transactions without considering the implications for ALL people impacted and so on. In other words, the 24/7 behavioral norms that we are told to observe are the most challenging. Any Jew who has experienced the fullness of Yom Kippur totally gets that – the more draining part of the day is the introspection and self-held accountability more than the withholding of food and drink (barring medical conditions, which incidentally may exempt one in both cases from that part of fasting but NOT the larger and more intentional part of our deeds).
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Lent is about withholding some things we enjoy and praying and learning – amplifying our spirituality and lessening our physical emphasis if you will. Ramadan and Sefirat HaOmer (the counting of the Omer, the period between Pesach/Passover and Shavuot, which parallels the Christian Pentacostal) have the same focus.
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We are watching hubris destoy our world on so many levels. These seasons are about thinking broadly and expansively about both our limitations as individual humans and how we can up lift ourselves through our beliefs and adherence to a Divine power. For me, that is G-d/HasShem/Creator of the World. Who is that for you?
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Regardless of the belief system to which we adhere, can we all just take a moment, step back and ask ourselves how our actions are impacting those around us. Are we healing or destroying? If we are healing, then we are already working in the ways that God, in any manifestation ( or… Source of All or Force of All that Begins for some of us, including agnostics and atheists) intended for us as human beings to work together in community to heal, care and have compassion for each other.
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Wishing all meaningful observances and joyful celebrations, in any way that works for you.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-90008557336875432142022-02-24T07:57:00.002-08:002022-02-24T07:57:38.925-08:00Two Profound Challenges – One Needs Medicine, Science and Reason; the Other Needs Compassionate Rebooting
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Okay, forgive the pithy statement, but consider that… as we begin this new year, we continue to be confronted by two overwhelming challenges – one is COVID, the other is hatred. What I find so interesting is how they actually are intertwined. With the extreme political fracturing we are all experiencing at this time, whether or not one is vaccinated and masked have become political calling cards for too many. This simply makes no sense. With political loyalties dictating how one attends to one’s health or does not do so, we are endangering too many people in ways that are really quite reprehensible.
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To be clear, I am NOT talking about those who have legitimate, well-researched concerns or health situations that would mitigate against their being able to safely be vaccinated. I myself had a one-hour appointment with a wonderful immunologist discussing my own health situation and only after that long evaluation and conversation and research, did I feel that it was safe for me to be vaccinated. I WOULD recommend that others do the same – and that our decisions are made for our own personal safety and health and those around us. It is difficult, there is not one simple answer and we are all in this together. Let us use our heads and avail ourselves of the medical and scientific resources that are meant to be used for our well-being.
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Here is what I AM talking about. The fracturing of our world, our country, our communities is the result of too many years of seething hatred for each other building up just below the public surface (or not even), with a certain combination of factors allowing it to explode into our lives – through all types of media, choices made in elected officials, positions taken on issues that could potentially hurt the freedoms of so many of our citizens and send our country way too far back in time, and in the increasing drumbeat of <b>anti-any group I do not like <i></i></b>incidents in our world – fires, taking hostages, killings, distrust in our officials who are to protect us and so on.
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I am presently reading Fareed Zakaria’s important book, <b>Ten Lessons for a Post-Pandemic World<i></i></b>, in which he sets out the historical precedents that led to our present situation. Politics, governments, people who do not understand the intense responsibility they have as officials, everyone making decisions for themselves, etc… so much has worked against us. There are no surprises here – he and many others just remind us about the truly toxic germ of HATE and the MISTRUST that evolves from its presence. So many have written in this tone, showing how the fracture we see did not begin in 2015 – but rather has its seeds firmly planted many years earlier. Further, the hatred we are all subject to, has always been there and now permission has clearly been granted to shout it from the rooftops.
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As more than one person I know in my own religiously observant world has declared, NOW, I will tell you what I really think – about all the groups that are bums, that I hate, that are lazy, etc. etc. Really? Yes, we ALL have bad actors in our respective racial, ethnic, religious, national, and cultural groupings – we all have those who identify as we do to whom we would NEVER want to be compared. But why are we defaulting to those examples of the abuse of our human capacities? Let us instead focus on the great examples of humanity and caring and compassion with whom we have contact. In so doing, we continue to work to build bridges that connect, not walls that divide.
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In response to the deep sadness and angst I feel about our world at this present time, I try to work in groups and with colleagues with whom we build those bridges, insuring acceptance for LGBTQ Jews in a world and country in which new threats to their integrity and well-being abound. I find solace in sharing texts I learn with people who look for the healing messages that encourage us to stand by our convictions and not succumb to the negativity all around us. And then … there are my beloved colleagues and brothers and sisters in faith that I am so honored, privileged and humbled to work with to help our hurting world, showing how faith – ALL of our faith traditions – do indeed share messages of love, acceptance and compassion. I invite you to watch the following program which I was honored to be part of on Martin Luther King Day, with my colleagues from my Multi-Faith work. We believe that by addressing the <i>Myth-conceptions</i> we may all have about each other and sharing what we love about our faith traditions and what we find challenging with each other, we can work together to help spread something other than hate – overcoming it with love and compassions.
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<a href="https://youtu.be/Qkoqb5FZ3Gk">https://youtu.be/Qkoqb5FZ3Gk</a>
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If you want more of this type of conversation, please go to www.interfaithlibrary.com for an ongoing learning experience and feel free to share, comment and ask questions in the many places in which conversation is invited. Let us DIALOGUE that is dia-logos, or work together through words of understanding and care to address the far more compelling disease that pervades our world today. With prayers and hopes for our brothers and sisters in our human community in Ukraine and throughout the world in which too much hate and selfish quest for power does not allow too many to see the other. Let us see each other, embrace and have empathy for each other – this is what I believe G-d has put us here to do.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-41966512029616108232022-01-06T07:16:00.001-08:002022-01-06T07:16:27.584-08:00Hopes for Healing in 2022 – Can We Begin By Getting To Know Each Other?
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Today is the one-year anniversary of January 6, 2021. I remember well exactly where I was and what I was doing an how horrified I was. Same feeling as September 11, 2001. Both acts of hatred, terrorism and lack of any sense of empathy for humanity. Both adamite statements of I AM RIGHT and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and so much more. Too many people killed and lives permanently damaged due to hatred and lack of knowledge of “the other,” among many other dynamics. I woke up with this feeling of sadness and devastation at the destruction of so much I hold dear.
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Then I turned on the television to check in on the news this morning and this is what I heard. It was a narrative of the goodness of so many with a kidney donation chain that began with one family searching for a kidney amongst their own and not finding a match BUT there was a match to someone else on the registry and then that family searched for someone to donate… and a chain of love, compassion, and saving the sanctity of lives was begun – without concern for race, religion, political beliefs, ethnicity or…. It was an affirmation that WE ARE ALL PART OF THIS HUMAN FAMILY. I feel better and energized to do the work I do today and going forth…
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Earlier this week I had the pleasure of learning Torah and related Jewish topics with my 7-year old and 11-year old (x 2, they are twins) granddaughters. We generally learn weekly and in both of our lessons this past Monday we were talking about separation and divisions – specifically those that God makes in Creation of the world as we know and experience. You know, Bereshit/Genesis Chapter One, where God is constantly dividing – light and darkness, day and night, land and water, waters above and waters below and so on. The 11-year-olds and I were exploring how this notion of separation can lead to trouble. God separated and divided, organizing all so we could move on from chaos of “tohu v’vohu” – the massive confusion that needed organization or it was nothingness --- to organization and structure so that we could function. Then the 7-year old and I were discussing Parshat HaShavuah (the weekly Torah portion we learn and read in shul) about Pharaoh and the plagues and that here too there were many instances of separation and divisions.
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We learn that separations and dividing all that is allows us to use what we have in more productive ways. BUT, it was NOT lost on these smart young ladies that separation can also lead to thinking that one is better than the other – light preferable to dark, day not as scary as night, and the slippery slope is short until we apply these distinctions to each other, the color of our skin, the nature of our religious beliefs, the political party to which we subscribe, and so on. THIS was not the intention, I believe, of God making these divisions.
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Rather, I seek out differences and love the unique nature of each element in our world and how everything combines to result in something so much more powerful than the individual parts that compose it. Think about it – dissect a beautiful sunset in your mind, notice all of the different elements, and how they all combine to give you this breathtaking effect. Why can we not do the same with each other?
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One of my favorite teachings of the sacred text of Islam, the Qur’an is Sura 49:13 where we learn
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<i>We have created you all out of a male and a female, and have made you into nations and tribes, so that you might come to know one another.</i>
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In Judaism, we know all too well that we begin the narrative of our faith with the story of Creation that my lovely young scholars are learning as they prepare for their B’not Mitzvah next year, when they will share some of these lessons with those who come to celebrate with them. We know that we are ALL B’nai Adam – the children of Adam. We too teach that we should all remember that we share ancestors and should treat each other accordingly. This is what I strive for every day, whether in my work finding accepting and welcoming communities for LGBTQ observant Jews with Eshel or in my Multi-Faith work with so many incredible colleagues or in the many shiyurim (classes and lessons) I share with others. We all know we share so much and respect our differences. We know to ask when we do not understand something and DO NOT attack or assume. We build bridges that connect not fences that divide. We come to know each other across so many potential divides and instead appreciate the tapestery of humanity we represent. This is what bolsters me.
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To be sure I will watch the January 6 anniversary observances today. I will also watch the celebration of Betty White’s one hundred years (according to the Jewish/Hebrew calendar she did make it to 100 years and 7 days) of goodness and compassion and I will carry with me the joint message of those wonderful donors and recipients in the kidney donation chain. There I find hope and optimism that as my husband Ken always says, there are more good people in the world who care and want what is right for all than others who do not…. and I pray that our grandaughters can share these lessons with the entire congregation that will join them next year.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-77760789352889131442021-12-09T09:33:00.001-08:002021-12-09T09:33:08.959-08:00Israel: So Many Stories of Cooperation and SharingNote: Many people have asked me about this program, which you can take yourself through by using all of the links below. I am placing it on my blog so that people think about these many initiatives that cross so many divides.
