As a Modern Orthodox Jew, I often find myself standing too far to the right or too far to the left or without much of a standing at all in a world that is defined too often by extreme positions. How sad! When I remember the Orthodoxy of my childhood, it was gentle, open, and caring. People did not ask what went on in the bedroom or your kitchen or your home and then judge you on it – that was between YOU and
G-D. Unfortunately, today in our world in which there is EXTREMELY too much EXTREMISM, the intended quality of life and support of community that Orthodoxy meant and means to so many is getting lost in the details which occupy too many conversations and force people too often into categories of “accepted” or “not accepted.” Years ago, a friend of mine schlepped (such an appropriate word here, thanks MG) me to a meeting at which women were trying to make matches (shidduchim) between young men and women they know. The wonderful Rebbetzin (who is quite religious and observant by every measure you can come up with) got frustrated with questions about white tablecloths and whether or not and how the mother of the girl covers her hair and just lost it – she basically said this was shtuyot (craziness) and NOT what being an Observant Jew is about. She and her husband remain one of my favorite Orthodox Rabbinic couples until today.
Those of you who know me could sit together and we could get frustrated, angry, share many laughs and/or cry a bit about this phenomenon. That being said, I want to share a wonderful personal story about TWO ORTHODOX SHULS of which I am very proud. We are members of both!
Several months ago, one of our daughters became engaged to the love of her life – and now I will have a new daughter-in-law. Needless to say, living in the Orthodox world with a gay child has its challenges. It has recently brought us untold joy. One of our shuls, Mekor HaBeracha, is ALWAYS amazing regarding every possible issue of human needs and comfort and this is due to the able and menschlach leadership of its Rav, Rabbi Eliezer Hirsch, who is no less observant than other Orthodox Rabbis – he just observes BOTH the Mitzvot between him and G-d as well as those between people, also dictated by Ribbonu shel Olam and teaches about them equally. From the moment we announced Rachie and Liz’s engagement, there were Mazel Tovs, hugs and just a wonderful celebratory feeling. We all felt blessed and grateful that the shul community could be part of and add to our simcha.
Additionally, we belong to Young Israel of Elkins Park, where I, to be honest, do not always feel so comfortable, given my knowledge, profession, life view and politics. That being said, I respect the standards that are maintained and continue to be part of this Kehilah along with our many wonderful friends. My husband and I spoke long and carefully crafted how we would present this news to the people in our more centrist/leaning to the right Orthodox shul community. We were having a big engagement party and we wanted to invite our friends but knew that not all would be comfortable. We carefully indicated this to people and received one of four responses. Either they said they would come, needed to check in with their spouse, would have to think about it or did not think they could come. That being said, everyone WITHOUT EXCEPTION was kind, caring and respectful and wished us Mazel Tov. When the party did come, there were over 90 celebrants present to rejoice with our family and our daughter and her fiancée.
Not only that, but we were able to sponsor a Kiddush in BOTH shuls in honor of the many semachot in our family, including the engagement of Rachie and Liz. And in BOTH shuls, everyone wished them Mazel Tov, including our “black hat” Rabbi and his wife.
Honestly, we have received nothing but validating and wonderful feedback and caring reactions from all we know with only two sad exceptions – who are not part of either of these communities, but rather within extended family connections.
I want to be very clear. We have been respectful, advocated for our children and acknowledged that this may be a problem for some – all simultaneously. The reaction we have received has been respectful of us in turn, loving for our children and acknowledging of our position in our communities.
In a sadly explosive climate where we hear too many stories of intolerance, I want to state how extremely proud I am of both of our synagogue communities and that with respectful approaches, shared knowledge, and understanding of our most foundational Jewish principles of protecting and celebrating life, we CAN all live together in a meaningful and validating way, just as is intended for our Jewish community.
I know there are other communities out there like ours, so please consider sharing wonderful stories of acceptance and validation with all you know so that our voice is not eclipsed by others who would attempt to shout us down.
Shabbat Shalom!
