Lech Lecha: The Sum Total of All We are and Our Authentic Selves

Note: The following is a Dvar Torah I just shared at my shul. It is about ALL that it means to live our authentic selves (political and cultural tones of the term aside).

We know that there are pivotal events in our lives that become the prism through which we see and discern all that happened, happens and will happen to us. Often it may be a tragedy either in our lifetimes or well-hidden in past generations of our family tree. It could be some significant change or revelation we come to about ourselves and our place in this world. It could be a traumatic set of circumstances. It might be a supremely joyful event. How do we not forget such formative experiences in thinking about who we are when we consider the ramifications of these life-changing and defining occurrences and their impact on our authentic selves? All of this is part of our own journeys.

Our Parsha begins as G-d instructs Avram to leave all that he knows from the past – his land, his birthplace, and his father’s house—that is to completely cut himself off from all that has occurred in his life up to this point. But is this really even possible? We know that Avram took the people of his household and a good amount of property with him. What else did he have with him as determined by his experiences and legacy as he set off in a completely different direction then past generations of his family tree may have portended, following the instructions of God to do so?

R. Ya'akov Yosef of Polonnoye (1710–1784) one of the earliest followers of Hassidut teaches as follows:

"And the Lord said to Avram, Go, you, out of your country, and from your kindred, and from your father's home, to the land that I will show you; and I will make of you a great nation, etc." And the uncertainties will be clarified later. For the Rambam writes in the sixth chapter of Hilkhot De'ot (halakha 1) as follows: "It is natural to be influenced, in sentiments and conduct, by one's associates and fellow citizens. Hence, a person ought to associate with the righteous and shun the wicked. If the inhabitants of one's country are evil, he should leave for a place where the people are righteous… [or] he should live by himself in seclusion. And if they do not allow him, etc., he should go to the wilderness... Now you will understand, "Go you out of your country" – from your country to live among your kindred. And when you see that they do not allow you to conduct yourself in a righteous manner, distance yourself further also from your kindred and seclude yourself in your father's home. And if you are unable to serve God while with them, distance yourself even further from your father's home to a land that I will show you. (Toledot Ya'akov Yosef[6], Lekh Lekha 1)

Let’s consider what is being stated here. When we were all young we were taught the conventional narrative that Terach was an idol worshipper and represented everything we are not, while pure and good Avraham learned everything including his faith in God from mid-air, with no credit going to any past events in his life. Here in the beginning of Perek Yud Bet of Bereshit, he is told to leave everything behind, to seclude and distance himself from all that is not right, that characterized his past, in incrementally increasing degrees of separation. If there was nothing to leave of value, this would not be hard. But was this really the case? Is such a complete reboot from nothing even possible for us as humans, with our memories and interactions with all elements of our lives? How do we hold onto what was positive and constructive as well as formative, if we discard all that we were and did, never to look back or consider its impact on our lives?

Our Midrash, often helping us to fill in missing pieces of our narrative teaches that when Avram was born to Terach when the latter was 70 years of age, the astrologers came to Nimrod and proclaimed that this child was dangerous to the future of his fiefdom, as we learn in Baba Batra 91a. Nimrod then proceeded to go to Terach and try to get him to sell the child to him for large amounts of gold and silver, indicating he can always have future children. Terach however, not only did not agree to this horrific notion, but he took his son and his wife and hid them in a cave for three to thirteen years (depending on various versions of this story), bringing them food and all they needed for sustenance. Terach showed he needed to protect this child and also something about what was more valuable – the life of that child and not the promise of great riches. In this particular midrash, Avram comes to the realization that God, The One Who Created All, had to be something far different and far above and beyond the many different forces that were embraced by those who followed the conventional idolatrous belief systems of the time. He felt that something was different, that he himself was different from those around him and from the culture that was part of his story. It could be this seclusion in this cave that allowed him the needed space and opportunity to come to this realization about himself and how he was so different from those around him.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks teaches that we must also look to the cultural backdrop of all of our experiences and consider our place within them. He cites the work of

… three great American-Jewish sociologists, David Reisman, Nathan Glazer and Reuel Denney in their 1950 classic, The Lonely Crowd. Their argument was that particular kinds of historical circumstance give rise to particular kinds of people. It makes a difference, they said, whether you lived in a society with a high birth- and death-rate – where families had many children but life expectancy was short – or one on the brink of growth, or one in the early stages of decline. Each gave rise to its own type of character: not that everyone was the same but that you could discern certain traits in the population and culture as a whole….

