So what’s one more New Year among friends?

Appropriately enough, I guess, I am learning Masechet Rosh HaShanah in my daily Gemara learning. In the Jewish calendar there are four recognized new years, occurring in the months of Nisan, Elul, Tishrei and Shevat. In the discussions that appear in the Talmud it is suggested that there may be as much as six new years – for a variety of reasons including the official calendar of kings, for the fruits of the trees, for accounting of all that we have and for judgment for all that we are. Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur – clearly the most well known of the new years in the Jewish calendar is what is focused on in this aptly named section of Talmud, called after Rosh HaShanah, the beginning of the year of human accounting.

The Rabbis discuss how often we are called to account for what we do by God, our Creator. Various options are again presented (you know the joke, two Rabbis, three opinions… well, we see its origins in the Gemara!) with no less than the notion presented that actually we are called to account for our actions every minute of every day. It is known that Jewish communities come to God asking for forgiveness for our missteps on Yom Kippur, the Day of Judgment; but we would do well to remember that actually in the daily prayer that we say three times each day – the Amidah, we constantly ask God to forgive us for such slights we have committed in the various daily dealings of our lives. I actually feel so comforted that God is always listening to and attentive to our deeds and I guess that is a huge part of what it means to be a person of faith.

A Rabbi in our community shared that automatically it occurred to this community leader to wish people who were observing Christmas a Happy Erev Christmas! I love it… Jewish mindset and accepting and cherishing of others wrapped up in one heartfelt greeting. Another Rabbi indicated in the shul calendar that we have two Federal Holidays this week. How true! We as Americans are embraced by (or caught, depending on one’s predisposition) the joyful time of another faith community and culture that is so much a part of the country that accepts us all.

So what is my ritual at this time? I start practicing writing 2016 – I actually am so good at it this year, I mistakenly used 2016 on documents I have signed when it is still 2015. Oops! But more importantly, what will be my greeting to everyone I meet this week? Of course, it will be Happy New Year! Why not? I know that not all in our faith community of observant Jews agree with this. But I think it is indeed something to celebrate – that we live in this world as free people of faith, enjoying more and more inclusiveness on so many levels and the other fruits of democracy and the free-thinking world. Of course, we must also fully acknowledge and be accountable for the fact that this is clearly not the case for all citizens of the world. So here comes our prayers – to make us more caring, more embracing, and closer to the ideal people of faith we are all enjoined to be, whatever Higher Being we hold to be ours.

So what would the Rabbis in the pages of my Gemara learning think about that? One of the distinctions that is often made is between kings and the kingship of the Jewish nation and those of the nations of the world. So, let’s consider that for a moment. As our calendar turns from 2015 to 2016 this coming Thursday night, let us pray for ALL nations and people of faith of our world that this year will bring more understanding, less pain and conflict and more acceptance of the need for all of us to live together. Is that worthy of yet another New Year? I believe it is… so from my own mindset of Jewish values and thinking, I wish you all a heartfelt HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

What is YOUR normal?

As part of my preparations for a conference I am planning for the Orthodox Jewish population of the Greater Philadelphia area on February 28, 2016 which is entitled, Halacha and Community: Challenges and Approaches, I am reading a lot of materials these days about potentially marginalized groups whom we are obligated by Torah as much as our own ethical standards to include in our community. This has taken me to a reading prepared by a colleague of mine from many years of being part of a wonderful national community of Jewish educators, Rabbi Elliot Dorff. In his piece, “Meshanah HaBeriot” he envisions a new approach to thinking about disabilities and limitations. He imagines a world where the disabled or limited person is not the marginalized individual, but rather we all see ourselves as “temporarily abled” and bound to become disabled at some point. He talks about how we should accept and include everyone with his/her/their differences. I highly recommend this thoughtful piece which can be found here (http://www.uscj.org/JewishLivingandLearning/SocialAction/Accessibility/)

Rabbi Dorff entitles his paper with the words one says when one blesses God for making different people when we see someone who is visibly different. Yes, we bless God for our differences, our abilities, our disabilities, all of it! What a concept! What a different world this would be if we could be so aware of all of us, that no one would be disadvantaged because of disabilities or differences, but all would be included and embraced for their value and potential contributions to the collective. Yes, it’s a bit idealistic, in fact, a lot, and this, too, is acknowledged by my colleague!

