Fragmentation or Fusion, You Choose!

Fragmentation or Fusion, You Choose! Some years ago, I heard Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks (one of my favorite voices of our contemporary world, truly a Gadol – great and singular teacher – as far as I am concerned!), quote and expound upon the following statement: “Peace is counter-intuitive to the human nature; unfortunately war and conflict is a much more comfortable domain for us. Why, you ask, did he make such a statement? The moment he said it, I was hooked. Peace, you see, involves giving up a bit of ME for the greater good of WE. In Peace, we see all people and sides of a potential problem as equal with equally legitimate voices. The OTHER becomes a legitimate and important voice in our own gestalt. This is not something we in our modern era do so well collectively. This thought was reinforced for me during the last few weeks as I have read through an amazing book, "The Sacred Hoop" by Paula Gun Allen, which is subtitled “Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions.” Forgetting for a moment the clear feminist orientation (perhaps a topic for another post), I want to share one specific paragraph about identity that I found resonates so loudly within me as an American Jew or …. Just substitute the words of your choice that apply to you and your own identity when you read “American Indian” or “Indian” in the following passage: A contemporary American Indian is always faced with a dual perception of the world: that which is particular to American Indian life, and that which exists ignorant of that life. Each is largely irrelevant to the other except where they meet -- in the experience and consciousness of the Indian. Because the divergent realities must meet and form comprehensible patterns within Indian life, an Indian poet must develop metaphors that not only will reflect the dual perceptions of Indian/non-Indian but also will reconcile them. The ideal metaphor will harmonize the contractions and balance them so that internal equilibrium can be achieved, so that each perspective is meaningful and that in their joining, psychic unity rather than fragmentation occurs. Throughout this wonderful treatise, Allen talks about identity and the ongoing internal dialectics between the various elements of our identity. She goes on to lament how the portrayal of the American Indian as a war chief and with weapons of conflict is not accurate and that the American Indian’s world is traditionally and generationally invested in the maintaining of peace at all costs. This, as some of us may recall, was actually their undoing when the Europeans came to this ground and the indigenous population was willing to share all that they had in a peaceful manner. This overture was misunderstood by the Europeans and perceived instead as “their victory” over the lowly Indian. How sad! This is precisely what I, as a Jewish educator, have been trying to address with my students and the communities with and in which I have worked and learned and grown. I often find that this very issue is the ultimate disconnect between others and myself. Where so many see internal conflicts, yes, even wars, I see confluence and the need and desire to unite all elements of our multi-faceted being in a calm and unified matter of fusion. I DO respect and honor others with view different than my own; and I suspect that others do not always understand the space that I occupy in this universe, being personally observant and accepting the standards and ways of others as legitimate and possible as well. Many see this as compromising or not standing by what you believe, or worse, not having defined beliefs at all. Oh, quite the contrary. Allen, in her well written book, talks lovingly and with a connection that is palpable about her beloved Indian heritage and its beautiful feminine unity and fusion that is often not seen as such and worse, rewritten into male dominated conflict language that inaccurately skews how many of us have come to learn and understand the American Indian. She proclaims that the picture that we have which has been sifted through the eyes and pens of male dominant writers is not the heritage and rootedness of American Indian tradition at all. Funny, in addition to sympathizing, even empathizing with Allen, I feel some of the same pangs about the Judaism that I know and live and love and have tried to communicate to family, students, friends and colleagues. This explains why my involvement in human rights issues is NOT antithetical to my Orthodox observance but mandated by my adherence to Halacha. For me the Shechina, the feminine presence of the G-d Force and Power, The One and Only, is not relegated to obtuse discussions of mysticism or warm and fuzzy nostalgia, but part of the daily world in which I live and learn. I see the unity and fusion of my life as a Jew, woman, American and citizen of the world in a multi-faceted yet unified way. Thus I care about the asylum seeking refugee in Israel, am proud of the work that Jewish scientists and doctors are doing to heal people throughout the world, always encourage my students to work for wonderful organizations like Habitat for Humanity, do see that our concern for the environment and its resources IS a Jewish OBLIGATION according to Halacha, and that we are kind and caring and non-judgmental towards all members of our human family. Yes, for me the texts, teachings, values and deeds of Judaism are fused and unified. I guess I would make a wonderful American Indian or at least could be good friends with one or two. Rabbi Sacks would also enjoy the shared perspective, I suspect!

