Reading BaMidbar and Thinking about Boundaries

Reading BaMidbar and Thinking about Boundaries Jane Collingwood, a psychologist writes as follows: Setting clear personal boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring. Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around you, determining whether they feel able to put you down, make fun, or take advantage of your good nature. We are in the cycle of Torah readings that brings us to the stories and narrative of BaMidbar. We are “in the desert” – wandering through space where boundaries may not be quite so clear or present. The boundaries are there but they are spiritual boundaries within the vast abyss of the physical desert. The boundaries are there but they are found in the laws and dictates that govern society in the absence of visual places of judgment and justice. We know there are boundaries regarding appropriate speech from the stories, and more important, the consequences of the actions, of Miriam and the scouts that go to check out the land of Canaan/Yisrael. We know there are boundaries regarding how one has to respect the common and collective good and the leadership entrusted with maintaining it from the story of Korach and his followers. We know there are boundaries regarding gratefulness and the need to remain disciplined from the debacle regarding the manna. Ironically, it takes someone OUTSIDE of the camp of the B’nai Yisrael to remind us of the boundaries of good will and communal cooperation in the persona of Balaam, who sees peace and well being when he looks at the camp of the Israelites, proclaiming the beautiful words of Mah Tovu that we recite when we enter our Batei Kenesset to begin our prayers in the morning. Sefer BaMidbar is as much, even more so to be sure, about fighting to break through boundaries as much as it is about finding and maintaining those boundaries. We understand this in our own lives, where we will fight the boundaries all around us in terms of the rules and regulations that govern our lives, the relationships that define our being part of our world and so much else, in our attempts to work towards a better world. In this, Sefer BaMidbar is so supremely instructive. True, there are many causes for which we must fight in our lives. I have certainly written about those causes in these blog posts on many occasions and hope to be able to continue to do so. That being said, there are boundaries in how we go about this attempt to find what is right and proper. Miriam’s concern about Moshe and his relationship with his wife, Tzipora, as we are taught, was not what was problematic; rather it was the way she went about criticizing Moshe that created the difficult and contentious set of circumstances that ensued, ultimately resulting in her being plagued by leprosy. We understand the people of the wandering multitudes becoming inpatient with the manna and losing sense of their purpose; from this we learn that difficult tasks are, as the word goes, difficult and that patience is the need of the hour when fighting for something just and needed, such as control over one’s destiny in the case of the B’nai Yisrael. The desert is perhaps without physical boundaries, but its vastness reminds us of a most important personal boundary, namely that of humility. We are but “specks of dust in the wind’ as the song goes. If we remember THIS boundary, namely the humble piece our lives play in the enormous universe, we may be able to rethink our relationships and our interactions with others and our world. In thinking about this, let us remember that by observing self-imposed appropriate personal boundaries, we will be able to be part of relationships that are mutually respectful, work towards a better world, and redefine the desert in which we all function to some degree.