Nonetheless, I was reminded of dear friends of ours from years ago, Ari and Stacy Goldberg, whose daughter Rina z’l, suffered from chronic health problems due to mitochondrial disease. Her theme was B+ (that is Be Positive!) and this young girl was a teacher to all who included her and accommodated her needs. Not only are we obligated to include all members in our community, we stand to learn so much about abilities, the challenges of disabilities, the resilience of spirit well placed, and the many blessings we have no matter what the challenges may be. Ari spoke so beautifully at Rina’s funeral about expecting to take one ride (a normal one, perhaps) with their daughter when Rina came into their lives; but ultimately finding a new and different normal when her various challenges presented. It is hard to continually be mindful of this, but we all know so many stories of HEROES who have shown us the way, precisely through their addressing of whatever disabilities, or different abilities, they may have.

Is it NORMAL to expect that there will not be deficits, impairments, weaknesses and such in our bodies and as we progress through life? Of course not! It is here that Rabbi Dorff challenges us to think of ourselves, when appropriate as “temporarily abled.” This turns the table on disabilities in a powerful psychological way. He also addresses the obvious financial and logistical dynamics of what it would take to truly build such a society. Earlier this year, Knoxville, Tennessee made the news by becoming an official “dementia-friendly community,” so that people with various memory impairment conditions (e.g. Alzheimer’s, etc.) could function in a safe and supportive environment. Having recently dealt with my own parents’ decline during the past several years, I was particularly touched by this notion and wonder if it is indeed feasible for us to engage in more such efforts.

What is normal? Last night I was enjoying a reunion with some friends from different stages in my life. During our lovely dinner, it was pointed out to me that another person from my past was sitting several tables away. I would never have recognized her as she has had serious health problems due to a hemorrhagic stroke. My friend at the table was describing her recent wedding to her new husband and what an amazing experience it was to be there. Clearly, this is yet another example of considering a different normal. I hope that the future will give me a chance be in touch with this person and continue to feel the power of the blessing of having her and her family in my life in much younger years, when we were all able… and to continue to learn from her different “ableness.”

We are completing the cycle of the Torah readings of Bereshit, the book of Genesis at this season in the Jewish calendar. When I teach about the Patriarchs and Matriarchs and their family members, I DO focus on what their deficits and disabilities are. Sometimes, I am asked why THESE PEOPLE are our role models and my answer is that is precisely because of their being touched and feeling the full impact of the human condition that they are apt role models. We may lose our sight as Yitzchak, lose our physical strength as Yaakov, not be as strong mentally, spiritually or in other ways as people around us in our lives and so on. That being said, if we think of ourselves as “temporarily able” maybe, just maybe, we will be cognizant of the blessings we have and be more attentive to the many more we learn from each other as we all work through our assigned challenges.

May 2016 bring healing to all who need it and remind all of us to think of as many different types of normal as possible.

Lessons of Hannukah: A Little Bit of Oil Goes a Long Way

On Sunday, immediately after returning home from Israel, I attended and taught at a conference entitled Protecting Creation: A Jewish Response to Global Warming. The connection to the fact that on this very day we were all awaiting the onset of Hannukah, when we celebrate the miracle of a little bit of oil was not lost on me.

Hanukah has always struck me as a funny holiday in some ways – acknowledging the notion that a little bit of resources lasted for so long, both in terms of human resources in the Maccabbees and with respect to natural resources regarding the small flask of oil that lit the way for eight days; while so defined too often in our world today by excesses and wastefulness, including excessive packaging of too many gifts that we too often don’t even need. One could make a strong case that Hannukah is more about measuring and using our human and natural resources carefully and intentionally even though this is often the furthest thing from people’s minds. No doubt this is due in no small part to the influence of our larger commercial culture. Interestingly enough, I have heard many devout Christians also lament that the true meaning of their own days of observance at this season has lost traction in our materialistic world.

So, allow me for a moment to take a different look at some of the compelling lessons of Hannukah and really just about every moment in our Jewish lives in reminding us of our ongoing relationship with our world and Earth as well as our responsibility to care for it and use our resources appropriately.

Look at these texts carefully:

“When you besiege a city… do not destroy (lo tashchit) any of its trees…” (Deuteronomy 20:19)

Rav Zutra said: “Whoever covers an oil lamp, or uncovers a naphtha lamp, transgresses the law of bal tashchit.” (Talmud Bavli, Shabbat 67b)

“Righteous people … do not waste in this world even a mustard seed. They become sorrowful with every wasteful and destructive act that they see, and if they can, they use all their strength to save everything possible from destruction. But the wicked … rejoice in the destruction of the world, just as they destroy themselves.” (Sefer HaChinuch 529; 13th Century)

Clearly, we are taught here and in so many other texts to not be wasteful and to respect all facets of Creation at all times, including conflict, use of resources, and protection of our planet. This is more than relevant and profoundly necessary at this point in our human narrative. The practice of conservation and the notion that our resources are not limitless are well-established truths from long ago and frame the basic Jewish practice to not be wasteful, observing the body of laws known as Bal Tashchit.

