An Open Letter to my Brothers and Sisters in Faith

Dear Friends in Faith,

My heart is breaking. Too much hatred. Too many deaths. Too much sadness and crushed dreams. My friends and family in Israel are living in fear and will never be the same. My Muslim and Christian and other brothers and sisters of this region including Israel and Palestine belonging to our larger family of Adam and Eve are living in fear and will never be the same. I who work so hard to build bridges that join and not fences that divide and destroy am hurting beyond words and will never be the same. I am hurting for all of these people, who are members of our human family, the beginning of which we read this week in our Torah portion in our synagogues as we begin the cycle of Torah readings once again. How do we get through this?

This is NOT about politics; it is about the respect we are to show for human lives and the humility we must all hold onto as we remember that we do NOT have the right to destroy the lives of others.

This is exactly why this work of Multi-Faith engagement and connections is of such vital importance to me. We need to respect each other. We need to listen to each other. We need to learn to understand each other and truly see each other for all that we are. We need to acknowledge differences and have the challenging conversations because when we can't talk with each other, and we can't see the humanity in each other, fear, hatred and destruction such as we are all now witnessing happens.

As the lives of too many Israelis and Palestinians all faiths who are innocent and just want to live are destroyed, we must all recommit ourselves to this work of realizing we are all the children of G-d who created us and remember that our G-d, our Lord, Allah or whatever we call The Supreme Being wants much better from us. We, however, must work to be much better and not fail ourselves or The One To Whom We Hold Ourselves Accountable. We must not fall into the trap of moral equivocation when we see one party of the conflict try so hard to NOT destroy lives and the other one parading those they do.

With prayers and ongoing thoughts for the loss of too many lives and the destruction resulting from not working together to be better.

Let us pray, hope and work for a better future for Israel and Israelis of all faiths, for Palestine and Palestinians of all faiths, and for all of us of all faiths.

Sunnie

The Very Sad State of Affairs, Why We Have To Care, and a Victory!

You most likely have never heard of Dr. Jake Kleinmahon but you must pay attention to the cautionary tale of his life. He is one of Louisiana's only three pediatric cardiologists dealing with profoundly ill children, and has had to leave the state over anti-LGBTQ legislation. He and his husband and two children are now making a life in New York where he is not fearful for the safety of his family and he will open a new pediatric cardiologist practice there.

You should also know the name of Benjamin Sumner Wells. He served President Franklin D. Roosevelt for many years in various roles, ultimately as Under Secretary of State, assisting with the saving of Jews from Nazi Germany. This was halted as he was forced out of his position in 1943 due to rumors that he was gay. One can only wonder if more Jews could have been saved had he been allowed to continue his very important work.

I speak with LGBTQ+ Jews who are religious daily and unfortunately, have had to come to the realization with them that an increasing number of states in the USA are no longer safe places. One of the saddest conversations I had recently was with a wonderful Rabbi who called to ask about safe communities he could counsel the transgender persons in his Kehillah/community to consider as new homes, given that his state was becoming an increasingly dangerous place for these individuals to JUST LIVE!

………. Okay, so I do not really keep up with this blog any longer as I am really busy on so many fronts and the Hagim (the Jewish holidays) have been an additional element in our lives at present. BUT, there must be a reason I did not continue this UNTIL TODAY. For today, we have so much to celebrate.

Oakland, California is where one of our Eshel Rock Star Rabbis, Rabbi Gershon Albert is the Senior Rabbi at Beth Jacob Congregation and they now have the first openly gay Orthodox Rabbi, Shua Brick, in a congregational post. Rabbi Brick is a Yeshiva University Rabbinic alumnus and he has already established himself as a wonderful teacher, leader and dugma (role model) for how to live. meaningful and involved Jewish life. There are many of us in the Orthodox Jewish world and especially as allies and members of the LGBTQ+ community amongst us that are marking this significant milestone. You can read the story here https://forward.com/news/563113/shua-brick-gay-orthodox-rabbi-oakland/

