Kind Words Are Needed Now More Than Ever; Everyone, Think Before We Talk

2019 is coming around the corner. For us in the Jewish community who already have FOUR new years during our annual luni-solar (though some people think it is “loony”) calendar cycle, what’s another New Year? You can never have too many, right? And with the focus on New Year’s resolutions, this seems like a great reason to mark this turning of the calendar. Looking around at our world, its rather easy to figure out what our collective New Year’s Resolution should be – WATCH OUR WORDS and be aware of how what we say is heard by others.

With the continuing soap opera of our national drama continuing to assault us in our 24/7 news cycle, I find it hard to not get depressed and dejected. Thank God, as religious Jews, at least we get a weekly 25-hour rest from all of this, as we do not use any technology during our weekly Shabbat. But then, there it is again. I keep hoping that during our news blackout, the world has regained its sanity, but so far, no such luck!

I just today finished my learning of Masechet Sanhedrin (a Talmudic Tractate) and it ends with the thought that when there is evil in the world everyone is sad, but when a righteous person comes into the world and acts, there is joy. To be sure, there is a great deal of despondency on many levels in our lives today but there are also so many people doing good and doing so intentionally. As a mom of my four wonderful children, I am always so proud of their accomplishments and victories, yes, but I am most proud of the people they are – principled, intelligent, moral and worried about the world around all of us.. They are indeed living the values I have always held dear and tried to teach them, by word and deed.

Our words and our deeds do count. We can and we do make a difference. I am just as heartened by the wonderful initiatives that are going on all around us – the Toys for Tots drives, the volunteering at so many community spaces to provide for others, the many different levels of intentional redistribution of wealth and resources, the pulling together of people across different strata of society in working together to solve world problems – in short the many different initiatives taken by citizens who truly care in spite or what may be happening on larger official levels or not happening.

So we have the capacity to act with purpose and speak with intention. That is what we can do, and it is my prayer that this year of 2019 will bring us all together so that we can fulfill the words I read and thought about this morning. Let us all think carefully, act prudently and use our words for righteous purposes. Happy New Year Y’all!

Thanksgiving – A Celebration That We Can All Share and Lessons for us all to Learn

What follows is a brief reflection I shared at our recently held community-wide Interfaith Thanksgiving Celebration. This was a gathering of celebration, exactly the type I long for when we gather for something somber as we did several weeks ago. I have been asked by several people if I would share this on my blog so here it is. The celebration was held at St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Glenside, Pennsylvania and coordinated by its wonderful Pastor, Emily Richards. Jews, Muslims, Christians, and adherents of other religious traditions all gathered together as people of faith and as Americans.

About three and a half weeks ago, we had a huge community gathering at Reform Congregation Keneseth Israel where people of all faiths came together to support the Jewish community as we mourned the loss of members of our larger faith community in a violent incident in Pittsburgh. I remember feeling so thankful for this outpouring of love, concern and support from my friends in faith, all faiths. I wrote in my blog that week about how I so appreciate how we help each other through challenges and that I would hope we could join hands and hearts in celebration as well. And here we are doing just that. For that I am thankful.

I am thankful to be living in this country and freely practicing my faith as we all, in this beautiful sanctuary of faith, are doing. We would like to think that this freedom is fundamental to our identity as Americans; that we, as the children of Israel so long ago in the text that Rabbi Berkowitz just read, came to our covenanted union with certain understandings of our practices and our responsibilities to be contributing and appropriate members of the society that we would build together. As we all know, while this idealized notion feels good, this is not the entire story. In our lives today, we are constantly reminded of the vulnerability of that freedom to be, that we all cherish and often take for granted, as we remember and share our concern for those whose freedom to be is being threatened.

We in the Jewish community are taught to remember Amalek and to never forget that this nation took advantage of our most vulnerable members. One of the more controversial teachings, for some, is the clear injunction to destroy Amalek for doing so, for not acknowledging strength or integrity, but for fighting those least able to defend ourselves. Many of our Jewish commentators explain that we are to not only destroy the Amalek that takes advantage of others outside of ourselves, but inside of ourselves as well. We as Israelites came to the land promised to us long ago as tenders of the soil, protectors of the land and each other, and as those required to take care of and welcome all those who come to us as strangers, but stay as members of our family, so to speak. This was the idea of the Native Americans so long ago when they too welcomed the other and shared the land and their resources with them. It is this lesson of caring for all those around us and not taking advantage of vulnerabilities that we are to remember and to practice when we are the best we can be. Doing so is fundamental to keeping the commandments God gave to us then, and to our covenant with each other, and what it asks from us now.

We cannot acknowledge and be thankful for our blessings without showing concern for those for whom these very basic elements of a life well lived may be denied or threatened. As there was affliction long ago in the reading from Deuteronomy, we are witnessing the same in our world today. For those of us who are able to be thankful for the blessings bestowed upon us, we hope that we are worthy and that we are properly sharing and caring with our resources as the commanded action of doing Tzedakah asks of us. Many experts tell us that there should not be hunger in our world today, we have technology to clean water and provide healthy environments for so many who do not have these most basic necessities, and with responsible choices, we can use our many financial and material resources to better the lives of so many. All of our religious traditions and our foundational texts tell us to do just this and chastise us when we don’t.