Abraham was commanded to leave behind the sources of both tradition-directedness (“your father’s house”) and other-directness (“your land, your birthplace”). He was about to become the father of an inner-directed people.

His entire life was governed by an inner voice, the voice of God. He did not behave the way he did because that is how people had always acted, nor did he conform to the customs of his age.

He was different, he took chances and he went outside of the conventions of his time. We are taught by Rashi and many classical commentators that this was for his own good – that the very words Lech Lecha mean to go for your own sake. Avram was doing something to improve his situation but had to take a huge chance in doing so, one that would potentially alienate, separate and isolate him from all that happened before in his life. This complete recalibration of self from tradition-directedness and other-directedness that tied him to his past to inner-directedness meant taking on a new identity and in so doing so, Avram’s authentic self now becomes something quite different than that identity by which he was known until that point, as a resident of a community, as his parents’ son, and so on.

Rambam, in his opening to Hilchot Avodah Zarah, the fourth section in his Sefer HaMadah , teaches that Avram’s purpose and station in life is defined indeed by the many generations that proceeded him. Rambam recounts the history of humanity from HaAdam, the first human being created by G-d, as he acknowledges that it is important to understand how we reach certain thresholds in our collective history that will ultimately impact upon individual initiative and destiny. He goes on to explain how generations of humans made huge mistakes in realizing how wondrous the sun, moon and stars as well as other phenomena were and ultimately forgot that these entities were created; but rather thought that they themselves had some inherent power and therefore were worthy of worship. They did not understand that God wished to set up the universe in such a fashion so that every created element had its part to play and that the totality of all was G-d’s goal in creating the parts. They were outer-directed in considering that what they saw ruled them in some fashion and tradition-directed in following previous generations in believing this to be so. This, explains, Rambam, was the source of Avodah Zarah, the absence of a sense of the magnitude of The Divine, G-d, and instead reduction of awe that should be reserved for The Creator of All to worship of what could be seen in daily lives – the constellations, facets of nature, and so on. It was in this environment that Avram was raised and it was this perspective he had come to believe he could no longer accept or live within its confines.

In the Midrash, we are taught that from an early age, Avram did not believe in these visible “powers” of nature and felt there was something else – another force that was responsible for all that is – G-d. As such, he was the first monotheist. One can only imagine what it must have been like for him to try to forge his way, different from all those around him, denying the lies he had heard told and had to be confronted with up to this point, and the loneliness he must have felt in doing so. Anyone who has gone through such a significant coming to terms with self must feel empathy for him as a human being in this situation – the potential for isolation and disorientation it conveys. Everyone else was acting as though what they had been told was true was just that, and yet he could no longer continue living what for him was untruth. He was compelled to search for and take on his authentic identity and existence.

Nehama Leibowitz uses the phrase “he was wandering in his mind” during this time, amplifying Rambam’s point that he had been “wandering in his heart” and trying to process all that he had heard and learned along with his questions until he found a truth he could accept. He had already arrived at a point where he was ready for God to instruct him to go forth and craft a new reality for himself – this was the result of everything he had been through and it certainly did not come from mid-air.

What made Avram what he was and what he would become? Here is Jonathan Sacks’ inner-directedness. Avram had discerned that the generations of looking outward to how things appeared just did not work for him. In making this discovery, he had to reformulate his reality and consider what it meant to live his authentic life. Looking inward, he was able to consider how he would then move to a different type of outer-directedness, namely one focused on God, in whom he believed and had faith. As he did so, he would begin a new tradition-directedness for future generations of monotheists. As such, his place in general history, as well as Jewish history is singular, pivotal and irreplaceable. He teaches all of us to look inside and reclaim our authentic selves. In so doing, we pull what is positive and constructive from our past, just as he benefited from Terach hiding him in a cave in which he could consider how different he was. Upon coming out, he was more readied and prepared to take his place in history as a guide to us all in showing us how to live authentically, question the past, and honestly consider what our place in the world should be.

Shabbat Shalom!

Thinking about our Communities in the Jewish Year of 5780

We are social beings. G-d created us that way. We are not part of the animal kingdom where babies are born and then in minutes or a bit more, walk, fly or swim away. We are born physically dependent to enable the development of social skills, interactive techniques and empathy for each other. Biology tells us this and our religious systems amplify the point in many of the teachings and narratives we all hold dear. As we grow and mature, we hopefully come to appreciate the people in our lives and the connections we make. Additionally, we are to love and care about each other and to acknowledge that ultimately, as we are taught in Kohelet/Ecclesiastes 4:12 (and will read on the Chag/holiday of Sukkot), And if one prevails against one that is alone, two shall withstand that person; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. In other words, together we can accomplish so much more than we can apart.

