Who Am I As A Person of Faith and Practice?

Note: This was recently published as an Op-Ed in The Jewish Exponent. Given responses I received, for which I thank all who did reach out, I have decided to share it here. Let us all think of ourselves as people of faith and belief and practice according to the God in whom we believe and to whom we hold ourselves accountable, not to the subjective and often arbitrary standards others would like to impose.

Are you really Orthodox? But you are an advocate for LGBTQ Jews. You are active regarding women’s issues and rights. You’re President of the Cheltenham Area Multi-Faith Council. An Orthodox person would not do those things, right? Yes, this conversation is part of my life.

For several years about two decades ago, my family was in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit for our three daughters. During that time, we went to the Bat Mitzvah of a dear friend’s daughter in Connecticut. The ceremony was beautiful and the shul experience was precisely as I remembered my own upbringing with complete davening, a full reading of the Torah portion and educated committed Jews coming together to pray and observe a celebratory moment in a family’s life. I came back and reported my experience to my mother. After I was sharing our experience, she asked how I identified myself, as we were clearly brought up as being part of the Halachically observant community (in a somewhat natural and relaxed manner, characteristic of the time) and this experience was in a Conservative synagogue, part of a movement that was no longer recognizable to me, even as a loyal alumna of United Synagogue Youth. I answered that as a Shomeret Mitzvot (one who observed the laws and dictates of daily Jewish living) who believed in the value of our historical experience and being part of the world and addressing its injustices and challenges, I would still consider myself a Conservadox-Orthoprax Jew (which would technically make me Conservative) but no one else did. Everyone considered me Orthodox given the optics of my level of Kashrut observance, the way I dress, honor Shabbat, etc. That’s funny, my mom replied, because I still consider myself an Orthodox Jew even though no one else does.

Who I was in the late sixties through the mid-seventies as a Shomeret Mitzvot Jew was not questioned. Whether we went to Conservative or Orthodox shuls, we were all observant, part of the world, concerned about social issues, and our level of adherence to ritual law did not preclude our being part of the larger world. In those days, one could find sound amplification systems in Orthodox shuls and Mechitzot (separate sitting for men and women) in Conservative identified synagogues. As a USY officer, I had to be completely observant and involved in full-time Jewish learning. Making special arrangements for classes missed in college due to days of observance, eating at the Hillel dining hall, explaining why I could or could not participate in various events, observing Shabbat, etc. were just part of who I was (notwithstanding a few rebellious years).

A few years ago, a friend told me my upbringing was “not frum (Jewishly observant)” because I did not go to Jewish Day School. Some Rabbis in the Orthodox world claim that I can’t be observant because I am an advocate for LGBTQ inclusion (and specifically so in the Orthodox Jewish world incidentally), I am active in Jewish learning and scholarship (as a woman), work in Interfaith Learning, Dialogue and Relations, teach about the responsibility for environmental sustainability, advocate for social justice causes directly informed by Halacha, and so on. I have had to justify myself continually throughout the years due to the fact that who I am defies the descriptions that are available today in our very color-blocked and limited understanding of what it means to be who we are. If we do not squarely fit into the proper box politically, socially, culturally or religiously we are considered persona not gratis. I have suffered both personally and professionally due to this in choosing the Philadelphia area as my home but have not wavered. Sending my children to the “wrong” Jewish Day schools, allowing them to socialize with boys and girls together and so on… criteria that were never part of my experience as a Halachically observant Jewish child.

So now we have Open Orthodoxy, Modern Orthodoxy, Centrist Orthodoxy, Traditional Orthodoxy, etc. and it is no longer enough to say one is a Jew, or identified with an ideological stance, but now one has to qualify what they mean with even more nuanced and often narrow descriptors. Trying to discern all of this can be exhausting not to mention frustrating.

All I know is we have brought our children up in a Shomer Mitzvot home with the full scope of Jewish ritual practices, observances and celebrations, Jewish education, camp, frequent experiences in Israel, and most important the foundational values and core standards of what it means to be a practicing Jew. So, you tell me, what kind of Jew do you think I am? Further, does it matter? After all, this is between Ribbonu shel Olam and me, is it not?