Oh, The Choices We Make In Living Our Lives

As a means of updating and full disclosure, I just returned from three weeks in Israel with family and friends and my annual pilgrimage to the Shalom Hartman Institute. I have so much I want to share from this wonderful two-week seminar and will do so in later posts. I also want to continue to share thinking from Malcolm Gladwell’s important book, Outliers, and my present reading of an amazing book called The Sacred Hoop by Paula Gunn Allen, which also has SO MUCH to teach us all as we peek inside another cultural context and heritage, that of the American Indians and their Feminine focus. This will be done. Finally, I have been forced out of the school I created, Solomon Charter School, and this is definitely a topic for another time. It was horrible but I always allow the objectivity that the passage of time allows before reacting, so for now we will leave this at rest. As for me, I am returning to consulting, curriculum writing and am trying to get more teaching at the University/Graduate School level so please keep that in mind if you hear of anything. I am continuing to focus on the beauty and lessons of Jewish texts, the importance of inclusion and acceptance of all, and new perspectives on difficult and complicated challenges in our lives. Most important, my family and friends are generally doing well and we are all healthy, and this is what must be kept in mind in the face of daunting challenges to our professional lives and other aspects of our existence that we hold dear. Now for the subject at hand – how we live our lives. Years ago, we were in San Antonio, actually for many different CAJE conferences through a period of about 20 years. We loved to go to this fair held annually at a large museum campus in which senior citizens displayed their woodworking, fabric art, weaving, cooking, musical talents and so much else. In Texas, there is this program where adults in their FIFTIES (which I am about to exit, EEKS!!!!) are encouraged to take up hobbies, you know, that second career we all dream about in a talent area from which we may have been discouraged as young adults because “you can’t make a living doing THAT.” But the State of Texas learned something significant and has an important lesson to teach us all. What you may not be able to make a living doing MAY JUST BE the trick to keep living in an active and purposeful manner later on. These 80-somethings and 90-somethings and others… are vital, alive, active and TALENTED!!!!!! I think of them often these days. You see, my parents are 89 (dad) and 90 (mom). They are not cut of the same cloth as those amazing older citizens in Texas. I have pleaded with them for decades to have hobbies, interests and to pursue something outside of work, kids and house. They did not! And now they sit, angry, hurt and feeling like life has passed them by. It is sad and painful to watch and yet I am powerless. Oh, we make the two to two and a half drive back and forth from Baltimore as much as we can and spend time with them and try to entertain them. My siblings and cousins are also there as much as possible. But they basically sit and look at each other all day and I just feel the boiling point of their individual and collective anger and frustration at the injustices of life reaching a most dangerous point. I know my children are so affected by this as well. It is not easy to see or explain. And yes, as my husband Ken keeps reminding me, I am realistic. Why should they change habits that have taken 89 and 90 years to develop? Is it even a possibility to think that this can happen? I look at Betty White, my friend Susan’s 101 year-old mom - Yetta, my amazing Aunt Sandy, some of the retired Rabbis I see at the Hartman Institute who still come and learn, and other wonderful examples of aging and living. I am sad that I cannot count my parents in those numbers. Maybe they would have fared better if they lived in Texas. So, Ken is 60 and I am not too far behind him. On one hand what a scary thought. On the other hand, I never understood the 50s and am quite sure the 60s will not compute either. I am still working, running, cleaning my own house, swimming every chance I get, I WALK A LOT when I am in Israel (my friend counts15,000 to 20,000 steps a day on her pedometer, I suspect many days I am not too far off that number!) and I CANNOT SIT STILL (like my father’s sister, Aunt Sandy). I KNOW I feel differently and act differently than my parents did at my age. To be fair, I know they each faced difficulties in their life that are part of the equation. That being said, I suspect and know for a fact in many cases that this is also true for many of us. The blessing we give each other is that we should live until the age of 120. Personally, I love Deepak Chopra’s idea of living until 200, and by then they will figure something out. In the meantime, I am living today as I hope I will live years from now. Oh, and that hobby --- well I love sewing, want to go back to playing piano and take an art class. What are you planning to do? Let’s share.