<b>ISRAEL: SO MANY STORIES OF COOPERATION AND SHARING </b>
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epstein
Director, BeYachad – Bringing Jewish Learning and Living Together
shulisrose@aol.com
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There are so many stories and organizations committed to sharing across lines of religious, ethnic, and national identity in Israel at the present time. While too many people focus on extreme positions pitched far to one side or the other, the reality is that there are hundreds of thousands, even millions, of Israelis, Arabs, Palestinians, Jews, Muslims, Christians and others working together for the betterment of all. Why can’t we focus more on this aspect of the reality that is Israel? We should be aware of these in thinking about a collective model of cooperation and sharing.
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Here is just a small sampling of these many efforts and realities bringing together Israelis and Palestinians, Arabs, Jews, Muslims, Christians, and others:
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I. Yad B’Yad School System- BiLingual School system in Israel that brings together Muslims, Jews, Arabs and Israelis and so many other to learn, play and live together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H_jCWJb4yo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74aEijqoYDg
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II. Givat Haviva – A wonderful learning community in which children and students of all ages share art, food, languages, dance, history and so many living experiences.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMEcoCeTusw
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III. Haifa, a Community of Co-Existence and Sports (for fun)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15BIKfcb1eo
Note: The Circassians (Circassian: Адыгэхэр, Adygekher) are a Northwest Caucasian ethnic group native to Circassia, many of whom were displaced in the course of the Russian conquest of the Caucasus in the 19th century, especially after the Russian–Circassian War in 1864.
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IV. The Galilee Circus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa-KUCDNPL8
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V. A Muslim-Jewish Wedding – notice the different sides…. This is included here just to show that there are other issues, in this case, intermarriage amongst faiths that people have strong feelings about. In 2014, it was estimated that one in ten marriages involving a Jewish partner are intermarriages with those of other faith traditions. While this is a separate issue with its own challenges, it should be noted as another way in which people are indeed crossing identity lines.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs5yYFOvt9E
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VI. Just Jamming Through food, dance, art, relaxing and just jamming people from different religious and national/ethnic identities come together and have a blast.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rJ_RB3Iwws
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VII. Muslim – Jewish Dialogue in Israel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly0niHW-zRA
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VIII. Combatants for Peace and Circles of Bereaved Families
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uULjkeTYv2A
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IX. Shorashim, an Orthodox Rabbi and a Muslim colleague bring together the members of their respective communities for shared experiences.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wy7vnnv1VY
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X. The Arava Institute is one of many environmental institutes that allow people with shared concerns about our planet to come together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmbiKimLDkc
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XI. Project Wadi Attir, a joint effort between Bedouns, Israelis, and the Arab community http://www.sustainabilitylabs.org/wadiattir/home/
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Centers for Cooperation across lines of faith and nationality in Israel are numerous, here are just a few:
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• International Fellowship of Christians and Jews (Rabbi Ron Kronish, Reform)
• Sholom Hartman Institute (Rabbi Dr. Donniel Hartman, Orthodox)
• Rabbis for Human Rights (Rabbi Arik Ascherman, Reform)
• Israeli Religious Action Center (Anat Hoffman, Reform)
• Alliance for Middle East Peace
• Mosaica Center for Inter-Religious Cooperation
• Center for Jewish - Christian Understanding and Cooperation (Rabbi Shlomo Riskin, Orthodox)
• Interfaith Encounter Association
• The Arava Institute for Environmental Studies
• Middle East Institute (Environmental Cooperation)
• Center for the Study of Relations between Jews, Christians, Muslims
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Read these articles for additional perspective:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jul/11/israel-jews-arabs-palestinians-work-together-peace
https://www.allmep.org/members/
http://investinpeace.org/peacemakers/ with introductory words by Shimon Perez
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Millions of people are crossing lines of religious belief, national loyalty and ethnic identity to work together for a world of peace in Israel and in Palestine. This should be duly noted and heavily publicized. So, can we stop ignoring these important and wide-spread initiatives, that involve SO MANY individuals?
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Let us think about that as we have finished the Festival of Lights in the Jewish community, are in the midst of Advent in the Christian community, on the precipice of a new secular year and engaged in so many opportunities to heal our fractured world.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-89961154228534130432021-11-23T12:32:00.003-08:002021-11-23T12:32:28.848-08:00My New Project in The Big, Wide World Of Interfaith Dialogue and Understanding
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As you all know, I have always treasured sharing different points of views and approaches with my fellow friends in faith, across the Jewish spectrum, the monotheistic spectrum and through all faith systems of the human family of which we are all part. I have always firmly believed that we miss opportunities far too often to learn with, from and about each other by holding onto preconceived notions that lead to fear and ultimately to hatred and enmity instead of looking at how we can come together in strength and conviction, holding onto and representing well our own beliefs while embracing others who are doing the same. As one of my treasured colleagues in this work, Sheikh Aziz Nathoo often repeats, we come together to converse not to convert. And, I will humbly add, by conversing, we learn by our own actions to appreciate and treasure what we share while respecting and showing regard for our differences.
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In the Jewish cycle of Torah readings, we are in the book of Bereshit/Genesis. We are reading about too many stories of family dysfunction and conflict. This year in my own Parsha (weekly Torah reading) teaching, I am focusing on missed opportunities. For example, while Jacob/Yaakov is characterized as the studious obedient student who resides inside with his mother Rebecca/Rivkah, Esau is outside being wild and living on the land. His father Isaac/Yitzchak is drawn to him, perhaps due to some shortcomings of his own in that aspect of life. We see Yaakov working the land and developing great riches because of his husbandry skills, which one could legitimately ask, from where did he pick them up? By watching his brother, perchance?
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Balancing our lives and understanding of each other and caring for all forms a large part of the foundational thinking represented in a large percentage of Jewish law and practices. The same can be said for Christianity and Catholicism as well as Islam and other communities of faith. YET, this is not the focus of the media, too many teachers and their teaching, and as a result, we are all suffering from too many MISSED OPPORTUNITIES for bettering ourselves and learning new skill sets, without compromising one iota of our belief system and religious lives.
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I am truly blessed to be surrounded by people of different faith communities who hold this same concept that the sum total of who all of we are together is greater than the arithmetric total of the parts. Together, we discuss, share resources, program and enrich each other by interacting in honest and intentional ways, including having some of the harder conversations, which are softened by good will and care for each other. During these years of much too much fracture in our world, my Multi-Faith work has been the salve that has kept my heart whole and my soul intact. For this I am truly grateful.
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I now invite all of you to share this journey by going to http://interfaithlibrary.com and see what my dear friend and colleague, Imam Mekye Abdus Salaam and I have been up to for the past weeks. Imam Mekye has served faithfully as the architect for something truly special, and I have been honored to partner with him to help build and realize his plans along with another dear friend in my work of building bridges of understanding, Sheikh Aziz Nathoo. Along with other Christians, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and adherents of multiple other faiths, we are all trying to convey that we can indeed celebrate what we have in common while showing respect and regard for where there are differences. We ask questions, we do not assume or attack. We listen, we do not shout each other down. And in the end, we as all of God’s children (both those of us who believe in a Supreme Being and those who may not) appreciate and develop a true sense of community with each other while learning so much more about ourselves.
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Please note that this is part of an official roll out of The Interfaith Library and I invite all of you to join us on this journey. Please note that we are continuing to work on this venture and refine it. Please be sure to read the “Camp Rules” on the Home Page before “choosing your journey” and we hope that we all can continue to learn more about each other while confirming who we each are within our own faith journeys. Happy Travels or Nesiah Tova - נסיעה טובה!
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-13622053166283406612021-09-13T09:54:00.005-07:002021-09-13T09:54:38.699-07:00Our Pervasive and Threatening Identity Crisis
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I often deal with identity issues in many avenues of my professional life. I am finding an increased exhaustion and frustration among a growing number of our young people and rising adults in terms of feeling pummeled by negative messaging, conflicting accounts of important matters fueled by political biases, exclusivity that does not include all, insensitivity to important social justice and human rights issues that are important to them, and so on. I am constantly reminded in my Multi-Faith work that religious/faith communities are all feeling that their respective rising adults are slipping away from them and feeling that religious teachings and community are rendering themselves irrelevant as the issues important to our 20- and 30-somethings are not adequately addressed in their eyes.
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This correlates with what I am finding to be the case in my work with LGBTQ+ individuals, addressing Jewish identity in our 20- and 30- somethings, and in general through the articulation of my colleagues in the religious/academic leadership world. Our younger adults are feeling that their religious traditions are NOT responding to what is critical in their lives. This is so sad to me as I know that in my Jewish world, the focus on the one who is disadvantaged, the immigrant, the stranger, the one without family, the one without economic stability and security and all other disadvantaged individuals are to be cared for and tended to as part of our communal responsibility. I love that the very notion of TZEDAKAH is that G-d distributes resources so that we partner with G-d to insure that they are shared equally.
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In the Jewish calendar we are beginning the year of 5782, and this is a year of Shmita – during which the land must rest, we free those from debts that are owed, and social justice and concern for the land are to occupy our minds as we consider our many blessings and the gratitude we are to have for them – in short, this is an opportunity to REBOOT. My husband and I just spent Rosh HaShana at Isabella Friedman Retreat Center where all of this is fundamental to the philosophy of this incredible and special space. It was and always is a wonderful experience as the Adamah cohort – an intentional group of environmentally conscious 20- somethings spend the Chag with those of us davening and participating in meaningful Tefillah(prayer and reflection). Meditation, consciousness of the land, Tefillah, the beauty of nature, healthy and delicious farm grown food, and a spirit of community of diversity come together in a way that too many of us seldom find. I think it is in this context that we can shepherd and protect our children’s and the next generation’s meaningful and multi-faceted Jewish identity.