As a strictly observant Jew, I have never questioned the importance or my ability to walk in any lane of the Jewish world or the Multi-Faith world or just the world….. My husband and I have taught and shown our four children how to do the same. Three of the four of them are in the LGBTQ+ spectrum and are living their lives purposefully and meaningfully. This is what I try to help ensure that people can do through my work with Eshel, the Orthodox Jewish consortium for LGBTQ+ inclusion. I have seen so much change in the past ten years, being able to have more meaningful and deep conversations with Rabbis, parents and community members who did not even engage with this topic not so long ago. I always say that it is our responsibility and our privilege, and ultimately we will benefit, from including and valuing our children and community members who are LGBTQ+ for who they are. With one daughter as a palliative care physician, another as a community organizer working with populations at risk, and my daughters-in-law --- one a rabbi and one engaged in community work, counseling and bringing students of different faith communities together, I could not be more proud. SO MANY people are benefitting from their professionalism, their wisdom and their skill sets. THIS is what we want for all of our children and just imagine who will benefit.

I feel badly for the community in New Orleans who has lost one of their very few important medical specialists. I often wonder how many more Jews could have been rescued from Nazi Europe had Wells been able to continue his important work. How many other communities are suffering as I am counseling people who are being forced to leave their homes IN THIS COUNTRY because of their gender or sexuality diversity.

And then there are places to celebrate. I am so glad and grateful that I live in the Greater Philadelphia area and we have so many really important members of our community doing significant work who are LGBTQ+. I know so many in Boston benefit from the efforts and initiatives of our children there and their friends. And now Oakland California is here to teach us all …. It is NOT about gender or sexuality. It IS about what people have to offer to make us all better people.

Shabbat Shalom and Chag Sameach!

Democracy and Freedom – What We Are Allowed and What Is Asked Of Us in this Season of Reflection

I sit here on the sixth day of Pesach, 5783/2023 amidst the fracture and pain of so much in our world. I think a lot about the two countries on this planet closest to my heart – the United States of America and Israel, as well as all of the other countries and inhabitants and citizens who are often not so different than you or I. We are privileged to live in a land that is a democracy in which many freedoms are afforded us. However, so much of that continues to be at stake with abuse of legislative powers, co-opting of hard fought freedoms and increasing dangers to our very being. Protests for democracy in Israel, protests in the United States over the ousting of democratic members of a primarily republican legislature, lack of ability to negotiate how to keep all citizens safe and respect their integrity, concern over removing pharmaceuticals that will protect the lives and bodies of our daughters, sisters, mothers and all women, and …..

So, on this sixth day of Pesach, called Zeman Heiruteinu, the Time of our Freedom, I am reminded that this freedom was NOT granted to abuse and grab power, but rather, so we as the Jewish Nation could accept the discipline that is celebrated seven weeks later on Shavuot as we observe the time of the Giving of the Torah, Zeman Matan Torateinu or Shavuot, that ASKS so much of us so that we are ALLOWED to remain as free people. In that spirit…

Democracy allows us to freely think; and asks that we protect that right for all others;

Democracy allows us to believe in G-d or any Higher Being or… as we wish; we are asked to respect that others will do what they find right for them;

Democracy allows us to live where we want; it asks us to acknowledge that all others can do the same;

Democracy allows us to choose our own path, career and course of life; it asks that we respect the choices of others;

Democracy allows us to own our property, increase our savings and resources; it asks that we share our good fortune with others;

Democracy allows us to walk on the street in any garb we choose that is appropriate; it asks that we do not look disparagingly at those who may look different;

Democracy allows us to use whatever resources and agencies that we need; we are asked to help others access them;

Democracy allows us to be who we are, our gender, our sexuality, our ethnic grouping, our racial identity; it asks that we accept others for all they are.

Democracy allows us to exercise so many different freedoms; it asks – DEMANDS – that we protect those freedoms for all people.

For Jews, we are now in a period of time called Sefirat HaOmer. Similar to Lent for Christians and Ramadan for Muslims and other cycled periods of thought and reflection for other faiths, it asks that we think long and hard about our lives, to not take the freedoms we have for granted and to consider how we can be the best people possible. This is so central so so many people of faith and various traditions of belief.