Taking into account the notion that there is an increasing divide between the haves and the have nots in our world and the proliferation of initiatives of “giving back” during this holiday season so that those of us who have so much can show gratitude and share our bounty with others, what if we were all to give these lessons as gifts to those we love?

For many years, while my children were growing up, we participated in a wonderful program called Christian Children’s Fund and sent our monthly checks to support a family in Uganda. Every Hannukah I had a deal with my children. Whatever I would spend on them, we also spent on Beth Nikalanda, the child we sponsored and her family. We would send a check to CCF and then get letters back about how the same amount of money that supported our American Girl dolls (which are now parented by my daughter’s girls) bought lambs, blankets, grain and other supplies that supported this entire family. This, I believe was one of the lessons of gratitude and feeling the blessings of our lives for my children. This was most likely the most important Hannukah gift I gave them. We also came to have a great deal of respect for Beth in being so self-sufficient and skilled in working the land and helping her family to survive and thrive in their reality, where they HAD to be careful and mindful and intentional with their limited resources.

It is indeed a challenge to watch as less and less people have more and more and use their disproportionate amount of energy and resources while trying to be mindful of those in need and resources that are at risk. We are all so aware of the present work on Sustainable Development Goals in our world, various reports of climate change and global warming with 2015 taking its place as the hottest year on record. Yet, awareness is not enough; we have to carefully consider our own individual footprints and impact on these factors and how we can individually and collectively work to keep our world safe and protect the Creation, its light and all, that God entrusted to our care so long ago. This sensibility and the need for action is the most important gift we can give to those we love this Hannukah. Only then, will our small amount of oil go far enough for all to be sustained and live well. This is one important way we can perpetuate the miracle of Hannukah in our times.

If you are interested in more materials and resources, check these sites to learn more about this important aspect of our Chiyuv as protectors and workers of the planet.

http://canfeinesharim.org/for-your-school-lesson-plans-2/

http://www.coejl.org/resources/jewishtexts/

http://aytzim.org/resources/educational-materials

http://hazon.org/jewish-food-movement/jewish-food-movement-educational-materials/

Chag Urim Sameach – May the lights of the candles we look at this Hannukah remind us of the blessings in our lives and the need to hope for a better and more well used planet.

Dealing with Sobering Times….. Again

Shabbat is coming and we are having our monthly Kabbalat Shabbat (special service to welcome our day of rest, for my non-Jewish friends) Partnership Minyan at our house. We are leaving for Israel on Wednesday. My entire family will be together to help me celebrate my birthday in a few weeks. I am in the midst of planning two conferences on Inclusion and Acceptance of all members of our communities for different populations – one for Orthodox Jews and one for people of all faiths. All of these involvements are so uplifting to me and I am so filled with gratitude to be able to have all of these wonderful experiences and so many more blessings in my life. And yet, my heat is so heavy.

Here we are again! Paris, Marseille, Chad, Israel, Cameroon, Turkey, Nigeria, Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Lebanon, Pakistan, Iraq, Mali – these are just the most recent sites of the approximately 300 incidents in 2015 attributed to terrorism. On one hand, it makes one afraid to think of travel, going out about one’s normal day, and just living for fear of their loved ones, community members and the general devastation that comes from thinking about what is happening in our world.

Peace rallies, tributes, creation of places of memory and comfort and community gatherings, people reaching out to help each other, Moslems gathering in France and elsewhere to proclaim in so many languages “We are Moslems and against terrorism,” staying glued to the television, internet and every possible news source, and just trying to get through the day…. This is how we fight the terrorism that threatens ALL good people, innocent citizens and purposeful and heartening communities of faith.

We are told that we are to go about our lives and we try to do the best we can. Our fellow citizens of the world in Paris and Marseille are showing us how to do this now as Americans did after 9/11 and as the citizens of the cities and countries listed above are doing and as the good people in the lands most threatened and vulnerable do every day. We KNOW not to take each other and our many blessings for granted, but this reminds us in such a palpable way to do so. How do we, as my daughter, Yoella, and I were discussing (as we often do) this week, continue to live and hold onto our values and our ethics and not let them be compromised by those who are responsible for these breaches in our daily lives and the well being of the masses? How can we not?