Unfortunately, as we look around us and there is too much divisiveness, too much yelling, not enough acceptance and not enough caring about each other, deeply caring as The One Who Created Us intended. And yet, what amazing things happen when we get this and practice this sense of community, creating those threefold cords that cannot be broken. I just experienced yet another such community during Shabbat Elul and Rosh HaShana at the beautiful Isabella Friedman Retreat Center. Our community of about two hundred souls included all ages, a wide spectrum of observance levels, and just as wide a spectrum of gender and sexuality identities. Particularly evident were two entities – An Orthodox community and an LGBTQ+ community. We all made community together and created a strong cord that simply could not be torn asunder in any way. We prayed together in different minyanim, sang together, ate together, learned together and just lived in this wonderful environmentally beautiful and charged space for five days as a collective that was absolutely breathtaking in so many ways.

I was honored and awed to be able to teach throughout the five days, including sharing a D’var Torah (words of Jewish learning) related to the weekly Parsha/Torah reading on Shabbat, which is among other things, interestingly enough about COMMUNITY. In Parshat Netzavim, ALL OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL – men, women, children, all ages, the leaders of various categories, the water carriers and wood choppers and EVERYONE was to be standing at attention to hear the lessons to be imparted. I contrasted this to another community model as found in the Talmud in Masechet Hagiga where we are taught ALL ARE OBLIGATED TO COME TO PARTICIPATE IN THE HAGIGA OFFERING EXCEPT … and then just about every possible category of people except able-bodied flawless adult men are listed. BUT during the rest of the Masechet/Tractate, these categories of people are brought back into the community with some seminal teachings, including the following:

1. All may not be obligated in the actual deed of the offering, but if they want to participate because it brings a sense of emotional well-being (nachat ruach) then the community is to enable their participation.

2. Even though all are not obligated in the actual deed of the offering, all are obligated to be happy (mechayavim b’simcha) and therefore, should not be excluded, but included.

3. Many supposed “exclusions” are due to the literal nature of language, but such exclusions are often ameliorated and qualified so that people who want to be can be included.

4. The experience of communal happiness and community is increased by the inclusion of many, not the exclusion of most so that very few are left in the end.

By including and welcoming all into our Rosh HaShana community, by joining all of our voices, sharing the songs and niggunim (beautiful wordless melodies) that so many brought with them and sang from their heart, we were all enriched and floated on the beauty of these tunes well into the night.

By enjoying and benefitting from the food from this Environmentally Sustainable community and its farms and resources, we all ate well, healthily and were nourished in a wonderful and meaningful manner.

By joining in prayer, we all sang from our hearts and found the beauty of words and tunes permeate the air around us with true Kavanah (intentionality) and Simcha (joy and happiness, which is commanded for us all). We did this both in our Orthodox and Egalitarian spaces, with people moving seamlessly between them as they wished and to the extent they desired.

By being in a place together that is so land conscious and appreciative of all that G-d has bestowed upon us, the gratitude we shared for ALL that was there and ALL who were there was awe inspiring in a way that will take us into the coming Jewish year with an increased appreciation of the world and community of which we are all part.

By sharing learning sessions where individuals from the various prayer communities came together to learn with and from each other, we all made new friends and came to expand our circles of the people we appreciate.

What wonderful lessons learned to take into the year of 5780. My blessing for all of us is that we all continue to talk to people who may be “outside” of our conventional community circles and learn more about each other, so we can always be that threefold unbreakable cord no matter what challenges come our say.

Shana Tova and Gimar Tov to all in the Jewish community and with gratitude for all beings of faith who are trying to be our best selves at all times, creating communities that are truly inspiring and inspired.

Parshat Ki Teitze: Going Outside of our Comfort Zone

This Parsha is about how we function in previously unknown territory, that is, what do we do when we “go out,” in other words, go out to new experiences, outside of the confines in which we find comfort and routine as we confront new and challenging horizons. Does going out to war mean all bets are off and we can do what we want? If we find someone in need outside of our home base, can we just ignore them and say “not my problem?” To be sure, GOING OUT can be scary, but if we do not meet such experiences with adequate preparations and set parameters, it can also be limiting, paralyzing even, and at worst self-effacing. How has this “going out” had its impact on us and how have we done in meeting its challenge?