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In our very fractured political environment, we MUST be collectively mindful of too many people that are suffering from not being included, from all of the inequities that are part of our world – social, racial, economic, regional, political, etc. – and use this Shmita year to think carefully and consider our own intentional use of the land, our intentional interactions with each other, our intentional concern for those less fortunate than we are. In the year of Shmita, in which there are so many acts of social and economic justice indicated, how do we bring these very real problems in our world and our Jewish sensibilities together in a way that will allow us to share a platform of concern with our 20- and 30-somethings who ARE our Rising Leadership? This is the way we will begin to heal the rift that is widening precipitously in our reality.
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A 30-something Jewish community professional writes as follows regarding identity issues and the impact on the challenge to them by Anti-Semitic rhetoric and tropes:
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<i>I live in a progressive, often queer, often multi-racial, Jewish community where we are dealing with such intense political and social unrest and have become deeply committed to the vision of a progressive, multi-racial democracy in the United States, our home, where we live. In this reality, my read on the tension between progressive Jewish engagement and perspectives on Israel is that a lot of younger progressive Jews feel much more committed to making our diasporic American context better and more just. This is our home…on top of that many of those people would say that one strategy to fight antisemitism is to be aligned with other fighting for the same multi-racial U.S. democracy that Jews need in order to survive and thrive. </i>
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We learn in Pirke Avot that <i>It is not upon you individually to solve all of the problems but you may not desist from doing your part.</i>
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We are in the midst of the Ten Days of Repentance/Aseret Yimai Teshuvah. How will we do better this year? What will we individually and collectively do to insure and facilitate the continued identity of our leaders of tomorrow? Let us remember to engage in conversation with each other, show that we care about more than ourselves and can agree to disagree. <b>Let us remember that our younger community’s concerns are our concerns as our future is in their hands. </b>My prayer is that we go into this Shmita year, not bemoaning what is often perceived as the loss of identity among our younger Jews but claiming the identity and issues that they have taken on – social justice, proper and measured use of the land, acceptance of all who come in our gates, not judging others, and so on – all fundamental Jewish teachings that unite us as a people and formulate the basis of the identity that claims us all.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-51577276237899194382021-07-20T07:46:00.002-07:002021-07-20T07:46:19.389-07:00Are We Two Separate Countries or ….
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I love Israel. I love that there are so many places where Arabs and Jews, Israelis and Muslims, Christians, Druze, Bedouins, and so many others play together, live together, work together, make music and beautiful art and drama together, cook and share meals together, learn more about each other, and solve challenges together. Sadly, these wonderful initiatives and organizations do not get enough publicity to offset the anger, the enmity, the extreme positions, and the bad behaviors that are often associated with Israel by those who are her detractors. Then of course on the other side of the attitudinal spectrum, the supposed purists who do not want to be tainted by the “other” do not acknowledge these wonderful programs and the many, many people who are part of these shared experiences that truly reflect the best of who we need to be and can be.
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I am thinking of this always and particularly after our recent Tisha B’Av observance, it feels so present for me as an image to hold onto in these times in which so much destruction, discord, and extremist positions threaten what so many have painstakingly built and created. As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for – that dystopian horror as reflected in the Israeli mini-series “Autonomies” illustrates what I have longed believed – that destruction from within is far more horrific and difficult to come back from than destruction from outside of an entity, a nation, a people. People who subscribe to either of these extremes do NOT represent Israel to me nor the Judaism that is my soul and heritage.
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In the same vein, I love the United States of America. I love that there are opportunities for people who have not had similar chances elsewhere. I love that SO MANY OF US WHO ARE IMMIGRANTS OR THE CHILDREN OF IMMIGRANTS who took serious chances in changing and uprooting their lives and their families have the lives we have. I know I am filled with gratitude beyond words for the life I am able to live and my children and grandchildren are the beneficiaries because of those who took that chance and this country that allowed them their do-overs. I am grateful that I and my daughters and so many women have opportunities to truly soar, accomplish so much and heal so many. ( I have to say GO WNBA here, in deference to my daughters, the sports fanatics). I love that I can have wonderful relationships with colleagues, friends and neighbors from so many different racial, ethnic, national, religious, and other groupings.
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In the meantime, I am painfully aware of those who are not in favor of these interactions and want the same “pure” and narrow groupings they self-identify as preferred. This pains me when human beings who benefit from so much in this country would withhold the very resources that bolstered them from others. I hurt profoundly when people reacting to those who exclude others do the same in their own extreme positions. This country was built by and depends on the cooperation of all – not self-identified narrow groups in a silo. We are all in the boat together, and no one can dig a hole under their seat without peril to all, nor can one throw everyone off the boat and do everything on their own to make sure it will stay its course. Those on the extremes do not represent me nor the America my grandparents put their faith in and my parents and their generation helped to defend and make better.
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The Israel I love and to which I am so connected, as well as the America to which I am so grateful, are ongoing experiences of compromise and understanding the other. In my Israel and America, 100% of the people will never be 100% happy 100% of the time, but will realize that what I personally may give up will be for the betterment of the collective and I in turn will benefit from the compromise of someone else. Arabs/Palestinians and Israelis share more than what divides them on so many levels; all of us who have been the beneficiaries of the American hope and dream should have gratitude, not succumb to hubris. The Israel and America I love are collectives of ideas, people, customs, different perspectives, and so much else. By engaging with each other, we each learn and become so much more enriched. EACH IS AN ENTITY --- not separate silos. However, there are those who want the exact opposite…. And these days I feel like there are two separate collectives in the USA – those who are part of the collection and coalition of ideas and perspectives and those who want all of us in the first group OUT! Similarly, that dystopian drama that is Israeli shows Israel as two separate entities – one for the “purist” religious grouping (self identifies as superior) and the second entity for all who accept each other. Here THE WALL separates people within the Jewish community due to the exclusion of one of the groupings of all who do not live according to their standards.
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In a world where people are so against vaccinations and then have to use resources by those who are living by the rules to heal from their illnesses due to COVID and where many Israeli Haredim (though not all fervently religious individuals) benefit from “the others” of whom they disapprove but keep them safe and pay the way for them to not pull their weight in contributing to the country that provides for them, let us consider what would happen if these two “country entities” were really allowed to separate – the destruction, the lack of resources for one half, the danger to all. WE NEED EACH OTHER and this is one of the powerful lessons of Tisha B’Av – that the only way we can continue is to realize that we all have to work together in a united manner, not separate into exclusive entities, ignoring, at least, and maligning, at worst, the other.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-27044847705214898572021-06-03T09:29:00.002-07:002021-06-03T09:29:19.520-07:00An Assignment: Thoughts on Learning about Identity and its Universality
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Like so many others, I LOVE <b>Shtisel</b>. So why has it found a place in so many of our lives? I think it’s because of the universality of the appeal of these flawed, conflicted, confused, very human characters who flip out, love, question, and experience every other aspect of life with which we can relate, regardless of religion, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, race, family line and every other identifying marker of who we are and what our identity is. I just love stories like this!
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When choosing my recreational reading pursuits, I look for the same – stories of identity, including all of the inherent conflicts, imperfections, aspirations and everything else that comes with being human. Having just recently completed <b>Snow</b> by Orhan Pamuk, telling the story of an exiled Turkish poet, one notes the universality of the identity journey. <b>The Namesake</b>, traces Gogol’s story as the son of immigrants from India in his American life and the conflicts that tear at him from the past and the present, often working at crossroads with each other. I found the same in so many memoirs from various cultural groupings, ranging from Arabic to Native American, from Eastern European to African writers. For all of these important authors who are witnessing history while recounting their individuated journey, they are sharing with us their personal stories while we shake our heads and remark, “that’s just like my life.”
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I remember years ago there was a critique from Chinese writers that <b>Fiddler on the Roof</b> was actually their story (that someone else apparently co-opted) about generational transformation and the difficulties of maintaining one’s traditions while navigating the challenges and realities of the present world. Then there were Jewish women who were perplexed by <b>The Joy Luck Club</b> by Amy Tan, and specifically incensed that it is women who play Mah Jong, not men!
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So here is a thought in our very fractured world where too often people cannot even see each other anymore, and to my dismay, I believe too many have stopped caring that this is even a concern.
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Let’s all accept the assignment to read identity stories, especially from those cultures we supposedly do not understand and/or think so foreign and far removed from our own lives. When we come to the realization that what parents want for their children is generally universal, and that generational conflicts exist in all of our cultures, that inequities of social justice plague way too many of us, that our foods actually reflect cultural influences from various sources, and that we are all sharing this world, maybe then…. We will realize that there are so many aspects of life we can and should be working together to resolve. Then perhaps we will see each other as partners on our collective journey instead of the enemy in a race that no one seems to be winning.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-30351016071369743062021-04-27T07:07:00.000-07:002021-04-27T07:07:54.250-07:00Times for Restorative Thinking About Each Other and Ourselves
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This past week was Parshat Acherei Mot-Kedoshim in the rhythm and cycle of Torah readings in the Jewish community. Sandwiched between chapters focused on the irreverent and immoral practices of two other peoples, the Jewish nation are told “You shall be sanctified and special because I the Lord your God am Sanctified (Kadosh).” This particular Chapter 19 of Leviticus/VaYikra is, we are told the middle of the Torah, the Five Books of Moses. The phrase “And you shall show love towards the other similar to yourself” is in the middle of this chapter, surrounded by injunctions such as to not place a stumbling block before the blind (that he cannot see), not to curse the deaf (who cannot hear your words), not to pervert justice, not to stand idly by while your friend or neighbor is so hurt, not to hold a grudge, to pay your workers on time and so many other dictates, including to “not hate your brother in your heart,” in the same spirit as loving the other as yourself. These actions are not easy, in fact they are the 24/7 stuff of which our daily lives are composed.