This week’s Torah reading in the Jewish cycle of weekly portions is about Yaakov (Jacob) and his isolation when he has been sent from his home because of his mother Rivkah’s (Rebeccah) concern for the well-being of both of her sons. As she states in our Torah narrative, “Shall I lose both of my sons?” Yaakov and Esau are very different, there has not been honesty amongst them, and there is now an irreconcilable rift, which Rivkah feels can only be avoided, not healed. So that is, we are told by some of our commentaries, both classic and more modern, the reason that she separates her sons, forgoing her own motherly instincts to keep her children as close as possible.

As a mother, I know all too well that desire to keep all safe – our family, my children, their children, their friends, our community, our world! Golda Meir often spoke about how she led Israel when she was Prime Minister with the mindset of a mother. As a mother and as a woman, I totally get this as I am sure so many of us do. How do we protect ALL innocent citizens?

Golda Meir poignantly stated that she was angry with those who killed her children, the Israelis, but she was more angry and distraught who forced her children, the Israelis to kill others. This sentiment is clearly from the mindset of one who values life – the life of all of God’s human beings. Let us hold onto this notion that we want to protect all innocent life and now the challenge is how do we do this in the face of the threats that are facing ALL of us no matter where we are? How do we help the Syrian refugees? How do we continue to engage in initiatives that bring together Palestinians and Israelis in so many successful ventures, ranging from concern for the environment to sharing circus arts, to living room dialogue groups and so much more? How do we NOT judge each other by how we look and the association of that appearance with those who use a similar one to act in the name of terrorism, nothing else!

Terrorists are NOT acting within the context of a religious framework, but rather taking the faith that so many of us believe in so fervently and corrupting it, offending all believers in our communities of faith. I was horrified by the murder of Shira Banki z’l by an extremist who was NOT acting within a Jewish context and others like him, and am now equally horrified by those who are perverting what Islam teaches. May we all find a way to live together and support each other so that our only response is not to have to send “the other” away from us – My prayer is that we continue to work together so that it is so clear that there are many more masses of people who are peaceful people of faith and NOT terrorists.

May this be a peaceful Shabbat and Sabbath for all.

How Do We Normalize the Conversation about Inclusion in our Faith Communities?

In 1951 a man by the name of Maurice Ogden wrote a terrifying poem called The Hangman using a pseudonym. It was first published in 1954. I have used this poem in my teaching often through the years. It is about a hangman who comes to town and one by one hangs all of the citizens. If you want to hear a dramatic reading of it, go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgX-wtO_ys8

It is about community on an extremely important level, namely when community does NOT function as community and then people within that community are isolated, maligned, ignored, not included, and eventually destroyed. In Ogden’s poem, the destruction comes from the “stranger who came to our town.” However, what about those in our community upon whom we depend for support, love, validation and so much else?

These days, so much of my work is about just that – inclusion of all within our community. In this case, it is about including LGBTQ community members in our communities of faith. This includes the general Jewish community, the Orthodox Jewish community specifically and all communities of faith in my work with our area’s Multi-Faith Council. I approach this work thoughtfully and ever so intentionally, trying to convey that this is NOT about politics, grandstanding or making any large social statements. Rather, it is just about being…. who we are and who God made us to be. As you know by now, for me this has always been part of my hardwiring – this is the way God made me to be – an Ally for the inclusion of all members of our community. Yet, we cannot be so naïve as to think that this is not a huge leap for too many in our various communities of faith. So how do I approach this conversation?

I try to normalize it! Let us look back and consider that ever so long ago, the Talmud with its accepted Jewish authority as a seminal text is quite clear about how left-handed people only have qualified inclusion in our community. However, no one would question that in spite of centuries of thinking left-handed people to be sinister and of other such non-normative status; long ago, in fact in the Talmud itself, we acknowledge that we found a way to accept this variation in God’s created beings and accept those who are left-handed.

Women were definitely at a clear disadvantage and not included in so much of social gatherings, which is still a problem in too much of our world today. Even Jewish texts from so long ago speak to the need to meet the needs of this fully one half of our population. Other faith communities have definitely lived through many chapters of coming to terms with acceptance and provision of as full as possible inclusion of women in as many situations as possible. We in our civilized world acknowledge that we have found a way to validate that half of God’s created beings are women and accept them; while separating ourselves from societies who have not yet figured this out. Parenthetically, there are still needed steps to insure this equality but we would generally agree in this learning circle of which we are part that this must be on our agenda and that ways of consideration and inclusion have definitely been found and utilized..