One of my favorite contemporary teachers and thinkers is Tamar Ross. Ken and I and an assortment of our daughters and daughters-in-law have had the zichut/privilege to learn by her. In her book, Expanding the Palace of Torah, she speaks at length about how the male- dominated world of Jewish text learning and scholarship did not want to allow women to enter its doors, but rather wanted to keep the keys to our hallowed texts and their lessons to themselves. They, too often, did not want to have their beloved texts GO OUT to the domain of the women, for fear of what would happen to them; and more importantly concerned about the loss of the power they held in hiding those keys.

Virginia Wolff makes a very similar point in her essay, “A Room of One’s Own,” in which she audaciously presents the topic of women potentially writing fiction to show the male dominance of her world in the first decades of the twentieth century, where male college men ate well, lived well and thought well, while women who had precious few academies of higher learning even available to them, did not have the comfort of monetary stability or even high quality food to give them the security and nourishment needed to write fiction – to think about their world enough to create one that was believable within its boundaries. She imagines that Shakespeare had an equally brilliant and erudite sister, who lacking the privileges of her brother, ended up wandering listlessly and ultimately dying by suicide. How grateful I am that enough women have GONE OUTSIDE of the confines set for them so that we can have the lives we have as women today, including bringing in the texts and legacies of our collective lives!

Ken and I have been watching, which by the way I find extremely difficult, Tales of the City, a series which reflects the work of Armistead Maupin, and his representation of the world of LGBT persons in the United States from the years of 1978 – 2014. In this magical world of Anna Madrigal and her Barbary Lane community, individuals who cannot find a place in the larger world given their sexuality or gender identity, create their own. In the fifth installment of this ten- part series, there is a carefully scripted narrative of how the generations cannot speak with each other even within the confines of this idyllic collective. Younger members of this community that is supposedly inclusive, where members did not find the same outside, cannot find a way to respect how those in their 60s and older lived a different reality than their own, losing their entire circle of friends to AIDS, and confronting profound prejudices that did not allow them to literally come out into the world. Younger women take for granted the equality that did not grow up with the more experienced members of the community, but rather became an option due to their hard work and battles. Younger people of color do not understand the gratitude they need to show towards the elder members of their own community, for whatever the battles are now, they were that much more difficult and unmanageable then. How grateful I am that our daughters and daughters-in-law are able to live their very important and meaningful lives as gay women today, with gratitude to those who ventured out in years past. I love the kindness they show to people of all ages, colors, situations in life, gender identity and sexuality, as they daily GO OUT into the world.

Then I am also following Our Boys, the collaborative work of Joseph Cedar, Hagai Levi and Tawfik Abu-Wael, telling a specific part of the long arc of narrative of the difficult summer of 2014 in Israel that led to the Gaza War. Many people in Israel and the Jewish community are angry that this film does not focus on the inside Jewish story of the three young Jewish boys who were kidnapped and killed, but rather on the dynamics that came later with the revenge killing of a young Palestinian man. We would rather focus on our inside stories, not those that take us outside … outside of our comfort zone, outside of what we know to be true, outside of our established loyalties, outside where we have to confront the humanity and challenges of the other.

However, the problem is that this is where so much of life happens and our ability to develop and use well-honed skill sets to confront these challenges – be it considering a tragedy of another person with whom we may or may not feel a kinship, understanding the truths of another generation and their battles, or showing gratitude to those who paved the way for us to live our lives today with whatever challenges we still confront – it is that ability that will determine how we manage outside of our known truths, our comfort zone, our established habits and so forth. I am so grateful for the hundreds of thousands of Jews across the ideological spectrum, Arabs, Muslims, Palestinians, Christians and others who understand that this chapter of the events of that summer was chosen to be told as a story showing the anatomy of hatred, something we are all both prone to and subject to, in an attempt to make us all take a hard look at its disastrous impact. I am also grateful to the hundreds of people who span all of these groups who came together to create this important series, with the noblest of intents. To be sure, many CAME OUT of their worlds to do so.

We are in the last chapters of our Torah Reading cycle. We are taught that in the repetitive tropes and new ideas of Devarim, we are now no longer sharing the legacy of the narrative that came before us, but rather looking to those generations not yet present and sharing in a manner that will insure their continuity and lives as members of this Jewish collective. We will no longer be a desert nomad people as we had been for the previous forty years, but an empowered group in charge of our destiny. That destiny comes with both established practices and new ones to insure our identity does not get lost but rather strengthened as a result of the new horizons to be reached. We will GO OUT to many lands, some of which will accept us and others that will not, and then we will GO OUT again and do so again until we can live ... with our practices and identity and the promise of yet more generations to come.