Defeat of a Jewish Educator

Defeat of a Jewish Educator! So, I have been in the field of Jewish Education for thirty seven years (okay, that really sounds strange to say!) and I will soon be leaving the field that I have loved so much and in which I have found so much happiness and fulfillment. Why? Because the pain and disappointment that I have absorbed during the last few years has overshadowed the joys and fulfillment that I have found in this amazing journey during all of those years. Oh, and by the way, I am well aware that I am not the only one…. I am joining the ranks of more than a few wonderful colleagues whose leaving definitely left a void in this most important endeavor. I remember well when I decided to become a Jewish educator. I was five years old and I went to Sunday School. I loved Sunday School – perhaps due to the fact that everything one does at the age of five is still new and exciting, or maybe because I was little and became sort of a mascot in the Orthodox shul in which that Sunday School was located, which actually started one fall day when my parents accidentally turned our clocks FORWARD instead of backward, and I arrive for class, TWO FULL HOURS early. That was my first Shaharit minyan experience. I always loved learning about all things Jewish, and even when I was angry and vexed with G-d (and there have most certainly been those times) I was still learning. These teachings and values became my template for living early on. So, back to my pivotal life decision! I came back from school and my parents asked me how I liked it. I told them I LOVED Hebrew School (okay, now stop laughing everyone!) but that I thought things could be taught better and that’s what I wanted to do with my life. And so I did or at least tried to do so! And here I am after 37 years; thousands and thousands of students; so many teachers and principals that I have worked with as a colleague, director, and consultant; and countless lessons and stories that are in my heart and this is where they will stay as I move on to new adventures. In spite of all of this, I am leaving Jewish education and here are the reasons why in as concise and specific terms as possible. 1. Too often in Jewish Education, educators are not the ones who are making pivotal decisions. Through the years, I have served in various educational leadership positions in different institutions. I have been a Director, Principal, Department Head and held other various appointments. Whatever I have done, I have always claimed to be part of Educational Leadership and NOT ADMINISTRATION! There is an important difference. I have never held an Educational Leadership position without teaching and being an integral and actively participating member of the learning culture of the institution. Further, I am proud to say I never earned a salary that was excessive (after all this is supposed to be a non-profit business, right?). Now with some of our schools hiring CEO types in isolated offices and with excessively large salaries that are breaking the back of the schools they serve (that may exist in buildings that they can ill afford as well), and layers of bureaucracy before one even gets to the educators, decision making can often have little to do with educational concerns and reality. 2. A colleague of mine once said that her father, who was an accountant, did not understand schools and their governance. He stated that he would work with one client at a time whereas the teacher has to multi-task continually, serving the needs of many different students with different needs simultaneously. Imagine if you were with an entire committee that would go to protest at your physician’s doctor office; let me know how far you get. Yet, in trying to meet more and more needs of students in terms of learning differences, learning styles, family issues, psychological needs, and doing so with not enough support in too many cases…. Well you get the picture. 3. If the CEO/Isolated School Leader (and of course, I know many of our Educational Directors are NOT this, but I am overstating the case to make the point, because unfortunately, this IS reality for some, and that means too many of our schools) does not fully understand the school and its reality and needs, and is the chosen advocate for the school in the larger community to the Jewish Federation, potential donors, synagogues, other institutions, and such, well -- what impression are they getting? 4. In some of our communities, TUITION IS TOO HIGH! Should I say that again? Are we providing Jewish Day School education (a la parochial models such as Catholic schools) or are we fancy private schools for Jewish kids, sometimes with just a little bit of Jewish Studies on the side? Again, this is not always the case, but if it is in your town or community and the system is struggling, hmmmmmmm, high tuition, highly paid administration, big building – Consider this: these schools and these directors DID NOT look like this twenty five years ago! For that matter, most of the educational institutions that are providing good solid experiences today do not either! So, let’s fess up – are we fancy private schools or Jewish Day Schools? 5. As a consultant who worked in many schools and communities throughout North America and as someone who has seen Jewish Day Schools from all different angles, too often these schools do not have a clear mission. If we do not know what we want and need to be, how do we become those things? Interestingly enough, now there is no money for consultants, for qualitative curriculum work (If one more community calls me and says they really want me to come and help them, but cannot pay me, can I do it? --- well, you get the point!) So back to those missions and realizing what the school is and what it is not…. someone has to figure this one out. A friend and colleague from many years ago called recently and we were chatting. She’s actually with a foundation and asked me why it feels like Jewish Education is imploding. Simply, I told her, we grew up and did not do a very good job of it! Too many Jewish Educational institutions are closing, demographics are showing lower numbers due to assimilation, where people live, which communities can and cannot support their Jewish educational institutions, and while there is no money for curriculum development and working with these schools in a consultative and supportive manner, more demographic studies show an avalanche of problems. Here’s an idea, take some of the money that goes into these studies, bring some of those high salaries (again, I am NOT talking about you, my friends who are doing really wonderful things and good work and getting paid appropriate amounts) and go …. hire good consultants and/or learn to do proper strategic educational planning and development! Or sit down, and figure out what you are teaching instead of how to purchase a bigger building in which to teach. Okay, enough of my soapbox diatribe. I am leaving. I will still be a teacher (yes, that still is my favorite part, referencing my last blog post), and I will still try to make this a better world, BUT I will no longer be doing so as a Jewish educator! Oh and yes, I am sad about that!

I am a ….. TEACHER and I Love It!