Yes, I am thankful for this assemblage. I am thankful that I can practice the faith in which I believe. I am thankful that we, people of different faiths can come together to celebrate what we share and recognize fully and respect where we differ. And I am thankful for the many blessings God, in Infinite Compassion, has bestowed upon us. Let us behave responsibly with these blessings and the quality of life they enable. My prayer is that for all of us who have come together in fellowship and as people of faith reach out to those who cannot be here and gently remind all of us of our humanity, our need for each other, and how we are indeed to show our gratitude by extending our hand to those around us. Then, with God’s help, we will show ourselves to merit these blessings for which we are so thankful.

And now for a footnote: This past weekend, our entire family gathered together and as is usual for us, we talked about important and relevant issues in our lives. It is always such a treat for me to gather with all of our children, their partners in life and the next generation, our eldest daughter’s four adorable girls. I am always touched by how they each continue to exude the values we all hold so dear in their professional as well as personal lives. Each of them does continue to extend their hand to others, to care about all people and to truly try to make this world a better place. For this too, I am eternally and boundlessly thankful. When people often worry about our next generation, look carefully. There are indeed many wonderful things that are happening due to the efforts of these younger adults who are caring more, doing so much and addressing many of our challenges. I pray that they will continue to do so for many years to come as well as show those who have forgotten how to work together with all people, both those similar to and those different from them, exactly how to do so and the benefit that accrues from such cooperation and sharing.

Here we are, acts threatening our humanity continue, and now what?

In the past few weeks, there have been letter bombs, several mass murders, individual acts of violence and hatred also ending lives that should still be lived, and of course the 24/7 barrage of words of vengeance and hatred that make me think we should all just stop talking. It really does get to be too much. And yet…. Such beautiful moments of resilience and hope.

This past Sunday twenty-two people came together across lines of faith – Jews, various iterations of Christians, Muslims, and wonderful resources in our larger community to have a meaningful and substantive discussion on Immigration – the challenges that we know are acting as significant and difficult roadblocks and the voices of our respective faiths, telling us to make the “other” one of us, because we are all created in the image of God. These gatherings always bolster me and give me cause for hope that the hard work many of us are engaged in is with purpose and may actually achieve something meaningful. Representatives from HIAS, Peace Islands Institute, Cabrini University, and so many of our faith communities shared stories including our own past with members of our families coming to the USA for a better life, with few prospects and from countries that were less than desirable. Our gratitude that our relatives not so long ago took this chance and the United States responded affirmatively was not lost in that room. Then we had to interface that with real stories of today and people who are being threatened given the climate in this country – people who are making our country a better place through their hard work, foundational values and important legacies. As one of the people with whom I have ongoing contact said some time ago when we were discussing the present dilemma and I tried to gently remind that person that we ourselves were immigrants, “That was fifty or more years go and that was different.” No, I would comment, in our conversation, it is not different. In fact, consider that if the present climate was operative when YOUR family came to this country, would they have been let in? What is different – simply that once again to forget history is to repeat its mistakes, and there are now way too many people who have forgotten their past and refuse to use it to acknowledge our obligation to give others a future, as those who came before us did for us.

In one of my shul (synagogue) communities of which I am part, both of the past weeks were important ones of reflection, consideration of our present reality and a shared validation of what is truly important in our lives – with so many people of different faiths supporting us with their presence and expression of solidarity on Show Up For Shabbat, a report from one of our community’s Rabbis on his experience as a chaplain with the Red Cross in Pittsburgh to help guide that community through its crisis, a moving talk from the heart from one of our State Senators and our wonderful Rabbi who provided just the right healing community feeling we all needed. The bringing together of prayer, lessons of Torah and looking at our world with all of its flaws and finding hope in each other’s caring solidarity was another example of the best of who we can and should be. Knowing that this was the case in so many of our houses and communities of faith bolsters my spirit and encourages my soul.

Now, I am in the midst of working with a wonderful group of Christian, Muslim and Jewish clergy in planning a community wide Interfaith Thanksgiving Celebration. We will all come together as Americans who are free to practice the religions of our choice, a fundamental right guaranteed to us all, along with others that at present are being threatened. As Thanksgiving approaches with all of its attendant complexities and reframed meanings, the notion that we stop yet again and be thankful for our lives and many blessings seems to be something worth sharing and observing with other American communities of faith. It is my hope that as many people will make the point of showing up for these celebrations that will occur in many communities as they did a few weeks ago. It is critically important that we come together to celebrate to the same degree that we come together to mourn and support each other when needed.