This particular Parsha reminds us of boundaries that we are to observe in our behavior and actions that may have been normative for others. How we are to act in times of war, not taking the eggs from a nest when the mother bird is sitting on them, insuring our children behave properly, not engaging in prostitution, not taking advantage of those who are working for us or who do not have the privilege we may have, insuring our legacy and so much else. In other words, we are to consider the good of the collective whole and monitor our actions accordingly, always remembering that we do not do this ourselves, but through the work and hard-won battles of others. This is commanded to us as we are reminded that we are part of God’s holy congregation, no matter how far outside of our physical and psychological boundaries of past experiences we venture.

Then in the middle of all of this, we read

You shall not despise an Edomite, for he is your brother. You shall not despise an Egyptian, for you were a sojourner in his land. לֹֽא־תְתַעֵ֣ב אֲדֹמִ֔י כִּ֥י אָחִ֖יךָ ה֑וּא לֹֽא־תְתַעֵ֣ב מִצְרִ֔י כִּי־גֵ֖ר הָיִ֥יתָ בְאַרְצֽוֹ:

These pivotal words remind us to go against what our inclination may be in terms of how each of these people acted towards us in that past, yet we are instructed to remember that God has a larger plan, that the Egyptians did provide for us in time of need, and additionally we are not to engage in unseemly behavior regardless of what others do. This notion of remembering what it is to be a stranger, that is outside of one’s comfort zone, and treat others accordingly as they themselves venture out of their zones and into ours is critical, a repeated trope appearing no less than 36 times throughout our Torah. Who knows, doing so may just break old established and not-so-constructive patterns!

These teachings we confront in these final Parshiot are all about doing as reflected in the very names of these Parshiot … כי תצא about going out, כי תבוא coming into the land, ראה watching others, נצביםstanding at attention for important instructions, האזינו listening to all that is instructed and only after all do we finally come to the point where we receive the blessing – וזאת הברכה. There is an important message here in this structure --- going out into unchartered territory is admittedly cause for concern, it is scary, and to be sure we are taking chances. However, it is only through those chances that survival happens, the very reason that each and every one of us is here today – those chances taken by others to go out of what was known, take WHAT was known about how to proceed and to go out, GO OUT AND LIVE, for as we are taught, the Mitzvot are given to us to live by them, wherever our lives and our journey may take us. Let us remember that this is both instructive for us and equally, in terms of how we treat and regard others around us.

Shabbat Shalom.

What are you proud of? I will begin. I am proud of……

At this fractious time in our country and lives, can we all stop and breathe and think of what we are proud of and hold onto for comfort, inspiration and hope? It is a most appropriate process in the Jewish community with the beginning of our year coming up and with the school year beginning for all - So here goes… I will begin…

I am proud of being a Jew.

I am proud of the values and foundational teachings of my faith that teach us to care for each other because we are created in the image of God, that is ALL OF US, regardless of faith, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, race, nationality, etc.

I am proud that my faith values humility and concern for others above so much else, even eclipsing so many of the observable rituals that define my life daily, when needed.

I am proud that a disproportionately high number of Jewish adherents are involved in social justice causes and trying through use of all of their resources to truly make this a better world.

I am proud that our ritual observances DO NOT in any way preclude our concern for those around us, contrary to what may unfortunately be observed in too many venues.

I am SO proud that our children who grew up in our home continue to understand all of this and exemplify it in the lives they live.

This is not to say that there are not those who do not see the inextricable connection I live and am expressing here. That makes me sad, but in no way does this minimize my pride in being a Jew, living as carefully as I can according to its teachings.

I am proud of being a person of faith in a world of people of faiths. I LOVE my work in Interfaith and Intrafaith relations and dialogue and understanding.

I am proud to stand with other peoples of faith together in time of pain, and in time of joy, with our respective words of prayer and healing and celebrtion.

I am proud of the shared principles of humility, caring for others, understanding that there is a force larger than ourselves (for me, that is G-d), and the value of accountability to that greater force in my life and in that of so many of the group that I find in these circles.

I am proud of the very strong bonds of friendship and love that are forged while we each maintain the specific practices of our respective belief systems.

I am proud of how we can celebrate with joy what we share and respect and have regard for where we differ.

That is not to say that I am not aware that there are many who cannot do so, but I am so proud and humbled by the many who can and do just this.

I am proud of my identity with Israel which truly tries to exemplify the best of being a country guided by faith principles, while not being choked by them.