In the Jewish community’s observant sectors, agunot (women whose husbands will not grant them a needed divorce) have had their share of challenges and in some communities become nothing s>hort of pariahs. This has hit families who could not be ignored as time has gone on, and here too, we are finding ways to deal with this challenge and to facilitate a process by which these women can move on with their lives. To not have done so would be oppositional to some of the most basic of Foundational Torah concepts, so we must find a way.

Members of our community who are hearing impaired also have limitations placed on them by the strictest and most basic reading of our Torah text and codes of law. Yet, we know all too well that due to hearing aids, cochlear implants, use of sign language and other strategies, our community members with hearing deficits can and do function fully as members of our community. In terms of Jewish law, ways have been found to validate and adapt this process so that full participation is granted in our religious as well as judicial spheres. The same challenge has been presented for the visually impaired, the physically limited, and other groupings. As a side comment, I find it ever so interesting that it is Israeli doctors and medical centers that are disproportionately so present in the field of creation of adaptive devices to allow such full participation and involvement. Yes, we have learned here too that where there is a will, there is a way.

Not so many years ago, children and members of our community who are learning disabled were excluded, not acknowledged, put away and families were ashamed because of the fear that such children meant that someone must have done something wrong. We have come to learn the incredible gifts that these children and the adults they grow into bring into our community. PTACH and other organizations with a similar mission have taught us all too well that EVERY Jewish child should be included and educated. There was a will, so a way was found.

And now, here we are on the cusp of an amazing time of growth, discussion, deliberations and consideration of how we fully include and validate the members of our Jewish community and other faith communities who are LGBTQ. Will there be religious challenges requiring creative and thoughtful and intentional approaches? No doubt there will be, but haven’t we done exactly that in so many different cases through the years? That is precisely what I mean by “normalizing the conversation.” We ask for no more and no less for our LGBTQ members than our left-handed members, women, our agunot, community members with various impairments, limitations, different learning needs and so many others. Where there is a will and a thoughtful intentional consideration of what it means to be fully human, we have seen in so many instances in the past that there is a way. May it always continue to be so.

So what is my ultimate goal in this work? Ogden ends each stanza of his chilling and horrifying poem with the execution of yet another not-to-be-accepted community member and fear regarding who would be next on his scaffold. My hope is that we will end each chapter in our own history of our faith communities by showing ourselves able to come to terms with the approach of “who do we include” by considering how we find a way that is reasonable and compassionate so that all are protected from whatever Hangman and cloak that may come by. That to me is normalizing the conversation – using those tools and strategies we have already learned for our beloved community members, whatever their differences may be.

Siyyum: Masechet Sukkah - In Memory of my parents, Hannah and Kenneth Sterling

Note: I must begin this posting with Hakarat HaTov (a personal and profound statement of gratitude) to Mekor HaBeracha and Rabbi Eliezer Hirsch for allowing me to actually have a Siyyum celebration in honor of the memory of my parents on the occasion of the completion of Shloshim after they have both completed their sojourn in this world. Please know that there are Orthodox spaces in which women can participate actively in appropriate ways and how much these spaces and their spiritual leaders are appreciated. And now I begin…

I never stop to be amazed by the so-called magic of timing. As I often say, “A coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous or making us think we have some sense of agency in our lives.” We have just completed the cycle of fall Hagim, with its centerpiece of the observance of Sukkot. Simultaneously, I completed my learning of Masechet Sukkah in which I have been involved for the past few months. Additionally during this season of reflection, observance and celebration that is inaugurated with the advent of the month of Elul, both of my parents completed their sojourn on this earth, my dad leaving on Rosh Hodesh Elul and my mom on Shabbat Shuva. So how do we bring all of this together? No problem – Ribbonu shel Olam made it easy.