Troubling Times and Heart-Lifting Messages

Yesterday I was privileged to participate in a lovely spiritual and healing program with our Multi-Faith Council run by two wonderful women of spirituality and faith, Marge Sexton and Bonnie Ostroff. I just love these gatherings and all aspects of my work with multiple faith communities. I cherish how we can simultaneously celebrate what we share and have respect and regard for where we differ, understanding the value of both of these dynamics and their intersection. I am awed by how SILENT we can be to LISTEN (note the same letters make up each word) to each other’s words and hearts. I value more than I can say the safe space we all collectively create, whether it is a group of us taking a walk through beautiful and serene nature as we just did or in gatherings with religious scholars and thinkers from around the world and within a multitude of faiths. I learn so much from these experiences and they lift me up from the depths of concern and worry I have for our world and planet at present, with all of its noise and distraction.

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. Muslims are in the middle of Ramadan. Christians are in the period of time before their Pentecostal observance and Jews are counting the Omer, as we look towards Shavuot. This week was Memorial Day and Independence Day in Israel while we also acknowledge that it was a difficult time, the Naqba, for our Palestinian neighbors. Memorial Day will soon be here for Americans, and the list goes on. So many moments to stop and be thankful, be reflective, consider the sacrifices so many have made and may still be making, be mindful that one person’s moment of joy may and will simultaneously be another’s moment of sorrow, and just stop to be silent and really listen to the voices around us. It is then that I think we really learn so many important lessons.

I have shared before but it bears repeating a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Scott Peck years ago where she was recounting a recurring dream that she has in which she is flying a bit off the ground and keeps seeing children. When she asks them “How are you?” the respond, “That is the wrong question. You should ask me what I was sent here to teach you today?” I just love that notion – it is at the heart of my daily opportunities for learning with so many others through the course of a given week, where I facilitate the process of looking at texts and considering their meaning. But the bonus, the real payment, is the many lessons I learn from those in the learning circles I have the honor of facilitating. Here are just a few lessons I carry with me to help me wade through the distracting and disruptive voices that are too loud and too worrisome in our world today. I have learned them and continue to consider them (thus all are voiced in present tense) daily as validation that there are so many wonderful people and lessons to learn from them. These lessons come from people of all faiths, backgrounds and ages. As we learn in Proverbs/Mishlei, Wisdom can be and is found on the street, that is to say, everywhere and at all times, if we are open to its voice.

From Nourah, I learn to always try to be the best person of faith and belief I can be and to never stop trying. From Neli, I learn that adult sarcasm and nuanced humor can quickly be picked up by a seven-year-old and repeated. From Fredda, Adel, Carol and so many others in my SAG group, I learn that no matter what challenges life throws at you, keep smiling, hold your head high and take pride in yourself. From Alison, Ella, and the rest of the Mishmar groups, I learn that figuring out the nuances of difficult texts and interpretations are the property of people of all ages, including eight year olds. From Jerry S., Bonnie, Esta, Ava, Jerry P., Susan, Esther, and Lisa, I learn that siblings are not necessarily only those you are related to; some we choose along the way and hold onto for life. From Larry and Lois and from Linda and Frank, I learn the beauty of love and marriage at all stages of life. From Tom, I learn that one can care as deeply for your own child as you do. From so many of my colleagues and friends – RL, LJS, CS, MK and others, I learn that we all have our challenges and yet we all function with so much grace and love for others. From too many to mention who are part of my MBIEE community I learn that aging can be and is fun – and vital, well into one’s 90’s and they all share a very positive attitude, which I love. From Rachel, I learn that we should always be prepared to make new friends in our lives, because amazing ones will come by. From so many grandparents of the PJDS community and SLLLs of Samuel A. Green House, I learn how important it is to pass our legacy stories on to the next generation. From Neima I learn how to think deeply and from Adel I learn how to smile and laugh broadly. From Kassia I learn to never, and I mean NEVER underestimate an almost two-year-old. From Yoella and Jeremy I learn that it is so fun to watch one’s children parent as they combine their own styles with what you hope you were able to teach them. From Aria, Bentzi, Lador, Sylvie, Eva, Sydney, Charlie, Yuval, Naomi, Alyssa, Esther, Jacob and all of the other wonderful Mishmar students from PJDS, I learn that it does not matter how old the people in your learning circle are – EVERYONE has lessons to teach each other. From Rachie and Talie I learn how to maintain calm in a storm and how to rejoice when you see your children following their passions in their careers. From Mimi and Liz, I learn how happy one is when one knows their child has found the love of their life and when those choices are so wonderful, you are proud of them and your children. From Brian, I learn that each person truly has to find their own way and be accepted for that. From Bethanie, I learn that flying around your living room in fairy wings can be a great form of discipline or just invoke fear in your children. From all of my Eshel family, I learn that we all love our families and children and appreciate the foundational teachings of our faith in acceptance of each other just the way G-d chose to fashion us. From my CAMC friends and all of those I work with in Interfaith work, I learn how remarkably similar our foundational principles are. From Steve, I very recently learned that we are all “in the middle of our story.” From my amazing husband, Ken, I learn that love and a positive relationship do not hurt or harm, but help and validate every day.