Friday, August 22, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
LESSONS ABOUT COMMUNITY FROM A STRING AND A LOAF OF BREAD
Back to my Gemara learning! I am in the middle of ERUVIN, the Masechet about boundaries. You may remember – I already spoke about great processing lessons and what wonderful teachers are from its pages. So, now I am in the middle of a very complex and detailed discussion about how ERUV, in this case the placing of loaves of breads by all of the households of a courtyard or area is negotiated in terms of allowing movement and sharing on Shabbat.
Basically the Halachic (Jewish legal) concept is this: On Shabbat, movement is one of the 39 forms of activity that is forbidden – carrying, moving or otherwise changing the location of various things. Further, there are limits in terms of how far an individual can move them self, either directly or indirectly. That being said, there are so many extenuating circumstances and needed accommodations that are required to facilitate movement and comfortable living during this period of time. Therefore, there are extensive discussions about how one encloses an area with a stated and intended boundary of string and wood posts or dividers, or indicates a shared area by placing a food item (usually bread, though many other options are permitted and discussed) in a designated place.
Within this discussion, issues regarding non-Jews that live in the shared area are indicated and questions about a Jewish member of the community who forgets to do his part to create shared space are also broached. Within the details, one can begin to glaze over, but there is something critical that is becoming clearer and clearer as the one who studies this text (me, in this instance) continues to make too many charts to be clear about which Tanna or Amora (the various Rabbinic teachers and authorities) said what, who agrees with whom, and the various leniencies that are provided by different authorities, and so forth…
THIS IS ABOUT COMMUNITY!!!!! That is the important take-away lesson. How does one create community in which every member is equally invested and taken care of in a way that is healthy and appropriate? Further, how does this community function on Shabbat as such with the given that there will be non-Jews – that is, people who are not part of this Shabbat community – living in our midst? THIS CAN AND SHOULD BE ACCOMMODATED and it is just that in the pages of our Talmud!
What a wonderful lesson for us today, and so needed, to be sure, as we watch our world around us crumble in too many regions! We are inundated by ISIS, the crisis in Israel and Gaza, the Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, and the list goes on and on... Too many stories about too many horrible and troubling disasters that threaten so much in our world in which we have advanced so far. Rulers so removed from reality and who don’t have their citizens’ safety at heart, dictators who forge ahead in building their own empires, terrorist leaders who dictate what their subjects must do from far-away-safe hotels. What are we to do?
When our Rabbis of the Talmud were engaged in these discussions and deliberations, it was based not just on the texts they studied but on the reality they saw. They sat with the people whom they were instructing, they lived in communities that would feel the impact of their rulings and they LISTENED to each other and processed what was said and even changed their minds (often!) based on the observed and experienced reality. Those pieces of string and loaves of bread were real – representative of a COMMUNITY that was bigger and more valued and validated because of the people who made it up – rich or poor, learned scholar or water carrier, young and old, Jew and non-Jew.
They all lived together and here too there are details about which method of creating an intentional community is more reasonable for a rich person, a poor person, a traveler, or an individual based on where their house was actually located in the courtyard. When one stops to consider this, the details about whether or not one uses a loaf of bread or a smaller piece, or goes to place it in a location or sends someone else to do so, or …. it is not about these things per se, but rather the people who need COMMUNITY to be there for them and to be part of it!
One of the most beautiful texts of Torah which we say every day as we enter our shul – the gathering place of our prayer community – is “Mah Tovu Ohalecha” – How beautiful are your tents of Jacob, your dwelling places, Israel?” It is important to remember the source of this statement. It is attributed to Balaam, the prophet that was sent by Balak to curse the Jews. However, he saw how beautifully and peacefully they lived and could not help himself – thus the words of blessing of COMMUNITY!
I am thinking of the many Palestinians whose own rulers do not see their daily reality for what it is. I am thinking of the Iraqis who are huddled in make shift camps fearful of yet another potential genocide. I am thinking of the multitudes of individuals who are held hostage by the Ukraine/Russian conflict. And of course, I am holding my Israeli friends and families in my heart along with all people who are suffering in our fractured world.
Years ago, a student of mine asked quite innocently, “Why can’t we all just make sure the leaders/decision makers/ those who do not get it have a good night of sleep and then share some coffee and doughnuts and relax together, you know, get to know each other? Hmmmmm, maybe they need to learn a text together – involving a string and a loaf of bread!