At a Siyyum of a Talmudic body of literature it is appropriate to learn the final section, so lets begin there. As we read on 56b in Masechet Sukkah,

[THE WATCH OF] BILGAH ALWAYS DIVIDED [THE LECHEM HAPANIM] IN THE SOUTH. Our Rabbis taught, It happened that Miriam the daughter of Bilgah apostatized and married an officer of the Greek kings. When the Greeks entered the Sanctuary,she stamped with her sandal upon the altar, crying out, ‘Lukos! Lukos! How long wilt thou consume Israel's money! And yet thou dost not stand by them in the time of oppression!’ And when the Sages heard of the incident, they made her ring immovable and blocked up her alcove. Some however, say that the watch [of Bilgah] was dilatory in coming and [that of] Jeshebeab his brother, entered with him and served in their stead… [after the imposition of the penalty, the course of] Bilgah always divided their shares in the south, while that of his brother Jeshebeab did it in the north. It is well according to him who stated that his course was dilatory in coming, since for this reason the whole course might well be penalized; but according to him who stated that it was Miriam the daughter of Bilgah who apostatized, do we [it may be objected] penalize [even a] father on account of his daughter? Yes, replied Abaye, as the proverb has it, ‘The talk of the child in the market-place, is either that of his father or of his mother’. May we then penalize the whole course on account of her father or mother? — ‘Woe’, replied Abaye ,’to the wicked, woe to his neighbour; it is well with the righteous and well with his neighbour; as it is said, Say ye of the righteous, that it shall be well with him, for they shall eat the fruit of their doings’.

Too often, I have been at a Siyyum where connections made to life and to the rest of the text are tenuous at best, so I would like to insure that the connection I intend to explain is successfully communicated. First a few details to provide context for the text are in order. This last part of the Tractate occurs within a larger discussion regarding extremely elaborate stage directions regarding the coming to and leaving of the watches, the families of Kohanim who were invested with the supervision and offering of sacrifices. The rotation of those who served the needs of the community is ever so carefully explained, as are the locations for various involvements. Bilgah was in the 15th of the 24 watches that were used in the rotation for the various worship and celebratory needs, specifically here the dividing of the Lechem HaPanim (ceremonial breads). For his watch, the dividing of the Lechem HaPanim was always to be in the south and not follow the normative rotations of this ritual practice, depending on whether one was beginning their watch in the North or ending their duties in the South, where they would exit. Further, each family of Kohanim had their own designated ring and storage for knives with which to offer their sacrifices, which were permanently closed for Bilgah. Why are these unusual arrangements, which were punitive, indicated?

Two explanations are offered in our Baraita to explain these indignities for Bilgah and his family. One is the lackidaisical manner in which some members of his family showed up, or did not, for their duties. When they were exceedingly late, other Priestly families had to take double shifts to make up for their lack of respect and regard. The second explanation for this shaming of the family of Bilgah is the action of daughter Miriam bat Bilgah who abandoned her religion, community and family and went off to marry a Greek officer. Further, when she returned to the Beit HaMikdash, she had only what appeared to be negative words of reproach and rejection for it.

If we are to understand that the children of Bilgah were not serious about their priestly duties, then the punishment, according to our sages, is appropriate as indicated, for they did not show themselves worthy of maintaining the honor of their watch. However, if all of this is due to the actions of one member of the family and her apostasy, then we have a problem. Namely, how do we come to terms with the entire family suffering due to the misdeeds of one member?

At this point as we try to get a handle on this, we want to look at three texts, two from the Hameshet Humshei Torah and one from Nevi’im (Prophets), each exhibiting a model of how to approach this dilemma:

Yechezkiel (Ezekiel) 18: 19 – 20 VaYikra (Leviticus)14: 33 – 47 Shemot (Exodus) 20: 1 – 4

If you want to find and read these texts, go to http://www.mechon-mamre.org

So what have we here? On one hand, an individual’s actions should stand on their own, but on the other hand, we are told that for a misdeed no less than apostasy the punishment should be pervasive, extending for generations. In these texts, we have three approaches:

1. Yechezkiel’s model shows that each is rewarded or punished for his or her deeds. This is a fairly straightforward approach, though as we know, life is too often messy and complicated and not exactly straightforward or so neat and ordered.

2. In the text from VaYikra which Rashi uses to make his view known here in the Gemara, we see that an uncleanliness that is associated with serious mideeds can tarnish and have an impact that spreads aggressively. We know all too well how such problems as leprosy can spread and affect others. Anyone who just got a flu shot did so to avoid such spreading of disease. There are no questions here about the notion that one cannot drill a hole in his cabin in a boat and claim that it does not have an impact on others who are elsewhere on the boat.

3. In Shemot, as we look at the first Mitzvot of the Aseret HaDibrot, we are reminded the ramifications of denouncing God and not serving God’s purpose. Clearly this would appear to make sense as generations are affected by the wayward deeds and practices of one member of a family. Turning away from God hardly has to be addressed as a question of impact in our day and age in terms of the collateral damage for those around the person in their own generation and in those to come.