These are just a few of the hundreds of lessons and people I carry in my heart daily. I love you all for the lessons you have and continue to teach me and share with all those around you. May we all value being SILENT and LISTEN for those lessons. Doing so definitely gives us the strength, the Hizzuk, we need to go forth and continue to be better and do better in spite of what may be happening around us. Happy Celebrations and Observances to all.

Lessons about the Days and Weeks of the Counting of the Omer

As we have just transitioned out of the world and experience of Pesach observance for this year and re-entered our day to day world of Chametz, work and the myriad of tasks on our AFTER THE CHAG list, it is important to step back and consider the lessons we might want to carry with us into the coming days, weeks and months. We even have a frame for them, dictated by our practice. During Sefirat HaOmer, we remain in a heightened state of awareness that will culminate in the celebration of Shavuot and the receiving of Torah, the very reason for our leaving Mitzrayim. On one hand, the cycle is all too familiar and could become dangerously regimented if we are not careful to sometimes walk away from what we already know and be prepared for some new and amazing insight and dimension to the experiences of this season as we move forward. In fact, we are familiar with the many efforts made from Hassidic masters to those in the more liberal lanes of our community, environmentalists, and so many others to do exactly that.

Rambam, in Hilkhot Temidin uMusafin, Chapter 7, states as follows regarding this practice: 22: It is a Mitzvat Aseh to count seven complete weeks from the day of the bringing of the 'Omer, as it says: You shall count for yourselves, from the day after the Shabbat, seven weeks. It is a Mitzvah to count the days along with the weeks, as it says: You shall count fifty days; and we count from the beginning of the day, therefore, he should count at night, from the night of the 16th of Nissan. 23: If he forgot to count at night, he should count during the day. We count standing up; however, if he counted while seated, this is valid.

Many of our Rishonim note that, while this commemorates the land- and sacrifice-based chapters of our history, is it enough to continue this practice just for the purpose as stated by Amimar, “Zecher LeMikdash Hu?” Is it enough to just remember this chapter of our past and the Temple worship that characterized it, or does our counting have an intrinsic and relevant meaning specific to today as well, reflective of our contemporary reality and challenging us in new ways to be and do better?

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks speaks at length about the two different Mitzvot indicated here – to count both the days and the weeks. In the latter case, we are looking at the cycle of life with the end in sight – the way Shammai perceived the time of each week, always pointing towards Shabbat, sometimes missing the opportunity individual days might bring for awe and celebration. In the counting of the days, however, we live for the moment and its value as Hillel taught, and in so doing, we are open to the amazement of that moment which will redefine, heighten and bring more meaning to the cycles as they continue to evolve.

I remember many years ago in my Comparative Religions and Cultures readings during university years, coming across something quite interesting in the Chinese tradition as reflected by the I Ching, or the Yi Jing also known as the Book of Changes, an ancient Chinese book of practice.

There is the prescribed formation of the ancient hexagon, in which fifty yarrow stalks are used in formations of six corners (or in substitution, bamboo skewers or wooden sticks may be used) for the purpose of creating this formation. One stick is to be removed and used as the observer stalk, while placing the rest of the stalks in a prescribed formation, with extremely precise and ordered instructions provided.

As Eliot Weinberger explains:

The I Ching has served for thousands of years as a philosophical taxonomy of the universe, a guide to an ethical life, a manual for rulers, and an oracle of one’s personal future and the future of the state. It was an organizing principle or authoritative proof for literary and arts criticism, cartography, medicine, and many of the sciences, and it generated endless Confucian, Taoist, Buddhist, and, later, even Christian commentaries, and competing schools of thought within those traditions.

As such, it was very detailed and precise in a number of matters relevant to daily living and belief, as well as the maintaining of community. It was reflective of land-based culture, while also holding much more pervasive meanings for its practitioners.