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It is much more difficult to live by these all-pervasive laws and principles then specifics about what we eat, how we observe the Shabbat day and so forth. We are taught by Hillel that this love towards the other is a(THE)large foundational principle of all else found in Torah. It is this love, this concern, this empathy that I see compromised in our world too often today.
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In a Shiyur I give weekly to a wonderful group of third through fifth grade day schools students, we are presently learning Beresheet (Genesis), Chapter 14 with all of the commentaries about the war between the kings of five different nations on one side and four national entities on the other side. It is a power struggle gone haywire. The kids know well that the kings are not behaving properly. In a second shiyur I give weekly to an amazing group of first and second grade day school students, we study the Weekly Portion – Parshat HaShavuah. There we were learning about this coming week’s reading, Parshat Emor. We were talking about the many restrictions on the Kohanim – the Priests who were the leaders invested with the preservation and facilitation of the religious praxis of the Jewish nation. We were discussing why so many restrictions were placed on the Kohanim in their personal lives. Within that discussion, we compared it to instances where there are not restrictions and leaders lapse into the well-known adage “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” This finding was also noted in the power struggle being studied by our older group. In the younger group, one of the students remarked, “just like presidents today.” Touche!
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This morning, I was listening to Morning Joe and a discussion about President Biden. They were discussing how transformative he might be or not be able to be. I got the feeling they were searching for the right word and the word RESTORATIVE popped into my head. That is what I think he is trying to do – be restorative, reminding us of corrupt practices and how they hurt others as well as the bad actors displaying them – reminding us to care about others, to not exact revenge, to not place stumbling blocks, curse and demean others, ignore the suffering of those around us. I do subscribe to the idea that is taught by so many of all faiths that if one suffers, all suffer. You cannot dig a hole under your seat in the boat and be upset that others are complaining – after all, your hole is not under their seats, right?
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We all need to go back to the basics because the boiling point of hostility, hatred, ignoring the rights of others and so much else that are hallmarks of civilized people has been reached and is wreaking havoc in our lives. We must all consider that this boat we are all on is in danger and so too are we. We must understand that the message of Chapter 19 of Leviticus/VaYikra is that sanctity and the status of Kedusha is not a given, but must be earned through our positive and restorative actions. That is the only way we will achieve this aspirational status. Our leaders need to act to restore our sense of humanity for all human beings and groups, and we need to join them in doing so. Otherwise, we will continue this descent into the world of those who practice corrupt ways to the detriment of all. Our lives matter and depend on this! Do your part, please.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-42050827294958860542021-03-11T06:45:00.006-08:002021-03-11T09:28:38.718-08:00The Lesson of Dr. Albert Bourla
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One of the lovely aspects of the rhythm of my life now is getting up early in the morning and watching Morning Joe on MSNBC before I begin my work day. What I love about this show is the breath and breadth of the perspectives of the folks they speak with. There are amazing people doing amazing things. There are lessons for all of us to share. There is a concern for all people and views. It is here as well as in many of the news media I select as my favorites that the desire is expressed to heal all of us -- to maintain the integrity of the Republican party, there is a focus on what the ISSUES are and the need to cut through the screaming and chatter. The values of balance, listening to each other, working from the proper motivations and so much else is here. It does not matter if one is from one or the other political party, liberal or Conservative, or whatever you are … come and join the discussion that is inclusive and reasonable.
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I personally find this mix comforting and affirming when I walk out into the world and get slammed from the right for being too concerned about all of humanity and from the left for being, as one Rabbi called me some time ago, a hypocrite for being and living in an observant world. I have never personally had a problem with interfacing my degree of observance with my concern for all of G-d’s created beings – we are instructed to do exactly that and so much of Jewish Law/Halacha actually is formulated with that goal. This focus pervades my teaching, my writing, my life, my family’s amazing involvements with the world and so much else. So, yes, I look for those integrated voices, not too extreme on the right or left, but JUST RIGHT. Thank you, Morning Joe. Thank you specifically for this morning and for so many others!
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This morning, Joe, Mika and Willie introduced all of us (for those who did not know who this amazing man is) to Dr. Albert Bourla. Dr. Bourla is the Chief Executive Officer of Pfizer Pharmaceuticals. Dr. Bourla, interestingly enough a veterinarian by training and profession, talked about the process of coming up with the Pfizer vaccine, the amazing group who worked together to make what may have seemed impossible possible, the spirit of cooperation at Pfizer, the rejection of any government money so they would not have to be beholden to their agenda (the previous administration), and how his own story and motivation impacts on his life.
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Dr. Bourla’s parents were Holocaust survivors. They were in a town where 96% of the residents died in the Holocaust. His parents were two of the relatively few people who survived. Then he explains how they did not just survive but they thrived. They taught him and all in their lives not to be revengeful, not to hate, and not to be angry; but rather, to work to heal the pain in our world. They taught him to love all of G-d’s children and to do whatever he could to make life better for them.
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In his role at Pfizer, from the beginning, the goal was to make a vaccine that would help everyone who is part of the world community. He explained how they did not just make the vaccine for Israel, for the United States, his home country of Greece, and for other select countries, but also for Germany, Poland and all countries that could benefit – indeed the entire world. This child of survivors, persecuted and hated for who they were did not live to hurt others, but to heal the world. Dr. Bourla explained that this is the foundation of all that he is and does and hopes that his parents are proud of him for carrying their lessons. He explained that he engaged in this important work to honor them and their teachings.
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Just like our President, Joe Biden, explains that he is a President for ALL Americans, including those who do not like or agree with him, Dr. Bourla is concerned for all human beings – ALL OF G-D’S CREATED BEINGS. This is what we should all carry with us – are my actions and my initiatives and investments good for all people or selfishly for the few I like? The former position heals and builds, the latter one hurts and destroys.
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I am sure that Dr. Bourla’s parents are proud of him from their seat in Heaven. I suspect that many of us doing work to heal and bolster the masses have parents and grandparents who are joining them as they watch from above and are collectively proud of all those who are dedicated to truly making this world a healthier and better one. May we continue to join hands and work collectively to heal our very fractured world.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-6861415840870645612021-02-09T14:00:00.004-08:002021-02-09T14:00:57.473-08:00An Open Letter to Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, please join our circle of trauma survivors
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Your words of recent as a result of your experience and that of so many more on January 6, 2021have been particularly poignant and searing. In following the developing story of our present Congress and Senate, I am excited, or at least hopeful, when I see more diversity and hear more voices in our lives, as I do regarding our faith communities, and the many institutions that connect us all. I, as our children all empathize with anyone oppressed, as we consistently fight for social justice, work towards understanding, participate in bringing people together to hear each other’s stories and learn our narratives, so that we can truly SEE and therefore care intentionally about each other. This is part of the imprint of my background as the child and part of subsequent generations of Russian immigrants who had to escape persecution and start a brand new life here in the United States. To be sure, there is trauma in our collective background as well, both from that background and the fact that my mom was the victim of a violent crime in her young years. From this pain, I have learned the critical importance of building important bridges of understanding instead of putting up walls. Hearing and SEEING each other and our truths is fundamental to who I am.
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Within the context of my professional activities, I engage and interact with regional groups of Multi-Faith sharing and an international group of academic scholars who are people of faith. We are Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Catholic, Hindu, and part of so many other faith communities as well. We know that we can celebrate what we share while showing respect and have regard for where we differ. We often find ourselves addressing the notion that victims and survivors of trauma in one group have a really hard time seeing and addressing that there are others who have experienced trauma as well and that we would do best to join in our circles of survivors and “thrivers” to work together --- in building circles of understanding. These collaborations are more necessary today than ever, it seems.
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I work with and educate about such groups in many different venues. For example, there is a wonderful collective called Parents Circle-Families Forum (PCFF), which is a group of Palestinian and Israeli parents, ranging from the not so observant Muslims, Christians and Jews to those who are quite devout who meet regularly to support each other and share their hearts in trying to figure out how we can all TRULY SEE EACH OTHER and negotiate a place where all can meet, respecting our differences while supporting each other through losses. They, as I, wonder why we can’t do this to AVOID the loss of life instead of commiserate after the fact of such unimaginable loss and horrific trauma. I and members of my family are often in Israel, and I love being there with those who live in communities of co-existence, those learning Arabic and Hebrew in a program promoting understanding, families who are part of the Yad B’Yad bi-lingual school system, athletes playing in leagues including all faith communities and national identities, attending university together, and so on. This is the reality in Israel and many from Palestinian areas are included as well. While this country, like any other, is far from perfect, there are not just isolated but many peaceful co-existence initiatives to be proud of and model.
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In my work with so many individuals and leaders of faith communities, those of us who are particularly religiously identified such as myself, as an Orthodox Jew, are of singular interest. We are too often the only ones from our own religiously observant communities in the room, but we believe in our presence there. I have found such joy in sharing these journeys with so many people I have come to love as friends and colleagues, as President of our large Multi-Faith Council – where I have brought people together from all faiths to stand in solidarity with those suffering at the hands of extremists that would like to destroy all of us, or in times of joy, to share elements of our respective faith and belief systems with each other, note how some of our traditional foods are so similar, learning our ethnic dances, sharing the texts and foundational beliefs of our respective lives, and so forth. My husband and I have taught the strength of our convictions and religion alongside our strong conviction that every person is created in the image of God and is to be honored as such. This has always been our focus.