Shabbat Shalom!
Basically the Halachic (Jewish legal) concept is this: On Shabbat, movement is one of the 39 forms of activity that is forbidden – carrying, moving or otherwise changing the location of various things. Further, there are limits in terms of how far an individual can move them self, either directly or indirectly. That being said, there are so many extenuating circumstances and needed accommodations that are required to facilitate movement and comfortable living during this period of time. Therefore, there are extensive discussions about how one encloses an area with a stated and intended boundary of string and wood posts or dividers, or indicates a shared area by placing a food item (usually bread, though many other options are permitted and discussed) in a designated place.
Within this discussion, issues regarding non-Jews that live in the shared area are indicated and questions about a Jewish member of the community who forgets to do his part to create shared space are also broached. Within the details, one can begin to glaze over, but there is something critical that is becoming clearer and clearer as the one who studies this text (me, in this instance) continues to make too many charts to be clear about which Tanna or Amora (the various Rabbinic teachers and authorities) said what, who agrees with whom, and the various leniencies that are provided by different authorities, and so forth…
THIS IS ABOUT COMMUNITY!!!!! That is the important take-away lesson. How does one create community in which every member is equally invested and taken care of in a way that is healthy and appropriate? Further, how does this community function on Shabbat as such with the given that there will be non-Jews – that is, people who are not part of this Shabbat community – living in our midst? THIS CAN AND SHOULD BE ACCOMMODATED and it is just that in the pages of our Talmud!
What a wonderful lesson for us today, and so needed, to be sure, as we watch our world around us crumble in too many regions! We are inundated by ISIS, the crisis in Israel and Gaza, the Ukraine, Syria, Afghanistan, and the list goes on and on... Too many stories about too many horrible and troubling disasters that threaten so much in our world in which we have advanced so far. Rulers so removed from reality and who don’t have their citizens’ safety at heart, dictators who forge ahead in building their own empires, terrorist leaders who dictate what their subjects must do from far-away-safe hotels. What are we to do?
When our Rabbis of the Talmud were engaged in these discussions and deliberations, it was based not just on the texts they studied but on the reality they saw. They sat with the people whom they were instructing, they lived in communities that would feel the impact of their rulings and they LISTENED to each other and processed what was said and even changed their minds (often!) based on the observed and experienced reality. Those pieces of string and loaves of bread were real – representative of a COMMUNITY that was bigger and more valued and validated because of the people who made it up – rich or poor, learned scholar or water carrier, young and old, Jew and non-Jew.
They all lived together and here too there are details about which method of creating an intentional community is more reasonable for a rich person, a poor person, a traveler, or an individual based on where their house was actually located in the courtyard. When one stops to consider this, the details about whether or not one uses a loaf of bread or a smaller piece, or goes to place it in a location or sends someone else to do so, or …. it is not about these things per se, but rather the people who need COMMUNITY to be there for them and to be part of it!
One of the most beautiful texts of Torah which we say every day as we enter our shul – the gathering place of our prayer community – is “Mah Tovu Ohalecha” – How beautiful are your tents of Jacob, your dwelling places, Israel?” It is important to remember the source of this statement. It is attributed to Balaam, the prophet that was sent by Balak to curse the Jews. However, he saw how beautifully and peacefully they lived and could not help himself – thus the words of blessing of COMMUNITY!
I am thinking of the many Palestinians whose own rulers do not see their daily reality for what it is. I am thinking of the Iraqis who are huddled in make shift camps fearful of yet another potential genocide. I am thinking of the multitudes of individuals who are held hostage by the Ukraine/Russian conflict. And of course, I am holding my Israeli friends and families in my heart along with all people who are suffering in our fractured world.
Years ago, a student of mine asked quite innocently, “Why can’t we all just make sure the leaders/decision makers/ those who do not get it have a good night of sleep and then share some coffee and doughnuts and relax together, you know, get to know each other? Hmmmmm, maybe they need to learn a text together – involving a string and a loaf of bread!
Shabbat Shalom!
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