Returning to our own context, Rabbi Sacks compares the individual details of various mitzvot to the cells in our body – with so many parts of each cell and if one part is off, there can be dire consequences. Our challenge is to try to have all parts of each whole element in our lives work together. He teaches as follows:

THE HUMAN BODY CONTAINS 100 TRILLION CELLS. Within each cell is a nucleus. Within each nucleus is a double copy of the human genome. Each genome contains 3.1 billion letters of genetic code, enough if transcribed to fill a library of five thousand books. Each cell, in other words, contains a blueprint of the entire body of which it is a part. The cumulative force of these scientific discoveries is nothing short of wondrous. In ways undreamt of by our ancestors, we now know to what extent the microcosm is a map of the macrocosm. From a single cell, it may be possible to reconstruct an entire organism.

Does this apply to Judaism? I want us to … [consider] an apparently tiny detail of Jewish law – a single cell, as it were, of a highly complex structure. Could it be that patient and detailed study of this fragment will reveal to us something of the totality of Judaism’s spiritual world?

Why do I always find these comparisons so fascinating – because we are all blessed with practices that teach so much if we only pay attention – with some lessons potentially universal in meaning and other elements specific to our journey.

Dr. Avigdor Shachan provides an important examination of Jewish History and the places it has taken us in his book entitled, In the Footsteps of the Lost Ten Tribes. He makes the point that Jewish influences and practices have been found in cultures and groupings with whom the Israelites traded long ago, amongst whom they lived and had contact. Specifically, he analyzes four regions to which the Israelites migrated after the Assyrian exile in 586 bce: Afghanistan, India, Japan and China. These shared and adapted practices are not coincidental as much as causative. I do not believe it is an accident that the numbers and counting of the I Ching Hexagon and Sefirat HaOmer are similar and that both celebrate the produce of the land.

In considering China, Shachan writes as follows:

For almost ninety generations, the remnants [of the Ten Lost Tribes in China] managed to survive…preserving… a handful of customs and commandments… some 150 years before the establishment of the Jewish state, after withstanding the perils of destruction and assimilation, the[se]… last remnants flickered and died.

Yet during that long history of maintaining their identity, there is no doubt in Shachan’s mind that the practices that were brought with the Ten Lost tribes influenced those around them and may even be found in some adopted and adapted versions within the host culture’s practices and traditions. There were temples and gathering places for the Israelite people and their architecture was admired. Sacrificial practices were continued as this group was cut off from the developing Jewish community as we have come to know it in 586 bce and did not bring any awareness of Rabbinic traditions with them. Seasonal sacrifices and practices such as those associated with Pesach and the Omer were practiced with particular attention to detail, serving as critical markers of the community. The Temple of Kaifeng was built by the Israelite population with the same orientation and many features of Solomon’s Beit HaMikdash. Community positions and practices clearly reflected the influence of other cultures with whom there was contact as well as heralded memories of their own Israelite past.

Similar familiar elements are found in other cultures explored by Shachan, such as the conflict between the Pashtus and Pathans which wore on in Afghanistan through modern times, with the Pashtus accusing the Pathans of not being true and loyal Muslims; actually, they were not incorrect, as originally the Pathans are thought to have been from the She’arei Yisrael – the Israelite remnants as indicated by elements maintained from their cultic practice. These B’nai Yisrael would both adopt cultural practices of their host lands while some of their own traditions would become Islamicized and taken on by others. In Japan, Shinto priests continue to wear an overshirt garment that has a striking resemblance to our own Tallit Katan or Tzitzit. In India, more recently, we note that members of the B’nai Menashe would give their little boys at the age of three an Upshirin with a significant twist – namely the hair cut would be placed in a metallic bowl and burned, a nod to the notion of gifts to the gods of the host culture’s religious groupings. This by the way, was the backstory of the panic around Indian hair sheitels some years ago.

So here we sit today, enveloped by our period of mindfulness that comes with Sefirat HaOmer, both evoking our past and continuing to be relevant in our present, reminding us of our own practices and those of communities far away from us in years and physical space, thinking of the cycle of the seven weeks and the individuality of each day anew. Rambam encourages us to engage in this practice as he makes the distinction of some of our Mitzvot, specifically ritual practices as being Mikdash-oriented without being Mikdash-dependent. The Karbanot, for example, are Mikdash-dependent; therefore, not part of our religious life today, for the vast majority of the Jewish world. However, facing Mizrach during prayers, taking of Challah, Sefirat HaOmer and other practices which we continue to maintain these many generations later are Mikdash-oriented, still commanded through their D’araita roots. They remind us of the cycle of Jewish life and history while having a tangible impact on the days we live.