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Unfortunately, the vast majority of people in our religious Jewish world do not think particularly well of you nor of Ilhan Omar, even though as I stated, I love to see diversity in our government. This makes me sad, but I understand how it happens, unfortunately. There are many who will claim that the yelling and words of the “extreme left” are as bad and dangerous as the “extreme right.” I think we can all agree that given the events that have transpired recently, clearly this is just not so. That being said, I would ask that you and your colleagues consider your words and remember that they will be taken out of context and misused or abused by those who wish to do harm while justifying their own violent and inexcusable actions. Further, please remember that all of us – all faiths, all loyalties, all nationalities need to stand together in strength, with respect and regard for each other and not let the extreme fringes of our respective groups (and we all have them) pull us to positions that exclude others in ways we ourselves do not want to be excluded; and shout hurtful words at others in the way we do not want to have others do to us.
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We MUST build bridges of understanding and compassion and care, so that we all can work together to overcome the destructive forces that do indeed try to divide and ultimately obliterate us. This cannot happen. Our respective faiths teach us this. Our various codes of honor and laws instruct us so. Our shared membership in the human family demands it. Go forth in strength, with conviction and a desire to learn more about those with whom you may differ but can build meaningful and fulfilling alliances. In this way, let us all turn trauma into the blessing of a shared coalition of healing.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-90034605120681026582021-01-20T07:08:00.002-08:002021-01-20T07:08:32.334-08:00Looking Forward and So Now, What? Lessons For This Moment from Jewish Teachings
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I have been worried. I have been sad. I have actually been devastated. This is why. It is not necessarily because of recent events. As horrifying as they are, they do not surprise me. I see and acknowledge the trajectory that has taken us to this point. I know that the USA that I see myself and my family as being part of is not the same, by a long shot, for many that are part of this collective. What I find profoundly frustrating is that common decency, the most basic elements of civil conversations, the lack of trust and the abject fear of each other have reached excessive heights to the point of crushing so much that is good and right about who we are supposed to be, no matter how much we fall short of that in reality at any point in time.
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When I am in pain, I turn to the teachings that bolster me – those of my Jewish faith and our foundational texts – that teach us how to intentionally live in this world. Here are some of these powerful concepts that are mulling around in my head these days. Why can’t we all agree to follow these most basic elements as we negotiate disagreements and even opposing ways of looking at our world. As I often say, if we do not all learn how to play nicely on the one playground we have – this earth – there will be no playground for any of us.
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EVERY HUMAN BEING IS CREATED IN THE IMAGE OF GOD – Rabbi Harold Kushner and so many others teach that human beings are the language of God. God created all in our world and it is noted that after each piece of Creation “God looked and said It is good.” After the Creation of the human being, God said “It is very good.” Unfortunately, a bit later in the narrative reflected in the Torah, God regrets making the human being. God has to recalibrate expectations of this individual with free will whom God created just in that matter, hoping for the best perhaps and realizing that we are bound to fall short. If we will fall short of God’s expectations, how much more so this is true amongst us in the human family. Nonetheless, God created and is part of each of us and will continue to be the case no matter who may want to deny this is so. It is our responsibility to figure this human family thing out and I believe God cries tears when we do not. We are taught not to embarrass or hurt each other because we are in fact doing the same to The One Who Created Us All.
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AND GOD SAID TO CAIN, WHERE IS YOUR BROTHER? --- How should I know, am I my brother’s keeper, glibly responds Cain. The answer is YES we are each other’s keeper, each other’s guard, each other’s protector. As we have learned when any one of us refuse to take that role on and put any single person or group at risk in doing so, we are ALL at risk. As Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z’l often said, if we do not stand up for any group that is being threatened or maligned, then we have no right to expect that others will do the same for us. We have to understand each other, accept our differences and realize that at times we just will have to agree to disagree. If we cannot do this, as we read in this particular text in Beresheet/Genesis, “the bloods (of those we kill) will cry out from the ground.”
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DESTROY AMALEK AND NEVER FORGET … -- Many commentators point out that this is not about the enemy outside of ourselves as much as the enemy inside us. The animus that brings humanity down to a state of inhumane actions is ultimately what will destroy all of us. When we persecute the weak or shout down the one with whom we disagree we destroy the very human part of all of us, that image of God that is the soul found inside of us. What Amalek did was to go after those who did not have a chance when they were vulnerable no different than other instances in which the stronger one took advantage of the one who needed their support, not their enmity. This is always a challenge whether we evoke the actions of Shimon and Levi towards the people of Shechem or those of any group who has the advantage over others who are compromised. We can all succumb to anger, to hatred, to forgetting that the “other” is just as human as we are. The very challenge that marks us as humans is when we rise above that to see the humanity in the other, whether that person is our friend or adversary. As Beruriah, an important woman in our Talmud said to her husband, Rabbi Meir, when he wanted God to destroy two people who were “evil” to him, “No do not pray for the destruction of people, pray for the obliteration of the evil that exists within us.”
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LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. – The Hebrew word for neighbor RE’AH is also the rooted word for that which is “not good” (necessarily). Some define it simply as “bad” but this is missing the point, for we are taught that it is the RA in each of us that sparks creativity – that says “all is not right or ‘very good’” and needs our attention. That being said, sometimes our initiatives come from a good or complete place and sometimes from a not completely good place, but no matter, we are to cherish all that we are. In this, we all have that inside of us which is good and complete and that which is not. When we are instructed to love the other or our neighbor as one’s self, we are being told to embrace that which is good and that which is not as good both in our own beings and in others. There are many other words that could have been used in this dictum – friend, brother, etc. but I think that the choice of this particular word teaches us that no one of us is completely good and finished and we are all on a journey, on which we will only be successful if we reach out and accept others, both those with whom we agree and those with whom we disagree.
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DEATH AND LIFE ARE THE PRODUCT OF THE WORDS WE USE – This statement from Mishlei/Proverbs is worded very specifically. Note what comes first – the harm we can do with our words. The purpose of this wording is to give us pause – to, as the saying goes, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. As the Chofetz Chayim (a very wise Jewish teacher and thinker from years ago) teaches – ask yourself – What am I saying? What is the other person hearing? Why am I saying it? Is the way I am saying it appropriate in accomplishing a properly thought through goal? Will the person to whom I am saying it hear it? Then we are taught if we cannot answer these questions constructively, better to be silent. We MUST, according to Maimonides, consider words as actions, given what can evolve because of them, and proceed accordingly.
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DO NOT STAND IDLY BY THE BLOOD OF YOUR NEIGHBOR – Remember what the words we speak can do. We have learned repeatedly that bystanders and those that do nothing enable evil and all that is not good to prevail. When another person is hurting or in pain, we are to act, NOT exacerbate that pain with words that can cause death or in acting from a power position as Amalek did. We are to feel invested in each other. We cannot say “I don’t know, am I my brother’s keeper?” as Cain did. All of this causes us pain and causes Our Creator pain. If we do not stand up for others in compromised positions, then as Rabbi Sacks stated, we will suffer alone. This is not what God wants, but in observing that unfortunately, to do these things is too much part of human nature, God regrets the creation of the human being.
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I finish this writing on January 20, 2021, two weeks after a horrible attack on ALL OF US. We do not have to agree, clearly, we do not and will not – that IS our human nature and our CHOICE. BUT, we must come to an understanding that we have to use our words, our agency, our actions, and search our souls so that we can truly be the language of God we are meant to be. I am feeling a bit better this morning – a bit more hopeful – a bit less devastated – because I believe that we in the United States will now be led by a voice that understands we will not all agree. That leader will not mock the disabled, make disparaging comments about various religious groupings, call people of honor names, destroy verbally those who disagree with him, and not give hearing to those who disagree with him. As I write this, Joe Biden is in church praying for strength, praying for direction, praying that the best in him and the best in us will prevail. May God help all of us. May God to whom we all pray, whatever name we use to evoke God, protect us and remind us to be the best of humanity not the worst of inhumane treatment. May God bless America and all of the people that make it up and destroy the evil that lurks amongst all so that we can all be the best we can be!
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-32680787428769543712020-12-23T13:27:00.003-08:002020-12-23T13:27:41.593-08:00Candy Bars, Designer Sneakers, Manicured Nails and Lessons in Understanding Others
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There is a fundamental Jewish teaching from Pirke Avot [Ethics of the Fathers] that instructs us to <i>not judge another person/ your friend until you have reached his/her place</i>. We all know the adage that feels a lot like this one “Don’t judge an Indian (or grouping or person of your choosing) until you have walked in his/her moccasins.” So, you may ask, what is the difference? I think that Hillel, the one to whom the first teaching is attributed is adding another level to this notion of realizing the experience of the person standing before you, so to speak, is NOT the same as yours or what it would be if it was yours. Until you TOTALLY understand that person, not in the context of your experience, your values, or YOUR moccasins; but rather, WHEN YOU HAVE REACHED THAT PERSON’S PLACE, you are not truly in a position to judge them. In fact, we also learn in Pirke Avot to <i>judge the other person favorably</i>, that is give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps because we DO NOT actually know their reality and the context of their lives and decisions.
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It seems that these are really valuable and foundationally important teachings to revisit and recommit ourselves to at this time of too much fracture in our society and often not enough understanding. This recalibration of how we look at each other’s experiences and realize we might not understand choices made in those situations may be particularly relevant in this season of gratitude, celebration and so much else.
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These values were embedded in the environment in which I grew up and have been part of the ongoing spiritual and faith diet we provided for our children. One of the stories I remember well from my upbringing was shared by my mom. She along with her sister and mother, new immigrants to the United States, were poor and really struggled. Nonetheless, when they would see someone asking for money, my mom’s mom would give the person a nickel. My mom would watch them use the nickel to buy candy. She asked her mother how they could use the money they had just given them to buy candy when they were so poor – they should have used the money to buy something nourishing. My mom always explained that the answer was perhaps that was all they could eat or afford; not to judge them, just to remember that we don’t know why other people do what they do or what their story is.