If Prophet Micha and Malcolm Gladwell (author of Outliers) Would Meet

If Prophet Micha and Malcolm Gladwell (author of Outliers) Would Meet This past Shabbat we read from the prophet Micha in our Haftarah for Parshat Balak. In Micha 5.6 – 6.8, the prophet tells us that we will arise successfully over every adversary that ever tries to push us down, clearly the message of what Balak tried to do to Israel through his emissary, Balaam. On the surface of this story Balak sends Balaam to curse the Jewish nation and of course instead we get these beautiful uplifting words of Mah Tovu (BaMidbar 24.5) that we all say as we enter our Batei Kneset/synagogues: “How goodly are your tents oh Jacob, your dwelling places, O Israel!”. It’s a nice story and it warms the heard of every five year old and their great-grand parents. BUT, claims, Gladwell, not so fast! Let’s look carefully at this story. Maybe Balaam was a prophet with a conscious or one who was scared by the solidarity and sense of purpose he observed, perhaps not so familiar to him from his own people and experience. The people of Israel WERE in fact dwelling and working and cooperating together. To be sure, they must have been of different personalities and characteristics, but they were invested in each other. Just as the group of people that Gladwell opens his book Outliers with, namely the Rosetans of Pennsylvania, originally from Roseto Valfortore in the Alpennine foothills of Foggia, Italy. This group of people intrigued ethnographers and Gladwell himself as they were generally and significantly healthier and more successful in living their lives than other people and other communities. This group was relatively small and obscure but did not suffer from the diseases that plagued other people and generally were doing well. So what was the secret to their success? Their genetic markers were studied with no hints yielded. Their diet was examined—don’t ask, -- lard was used plentifully. So clearly, that did not explain anything. Location? From foothills to obscure location in Pennsylvania – nothing compelling here! So after much study and observation the secret was found. And here is the secret in Gladwell’s words: As the ethnographers, Bruhn and Wolf were studying this people they walked around town. “They looked at how the Rosetans visited one another, stopping to chat in Italian on the street, say, or cooking for one another in their backyards. They learned about the extended family clans that underlay the town’s social structure. They saw how many homes had three generations living under one roof, and how much respect grandparents commanded. They went to mass at Our Lady of Mount Carmel and saw the unifying and calming effect of the church. They counted twenty two separate civic organizations in a town of just under two thousand people.” I suspect Balaam might have said, if he had seen this, “How goodly are your tents oh Rosetans, your dwelling places , people of Roseto.” In other words, these people were not living under the magic earned spell of peace, they were creating it day by day, action by action. THIS was what earned them their health and happiness. Now, let us return to the prophet Micha for a moment. This Haftarah begins with what many people find problematic, the notion that Israel will prevail over all enemies and peoples that confront her. This will occur with G-d’s help and presence. Some people find this ethnocentric and question Israel’s part in such an unearned legacy. BUT WAIT!!!! IT IS EVERY BIT EARNED! Let’s skip to the end of this Haftarah, after we read how Israel will indeed preserve itself and succeed in the fact of enemies and challenges to its existence. In Micha 6.8, we read as follows: “O man, what is good and what does HaShem seek from you: only the performance of justice, the love of kindness, and walking humbly with your G-d.” Rosetans, YOU WIN YOUR PEACE!!!! You are doing these things. Rosetans, I would like to introduce you to the B’Nai Yisrael. They (or we) too visit each other, care for each other, meet in synagogue, chat with each other on the streets, have more civic organizations than people sometimes, and just generally care genuinely about each other. Well, anyway, that must be what Balaam saw!