I consider myself truly blessed to do the work I do on so many levels. In my Interfaith work, this season with its cycles and days contains heightened awareness and meaning for our Christian and Muslim friends in faith as well – lessons that I find that cross Lent, Ramadan and Sefirat HaOmer. We are charged to remember that everything comes from God, that we are still dependent on the land and the resources that God gave us, and are charged to protect and tend them well and modestly, as well as act according to our foundational values of respect and honor for all human beings who are God’s created beings are indeed important – yet, we can forget and even worse, ignore them if we do not continue to tend and guard that element of our lives.

As some of us look at values of Chesed, Tzedek, Emunah, Gevurah, Tiferet, and so on, and their interfacing with each other during each day of the cycle of weeks, we can think of new ways these values add meaning to our lives. As we look inside ourselves and take on the challenge to make each day special and consider the meaning of each count of the Omer, we are indeed encouraged to be comforted by the familiarity of the cycle of weeks while being challenged to make each day count.

What would our Rabbis from long ago think of how our society works today?

Last week I completed learning Tractate Avodah Zarah (for this time around, for those of us who understand how study of Gemara works). What just absolutely encouraged and fascinated me and caught my eye repeatedly is how the text and the teachers who are represented in it know that Jews will live amongst people who are not Jews and will have business dealings with them and daily contact. They will see each other on their days of holy and meaningful observance, they will be in the market with them and there will be ongoing interactions. There are many rules and dictates that are to govern those interactions, considering differences in worship, schedule of the week, nature of business conducted, matters of eating together, and so on. In other words, we do not learn that people who are different than us are horrible or harmful or otherwise supposed to be avoided or maligned. Rather, we interact with those around us with respect and regard, honoring our own standards and acknowledging that they have their own modes of practice and behavior as well.

What a critical and valuable lesson for us to take into serious consideration today. Sunday, I had the honor of seeing the work of a wonderful group of people with whom I have been involved come to fruition as we conducted an Interfaith program which is part of a year-long project of learning how to speak with someone different than yourself as well as, and more importantly, how to listen to and validate that person. We acknowledge, as did the Rabbis referenced in the discussions above, that we do live in an integrated community where we are all juggling the maintaining of our core identity with the acceptance and validation of others, in the hope that we will receive the same, and more importantly, because this is what the foundational principles upon which our texts are based teach us to do.

This is to me the most appropriate approach we are to take, especially for those of us who hold ourselves accountable to The One Who Created Us to inhabit and protect and guard this world, its resources and the many people who are part of our human family collective. Yet, we continue to be bombarded by the reporting and impact of incidents that do not honor this foundational truth of our existence and purpose for being here – to honor God and the many different peoples and resources God created. Coming together to learn about one another, share stories and interact in appropriate ways throughout our lives is constructive. It is healing. It allows us to accomplish many wonderful things. It is the way that I and many others think that God intended for this world and the lives lived in it.

I know many people who have stopped watching the news or reading newspapers. Why? Because, too much is subjectively sifted, histrionics have taken over, and we have forgotten how or just don’t want to listen any more. Too many would rather just shout out those who disagree with them, living in the myth of their own determined and exclusive truth, and in so doing close themselves off from the many wonderful people who are all around us, from whom we can learn and with whom we can have serious meaningful interactions or just take a walk and enjoy each other’s company. WE ARE TIRED!

I get up every morning and I see the URGENT messages that invade my inbox about the tragedy from the perspective of the left or the emergency and dangerous situation from the right. What I find dangerous and tragic is the complete break between those in our society who cannot come together for civil conversations. That is the name of the project in which Sunday’s program was a part – Civil Conversations. It is not a new phenomenon – I have participated in many iterations of this intentional bringing together of people who are not all the same for dialogue, to share some good cookies and to laugh a bit, cry a bit and hug each other in friendship and a feeling of belonging with each other through the years. What is sad to me is that for too many, WE HAVE FORGOTTEN again how to do this in too many corridors in our world.