I am proud of the hundreds of thousands of Israeli citizens and Palestinian citizens who are able to gracefully and successfully look beyond lines of belief, nationality and ethnicity and work for the betterment of the environment, in creating strong and important bonds of friendship and try collectively to keep this world a place we can all live in together in spite of forces that would work against that reality as well as ideal.

I am proud that Israel is often the first responder in too many world catastrophes and gets no credit for being so, in spite of its relatively small size.

I am proud that Israel accepts the challenge of how to be a democracy and a Jewish state simultaneously, though the inherent compromises in doing so are often not understood or misunderstood as well as overwhelmingly complex.

I am proud of the many citizens and people in the region working together in the creative arts, in sports, in healing arts, in scientific research and in so many initiatives to make this a better world for ALL of us.

This is not to say I am always a fan of its government or of every single practice that is associated with Israel, but neither do these differences of approach and opinion, when rightfully applied, detract from my pride in this country and what it has been able to accomplish in spite of world opinion. There is a lesson for us all here.

I am proud of being an American.

I love that the foundational principles are so rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition of respect for humanity and compassion for all of its members, as shared by our Muslim siblings in faith and so many others as well.

I am proud of the many ways the United States has led the way in bettering our world for so many, in science, technology, arts, and so many fields or endeavor.

I am proud that my grandparents and their children (in the case of my mom’s and my father-in-law’s families) were able to come to these shores to find a life in which they could live and hope as Jews and as citizens of the world, while making meaningful contributions to that world.

I am proud of the many Americans who have similar family histories and memories and are working to right the wrongs presently inflicted on those who are seeking similar sanctuary in our fractured world today in this same United States of America.

This is not to say that I am not so very sad, disappointed and frustrated that too many people have forgotten these lessons and their past. In the Jewish community, we are constantly reminded to treat the other kindly and have empathy for them for we were once in their situation.

Yes, there are many reasons to be proud and hopeful regarding who we are as people of the world with our various loyalties, but in showing and feeling that pride, it MUST COME WITH HUMILITY, for if the people who gave us a chance and took us in did not do so, we would not be in the position we are presently in. Let us all remember this as we move into the year of 5780 in the Jewish calendar and into the coming 2019 – 2020 year of activity and initiatives.

Watch Our Boys because THEY ARE ALL OUR BOYS

I am always looking for Israeli television series and movies to watch because I love the depth, the character study and the rawness of it all, devoid of a lot of the fancy tricks too often marring what should be wonderful and/or poignant stories in too much of our American television media. It also feeds into my ongoing connection to and love, as well as frustrations (and that is okay too), regarding Israel, so much a part of my life and that of our family and friends. So, I hesitated with this one, and I am watching it, not because my wonderful son-in-law (first cousin of Joseph Cedar, one of the series’ creators and producers) told me to or not because it was simply a series telling a horrible and difficult story (many of them are just too hard to watch, because I am so over-sensitized to violence, abuse, hatred, etc.) but because after doing my own research, I agreed with my son-in-law that this series deserves our sincere and dedicated attention.

Our Boys retells the horrific events of the Summer of 2014 in Israel-Palestine of the kidnapping and murders of three Israeli boys and then the kidnap and murder of a Palestinian boy, about which there were many narratives, but ultimately was identified as a revenge killing. We are all too aware that this region is fraught with so much history, claims, frustration, enmity, unresolved issues and so on. This story, which was brought to light by Israelis and Arabs cooperating to tell a difficult chapter of what has recently been part of this totality of so much, truly asks, no demands, that we look deeply inside our most inner conscience and beliefs to figure out what we do and why we do so. This is NOT a matter of one side being all right and one side being all wrong, but rather extremists, and even worse those who blindly follow them, who are fighting and becoming identified with ongoing battles while innocent lives are lost as collateral damage, which just depresses me to no end, while not addressing the real problems that continue to plague all.

In a world that seems increasingly immune to the harms of bullying, hurtful words, and ultimately the resulting escalation into physical harm and loss of life without any consideration for each other as part of our family of humankind, even sidestepping the foundational beliefs of our religious traditions to which many claim they adhere faithfully, I worry deeply for our present as well as our future. I am fascinated and heartened by a group in Israel, The Parents’ Circle, in which Palestinian and Israeli family members who are bereaved as a result of loss of life due to the enmity that often marks the region, come together to share their losses, to connect as people and hopefully to get a message out that this has to end, because there is only painful and irreparable loss in this battle, no victories. In the film, Our Boys, this is so evident. These four promising lives are ended and snuffed out due to a loss of a sense of humanity. As the old saying goes, if one is so foolish as to practice “an eye for an eye” literally, we will end up with a world of no sight. Perhaps, this is indeed what has happened to all of us on too many levels.