In the movie Footnote by Joseph Cedar (this year’s Israeli entry for Best Foreign Film Oscar), we see a poignant and at often times painful story about a father and son who, though at odds about life, learning and so much else, are at the end of the day both …… teachers. By the way, I HIGHLY recommend the movie as an insight into some fundamental aspects of our lives collectively as learners and as Jews and as human beings. In a fairly early scene (don’t worry, I won’t give away the movie!) we see how the son wants his father to be someone important and while his father is a college professor, a researcher, a Biblical and philology scholar; he simply states that he is a TEACHER! Who would be proud of being a teacher, according to the musings of the son? As they relate to each other and to their respective worlds, you see frustration of lost dreams, wonder at the value of one’s work and so much else that one contemplates as most, if not all, of his career is behind him. A real Kohelet moment if you will, you know, “Everything under the sun is futile,” “what is the purpose of a man’s labor?” and so on. By the way, I also recommend reading this treatise attributed by many to King Solomon in our Tanach (also known as Ecclesiastes in English) if you have not done so already. There you go, one book and one movie for your summer entertainment (and learning) list! So I have been a TEACHER for the past 37 years (ouch!) and I hope to continue for many to come. Oh yes, I have lectured, published, run schools, run Bureaus of Jewish Education, consulted, and done so much else, but at the end of the day all of these different involvements that pepper my resume add up to TEACHER, this is what I am (and proudly so!) and this is what I will continue to be no matter what chapters play out in my future professional activities. I grew up with the word “Melamed” thrown around a lot. A Melamed is a revered teacher in Hebrew, but the word actually means “to bring about learning.” In other words, in Jewish/Hebrew culture, a teacher is seen within the perspective of facilitating the activity of learning. It is accountable and defined beyond itself, as opposed to English dictionaries who define teacher often as “one who teaches.” Years ago, I was a member of a wonderful organization called the Coalition on Alternatives in Jewish Education. Their motto was “Lilmod uLeLamed” -- “to learn and to teach.” I often joke that I am in Grade 52, that is, I have been in school that long and am still learning. I really believe that the most important thing I bring to my classes, which I refer to as “learning circles”, is my experience as a learner, trying to inspire other learning. This is a process that remains exciting, fresh and new. This is the greatest perk of teaching as far as I can see; the ability to get paid and be a professional whose purpose is to keep learning and facilitating that process for others. This is the TEACHER that I think the father in Footnote had in mind; and this is the type of professional our best teachers are. Oh yes, and by the way, before I forget, this is National Educator’s Week, so go hug a teacher, thank a teacher, or acknowledge a teacher…. And for those of us who are in fact TEACHERS, YAY US! Keep on learnin’!

How many different faces does G-d have?

How many different faces does G-d have?

As we enter the period of Sefirat HaOmer, the counting of the Omer, we are even more mindful of time and its passage. We are coming out of the zone of Z’man Heiruteinu, the time of our freedom with the leaving of Egypt and the life of slavery it held for us as celebrated and observed during Pesah and now beginning to think about the waiting period for our celebration of Z’man Matan Torateinu, the giving of our precious Torah as celebrated and observed during Shavuot seven weeks later. During this time, one of the “new takes” I have decided to intentionally observe this year in my learning, teaching, prayers, etc. is the many different ways that we interact with G-d and vice versa. During the singing of Dayenu at our Seder table, I was thinking of the different tasks and actions that G-d brings into G-d’s relationship with us. Some are reflective of G-d’s caretaking and gentle manner with us as Rachmana, Av HaRachamim and as Adoshem among other names; other actions represent G-d’s need to keep us on course and be our judge and disciplinarian as G-d does as Elokeinu and Elokei Avoteinu; there are actions in which we are to model and parallel what G-d does on high (El Elyon) in our own world; and so on.

I always loved the notion that the Hebrew word for face is Panim, a plural form, because actually we all have so many different faces. We have a happy face, a sad expression, a frustrated look, and joyful countenance and so forth. We should remember that we were made in the image of ELOKEINU (as in BeTzelem Elokim, in the image of G-d we were made). Of course, the very word, ELOKIM is also in the plural, for much of the same reason. We may not always like the face we have on and we may not always feel so pleased with the aspect that G-d shows us at various intervals, but just as our ONE FACE has the capacity to show so many different emotions and feelings, our ONE AND ONLY ONE G-D shows us many different aspects and elements of our lives and G-d’s impact in our lives. We should remember that all of these different aspects and elements of G-d’s place in our lives parallels the many different expressions and faces we all have with our singular composition we name “face.” If we think of G-d in this way, then the notion that G-d is so many different manifestations to so many different people can help us in relating to G-d in our own lives and to respect that other people with their own personalities and needs are doing the same. G-d is not one static constant in this thinking but rather a multi-faceted and ever moving being, as we, the creations of G-d, are.

We are taught by Chazal (our revered Rabbis) that the miracle of Z’man Matan Torateinu (the time of the receiving of the Torah) was that with all of our various perspectives and approaches and voices, for that moment in time we were of “one voice and one heart” and that the unity of purpose at this amazing moment was truly unfathomable. May we always preserve and value our differences and the many ways in which we relate to and consider G-d while observing the vision of Zechariah, the prophet who gives us the verse we all say daily in the Aleinu, “On that day, may G-d be One and G-d’s Name be One.” One, that is, with G-d’s many different faces and manifestations; and One in our minds, as varied and differentiated as we are as well!