The people who came together Sunday either know how to connect with another human being, whether you agree or disagree, in kindness and in empathic concern; or they were willing to learn some skill sets to widen their own worlds. The question we always ask is how to we get everyone who really needs to be at the table to come there and join us? Here is a surprise – they probably will not come. BUT, if those of us at the table can take our skill sets and practice kind words, careful listening and validation of the other in our daily lives, in our business dealings, while walking around our neighborhood and in every aspect of our lives, we will all be spreading random acts of kindness (remember that phrase?!) and words of caring to others.

Then we will not be forgetting the lessons of our past, but remembering that the reality of living together with others was accommodated and that there are even standards of how we do so meaningfully and intentionally…. And then perhaps we can focus more on the human beings we are supposed to be instead of shouting out and losing our connection to each other, while our identities and practices remain intact. I think the Rabbis of the Talmud would approve.

Another Tragedy and Business as Usual Unfortunately

Remember the Tom Lehrer song, National Brotherhood Week…. And then the song from Peter, Paul and Mary … when will we ever learn?

And here we are again. Too many tragedies…. Just to name a few, Charlottesville. Florida, Pittsburgh. New Zealand. This is not a matter of hate thoughts turning into hate speech and spiraling into deadly hate-fueled terrible actions being an infrequent occurrence, but rather a daily headline in our news throughout the world. WE ARE ALL CHARLIE to quote the outtake from the Paris terror in the beginning of 2016.

A chilling observation by a moderate and neutral news source (as much as possible in our reality): “Since the election of President Donald Trump, news outlets and social media accounts have swelled with reports of swastikas at schools, racist taunts, and other hate-fueled attacks and acts of intimidation. The Southern Poverty Law Center, which has aggregated media reports and gathered submissions from its website, catalogued 1064 incidents.” That was just less than two years after January 20, 2017.

Let’s be clear. This did not begin with the election of this or any other specific official. In fact, if anything, the election of the person presently sitting as President of the United States and in many other such seats throughout the world can be credited to the hate and prejudice and lack of empathy for anyone different than self that is rampant in this country and our world. This is what is amplified and validated in his daily speech, unbecoming for any human being and horrifying for a national leader. Congresswoman Ilhan Omar and too many others reinforce this, because this is what they see and there is implicit permission to speak uncensored as one wishes, regardless of the impact. Everyone hates the …. (fill in the blank as you wish) according to Tom Lehrer. While it was a social action and public conscience statement when first presented to the world, now it is clearly exposed as the all-too-sad fact of our existence as human beings. Here is what scares me. Add them all up – those who hate anyone not them. Pull them from the right and from the left and you will note that the center is being closed out. My husband often reminds me that he feels most people are good people who want the right thing. I am really sincerely wondering how this is playing out in this time of extreme and harmful positions that add to the rhetoric and to the hate crimes and deaths handily, but not to a new way to understand each other for increasing numbers of our collective community, country and world. Yes, many of us gather repeatedly to mourn and to share but that we are doing so too often is the problem.

I sit here once again with the past few days as busy as ever but clearly overshadowed by the latest tragedy in New Zealand at two mosques where forty-nine people of faith were gunned down and others were physically injured and an entire community, actually an entire world of Muslims and all people of faith are mourning. I have been involved once again (too often this happens) in mobilizing communities of Jews and multi-faith organizations to go to yet another Interfaith gathering of sorrow and support for our Muslim brothers and sisters in faith. I have just been in communication with many of my Muslim colleagues, supporting them as they did me a few months ago after the Pittsburgh massacre.

As Peter, Paul and Mary asked, “when will we ever learn?” Apparently, what is being learned is hate and intolerance and lack of acknowledging that we are part of a human family. This past Shabbat (Sabbath) was Parshat Zachor, in the Jewish community. On this Shabbat, always the one before our observance of Purim, we remind ourselves to destroy Amalek, the force that attacked the Israelites in the desert so long ago, going for the weak and tired, and killing them without mercy. When we remind ourselves to Remember and DO NOT FORGET what Amalek did, it is this hatred and lack of humanity that we are to continue to work to eradicate, wherever it is found, including in ourselves.