Being Wholely Present and Being Holy

Being Wholely Present and Being Holy Nechama Leibowitz joins the rest of the world of study of Tanach and asks the obvious question about what it was precisely that the Meraglim did wrong. Many posit that it was their fear of the land, the giants that they perceived were there, or that G-d would not protect them from what was to befall them. Nechama suggests another reading that has great relevance to our lives. She teaches that “they feared freedom as a whole, independence, responsibility for their deeds, for ordering their life in all its aspects which would henceforth be conducted not at the behest of some oppressor or tyrant but by themselves alone..” They would have to take the initiative to do what was required of them individually, collectively and in terms of fulfilling the word of G-d. In other words, to earn the status of KEDUSHA – Holiness – they had to be WHOLELY there with their entire being and all of their own choices and risks and acceptance of consequences. Let us consider the reflection of national hysteria after the report of the Meraglim as indicated in BaMidbar, Perek 14, Passukim 1 – 4: The entire congregation got up (singular) and raised their voices (plural) and they all cried that night. All of the children of Israel murmured against Moshe and against Aaron and said to them: If only we had died in Egypt or in this wilderness.” Why has G-d brought us to this land to fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken; isn’t it better for us to return to Egypt? And THEY all said, each man to his brother, “Let’s make a new head and return to Egypt.” Leibowitz cites the last verse of this section, 14:4, as pivotal in showing the mentality of oppressed people who see no other way to be present but to be oppressed, not allowing them to WHOLLY express themselves, their ideas and their dreams. They would rather give up the sense of self and submit themselves, individually and collectively to the regimen and strange discipline oppressed lives bring. We know that there is a mentality of people who have been freed from oppression who have to LEARN how to live as free people. To be sure there are rights and there are also responsibilities as well. The question is to what degree can we understand and accept the interdependence of each on the other? We in the Jewish community have watched many gilgulim of attempts at finding a way for us to be HOLY by being WHOLE. There are spiritual paths, dovening communities, shiyurim, doing deeds and Mitzvot that connect us to each other and so much else. The importance of connectedness to each other and something greater than ourselves can never be understated. It is a known fact that as people age, for example, their health and well being is definitely connected to the degree of this connectedness that allows them to be WHOLLY present. When people suffer from depression, as they pull away from others they hide in themselves and virtually disappear. Nechama teaches that we need to carefully look at how this very book begins with the census and all of the details to insure that the HOLY nation was WHOLLY present. She asks why the specific details, why the names, if the reason was, as generally accepted, for military service? Clearly, Nechama teaches that the reason for the articulation of these details goes well beyond this perfunctory purpose. She speaks at length about the greater reason, the notion that EVERYONE COUNTS and the Nation can not be HOLY/Kadosh, if every member is not WHOLLY PRESENT. Only then, says Nechama, will G-d bless the nation and its members and ALL that it is. She explains that Nahmanides understood this, stating that the detailed counting was MUCH more than a logistical census and was connected to the important part every member of the nation plays in being WHOLELY there so we can be truly HOLY. We may learn … a valuable lesson [here] regarding the maintaining of the judicious balance between trust in God and self - help, avoiding the twin dangers of relying overmuch on God in the sense of: "the heavens will be merciful", and human vainglory in the sense of: "my power and the might of mine hand have gotten me this wealth". On account of this Nahmanides does not rest content with the strategic rational motivation of this census but adds a further reason and explains as well why this numbering had to be individual. So, taking this lesson to heart, I want to speak briefly about a wonderful community of which our family is now part in which everyone is WHOLLY present. That community is ESHEL, a community of Orthodox GLBTQ members and, most recently for their parents and by extension their families as well. Our daughter, Rachie, Ken and I went to the first Parents’ Conference run by Eshel a few weeks ago and we felt the HOLIness of the place due to the complete and WHOLE presence of all that were there. As you all know by now, I am not shy about talking about who we are and about the members of our family individually and collectively. I refuse to hide or to allow any of our children to be OPPRESSED into feeling they must hide. We are proud of ALL of our children, and that weekend, I could not have been more thrilled with the amazing young woman Rachie has already shown herself to be. Rachie has SO MUCH to teach all of us in our collective community and is willing to make us more HOLY by her WHOLE presence. I know that many parents at this retreat are struggling with this and there is a lot of feeling of hiding, shame and so much else around this issue. Remember that estimates show that approximately 10% of a given community is GLBTQ. We now KNOW that this is applicable to the Orthodox Jewish community as well as any other faction of our or other communities. How can we call ourselves an AM KADOSH if we are excluding ANY percentage of our community? As time goes on, the learning curve continues to gather more and more of us. As this happens, I hope that the numbers of those who want to be part of the amazing community that ESHEL already is becoming will be able to stand up and say I am WHOLLY here and I also pray that our larger Jewish community will continue to increase in HOLINESS/Kedusha as we are all WHOLELY PRESENT, freely moving about, doing Mitzvot and being who we are without any oppression or fear of being part of the WHOLE of Am Kadosh! Then we will be using the lesson we have of EARNED FREEDOM that the B’nai Israel may not have understood in their times. Let us learn from their mistake of not using freedom and independent thinking responsibly. Shabbat Shalom.