Who are the Four Children at your Pesah Seder Table?

Who are the Four Children at your Pesah Seder Table?


I am presently teaching a unit of study to high school students entitled Halacha and Homosexuality. It is an exploration of critical texts of our Tanach, Mishnah, Gemara, Mishneh Torah and other sources that require us to look at the texts and the laws of our Jewish system in the expansive way it appears that Chazal and even Ribbonu shel Olam would have us do while addressing an admittedly challenging issue in terms of acceptance of those into our community when we may not honestly (or otherwise) be sure what we are supposed to do. I am also dealing right now with the varied reactions that so many people in my classes and world are having regarding the invisible children and their plight, given the recent publicity surrounding this issue. Given the season, I am in the midst of planning two separate events that promote understanding between people of different faith communities. Additionally, I am presently working on creating a new school and in so doing have spent a lot of time learning about learning differences and various types of disabilities, all of which must be accommodated when considering who has the right to a proper and full education according to the State of Pennsylvania. Finally, we are also in a season in which there are many opportunities and reasons to share and care with our resources and do deeds of Tzedakah in our community and beyond – easing difficult situations for many people in poverty or suffering from other socioeconomic or health challenges.

So here are a variety of instances in which the “other” becomes us – we are connected to and/or invested in the well being of all by virtue of our deeds and our working towards inclusion of groups that we may or may not consider to be part of “us.”

One of my favorite parts of the Seder (hmmmmm, there are really so many) is the reading of the Four Sons, one so wise and knowledgeable about the things of which he is knowledgeable, one so disconnected (by virtue of which he is called wicked, with which I am not so sure I agree), one who needs things explained in more simplistic, basic terms, and the fourth who does not know enough to ask a question. There have been many suggestions that there is actually a fifth son or child, the one who does not even come to the table. What a telling group this is for ourselves as members of the Jewish community and of the world community!

Now, let’s think about these four or five ways of dealing with “the one who is different than the masses.” How many different applications could we possibly come up with, whether we are talking about the GLBTQ members of our community who may be considered to be excluded by others and sometimes by their own experiences? What about those with learning differences in our educational community, who may ask questions WE don’t understand or that seem too simple? What about members of our community with different skill sets and abilities, different backgrounds, and so forth, who may possess wisdom and insight that elude us? How do we insure that all members of our community are indeed sitting at tables and are included in the discussion? How do we bring those back who have felt excluded either by our actions or their own experiences?

As we begin to think about Pesah and the four sons and the many lessons they bring us, let us consider what they teach us and the many different applications we can employ to show that we have learned these important lessons and that we use the Seder experience to share and pass these lessons on to our children and the future generations that will ensue. Maybe we can even include this in our Seder discussion as we consider the phrase “Let ALL who are hungry (or needing us in any way) come in (to our communities and to our lives).”

A Belated Hodesh Tov for Nisan!

In the beginning of the Maftir portion this past Shabbat, we read as follows:

HaShem said to Moshe and Aharon in the Land of Egypt, “This month shall be for you the beginning of the months; it shall be for you the first of the months of the year.” (Shemot 12: 1 – 2)

It was especially poignant this year to read this on Shabbat because it was in fact a Shabbat Rosh Hodesh, but not just any Shabbat Rosh Hodesh, but Shabbat Rosh Hodesh Nisan. So why should we care? After all, with all the Pesah preparations and planning, who has time for this additional Jewish observance? WHO HAS TIME, you ask? Why, WE DO, as free people!!!!!

This commandment to observe not just Rosh Hodesh, but specifically ROSH HODESH NISSAN, and this year as SHABBAT HAHODESH, is the first mitzvah given by G-d to the nation of Israel as a free people, a collective of free individuals tied together by nationhood, by the shared experience of leaving Egypt and slavery behind under the watchful eye and outstretched arm of G-d. AND IT IS QUITE IMPORTANT!

Consider this --- a few months ago, we celebrated and observed Chanukah. With that holiday, we cherish the spirit and fortitude we as Jews have had to fight for and value our freedom. Antiochus and the oppressive Greek/Syrian entity that dictated so much for the lives of its Jews so long ago forbade three practices specifically, Brit Milah for our baby boys, the observance and celebration of Shabbat and the marking of our months through Rosh Hodesh. Why these three? Without a Brit Milah, one’s very identity is questioned as he cannot bear the mark of being a Jew and living as G-d commanded. Without Shabbat, we cannot celebrate and refresh ourselves as community and as individuals – the very essence of our weeks and lives was removed. And Rosh Hodesh – by marking our new moons and keeping track of our days and cycles of time, we were living as people who had a sense of control. Take that away, have someone else mark and define your time, and you lose a basic right of existence and freedom.