Amalek is the archetypal nation that did not do or understand any of this and destroyed the weak, the different, the ones who struggled the most in the Jewish Nation so long ago. G-d saved the Jewish nation from their cruel grip, and G-d did not protect us so that we would become Amalek; rather, that we protect all people from any Amalek that may rise.

As we all celebrate or wrap up our seasons of reflection, may we all remember not just what is ALLOWED for us, but more important what is ASKED of us. In that way, we will build bridges of understanding and acceptance that freedom allows and not construct the fences that divide, fracture and threaten that freedom.

Conflict and Resolution are both possible – which will we choose?

First let me begin by saying I just do not have the time to keep this blog going, so this is why my offerings are now so erratic and infrequent. If you want to see my weekly Parsha Shiyurim/Torah studies on our readings in the Jewish community, please do go to either of these Facebook pages (remembering you may have to ask to be accepted):

https://www.facebook.com/sunnie.epstein

https://www.facebook.com/groups/mbiee.org

So why do I not have time? Because as I am acutely aware of and pained by the amped up degree of conflict in our reality today, I am constantly working on the resolution end of this continually vexing and increasingly difficult question. Through my work in Multi-Faith Dialogue, insuring welcoming communities for Orthodox LGBTQ+ individuals, addressing women’s issues such as domestic violence and procuring a Jewish divorce, teaching, etc. I try very hard to use my time to be part of the solution, not exacerbate the conflict. What is important, actually critical to note, is that those of us who can work to maintain calm and validation are even more needed in our world today. I look at the news, listen to commentators and feel so dejected. Then I join my professional teams as we work on shared goals and feel so much better and empowered.

Both in the United States and Israel, we are sitting after recent elections – elections that tell us several things.

1. We are all living in countries with divided entities that are very separate and too often antithetical to each other, no longer even interested in engaging with the other in too many instances. In a recent poll in the United States, we have learned that the one thing that Republicans and Democrats agree on to the highest degree is that the other party is an imminent threat to democracy. How sad, and clearly, we are not living up to the expectations of our Founding Fathers.

2. How long will this election and the resulting Knesset hold in Israel? Clearly both countries are so divided and the notion of resolution and compromise, so clearly and painstakingly etched in Jewish learning culture, is lost to too many. In the meantime, while the opponents in the boxing ring of politics are amplifying their hatred and opposition to their opposing political party, REAL issues are not dealt with and people are having their liberties and lives threatened. How is this in any way appropriate on any party’s or leader’s watch in these countries and others that call themselves democracies?

3. There is a commercial in the United States for an auto insurance company. It’s about being safe drivers. Two people approach an intersection and each tells the other to go first. They go back and forth and in the midst of their very polite debate about who should go first, a cute “little old lady” in a third part of the intersection just throws up her arms and zips on through. It’s adorable but …. While we are all NOT allowing the other to go first or even to listen to them as we learned so well from Hillel and Shammai, who will barrel through and destroy way too much?

4. We all know the statement “Evil prevails when good people do nothing.” Evil is destructive. Evil is not valuing human life. Evil is an active desire to rid the world of all people who do not agree with the person who wants to do so. Evil is taking up way too much of our collective bandwidth and for those of us working to insure women’s reproductive rights, the dignity of ALL people who are created in the image of G-d, the notion that economic disparity is not helpful to anyone in the end, and so many other causes of justice and social/cultural health, evil too often sucks the air out of the room.

As you know, I am a religiously observant Jew. Trust me, I get way too much backlash due to the work I do and the beliefs I hold within the larger Orthodox Jewish Community as it exists today. Yet, as an educated Jew who learns as well as teaches from our sacred texts daily, I often find myself in the middle of debates about different approaches to what our Rabbis held to be the correct way. Yes, there is some name calling and glib comments to be sure, including a controlled degree of comedic interchanges. However, this is conflict for the purposes of trying to do and be what G-d wants us to be. Within that dynamic, there are NOT always solutions, but there is resolution, often only partially so. Sometimes. it means each person goes the way they believe, while at other times we are told there is not a final answer and we will just have to do the best we can.