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During her senior year, our eldest daughter did her community service at a school/community center that had a program for unwed mothers and their children, often to help and protect them from their abusive boyfriends and/or families. She definitely met people that had a vastly different life from hers. One day she came home and was disturbed about the fact that there were young girls with their babies in designer sneakers in the program in which she was working. She didn’t understand how these welfare moms at such a young age had their children in expensive shoes when so much else was missing. We had long conversations with our daughter about how we had funds for our four children to go to college, with tens of thousands of dollars saved for that purpose. These young girls did not have any sources for or hopes of saving for college, a home or much else. They were showing their love for their children in the only way they could by buying what they thought they could afford, with the big things that add so much to our quality of life out of their perceived reach.
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Years later, I was having conversations with colleagues about students in a Charter School who were getting food assistance and were being provided with many support structures due to their own lack of resources. The girls often came in with professionally manicured nails. One colleague asked why they would use money for that instead of books to read or other items that might truly improve their quality of life. Again, a manicure is a relatively small luxury and no amount of saving the money each one costs would improve the quality of life for these young ladies in their minds.
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Now, clearly those of us who know to save for a home, for education, for vacations for the family and other such things have a perspective of life that has a long-range vision attached to it. This type of vision involves planning, resulting in retirement plans, contributing to community initiatives, and so much else that results from strategic planning for many years from now. That, in and of itself, comes with a set of assumptions – that our basic needs will be addressed, that we will be able to afford and access health care, carry insurance policies, and benefit from other important givens while planning for things much larger and more expensive.
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It is incumbent upon those of us who have these lives to remember that when these givens are not present, a pair of designer sneakers, a manicure or a candy bar may be the only pleasure or “luxury” one can afford. Until one’s situation has changed to the point where they have reached that place, one cannot judge the need for these relatively tiny luxuries.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-74885648852285039232020-12-07T14:50:00.000-08:002020-12-07T14:50:04.378-08:00LARGE LIFE LESSONS FROM THE TALMUD!
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I will share that I literally just finished learning the entire Talmud a few weeks ago -- this very intentional journey has taken me a bit more than seven years (beginning most days with one to two hours of learning, excepting weekends and vacations, etc.). It is so appropriate that the very last words of this rather large and extensive source is to remind us that our "goings" and our "teachings/laws" are the same Hebrew root (H-L-CH) and that if we walk around our lives without our teachings and laws, we just go about aimlessly and that is dangerous. It is only when we go about mindful of and adhering to our teachings and laws that we can function meaningfully. Hmmmmmm....
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I feel that it is precisely this principle that joins all of us together as ethical, moral beings of (any) faith who share deeply held foundational beliefs. Here are a few other important lessons that are continued through this extensive tome.
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1. Clearly there are expected laws and behaviors dictated by religious standards, but we are TO LIVE BY THESE actions, not die because of them
2. Humility is highly valued, and it is the one who is humble and not a braggart that is favored over the one who is flashy and obvious.
3. We are to walk in the ways of G-d by following the example of G-d’s deeds and care for each other in the way that G-d cares for each of us.
4. The laws as presented are discussed, debated, reformulated and turned every which way. Often at the end of these deliberations, we are taught there is NOT agreement, but rather each authority goes his own way, or one may change their mind, or we just don’t know and all will be determined at some future point. In the meantime, we just are to plod along, but plod we must.
5. We are always to show gratitude – if we take one thing from the ground or our environment without blessing the source and G-d who creates it, it is as if we have stolen something that is not ours.
6. Our resources are meant to share with others; for those of us who benefit from privilege, we must remember that we are blessed with bounty so that we can share with those around us.
7. The well-being of the collective is of utmost importance and we are not to exclude ourselves from its concerns and needs.
8. Questions are the most valuable learning tool we have and sometimes we explore them for the purpose of seeing the many possibilities; in these cases learning is valued for its own sake.
9. Ideal standards are articulated not so that we achieve them, for limited human beings will not be able to do so, but so we strive for the best we can be and do.
10. Living without standards and boundaries is dangerous and destructive.
11. Saving and preserving life takes precedence over all else and we are obligated to put aside various commandments and dictates in order to do so.
12. We, in following G-d’s example, are to go above and beyond the letter of the law in order to keep its foundational elements of compassion and concern for all—loving all others as ourselves and remembering that G-d is at the core of all human beings.
There are so many other lessons and teachings that are critical to our well-being and that of our community and all of humanity. I will be sharing these at the event below, if you wish to attend.
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Let us all be empowered to keep sharing them with all those with whom we come in contact.
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If you are interested, I am having a Siyyum B’Zoom (my celebration of finishing the Gemara with a bit of learning I will share). If you would like to attend and have not already let me know, please send me an email at shulisrose@aol.com and I will send you the Zoom Link. It is this coming Sunday, December 13, 2020 at 12:00 noon EST.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-37262679305952206722020-11-11T07:20:00.000-08:002020-11-11T07:20:02.381-08:00And Now What? After the 2020 Presidential Election "Day"
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It is one week, since our going to the polls has halted. Has anything been settled? This is what I know at this point in terms of the political, psychological, emotional and collective space in which the country I live dwells.
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Half of the country is angry. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks is supporting someone who has not celebrated the unity of the many people who comprise this country for four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, is supporting the leader of this country who has not definitively stated that hate crimes, rampant prejudice and discrimination and all that goes with that is WRONG under all and any circumstances. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are making excuses for the constant drumroll of horrible statements about women, people of color, people of different faiths, people from other countries, those with various differences (disabilities) etc. made by the leader of this country during the past four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, are supporting the notion that there are two ways – their way or socialism. Too many in these ranks are supporting a Supreme Court that may overturn the results of hard-fought battles to insure the rights for all, the OPTION (NOT the obligatory buy in) of Universal Health Care for those in need, and the right of a woman to make APPROPRIATE DECISIONS about her body. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, will not even consider using Fact Check or looking at media forms with which they do not agree.
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Half of the country is relieved and concerned. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are painting all Republicans as white supremacists, hatemongers, and KKK enthusiasts. Half of the country, or too many of them, is calling the entire other side Fascists. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are listening to those who are still screaming from the other side and not the voices of reason. Half of the country, or too many in their midst are painting our options as right or not-right, not understanding that we will ALL have to compromise to find a ground where we can co-exist. Half of the country is not watching media platforms with which they disagree. Half of the country, or many in their midst DO NOT agree with each other within the half but DO agree that we have to work together in some way to find a better way.
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Half of the country is being painted as Socialist and anti-police when this is inaccurate. Half of the country is being painted as terrorists and explosive when this is inaccurate. We must reintroduce ourselves to each other and learn how to speak about issues and differences in approach instead of calling each other names or using inaccurate and explosively poor labels to collapse everyone into THE OTHER SIDE. Those of us in each of these halves who are reasonable, who want peace and well-being for all and may differ in how to achieve this need to relearn how to negotiate and figure out how to come together.
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We are at war, not with a foreign intrusive power, but with each other and this is terrible. This can destroy who we are as the United States of America much more profoundly than any outside agent. WE ARE ALL part of this country – and WE ALL must get along or we will implode! People of all colors, religions, ethnicities, lands of origin, political bents MUST learn that we will all not be 100% happy 100% of the time, BUT the name-calling, disrespect, and disregard for each other will NOT help us move forward.
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We do in fact have (at least) two very different entities (though if we look closer, it is more) within the United States of America, causing us not to be so united. As a moderate, who believes that we have to stop speaking in extremes, I would challenge all of us to consider what we agree on, honestly and openly.
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Don’t defund the police; educate the police.
Don’t defend the right to free speech when it leads to irreparable violence; teach how we can agree to disagree, and why we must do so, protecting and properly using our freedom of speech.
Don’t separate yourself from your neighbors, you will need them.
Don’t just think about yourself, think about others.
Don’t just confine your news outlets to what you agree with; listen to all and demand that they report news correctly and accurately.
Do demand that we speak with respect with each other.
Do ask questions so we can all work towards a better understanding of each other.
Do be consistent and remember that rules are supposed to be followed by all sides at all times consistently.
Do remember that if you do not show concern for me, how can you expect that I will for you?
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We learn in the Bible/Torah that Balaam was sent to curse the Israelites on behalf of Balak, and then could not do so when he saw how peacefully they were living together and how much they helped and cared about each other. What would happen today if Balaam visited the United States? That is what makes me sad beyond words. As Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z’l has taught so consistently, we must stand up for the other and try to understand his/her perspective if we have any expectation of that person doing so for us. Empathy and understanding and kindness will save us; hatred and name-calling and intolerance will not.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-72252860055058052032020-11-03T10:01:00.000-08:002020-11-03T10:01:07.236-08:00What do we do now after The Elections?
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I am writing this on Tuesday November 3, 2020 at 12:40 pm in the afternoon. There is a great deal of nervous energy, fear, concern and so much else all around us on so many levels. So many feel these sentiments and in many cases for vastly different reasons. What WILL our world look like and what will the future portend tomorrow morning, in four days, in a few weeks? How will we all react and adjust – for no matter who is elected as President of the United States and who controls the Senate and Congress, there is so much work to do.
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The Hate Crimes rate is at an all-time high according to the FBI, ADL and other monitoring groups. Virtually all groups that could be seen as minorities or different (e.g. not white home-grown Americans, whatever that is) are at risk. ALL LIVES MATTER and it is so sad to me that we have to even say that.
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We have all felt the impact of the Corona virus as it has wreaked havoc in our lives in so many ways. Entire industries and areas of activity are compromised, have to close or pare down, and generally we are all stressed due to limitations on our activities and many feeling that their world is so much smaller without travel, seeing close friends and family, working and schooling at home and so on. The environment is also dealing its blows with climate change and so many people feeling the results of horrendou storms and worse.