We as Jews are always conscious of the marking of time. Our days begin with sundown and the transition continues until the coming out of stars. We pray according to daily markers of time. We mark our weekly Shabbatot and keep track of our holidays and celebrations through our luni (some say loony) solar calendar. THIS CANNOT BE DONE WITHOUT FREEDOM. Any survivor of the Holocaust or of the days before Soviet Jews were able to leave the land of their oppression will tell you this is so.

We know that one of the worst forms of torture and inhumane treatment of fellow human beings is to take away their sense of time. This is used in torture of prisoners, and is the source of so much depression and disorientation for those who live in regions where time may not be so easily marked by simple things we all take for granted – sun rise and sun down.

Marking our time for us is a gift – OUR GIFT as free people who left the slavery and the beatings and the determination of our schedules by our oppressors in Egypt so long ago. Let us appreciate this gift and use it well. May the new year of time, beginning with Rosh Hodesh Nissan be one in which we use our gift of time purposefully, appreciatively and without taking it for granted.

HODESH NISAN TOV!!!!!

An Interesting Lesson from the Academy Awards

So, we are not such “religious” movie-goers, that is to say, we rarely go. Last year, when the Academy Awards were on, we realized that we had no right to watch the Awards as we had not been to a single movie all year and didn’t even know what they were and who was in them. So, instead, while the show was airing, we elected to go watch The King’s Speech, about which he had heard so much. We returned home in time to see it win the best actor award and the best picture award among others. We loved the movie and its message, so were happy to see we chose well. This year, we improved a bit. Prior to the start of the show in which Oscar is the star, we had seen three movies, the third of which we caught at a 4:30 p.m. showing Sunday, a few hours before the start of the big Hollywood bash in which the awards are distributed. So, we spent Sunday afternoon watching and thinking about The Artist. Once again, we picked not a, but THE winner.

Soon after the announcement of this as the Best Movie of the Year, it occurred to me that the Academy chose films for two years in a row about trying to find one’s voice! I really think there is an important lesson here for all of us as human beings, as well as for the Jewish individual and collective soul. By the way, another excellent film we saw, The Help, fits into this thematic rubric as well.

With the concentration of text study that is just part of my life and the ongoing conversations about those texts between my students and myself, my friends and colleagues and myself and my family members and myself, I am fully aware of how much words and speech are an ongoing part of my life. This is even before we get to the technology formats that further enable the spreading of words (like what you are reading right now!), the bombardment of so many words and sounds and so forth.

One of the scenes in The Artist that just struck me as so poignant (which is I believe the intention of all involved with the film) was when the sounds of everything surrounding this silent film star turned into this deafening and painful cacophony of sound. During this sequence, I was thinking about how I always love to be one of the first to be in the Netilat Yadayim line at our Shabbat and Yom Tov meals, simply because I love (really, believe it or not) the permission to just be quiet for a while with no one expecting any words to come out of my mouth. I am left with my thoughts and I just smile. For me, who REFUSES to stand in line for food at a buffet, this is a line I will get in first if possible!

I DO feel the overwhelming sounds of words and am often struck by the degree to which people think (or not) before those words are sent out into the airwaves that then resound with sound for all of us. We in the United States are certainly experiencing this now, for example, with all of the misspoken comments and other problems going on in certain political posturing of candidates for President in the upcoming elections.

We are all aware of how VERBAL bullying has taken a more prominent place in our lists of concerns as being as dangerous, or even more so, than physical bullying. There are campaigns to get all of us to THINK BEFORE WE SPEAK, as the age old adage goes. There are days of intentional silence in various circles, and so on.

And now Hollywood comes to teach us that finding our voice in a thoughtful, intentional and deliberate way might not be so easy for a variety of reasons in many different situations. Black “help” in the South found their voice through the writing project of one of the more fringe members of the community, The Artist found his voice in his tap dancing feet, and King George VI finally was able to find his voice when it was so needed at a critical time in his country’s (and world) history.

Maybe if we all had more challenges that would require us to work harder to find our voice, we would value it more and use it appropriately to build, not to destroy; to improve, not to make things worse; and to validate and include all, not insult and exclude them. Otherwise, our voices screaming and fighting too often sounds to me like a cacophony of sounds that can be painful and harmful.