Trying to do and be the best we can means acting as honorable human beings. It means listening to each other and realizing that if we do not, we all stand to lose way too much. We are indeed in TWO Americas and the same might be said of Israel, in which a recently released mini-series called Autonomies in which there are two entities – a right wing religiously closed society and a separate state for everyone else. It is dystopian to be sure and represents the worst of where present conflicts could lead, with the two warring factions being within the Am Yisrael – the Jewish people, forgetting any other parties to conflicting needs and hopes.

As an American, our money, our pledge of Allegiance and so much else reminds us that we are “one nation under G-d.” But are we really? It’s fine to disagree, to want different things, to use different approaches… this is human nature. BUT when one side – either side -- villainizes the other, then how can we speak of “one nation under G-d.?” The Hebrew name of the United States is Artzot HaBrit, meaning the lands of the covenant. Interesting, in both the cases of the United States and Israel, covenant is involved. G-d’s name is invoked. We are to act in a way that does honor to that connection and yet….. here we are.

There is a statement in the Qu’ran, Surah 48 that I love. Muslims are taught that G-d (Allah for Muslims) could have made all people alike, could have created one nation, but instead created all different groups so that we can “compete in good works.” In other words, we can all teach each other and work with each other. In my Multi-Faith work which I value more than I can say, I often suggest that we have all been given pieces of the larger picture that The Creator G-d alone knows. By sharing what we know and celebrating what we share, we can also acknowledge there will be differences that will distinguish us from each other. However, those differences are not intended to destroy any chance we have of working together to honor G-d and to respect and cherish each other. Resolution means I SEE YOU. Conflict means in today’s world I DON’T OR DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. Which one will you choose?

The Way It Should and Can Be …As Imperfect As It Is

Ken and I returned from Israel a few weeks ago. We are there as often as possible and due to COVID, this has been the longest time not there in many, many years – 2 2/3 years. We were traveling throughout the country for a few weeks – Ashdod, Zichron Yaakov, Tzfat, Tiveria, Tel Aviv, Beerot Yitzchak, Ginot Shomron, Ma’ale Adumim and Yerushalayim, including the Old City. In all that time, we saw Jews of every religious appearance on the spectrum, Christians and Catholics, Muslims, Armenians, Arabs, Israelies, etc. and this was EVERYWHERE – at the Mamilla Mall, on the way to the Kotel, in the shuk, on the beach in Ashdod, in the many cities in which we spent time, in the museums that we went to – as we were interested in archeological work as a theme for this trip. There was PEACE and CALM, conversations amongst people obviously of different faith and cultural groupings --- in the interactions between everyone we saw, joy, sharing of spaces with respect AND everyone was holding onto their identity – as indicated in their dress, their language and their affect. This is the way it should be, the way it IS in most of Israel and unfortunately, the world is just not aware… and that hurts my heart.

Then I came home…. to the name calling, intolerance, “alternative facts,” and other harmful dynamics that have become a most normative part of daily life here in America. A candidate for governor of the state of Pennsylvania calling out his opponent for attending what he called a fancy privileged private prep school… which is a Jewish Day School at which the majority of students receive financial aid and is attended for reasons more akin to those that send families to, let’s say, Catholic schools as opposed to the fancy privileged prep schools. The entire Modern Orthodox community of which I am a part is trying to square how Yeshiva University states that it accepts and welcomes its LGBT students and then states that they cannot have a safe space for a club to gather, ultimately halting the good work of all clubs as a response to the uproar. Children should not see our television screens not because of violent shows or cartoons, but because of political advertisements that clearly cross the line of truth, appropriate messaging and so much else. And the list goes on….

I think I would rather be back in Israel. This is certainly not to say everything is perfect in Israel. Far from it. But so is the nature of the human being—we have free choice to accept or inflame each other; to work towards living together with respect, regard and humility or claim we are right and if one does not agree with us, its simple – they are wrong and deserve to be attacked because they are wrong. I am personally working to counteract this hatred and lack of understanding every day. When I am surrounded by my colleagues in the Multi-faith work we do together, I am heartened. When I watch those who are struggling to be included in their respective, because of gender diversity, sexuality, learning differences, physical or mental limitations, neurodiversity, or so many other reasons, I think of the missed opportunities of so much that we can and should be learning from these incredible souls. There is also the sadness that people are not considering that there are many ways to be.. and that ultimately, all of these differences are part of the design of humanity, which I believe, is intended by The Creator G-d.