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Concerns about voter suppression and attempts to control the election are rampant. Respect for too many of our leaders and the offices they hold has been severely compromised and not even held by too many. This country and its foundational principles are very much in question and too many of us feel that this is not the USA we have known all of our lives, with its warts, imperfections, disagreements and conflicts.
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This election, regardless of the results WILL NOT SOLVE ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS, but rather hopefully signal the beginning of the extremely hard work it will take to address them. We know all too well it is much easier to let go of standards of behavior and ethical barometers than to put them back into their proper place. We will have to commit ourselves to doing this together and in many cases to work across differences in doing so, in order to begin addressing all of the other challenges that confront us collectively.
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It is my fervent hope that we can all begin this work soon, and as fearful as I am that this may not be the case, I am just as concerned about relationships, families and friendships that have been compromised in THIS CIVIL WAR of words, screaming, violence and lack of understanding and empathy. There is a piece going around on Facebook reminding us that our family and friends, our neighbors and community members and all those in our orbit will still be here to help each other, to raise each other up to the challenges that await us or the reality that may require more perseverance and patience on our part than we think we even have. Let us all COMMIT TODAY BEFORE THE COUNTING OF THE VOTES TO BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER. CALL SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICS ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS AND REMIND THEM YOU LOVE THEM. For tomorrow, or next week, or next month some people will definitely be upset and we need to be here to support and help each other. Only then will we be able to move forward.
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May G-d above truly bless all of us, the United States of America and shine light on us as we have been experiencing way too much darkness.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-19367752738125851422020-10-20T09:17:00.000-07:002020-10-20T09:17:04.364-07:00HOW LOVELY IT IS WHEN WE CAN ALL COME TOGETHER
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There is a profoundly meaningful as well as hopeful statement that is uttered by Jews when they enter prayer community in our synagogues. It goes as follows “How goodly are your tents Jacob, how lovely your dwelling places Israel.” It is based upon the blessing uttered by one who came to curse and malign the Jewish nation as we are told in the book of Numbers/BaMidbar. Yet when he (Balaam) saw how peacefully and openly the community lived, he was moved to bless instead of curse.
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In this time of everything BUT such peaceful co-existence in too many instances (unfortunately), sharing and caring and above all COMPASSION for all, it is often hard to hold onto this image. Yet there are moments in time… and this past Sunday was precisely one of these. I am still floating.
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Along with an amazing group of colleagues with whom I was honored to create a steering committee, including an Imam, Catholic nun and other intentional people of faith (THANK YOU Aziz, Sister Cathy, Megan and Sa’id), we brought together a gathering of over 100 people for a day of study and sharing about Giving and Forgiving. This conference was originally scheduled for this past March, but like so many such initiatives in our present COVID-19 reality, it had to be first cancelled, then rescheduled. Finally, it was set for this past Sunday once it was clear we were going to have to use a Zoom format instead of the hospitality of the Catholic college where it was planned to be held.
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A collection of scholars, religious leaders and others shared important teachings from Christianity. Catholicism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, and Secular Humanism, among others. We also heard from civic and governmental leaders as well as philanthropists. These amazing people work regionally as well as nationally and internationality. (Due to the silver lining of presenting on Zoom, we could do that!)
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What was so palpable and impressive was that the many different paths we have all taken in our life journeys have all been based on the same set of foundational beliefs of humility, the idea that hubris divides and hurts, we should all have compassion for our fellow human beings, see and try to alleviate the suffering of those who are vulnerable and so much else. We were all collectively blown away by the fellowship, shared values and amazing level of conversations as well as texts that repeatedly teach us these important formative concepts and beliefs, AND that we can honor and respect differences WHILE we celebrate what we share.
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The proceedings of this four plus hour conference can be found here; and I highly recommend that you check it out:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpeEa_d2pLs&feature=youtu.be
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So much of my life is dedicated to building and expanding these important bridges of understanding to heal and rebuild, instead of hurt and destroy. This coming week is the Torah portion of Noach in the Jewish community. We have one story where an individual (Noach) is cited as being “a righteous person in/for his time” – he does what he is told to do, no more and no less. Then, he too goes astray later in the Torah reading. I cannot help but noting and thinking that this has to be somewhat precipitated by his not invested himself in becoming part of the collective, to concern himself with those around him, and therefore acting as one agent, not accountable to others.
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At the end of these chapters of reading we have the narrative of the Tower of Babel, where there was cooperation alright – but to build something so representative of hubris that it would be eternal, supplanting G-d. That is not the way either. We need these relationships to be balanced – between us and G-d (or the Force/Source in which we believe) and between each other – in order to work in the symbiotic way intended.
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Go through this video. If you cannot listen to the entire program just choose bits and pieces or listen to units of it at different times. You will hear respect for each other, love for all of humanity, profound lessons of caring and compassion for others, and important instances of people not just talking the talk, but walking the walk -- regardless of one’s way to get there and the faith community with which one does (or does not) associate. This is truly representative of the best of who we are.
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My husband, Ken, always says that whatever is happening, we must remember that ultimately there are more people who want the correct things for the correct reasons – caring for others, sharing and caring with our resources and remembering that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US is created BeTzelem Elokim, in the image of G-d. It is gatherings such as this one that do reinforce that feeling in my heart and soul.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-41255368394977004802020-09-27T09:48:00.001-07:002020-09-27T09:48:48.743-07:00This is why I am very concerned about our democracy
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In 1972 I was a student at George Washington University. That was the year of a presidential election. Richard Nixon won the election. Our student population was very concerned. One night at the very Republican F Street club, there was a celebration. Bob Hope was the headliner. He came out front and performed for a largely democratic student population and hor d’oeuvres were passed around. There were jokes, assurances that we need not worry, that our politics may be different but we all wanted the same democratic protections. We felt better.
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Then I was worried about George W. Bush because of his demeanor and political positions, but he actually showed, as all Republican Presidents during my life thus far, respect for the law of this land and the fundamentals of democracy. I think back to Ronald Reagan who showed compassion and concern for all of us as Americans. Again, I did not agree with all of his politics but understood that he was really trying to do what was right in terms of his belief system and that of those who supported him.
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In terms of full disclosure, as I believe strongly in the separation of church and state, rights for all people regardless of gender, sexuality, color, nationality or ethnicity, and have been willing to pay more taxes for support systems for those who need it, I have been a life-long democrat. HOWEVER, there have been instances when I voted for a Republican candidate if I felt they were the most qualified and best candidate, because I had faith that each of these people did believe in the nature and characteristics of our special democracy. That is until now, and this is why I am scared.
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Consider that research has recently focused on countries that supposedly or actually use democratic elections to end democracy. In the New York Times, Amanda Taub observed as follows in April, 2017.
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<i>The recent referendum in Turkey, in which President Recep Tayyip Erdogan claimed a narrow majority of votes to expand his presidential authority, is the latest example of a puzzling phenomenon: Democratically elected leaders who triumph in elections even as they move toward autocracy by undermining checks and balances and consolidating power.</i>
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<i>Today, the most common way for a democracy to collapse is through the actions of an elected incumbent, not a coup or revolution. Hugo Chávez, elected to four terms as president of Venezuela, used his time in office to dismantle the institutions of Venezuelan democracy and expand his own authority…</i>
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T<i>his phenomenon, which experts call “authoritarianization,”highlights a deep vulnerability built into the structure of democracy itself. Once in power, unscrupulous leaders can sometimes manipulate the political environment to their own benefit, making it more likely that they will be victorious in future contests. By winning those elections, they gain the stamp of democratic legitimacy — even for actions that ultimately undermine democratic norms.</i>
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<i>Manipulating and winning elections has become a kind of exploit in the rules of political legitimacy — a way for would-be autocrats to hack the system.</i>
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Source https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/18/world/europe/how-autocrats-can-triumph-in-democratic-countries.html
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Similar dynamics have taken place in Russia, many South African countries, Eastern Asia, and throughout the world. The most concerning dynamic that is now being examined is how what appears to be democratic process is being manipulated to end democracy and turn countries into a quasi- or direct dictatorships. This occurs when candidates do not show respect for the law of the land and claim they will use whatever means possible to serve their own purposes. What follows are examples of such statements made by these candidates and leaders in different countries:
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<i>“….my commitment is to Hungary not having significant minorities with different cultural characteristics and backgrounds among its citizens.”</i> Stated by Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orbán
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<i>“As for the proposal to lift restrictions for any person, any citizen, including the incumbent president, to allow running in future elections ... this option is possible,”</i> Stated by Vladimir Putin, in support of bypassing previous elements of the constitution and extending his rule until 2036 possibly.
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<i>"The person who wrote this story will pay a heavy price for it; I won't let him go unpunished." </i>Stated by Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Erdogan is seeking a sentence of life imprisonment for the journalist, Can Dundar.
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<i>The Prisoners Are Also the Guards: Everyone is required to join a "loyalty"-enforcing "mass organization," such as the "Kim Il Sung Socialist Youth League." Because North Korean society is designed to be so fiercely competitive, and because that competition doesn't mean doing a better job so much as sniffing out "ideological impurity" both at work and at home, you've got to be willing to turn against your neighbor just to survive. Any North Korean who wants a good chance at feeding their family must join the state's efforts "maintain ideological discipline" and "provide another surveillance mechanism for state security." About one out of every 25 married women, for example, are recruited into the inminban "neighborhood units" that are expected to openly spy on their friends and family and to sniff out enemies, whether they exist or not; failure to produce makes you suspect. Everyone is an informer and an enforcer, doing Kim Jong Un's work for him.</i>
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Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/08/defying-history-how-kim-jong-un-could-hold-onto-power-for-decades/260744/?gclid=CjwKCAjw8MD7BRArEiwAGZsrBQjqb_G8yFj8lc9QBpO38lWnkYQnAH6aCdbvPtYE0S5mZ58hSLv5qRoCVK0QAvD_BwE While this is not a direct qute ut a narrative, it has been fact checked and is accurate.