So which of these references help us understand the text at hand? Is it so clear how we should react to the actions of the sons of Bilgah who did not take their privileged station seriously or to his daughter Miriam on deserting her people? Is it ever such a simple and isolated dynamic? Clearly not!

The Lubavitcher Rebbe suggests, in what many consider to be a somewhat radical approach, that Miriam could be seen as basically “every Jew” who is Jewish and concerned for her people no matter how far away she may move from the observance and practice of her youth and upbringing. Here is a woman who apparently rejects the teachings of her family and marries a Greek, becomes Hellenized and returns to the Temple with what are clearly harsh words. But wait: are these words of blasphemy or words of reproach, not all that different than the Prophets who claim that the offerings and sacrifices from the most “devout” of Jews meant nothing if there was not proper treatment and concern for others? In this reading, the Lubavitcher Rebbe is teaching that her words and actions could be regarded as follows, as reflected by Rabbi Chaim Jachter.

Her actions are explained as examples of how, fundamentally, every Jew is committed to Torah and the Jewish people on some level. Hashem loves and cherishes every one of us, and we must remember that this connection is not so easily severed. It may indeed appear that she gave up everything, walked away from all that her people held dear; and that she’s now a Hellenist and married to an officer of the army that defiles the Beit HaMikdash.

But then when she reaches the sacrificial altar, something hits a raw nerve, she sees her fellow Jews suffering, and her deep pain and empathic nature could be what is exposed. It is in this moment of bitterness she cries out: “Wolf, wolf! You consume the Jewish people’s wealth, but you don’t answer them in their time of need!” She could be as distressed as was Hannah in front of Eli and cries “Hashem, how are You letting this happen that I cannot have a child?!” The Rebbe wants us to ask if this pain and response are that of rebellion or does it stress just how very connected she really was to Hashem and the Jews? She perhaps cannot bear what she perceives to be HaShem’s silence in the midst of such suffering, as we have seen in so many other generations of Jewish suffering.

Some would have us believe that Miriam bat Bilgah may very well have viewed herself as no longer Jewish, not interested in Hashem, intermarried with the enemy, Hellenized, a pagan. But in reality, this may have been but a superficial layer masking her true identity, as we have seen with Esther in the Persian palace. The Jewish soul can indeed be bound to Hashem regardless of its outer appearance.

Is Miriam bat Bilgah turning the mirror on us, on the hypocrisy of the observance of the ritual without commitment to its underlying principles, ethics and morals that are foundational to their practice? Could she be criticizing the lack of proper respect she found in her own family, through the disregard shown in their relaxed attitude towards their duties? These are, according to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, fair and necessary questions to ask.

Now, in thinking about the statement that ‘The talk of the child in the market-place, is either that of his father or of his mother,’ more questions abound. Do we realize that our actions do in fact represent our families, those who have reared and taught us? We know from elsewhere in our teachings, that Chazal discuss whether or not the student’s misunderstanding of what is taught him is the responsibility of the one who taught him or not. We consistently see instances in our lives today of individuals acting radically and inappropriately as a result of what they were taught or saw. What is our response to them? The Rebbe would have us practice the dictum of זכות לכף דן that is to “judge the other favorably.”

That being said, we do feel the impact of others and must acknowledge how we do the same to those whom we influence. Is it fair to say that a product of a household does act in a way that is reflective of what the teachers of that household taught that person? Are we as the teachers of that household aware of our own power and the responsibility that comes with that power as we influence those who look to us for guidance?

As I have gone through the season of the Yomim Noraim and its self-reflection as well as the joyfulness of the season of Chagim and its constant reminder of our connectedness to each other, I am exceedingly aware of this balance and how we are the reflection of those who have taught us and in turn will become reflected in the actions and involvements of those we teach and parent. It is in this context that I think of my own parents who I know have taught me and all members of our family so many lessons of humility, honesty, respect and regard, accountability to ourselves, each other and God, and so much else. Most important I have learned and communicated to my children that there is no conflict between religious or ritual practice as such and how we go in the world. HALACHA is HALICHA – our Jewish law is reflected in the daily dealings and actions with which we walk around. Each one informs that other and one without the other is not, I believe, what God intended for us. It is these teachings that I hope all members of my family will continue to spread to all those with whom we come in contact and through the deeds in which we are involved. May we all be so blessed and may the watch of Bilgah and his family be healed, whatever the misdeeds of his family members were.