Where Do We Go Now? - a 2011 Lebanese film about Christian and Muslim members in a village and their war with each other also makes this point; in this instance, it is Christian and Muslims who are decimating each other’s communities and families without compassion and understanding of the basic and most important humanity we all are meant to share. While that was fiction but based on a profound truth (and indeed includes some humorous elements), Our Boys is relating real events, including actual documentary footage and interspersing story-telling, to give us the balance of how these horrific events led to an even larger conflict with the impact on individual lives, when too many lose their sense of the value of those lives. When this happens, we have lost everything – the lives snuffed out and the humanity of those who remain. This is what I mourn when I look around me.

This past week was Tisha B’Av and the end of the three weeks of mourning in the Jewish calendar where we consider both lost community institutions such as our Holy Temple, and more important the loss of humanity when causeless and senseless hatred causes the loss of lives. Today, as I write this, is Tu B’Av, a day of joy and happiness in the Jewish calendar, replete with stories of love and kindness (think of it as the Jewish version of a sort of Valentine’s Day). Yet, it is so hard to allow myself to be enveloped by this spirit of light and love when as an American as well as a Jew who is intimately connected to Israel, I feel the pain of too many shootings and battles reflecting too much hatred that ends with too much loss of life. How do we stop hurting and crying and walk away from the reality where too many of those alive have lost their humanity, and in so doing, cause the loss of lives of those who may have been able to contribute much to that humanity, insuring that they will no longer have the opportunity to do so?

Our Boys is entitled simply Boys in Arabic and The Boys in Hebrew, with its writers and creators explaining that we are to see these young lives as being all of our boys – our children – our future. Lives lost as collateral damage because of too much hatred and too little sensitivity to this wonderful gift of life and what we can accomplish with it. This film causes all of us to consider how we must find another way to negotiate our differences and figure out how to live with each other. Even in the making of the film, the bringing together of Israelis and Palestinians in the directors’ chairs, amongst the producers, and in bringing together the actors who recreate the painful events, there is a powerful lesson. If our actors, writers, producers, artists, parents who have all suffered loss and so many others can cross lines of faith, identify and history to work with each other for a shared purpose to enrich our lives, why can’t the rest of our communities of faith and belonging come together to build, to teach, to share pain, and to figure out how to live together and learn from each other, instead of engaging in mutual destruction?

May the memories of Mohammed Abu Khdeir, Eyal Yifrach, Gilad Shaar, and Naftali Fraenkel be for a blessing, and more important a reminder of how quickly promising and G-d created lives are lost due to causeless hatred. Wishes for a Shabbat/Sabbath/Day of Rest and Consideration, of peace, love, and thought and healing to all!

Gratitude and Growth

I am writing this blog at a time where I have grave concerns for our country, for Israel and the rest of the world. I worry when our leaders forget that they are to represent what is in the best interest of all of the people to whom they are supposedly accountable and instead are more concerned about their individual fiefdoms. It used to be that we would speak of those countries who were led by individuals who did not think of the masses and be grateful that OUR country was not that country, and now…. I am worried, afraid, ashamed and so much else. That being said, I would like to think that contextually our expectations have evolved for many, hopefully the majority of us, and that we will be set back on a course of reason where we can talk through our differences with respect and honor, and not outshout those with whom we disagree. The very fact that this can be an expectation or even hope on any level represents growth – growth in what we hope for our fellow human beings, hope in what we ask of ourselves and hope in building a better and more secure world of cooperation and caring.

We don’t always see this growth in our involvements and actions, but sometimes if we just stop and think, we get to acknowledge with tremendous gratitude their presence. I am grateful that all of our children are doing things to make this planet and community of ours a better world. Our son Brian is working as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for children at risk. Talie is working to make medicine a more caring practice. Rachie is working with the Jewish Community Relations Council in Boston on many social justice concerns, presently consumed with protecting people who have been in their community as contributing members who fear deportation at present. Our daughter, Yoella, is maintaining her ethical and moral standards and bringing them to the practice of law. Our inherited children through marriage are also amazing, working on Environmental Concerns (Jeremy), guiding Jewish students at Vassar through their faith and identity journeys (Liz) and finishing Rabbinical school while bringing grace and high ethical standards to communities with whom she has contact (Mimi).