I am privileged and have so much gratitude for being able to be connected to so many wonderful people of faith. Whether we pray to HaShem or The Lord or Allah or any other Supreme Being, what my colleagues and people I am proud and honored to call friends and I share is a sense of humility that we are trying intentionally to live the life our Supreme Being wants us to. When one holds oneself accountable to that Higher Being, being careful with words and actions comes as a necessary part of one’s daily existence. The Talmud and so many other sources teach repeatedly that words that hurt, embarrass, minimize the other are as dangerous weapons as anything concrete, for which the punishment for use is significant, worse than many other misdeeds. What we also need to understand is that WORDS COUNT and our leaders and all responsible members of our community really have to go back to when we were taught to think before we speak. Communications theory teaches that what you hear is more important that what I say. I have written about this before, but I remember when Yigal Amir stated that his Rabbis and teachers at Yeshiva taught him that Yitzchak Rabin was threatening the lives and well-being of all of Israel by engaging in peace talks and initiatives. Amir used that as permission to assassinate him. For a few weeks afterwards, there was some reflection in the Orthodox Jewish community regarding how they taught, and then it was back to the business of hate and vitriolic diatribes as usual and in rather quick order.

I am hurting as are many people in my world. Many of us will be gathering in a few hours to share and mourn together. When will they ever learn in our world that it is not our purpose as human beings for X to hate Y and Y to hate Z. As I often say, if we do not learn to play nicely on the playground called world nicely, we will have no playground. May we all try to reach as far as we can and share the message of the necessity to roll back the words we speak and consider what impact they have on others. We all need to go back to the pre-school basics and what Robert Fulghum calls the curriculum of Kindergarten in his book Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, including such things as saying nice words, not hitting, sharing one’s space, etc. because too many adults in our world are not doing these most basic things so well.

Another Round of Lessons from the Talmud about Interaction and Relations with Others

I am presently studying Masechet Avodah Zarah. One might think given the name of the Tractate, it’s about all of the awful things that people who worship idols do. But that is absolutely not the subject as I have been studying this text (I am presently past the half way point). Quite the opposite! Much of the discussion is dedicated to how we interact with others respectfully and with honor while maintaining our own identity. The degree of interaction that is assumed and accommodated as well as structured is really quite remarkable and speaks to the point that inclusion and interaction is the desired way to go, not excessive exclusion and separation. As I listen to the vitriolic speech and watch the horrible way people are acting towards each other in our world today, it is clear to me that there is a clear delineation between what one is to do to protect and insure their identity and the need we have to be a respectful member of our larger world.

The discussions amongst the Rabbis in this Tractate are truly instructive with regard to not separating ourselves too much and not assuming the worst in other people, but rather practice the dictum of giving the other the benefit of the doubt, maintaining the core of one’s own identity and practice, and remember that all of us are here with a purpose and hopefully, a code of ethics. It is too easy to walk away from those who are different than we are, but this does not build society. Maintaining the balance of respect for the other, confidence in one self, and the conviction that we are all here to teach each other something may require work, but this is work that has rich rewards embedded in it on so many levels.

Frances Kissling is president of the Center for Health, Ethics and Social Policy. She was the president of Catholics for Choice from 1982 until 2007. In a conversation she had some time ago with Krista Tippett of “On Being,” she explains that we would all do well to have a bit of doubt about what we know to be certainly true within ourselves, while thinking about what we admire in the other. By engaging in this exercise of questioning ourselves and valuing others, we can truly build important bridges, with no need for walls that divide us, often due to unfounded fears.

In Avodah Zarah, there are discussions about what foods one can eat that are prepared by those who are not Jews and therefore not accountable to or observant of the dietary laws that charactize religious Jewish life, Kashrut. There are deliberations about when one can do business with those who are part of other peoples, yes including those engaging in idol worship. In all of these negotiations, there are clear lines of the importance of maintaining one’s identity and sanctity while not going overboard in separating oneself from those around us. There is an understanding that much is to be gained by interaction, and that it is to be done carefully and within certain established parameters. But, and this is what is most important, those parameters are precisely what allow us to interact with those around us.

Complex discussions of the involvement of idol worshippers in any aspect of preparation of food (known as Bishul Ackom) clearly show what is allowed and what is not, and more important, why. For example, there is a desire to maintain a bit of a distance in some instances due to worship practices of the other people that are not the same or not acceptable within a Jewish context. Fair enough. Other instances are given of boundaries to be set so that intermarriages do not happen. Also a fair concern.