Lessons from the Men who married Wise Women and their own Legacies of Wisdom

Note: This writing was actually begun this past spring. However, given too many events in our lives, I never got back to it…. And now we are officially in the fall of 2015. And now, I will attempt to go back to the seeds that begin, well, everything!

Sometime during the early summer the following was written: I walked outside last week for the first time after being “confined to quarters” due to asthma and horrible allergies. I immediately noticed our house is at its prettiest time of the year, with all of the azaleas, tulips and other flowers beginning to bloom, while new annuals are planted. And then my mind turns to where it always does at such times…

We all have those adults in our lives who make indelible impressions on us and inform so much of our thinking. My Uncle Ben, my mother’s brother-in-law was just this person. He owned a grass and vegetable seed company and I remember well the stories in our family about how he would over calibrate the amount of seeds in each packet so that the customer would always receive what he paid for and never feel cheated. That is to say, if the package indicated that four ounces were contained, it would in fact be 4.x ounces of product.

When asked why he observed this practice, he gave an answer that has always stayed with me. He indicated that the seeds were put here by God as was everything and that it was up to us to always go the extra mile, so to speak, in practicing the dictated Mitzvah of “honest weights and measures.”

(And now I pick up and continue this writing.) In Masechet Berachot in our Talmud we learn that whatever one enjoys in any way must be blessed and acknowledged, for to do so is as if we are stealing from God, for all that we have, down to the little seeds that begin all types of life, come ultimately from God. We know all too well how basic it is to say blessings over our food, and over all things that come from the ground as well as all other phenomena in our lives. The Bracha (blessing) we say is this verbal acknowledgement. My Uncle Ben’s practice was our acknowledgement through deed, in this case in the very business through which he supported his family. What a wise man. Perhaps it is appropriate at this point to explain the title of this post. You see, the maiden name of my mother and her sister was Wise – so Uncle Ben married my Aunt Becky (nee Wise), while my dad married my mom, Hannah (nee Wise) – hence the Wise Women.

In our lives as we are too often so surrounded in our lives by news of people that are dishonest and do not accept that they are accountable to others, I often think of this simple practice as well as those of my dad, the accountant. My dad was always faultlessly honest, at times to his own detriment. If there was ever a question about a deduction, he would err on the side of paying the government, going above and beyond what others would do with such accounts. He did not ever want anyone to claim that he had taken what was not his to take; and he followed this practice for his clients as well as himself and his family. He died this past Rosh Hodesh Elul and my mom joined him on Shabbat Shuva. Throughout the intervening weeks we read about leadership, honest practices and scrupulous behavior in our weekly Torah portions. My dad and mom and Aunt Becky and Uncle Ben were important and pivotal role models in my life and that of our entire family regarding how we behave in our worldly and daily lives and how this is as much, many would say (and I would agree) more, important in how we conduct our lives outside of our place of worship then in our ritual observance.

Our Torah, our Prophets, our Rabbis and our teachers through the ages teach that it is hypocrisy to claim to be so blemish free in our ritual observance and to not care for those who need our caring, to not thank God for the many blessings God has bestowed upon us, and to not be profoundly appreciative for our very lives, showing appropriate gratitude. This GRATITUDE is a word that we often hear from our children and I am often struck how this is the most important legacy my parents and the other adults in their generation who had such a profound impact upon us left for us to continue. Thank you, Mom and Dad.

Most of us probably know some iteration of the story where several men go on a boat. One takes all of his money; one takes all of his jewels; the third man takes all of his material treasures, while the fourth does not take any material goods. The others are curious about this fourth man on the boat and ask what he brought. He replies, “The wisdom and teachings I have acquired during my life.” There is a terrible storm and the boat sinks and all of the men are fighting for their lives. At the end, the one who brought his money does not have it; the one who valued his jewels lost them, and the one who brought his most treasured material belongings has also been stripped of what he most valued. Only the passenger with his wisdom and teachings leaves the boat with what he came.

I know that the men who married the WISE women were wise themselves as well and it is this wisdom that stays with me and all in my family now that none of these important people in our lives share our earth with us any longer. Yes, Aunt Becky and Uncle Ben and Mom and Dad (and Aunt Mary and Uncle Melvin as well), we will all continue the important wisdom and legacy of your teachings that we still have with us and pass them on to our children. Thank you for this unsinkable gift of wisdom!