So YOU are my community!

So YOU are my community! We all know the Groucho Marx line that goes something like this: “I would never join a club that would have me as a member.” I have never been one for self - deprecating humor and I strongly and respectfully disagree with Mr. Marx. We as Jews are taught NOT to separate ourselves from community and that community is what makes us as individual components that much more powerful, more fulfilled and more effective. Community is EVERYTHING for us, whether that community is our family, organizations to which we belong, a team on which we are a member or the shul where we daven. There are so many laws (yes, actual Halachot) about how we are to be part of community, from honesty in our business dealings to taking great care with what comes out of mouth in terms of our speech, from not embarrassing another to giving each other the benefit of the doubt and so much else. One of my favorite stories to teach and learn and share is the one about Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, a noted Tanna/scholar, who stays in a cave for many years only to study and learn. He and his son are confined to this secluded dwelling AWAY FROM COMMUNITY after his prolific and extensive criticism of the government thus putting his life in imminent danger. After his prolonged isolation of thirteen years, upon hearing of the death of the cruel leader from whom he escaped, he exits his long-term cocoon and notices a man working his fields. Bar Yochai does not understand what the man has been doing and his reality. So learned and dedicated to his study and prayer, Bar Yochai screams in agony at the man for forsaking Torah for the purpose of menial labor. Easy for Bar Yochai to say -- having been protected by his cave, having his food provided. and needing for nothing for all those years. As soon as these words were heard, the entire field was burned. A voice (Bat Kol) came from the heavens, directed at Bar Yochai, inquiring, “For this you came out? To destroy my world?” Back into the cave went Bar Yochai for many more years – this time to reconsider for what purposes we learn and pray? We all know that Torah can be the elixir of life or the poison that brings death. It is up to us in terms of how we use it and the choices we make in terms of that use. Torah teaches us how to farm so we should farm. Bar Yochai sadly did not understand this. Torah teaches us to be honest in our business dealings. Our Orthodox minyanim that exist inside of prisons are clearly made up of individuals who do not abide by this. Torah teaches us how to speak with each other and respect each other. Unfortunately too many of our learned and devoted Jewish community members need to remember this as well as the verses of Torah and the words of daily prayers. We have so many explanations of the different types of members of our community in our Torah and prayers – the very words we study and recite in our devotion to G-d. We know we need BUILDERS as well as CHILDREN WHO LEARN to quote one verse. We have Jews who do Mitzvot, Jews who learn Torah, Jews who do both and Jews who do neither, but as we hold the Arba’ah Minim together on Sukkot, we remember that WE ARE ALL PART OF THE SAME COMMUNITY. Our four children in our Pesah Seder and the different types of questioning included reminds us of the variegated fabric we call Jewish community. Our community is as colorful as the many different people that make it up and THIS is what we are supposed to be part of. This is the club in which we all belong. It is made up of those who pray, those who learn, those who farm, those who observe more, those who observe less, and so on. MOST IMPORTANT, every member is BE’TZELEM ELOKIM and BELONGS TO THE CLUB. Maybe even Groucho Marx!