This is what I observe daily – there is a profound difference between refusing to accept the other and struggling to figure out how we can live together in a way that maintains the integrity, well-being and safety of all. I see too much of the former in the United States at this point and more than is credited or acknowledged in too many public forums in Israel. There is an ongoing attempt to try to be and do better, though not always hitting the mark in this small country of so many different groupings. THE MAJORITY of the people that are in Israel are involved in various efforts one way or another to figure out how to live together. Israel is attempting to maintain its identity as both a democracy and a Jewish homeland, not an easy feat for so many reasons of which we are all aware. I feel this dynamic every time I am there and am hopeful, because the effort is ongoing and so very visible to anyone paying attention.

Then I come back to the United States and worry about this flailing democracy as it is now identified. How will our citizenry truly commit itself to and learn how to be a both/and culture instead of the either/or dynamic that presently exists and is tearing apart so much of what we have come to depend on in these United States of America. As one who is so grateful for the opportunity provided to the generation of immigrants in my own family by this country, I am hurt about how too much is running counter to this notion of providing such opportunity to people today. Personally, I am already exhausted. Maybe it’s time to go back to Israel and be part of a country that is trying so hard to reconcile so much of different histories, narratives, people’s perspectives and realities. I feel like the United States could learn a lot from the imperfect results but the ongoing efforts in Israel.

The Lessons We Learn From Each Other: Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni z’l

I have often written about people who have inspired me – the teachers and Rabbis whom I have had the ‘zechut’ (privilege) of learning with and from; my amazing peers whom I have been privileged to work with in trying to bring the best out from all of us; and the students who have always made everything so worthwhile and from whom I have always learned new insights. I have always taken the dictum of “Be not a sage on the stage, but rather a guide on the side” seriously and have tried continually to live by it.

Yesterday we learned about the death of one of the most remarkable teachers, people and ‘mensches’ (amazing human beings) with whom I have ever had the honor of sharing an orbit. Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni left our earthly community of learners, Jews, seekers, and human beings after 94 years of sharing his wisdom, his intellect and most important his heart with us. This loss comes at a time when our world is so fractured, too many have lost the sense of the importance of nuance and no longer value the skill set of listening and learning with and from others. While one of the most formidable sages, he always took on the persona of the guide on the side when I was in the room with him.

Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni was acknowledged as a Talmudic prodigy and was ordained as a Rabbi in his hometown of Sighet before reaching the age of 17. He and Elie Wiesel were lifelong friends and Wiesel often publicly credited HaLivni with safekeeping his Jewish soul and spirit during the horrors of the Holocaust. HaLivni would learn daily in the most horrible of circumstances, using his photographic memory of the Talmud and so much else. His method of learning with others was to reflect the conversation in the Talmudic page, pointing to the disagreement amongst the Rabbis and continuing the lively questioning process drew a great deal of criticism. He was one of the scholarly, strictly observant Jewish leaders who chose to teach at the Jewish Theological Seminary (the Conservative Rabbinical Seminary where he earned his doctorate) at a time when this was a line of demarcation between Conservative and Orthodox approaches in learning. He was there until 1983 when the Conservative Movement changed considerably (ordaining women was part of the realignment, but to be sure, there were other issues as well).

I am an observant Jew who was brought up in Baltimore. In my own educational journey, I was exposed to and educated by scholars of all ideological positions who encouraged such questioning and dialogue – including educators and Rabbis from Gateshead in England, Ner Yisrael in Baltimore, and non-Orthodox learning institutions as well. This notion that guided Weiss HaLivni’s life that one’s level of observance and adherence is not compromised by questions and exploration, hoping to truly absorb the complexity of our faith and its elements resonated well with me.