We all share frustrations with what is going on in our world. Yet, here I am with seven members of the next generation each working to make things better – to bring us to a higher level of caring and compassion than people long ago dared to hope for. Additionally, we all surround ourselves with those who also have memories of better times and hopes for better futures. It’s so hard to watch the news every day – any news – as no matter which way you turn, it’s clear that too many people have lost that sense of all people being created in the image of God. Yet, we are living at a time when more people than ever are volunteering, taking initiatives, reaching out to others. That is growth. I would like to think that we do not need a catastrophe to spur people on to good action, but in looking at the big picture, it is clear that more people are doing more things to help and share with others. That is clearly amazing growth.

Several weeks ago, I was walking home from synagogue on Shabbat and a woman beeped her horn and stopped the car. We chatted for a bit as we were both moms when our sons were going through school. I had not seen her son, one of our son Brian’s classmates for many years. There was this full-grown man sitting in the front seat and when Teddy said hi, I almost fell over. Of course, his mom remarked that I had a son that had grown up as well. The difference, I said, is that when you watch and see the day to day process, you don’t see the dramatic difference in the same way.

I would like to think that we can use this lesson – that we are watching situations evolve day to day. But if we step back and look at the level of social entrepenerialship in our world, if we consider the large numbers of relatively young adults who are doing so much and not just concerned with themselves, if we take notice of some of the very creative partnerships that are being build and if we stop to consider that so many who believe in the goodness and future of humanity are working so hard to protect it, we will indeed have gratitude for the growth that has occurred even if the Six O’Clock news does not document it.

Summertime and the Living is Easy… But I am depressed….

Yesterday, our wonderful daughter and son-in-law put their two also-wonderful eight-year-old daughters on the bus for overnight camp (YAY Camp Nesher!) for four weeks. Everyone is excited, the girls are well-fed, nicely clothed, loved, taken care of, safe and secure, have pretty new hair cuts, and so much else -- in short truly blessed. And we are grateful.

Then we watch the news and the horrible, unbelievable and terrifying conditions that children and families are in AT THE PRESENT TIME in THIS COUNTRY, the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA at our various borders and elsewhere. Children living without basic sanitation needs met, young people whose potential and dreams are so damaged at this point they may never be regained and people – of faith, fellow human beings, who are being treated as less than human by those claiming to be very much so, at least in their eyes.

Our eight-year old campers are the great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren of the immigrant population in the various branches of our family, whose members came to this country to escape persecution, imminent danger, and almost certain death in many cases. Sound familiar? If, G-d forbid, the same criteria used today were to be in operation then, with all of the shortcomings and challenges of that time duly noted, NONE of our family would most likely be alive, certainly not living the lives we live.

Let’s understand what exactly that means. Doctors in our family who are serving medical needs including one of our daughters who is trying to make significant changes in palliative care would not be contributing to our country. A lawyer who is bringing reason, conscience and ethics to law would not be who she is. We have amazing family members trying to work to better the environment (because we happen to believe that this is indeed a need), trying to make horrible situations better by working with people who have lived in this country for many years and are now at risk because of new policies out of Washington not at all addressing the inhumanity and horrors that are created as a direct result, educators teaching lessons of caring and compassion along with texts and religious teachings, and so many others. Our generation and our children’s generation IN OUR FAMILY and their hopes and dreams have not been destroyed, but we are acutely aware that in other families NOT UNLIKE OURS this is NOT the case.

There is now work afoot to get synagogues and other faith communities to collect and distribute packages to children whose lives have been destroyed, in one community in which one of our daughters live, she is actively involved in PIKUACH NEFESH, the Jewish teaching of saving souls and trying to restore the dignity of life to those from whom it has been ripped away by policies in this country. In my own Interfaith efforts, we are extremely aware of what is threatening all of us, and I am truly honored and awed to work alongside wonderful people of all faiths and join our hands, sit together, in our various religious garb and with our shared values and try to restore humanity and caring in any way we can.

It is so important that those of us who are comfortable, well-fed, nicely-clothed, loved, safe and secure, able to pursue our dreams and aspirations CARE ABOUT and WORK TO ALLEVIATE the pain of those who cannot. It is only through these efforts where “citizens will prevail where governments have failed” that we can find any comfort and feel that we are not oblivious to the pain and the sorrow that surrounds us on all sides.

I hope that all those in camp, swimming in pools, enjoying the lazy relaxing days of summer and working at careers and goals we are able to take pride in, vacationing, eating great barbequed food, and generally enjoying the comforts of a life we should never take for granted remember that there are those who are not so blessed. It is therefore our task to work on their behalf in whatever way we can. It is my prayer that those who are living presently in horrid conditions will soon be relieved of their pain and restored to the type of life our own previous generations took the same chance to assure that their future family members would have.