I'm Left-Handed

I’m left handed, my daughter Rachie has poor vision and her friend Liz is very tall. But that’s okay, because we believe in accepting and appreciating differences as well as the people who have them. These are just singular factors of our individual identities and attributes, but they do not define us. Being a left handed person who learned to write in the late 50’s in elementary school I have very clear memories of people trying to get me to write with my right hand. Both of my parents are right-handed and therefore, ACCEPTABLE as the majority position of society. Being left-handed was always considered a bit SINISTER and lefties were often thought by others to be a bit off. In Eighth Grade when I broke my LEFT arm twice, family and friends thought “Great, now for sure she will end up learning how to use her right hand (and of course, be so much more acceptable, normative and more comfortable for all).” Well, that didn’t happen, not for writing and eating and other small motor activities anyway. You see, I am not even a straight clear left-handed person, but rather I am mixed dominance (or what some people call mixed up!). That makes me defined as being really “out there.” If I were a person that wrapped Tefilin, which arm do I use for which reason? When I do shake the Lulav and Etrog on Sukkot, which do I consider myself, determining which hand I hold each item in? There are all types of problems regarding certain Mitzvot for lefties, and as far as mixed dominance people go, well, don’t ask! Then there is Rachie. She had to take her drivers’ test four times before passing, and only did that after being taught how to accommodate for particularly poor vision that renders her legally blind in one eye. So, now comes another question of Halacha. What is the legal standing of a visually impaired/blind woman (much different than Rachie’s case, but the point is still valid) in Hadlakat HaNerot, the lighting of the candles for her family for Shabbat and Yomim Tovim? So, just to let you know, I actually checked this out some years ago. One of my students asked me this question and when I went to a Rav to inquire about the answer, he did not know as well. A few weeks later, he came back to me and explained that another Rabbinic authority had JUST published a Teshuvah (Halachic position) on this very issue. The response was that out of Chesed (kindness) for the woman, she can do the Mitzvah but her family cannot have their responsibility fulfilled by her lighting candles since the required part of the Mitzvah is to see the lights. Therefore a second family member, who can see the lights, must light the candles for the rest of the family members. What this really shows is that in looking at our Mitzvot and system of Halacha, there are various considerations in responding to people who want to do various Mitzvot but might not be able to do so in a normative way, or may not have an obligation to do a particular Mitzvah due to some physical variance or feature of the individual. To be sure there are many other examples in our daily Jewish lives, such as the fact that I am not allowed to fast for medical reasons but have found an amended fast that I can use so that I can participate in that Mitzvah, By the way, the only one of our four children who has inherited my own left-handedness, at times questionable personality/genetic trait is my daughter Rachie. So the poor dear has two strikes – she is left-handed and has some thankfully corrected visual impairment. So while, we are talking about physical realities that might be less than normative or even desirable according to some, perhaps I should also point out that we are all amongst the somewhat, though not profoundly vertically challenged in my family. At 5” 2 3/4” I am the tallest woman in my generation and those that preceded me. So, when Rachie brought Liz to meet us, she warned us that Liz is quite tall. It doesn’t matter. We all got along just fine, went to shul together, celebrated Sukkot together, and had a great time. Oh, I almost forgot. Liz is Rachie’s girlfriend and they are a couple. So now, while I am accepted for holding the Lulav and Etrog in the non-normative manner, Halacha is kind to the blind woman who lights her Shabbat candles, and my need to fast is accommodated, I certainly hope that the Jewish community will be accepting and appreciate the amazing talents and contributions of these two amazing young women, as they each fulfill their own Mitzvot. May we all go forth from strength to strength and have the same compassion for each other that Halacha has shown it can exhibit for all of us.