During the 1980s, I was literally thrown out as a professional in the Conservative Movement’s Educational Leadership in Greater Philadelphia because I was “too observant and therefore not an apt role model.” I had been told I have no home in the movement that began as an incredibly rich intellectual journey in the 1800s with strictly observant Jews. It was then that I could only find community in an Orthodox shul. At the same time, in the fall of 1984, a new organization, The Union for Traditional Judaism was formed and both Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni and I found a home there – he as our founding Rav and me as a founding board member. I was immediately embraced by this group, closer to the roots of the Conservative Movement than what was happening in too many communities and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni became my Rav. In fact, I was privileged to bring him to other communities in my professional world in the years that would follow. One particularly poignant event that was supposed to happen was a conversation between him and Elie Wiesel at a Coalition for the Advancement of Jewish Education winter conference. However, unfortunately Wiesel was ill at the time, so we just engaged in a wonderful chat with Rabbi Weiss HaLivni, in a style that was uniquely his. You always felt like you belonged and he became an important support structure for me during the 1990s.

This worked for a number of years and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni reinforced that I was on the right track as a learner, engaging with the culture of disputation that one finds in the Gemara, and in many ways keeps Jewish learning alive and fresh throughout generations. I think of him from time to time today and how much more we need voices like his in our deeply fractured world. Too much of Orthodoxy has in too many cases become narrowly “yeshivishized” and is barely recognizable to me, who grew up within its framework. The great divide between those way to the right and others way to the left of our Jewish continuum leave too many of us (who are indeed observant) bereft of our embracing wider Jewish tent.

This is in many ways a loss beyond words. Rabbi Dr. Weiss Halivni gave so much during his 94 years. It is now up to us to continue to take up what he called The Book and the Sword (title of his seminal book) and learn in his spirit and merit. May the teachings and the character of David Weiss HaLivni continue to inspire us all and for those of us who were privileged to learn from him, let us remember the spirit as well as the words and impart both to others.

Pesach Sameach, Happy Easter and Ramadan Mübarek and ...

This is the season of celebrations and observances and we also wish our Zorastrian friends a meaningful Nowruz and Sikhs have just observed Vaisakhi, Baha’i faith adherents begin Ridvan and I am certain I am missing others, but know you are included in my heart and this message.

We love our holidays and so often mark time by our celebrations, observances and religious calendars. In so doing, each and every one of us are acknowledging that there is something bigger than us individually and very often that recognition is accompanied by a sense of humility and understanding that we are but limited human beings.

Unfortunately, we are all witnessing too many situations in our world in which this understanding is not exhibited and hubris takes its place. For me, this is antithetical to who I and so many people in my life are as individuals who adhere to a faith tradition – any faith tradition. You secular humanists are included here, for you too acknowledge that the good of the collective must define and limit the expanse of the individual. This we ALL share regardless of whether or not we believe in a Divine Being or the name and character of that Being.

My dear Muslim friends are in the midst of Ramadan, fasting from food and drink during the day for one entire month. A very dear friend and colleague (Thank you AN) explained to me during one of our many conversations that this is the easy part. The more challenging part is to also “fast” from bad thoughts of others, not engaging in gossip, not undertaking business transactions without considering the implications for ALL people impacted and so on. In other words, the 24/7 behavioral norms that we are told to observe are the most challenging. Any Jew who has experienced the fullness of Yom Kippur totally gets that – the more draining part of the day is the introspection and self-held accountability more than the withholding of food and drink (barring medical conditions, which incidentally may exempt one in both cases from that part of fasting but NOT the larger and more intentional part of our deeds).

Lent is about withholding some things we enjoy and praying and learning – amplifying our spirituality and lessening our physical emphasis if you will. Ramadan and Sefirat HaOmer (the counting of the Omer, the period between Pesach/Passover and Shavuot, which parallels the Christian Pentacostal) have the same focus.

We are watching hubris destoy our world on so many levels. These seasons are about thinking broadly and expansively about both our limitations as individual humans and how we can up lift ourselves through our beliefs and adherence to a Divine power. For me, that is G-d/HasShem/Creator of the World. Who is that for you?

Regardless of the belief system to which we adhere, can we all just take a moment, step back and ask ourselves how our actions are impacting those around us. Are we healing or destroying? If we are healing, then we are already working in the ways that God, in any manifestation ( or… Source of All or Force of All that Begins for some of us, including agnostics and atheists) intended for us as human beings to work together in community to heal, care and have compassion for each other.

Wishing all meaningful observances and joyful celebrations, in any way that works for you.