Reasonable and appropriate concerns are valuable and needed. Interactions with our neighbors who are different than us in their faith communities, political beliefs, values and life styles are also valuable and needed. As I often say, we can clearly celebrate where we are similar to others, and we must also have respect and regard for where we differ. When we understand and have an appreciation for the complexity and intersection of all of these concerns, we will be able to be constructive members of society. When people are so sure of themselves, there is no room for doubt; and so convinced that the other has nothing to offer us, this is where we lose hope in our present situation and cannot see a vision for our future. That is NOT the message of the important Jewish texts that are so foundational to who we are and how we live.

What Does Inclusion Look Like To You?

This past week was and continues to be busy, including the Women’s March, the Creating Change Conference for the LGBTQ community and Martin Luther King Day. Clearly, Martin Luther King Day is to remind all of us of our humanity and our need to see ourselves as equal and cherished members of this large family of beings created by God who are to insure the well-being of each other. Yet, through his life, King had to fight for this basic element due to its absence. In the 1968 Campaign for the Poor, King was asked what about the Native American poor, could they join the Blacks who were marching? Absolutely, yes. What about the Hispanic poor? Yes. What about the White poor? Why not? He wanted all those who shared this concern to march for and with each other. In marching for inclusion, he wanted inclusiveness. That makes sense right? Of course, he did not live to see this ideal concretized as an assassin’s bullet ended his physical life, but not the work he had done, with all of its imperfections, missteps and such but notwithstanding the very correct ideas he upheld and for which he lived and worked. The difference he made was felt for many years, and now here we are in 2019.

So why did this not happen with the Women’s March of this past weekend? Commentary after commentary reports how this march intended to bring about unity brought disunity and discord. Women who were to focus on their shared humanity often chose to use this very vehicle to discredit the humanity of others, turning what was to be an experience of solidarity into a political view shout out and a podium for prejudiced views reflecting prejudged hatred and malignment. In California and New York as well as other locales, once again Israel was painted in horrible hues as a victimizer in a misguided application of intersectionality, by which all victims identity as such, stand together and paint the rest of the world in black or white. The presence of anti-Semitism, comments about different groups greatly offended Jews, Muslims, Blacks and others. Much is being written at this moment regarding this lack of appropriate use of the movement itself, which is so important at this point in time for self-evident reasons.

Then there is the Creating Change Conference, which has been touted as the most important gathering of LGBTQ persons and is occurring as I write this. I was actually supposed to be there to teach, but due to issues within the organization and the group it serves, those who are more religiously observant cannot actually attend at this point and have their safety assured. For that reason, I did not go. I am comforted to say that I am involved at this point in trying to address this and meetings are scheduled to begin this process after the end of the conference. I am hopeful that this will begin a year of growth and consideration and do hope that next year’s conference and those to come afterwards will look different and that ALL members of all of our communities who are LGBTQ and their allies can come together to learn with and from each other as well as bolster all members of all of our communities who should be part of this gathering of inclusiveness.

What is wrong with all of this? Why do we have to worry that inclusion may not actually be inclusive? Why can’t I go to various spaces and be assured that the cause that brings people together will be the unifying factor and on other issues, we will simply agree to disagree, but be civil towards each other and join hands to do such much needed work? Why can’t we talk about important and threatening issues in our world today without worrying that it will raise political ire and the issues themselves get eclipsed if not completely overrun by other concerns brought inappropriately to the table?

There is so much to worry about regarding women’s rights that the agenda is large enough to take center and all of the stage, and for those who came to rally around reproductive rights, equal pay, harassment in the work place and other such issues focus on them and not get blindsided by hate speech about other aspects of our lives. We know all too well the precarious nature of the rights of all people. As the Supreme Court of the United States has just revived the ban on transgender persons in the military, many of us are incensed and worried about what comes next. THAT should be the focus of gatherings of LGBTQ persons and ALL individuals in this community and allies and teachers (such as myself), yes, even if we are religiously observant and supporters of Israel, should be able to be present for those proceedings.

It is traditional to observe Martin Luther King Day as a Day of Service. I would suggest that it also truly needs to be a Day of Meaningful and Inclusive Conversations. We have forgotten how to speak with each other. We have lost our empathy for too many members of our human family. This is what is at stake at this moment in time. Would each of us be willing to include ALL members of a category in our gatherings and insure their comfort and safety as Martin Luther King tried to do in 1968? Can we all take a step back and pray that in 2020 when we reach this same season, it will look different? It will only happen with our collective hard work during the coming year.