The Generation of Entitlement

The Generation of Entitlement We are ready to begin our eighth week at Solomon Charter School though Hurricane Sandy has delayed this until tomorrow, Wednesday, October 31. So, due to the wonders of nature, I, along with everyone else in our area, am now sitting in my home staying busy and productive without the normal rhythm of life and work as distractions. Here I am in my protective bubble, catching up on phone calls to friends, making sure that others are safe and dry. I do not want to lose those contacts which are so much the essence of who I am as a person even though forces of nature and our Governor's declaration of State of Emergency have made it more challenging to stay connected. Yesterday (before we lost our Internet), I wrote what were for me difficult letters to more than a few of our students suggesting strongly that they consider letting go of the community component of our program and just focus on their academic subjects through cyber and distance learning. While this is a perfectly legitimate (and state preferred option, for whatever reasons) for our cyber school, this was difficult because one of my most powerful dreams for our school community was and still is to build an "intentional community of diversity and invested learning." Holding on to this dream, here I am telling students for whom I am responsible to continue working on math, science, history and other academic subjects but to stay away from the wonderful interactive community we create day by day. This action was necessitated by their inappropriate behaviors and lack of ability to think beyond what "I want" and "I need" to do for me from minute to minute. The notion of empathy for others which is so critical in our world eludes them. As Robert Bly eloquently and clearly states in his book, The Sibling Society, this problem is pervasive today as parents are often abdicating their role as teachers and mentors to our young, and all are left to fend for themselves. Left without clear boundaries and requirements, why not decide "I am out for myself and only myself?" I have seen this in the wealthiest communities as well as the least socio-economically endowed. Allow me to be perfectly clear. I am not cutting these students off, I will continue to work on this important aspect of their lives as members of the human family; I just cannot do it at the expense of so many others in our Learning Community. The trick is one has to think of WE more than ME in order to be part of such a community and sadly, about 1/5 of our students cannot do this at this time. One of the things that distressed me so profoundly in the supposedly (but I would argue not so much) privileged world of private Jewish education was the degree of entitlement I often witnessed amongst too many of our students as well as some of their parents. I found the unchecked attitude of "You will do what I want you to because I am entitled to have what I want" to be offensive, repulsive and for whatever it is worth, expressly against every Jewish value I hold near and dear. We teach "Do not separate yourself from the community" and we spout forth that "All of our community is responsible for each other" and yet once you move from these lofty ideals to the harsh reality, they seem pithy at best and irrelevant at worst. This hurt me beyond words given we were in Jewish educational institutions. So, now as I work with an amazing group of professionals for whom I have more respect than I can say, we collectively confront too often the very same dynamic of "ME comes before and at the expense of WE" in our Solomon Charter School community amongst a number of our students. Entitlement is a funny thing -- like so many horrible plagues it apparently knows no boundaries of race, faith, ethnicity, socio-economic level or any other set of identifying features by which we define the groups in our larger society. I have had many conversations with some of our wonderful parents and we share our own stories of growing up, how we learned to accept responsibility, take initiative and care, I mean truly care about others. We are collectively frustrated that too often our new generation has lost this most important and critical set of skills. How does this bode for our future? I remember years ago someone (and unfortunately I forget who) did a farcical précis on a future epoch where each person was in a cubicle by themselves with their computer and all their needs. No one talked to or worked with others and there was no cooperation or collaboration. Each person just withered away and as time went on each individual forgot what they learned about being part of society and eventually lost all skills of communication and cooperation. Jewish teachings and so many other systems of values and beliefs teach us how to balance confidence and respect for self with effectiveness and importance of the group. Yet, amongst too many of our youth, these elements do not seem to be present. This is OUR challenge -- how do we work to offset the inertia of this dangerous dynamic. Our Generation of Entitlement MUST be retaught basic skills and components of what it means to speak with others, think about others, work with others, and learn with others. Otherwise no Hurricane will ever result in the degree of destruction that our own complacence can produce.