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<i>Make the lie big. Make it simple. Keep saying it, and eventually people will believe it. </i> Stated by Adolf Hitler.
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<i>There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet.</i> Stated by Muammar Gaddafi
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I could go on and on. Threatening the protection of the free press, ignoring the oppression of various groups while claiming rights for the privileged, statements that we do not want people in our country who are “different than us” – whoever the “us” is, threatening to not abide by elections or just rendering them non-consequential, calling one’s ruled entity the best or the only true democracy and other such comments go against the grain of everything these United States of America stand for. This is what scares me and it should instill fear in all of us – women; people of different faith communities including Muslims and Jews, both groups having experienced greater degrees of persecution and oppression in recent years; people of color and different ethnicities and racial groupings; immigrants and people from different national origins; our own native or First Americans, LGBTQ individuals, different socio-economic groupings, and so on. Do you have friends, family, people you love who re or fit into any of these categories? Do you truly understand what happens when a democracy slips into autocratic government? Do you realize how often this has happened? Do you yourself as a child or grandchild or great-grandchild of victims of Nazi Germany, the Stalinist regime, the immigrants who have escaped lands of oppression and persecution understand what is at stake in our democracy at present?
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There have been presidential elections in the past where I was not thrilled with either candidate but I voted and if the other candidate won, I at least knew that the parameters of our constitutional democracy would protect me. Are we that comfortable at this point? If nothing else, we need to vote for the candidate who respects the law, who cares about EVERY American, the one who knows that we all share some responsibility to help those who do not have as much privilege and that we must continue to agree to disagree while abiding by the fundamental constitutional elements that make our country the democracy it is and MUST continue to be.
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1932340381195429574.post-15144198854481936852020-09-04T14:27:00.006-07:002020-09-04T14:27:46.120-07:00How We Live and Hopes and Expectations From our Leaders
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I remember a story my mom told me many times years ago about a teacher she had when she was a child in Hebrew School. Her teacher made it very clear that Jews are to carefully follow all of the Mitzvot – commanded actions from G-d, and if they do not do so, there would be dire consequences. Keeping Kosher, observing Shabbat, honoring parents, and other obligatory actions were required at all times or else…. Then it happened! My mom, in her early years, mortally afraid of this particular rather severe teacher and that lightening would come and personally strike her if she did not heed Mrs. Strict and Authoritative Teacher’s word, saw this woman eating non-Kosher food on a Shabbat afternoon. Now I want to make it clear that the fact of her actual personal observances was not the problem. BUT everything my mom had learned in her class flew out of the window, so to speak, and that may have been one of her existential crises in her earlier years. I know that, in her honor, and the lesson learned from this anecdote, that when I have been in positions to influence or model behaviors for students or a community, I have always been as honest as I possible could and asked others to do the same. Better, I thought, to model different genuine ways of identifying as a person of faith and religion, for example, than have teachers, in positions to influence, falsely claim to be something they were not.
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In a lot of my work, whether around my teaching involvements on critical issues in our lives, advocating for women’s participation and rights in religious settings, advising and supporting LGBTQ members of the Orthodox Jewish community, in my Multi-Faith work, teaching about racial and social injustice, Environmental Sustainability, etc., I am always horrified by how many stories I come across (way too much) where those who are in positions of potential influence abuse those positions and mislead at least and ruin at worst the lives entrusted to them. A Rabbi who wields such power over followers abusing children, a Priest who is trusted hurting those in his charge, a sports coach taking advantage of those in his care, political leaders who do not themselves follow the rules that govern the country or state entrusted to their care, and so on. I remember when I was very young, one of the children in our extended family circle could be a bit of a rascal. His mom would remark how he would try to maintain eye contact with her while he was doing something he was not supposed to RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER – a childish notion that he could get away with something by directing his parent’s attention elsewhere. If he did not look at and see what was wrong, neither, he supposed, would she. That was a child’s perspective; he grew up to become quite a fine and honorable man. But what about those who have clearly not done so?
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As a human being, Jew, American, mom, family member, friend and within the context of all of my professional values, I have always believed that what we say and what we do have an impact on all those around us. The words that come out of our mouths mean nothing if not consistent with and supported by our actions. I live this way, I teach this way, I hold myself to this standard and take very seriously the responsibility that I have as one who potentially influences others and do not want anyone to suffer from any potential disconnects between my words and actions. This is the way I live and this is what I would hope that others in positions of influence, far more wide-reaching than my own as leaders in various contexts, would do as well. We are taught in our Jewish texts that we walk with G-d by modeling proper behaviors that are set before us by The Creator of All to replicate.
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For so many years, we would try to teach our children and the successive generations of young people to do just this – to model proper behaviors, hopefully observed in those in whom they should place their trust. I remember my parents wanting me to see certain models of behavior amongst leaders, Rabbis, teachers, etc. Then we had our many young people who preferred to choose sports figures, actors and actresses as role models – rich, famous and with more material resources than they knew what to do and not always those who do such wonderful things for others… clearly there are both options--- and we tell them to choose their role models more carefully.
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We want our children to have respect for authority. We want them to follow laws that are operative in our society. We want them to treat all others with the respect and honor that we are all accorded. Racism, prejudice, lack of social justice, not treating others who are different than us appropriately, being selfish with resources, and simply not caring about anyone except oneself are those behaviors we avoid and teach our children how to do so by our example and those who lead with the same code of behavior.
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So how have we gotten to this point where human decency and the most basic levels of acceptance of others are now no longer givens? How is it that we cannot just agree to disagree and speak with each other in honorable and caring voices, sharing our points of view and not shouting out the other? How do we explain to our children that once again, depending on what neighborhood you are in, what political leanings you have, what the color of your skin is, what religious symbols you wear, you must be very careful to not expose yourself as who and what you are in order to remain safe and unharmed. For those of us who thought those battles may have receded at least a bit, unfortunately we are ALL TOO AWARE that these problems are clearly front and center in our lives in a way that is much too painful.
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Anti-Semitism is on the rise, Muslims are afraid to share who they are, blacks have to be careful how they respond to what may be abusive and undeserved accusations or diatribes, people of privilege act disparagingly towards those who have not had such opportunity, Native Americans aren’t even recognized for their part in this country’s history, immigrants are maligned and endangered on so many levels and on the list goes… even though we ALL come from these backgrounds! AND ALL OF THIS IS OKAY, EVEN PREFERRED BY TOO MANY OF OUR FELLOW AMERICANS.
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My husband and I were recently having a conversation about sports teams recently (a subject at which you know I excel …. LOL!) and we were discussing how names of teams such as the Washington Redskins were changed. He asked me how I felt about this. My answer was changing a name or taking down a statue IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM of what is going on at this present point. Imagine, just imagine if people could proudly say who they are and use the identifying terms of their choice, wear their garb, and be accepted for who they are. Terms are pejorative because of the meaning attached. What if Redskins could be a nomenclature of pride in an alternative universe where we talk about the different Native American names that reflect the nature and context of their history just as referring to Blacks is NOT a bad thing, though clearly other assigned titles to this grouping are NOT respectful? What if we could speak freely about who we are and the characteristics we proudly hold as part of our heritage? What if we could have intelligent conversations around this symbol or that statue and the lessons learned from that person or situation – both those that are part of our past and to be remembered for their slight and any pride that may be found as well? But it appears to me that sadly, this is not the case.
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As too many of our human brothers and sisters and those who lead them have forgotten or lost what it means to be truly HUMAN by being HUMANE, unfortunately it feels like with some of these conversations about symbols or names, we are fighting about rearranging the furniture while the Titanic is sinking…. to use a metaphor.
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We need to BEGIN AGAIN….. can we please remember that we will NOT all agree? Can we remember that 100% of the people will NOT be 100% happy 100% of the time? Can we remember that the gift and foundational essence of democracy is that we will NOT all agree? And finally, can we remember to accept all of this with intelligence and honor and respect for what we share as well as the differences that are a given part of our collective? And then, maybe, just maybe, we can work TOGETHER and UNIFY on the issues that really matter – pandemics and their impact, racial and social injustice that are ripping apart the fabric of our American society, inequity of opportunity and resources, rampant hatred and prejudice, concerns about the environment that is being destroyed, and so on…
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I remember as a much younger person and through the years watching both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions and participating in debates about different perspectives of what it means to be the United States of America. It gave me a sense of pride that we could be so civil and people who spoke and led showed how we can disagree respectfully, state our positions and come together as a country. Sadly, oh so sadly, I do not feel like this any longer. This year, we COULD NOT have our children watch both conventions without being very careful – I did so as in the past, and to say it was painful is quite the understatement. I do NOT want my students, the people I love and cherish, friends and family, to learn from what was heard, to model what was shouted, to tell lies that are clearly counter-indicated by facts and documents….. these are not the lessons I want to impart and for my daughter’s children and their peers to replicate. So now, we teach without the example of too many of these leaders, and maybe we should focus more on some of those pop culture folks who are better role models.
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I and many of those around me are profoundly upset in our present situation. We who respect and honor those who have served this country, we who try to work for social and racial justice, we who treasure the many different voices of faith that remind us to be the best we can be, and we who want to live by the values that we have been taught and hope and pray that our leaders will do the same…. As we are taught, we must each intentionally and carefully choose for ourselves our teachers and leaders and acquire colleagues, hopefully worthy of following. May we each do our part to continue to work to heal our fractured world and speak out and up when necessary without outshouting each other!
Dr. Saundra Sterling Epsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04066937473712698591noreply@blogger.com0