Finally, this coming weekend I will be with one of my most cherished communities, a group of Orthodox Jewish parents of LGBT children. We will come together for prayer, community and sharing our stories with each other, while celebrating our children and their accomplishments and their lives. Once a year, we all gather while supporting each other in navigating the more religiously pitched communities in our lives and loving our children and advocating for them. I look forward to this gathering which is in its sixth year and am so aware of how much has changed in the past few years with more and more shuls/synagogues and schools and other institutions welcoming our LGBT children and other family members and friends.

Yes, there is much to celebrate and be thankful for in our lives. That being said, we cannot take these things for granted. We must always be aware of the need to continue to cherish what is important and to advocate for what is needed. It is when we stop looking to the sides and over our shoulder, insuring that everyone is safe, included and valued, that we as a society are most threatened. This Thanksgiving let us celebrate our many blessings and as we each approach our different winter celebrations, we should remember to honor each other’s narrative and consider what we can all learn from and with each other.

Once Again, Horror Brings Us Together - Respponding to Pittsburgh

Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night after our Sabbath observance) I went to reconnect to the world (as we stay completely unplugged during our Shabbatot/Sabbaths and Hagim/Holidays) and found a flurry of emails talking about the tragedy in Pittsburgh and the community response. Immediately my colleagues from various faith communities in the community in which I live had already been moving on all cylinders to make sure we had a place and service to gather for the following evening at 7:00 pm, less than 24 hours of my viewing these emails.

My assigned task as President of our Cheltenham Area Multi-Faith Council was to get the word out to as many people as possible in different communities of faith. We live in a celebrated and acknowledged community of diversity, not unlike Squirrel Hill and people feel safe in this diversity and acceptance as well as valuing of each other. The fact that Squirrel Hill is such a community makes this already horrific occurrence even more startling. Truly nowhere is safe if we ever were naïve to think otherwise. I quickly blasted the information for a service that had to yet be planned, which would be done the following day, to as many people in our Jewish world and in our larger world of communities of faith in Montgomery County, where we live.

After another flurry of emails and phone calls, it was clear that there would be a meeting to organize this even at 3:00 pm Sunday afternoon. I entered the room and there were Rabbis, Cantors, Pastors and Reverends from other faith communities and whoever could be reached “on the fly” with absolutely no lead time. In one hour, we had ourselves a plan. We then each went our ways to go over our parts and figure out how to bring it together and less than two hours later, reconvened to gather with whoever was reachable and could come.

We found sanctuary in our very large sanctuary that was truly filled to the brim – with Jews across the ideological spectrum, many Christians of various iterations, Muslims and people of other faiths from our community as well. We all came together to share words of healing, honor the lives of those who were snuffed out tragically, and to take comfort and bring comfort to each other. I have received such an overwhelming avalanche of thank you emails and remarks from people about how meaningful Sunday night was.

So in that context, I want to offer a few remarks. First, we do tragedy really well. The majority of those of humanity who are good and caring find our ways to each other in times of need. How wonderful it would be if we could do the same at moments that are celebratory and those of shared observance. We in the Jewish faith always say at such times – May we all be worthy of sharing many joyful moments together. Yes, if we want to really feel community, let us share those moments too such as acknowledging our shared valuing of Thanksgiving as Americans, or coming together for important community conversations about critical issues that threaten even the peaceful and celebrated existence of communities like Squirrel Hill and Cheltenham, on opposite sides of Pennsylvania.

Secondly, and this is not a statement of politics, but of common decency at least and a foundational Jewish value (shared by other faiths) at most – WATCH OUR WORDS and teach our children to do the same. HOLD OUR LEADERS ACCOUNTABLE for what they say, for words certainly do lead to deeds and anyone who claims otherwise has not been paying attention to the world in which we live, like, forever. That is why in Proverbs we read “Death and life are at the hand of our tongue” – the mercy of what we say. Notice death is mentioned first, emphasizing the known idiom THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Finally, remember that our faiths ask us to be the best we can be. The fact that it was communities of faith who came together throughout this country and elsewhere in our world is significant. G-d wants us to love each other and to care about each other, for EVERY HUMAN BEING is made BeTzelem Elokim. Islam, Christianity and Judaism all hold as core the notion that we should love and care for the other as we do ourselves. When you look at someone else and see the reflection of yourself in their eyes and the God piece of their soul, one has to love one’s neighbor as oneself, maybe not always like, or agree with, but love as in respecting and honoring that at our core, we are all little tiny pieces of God who created us all.

When one forgets that, one loses their humanity. May the memories of eleven souls and the worlds they represented from the Tree Of Life Congregation and those of the policemen and first responders who have left this world for us to tend and fix always be for a blessing.

What are we teaching and learning and losing along the way?

It’s all around us – more and more technology and less and less interaction with each other. I think that this, too, is a dynamic that has contributed to where we are in our world at the present time. I am often involved in discussions dedicated to how we get people to listen to and interact intentionally and meaningfully with each other and not shout each other down, which seems to be the preferred way to go for too many people in our world today.

Schools are increasing their use of technology, which has its obvious advantages, However, unfortunately, in too many cases this is done at the expense of teaching about how to be community – both what one gets from being part of a collective and the responsibility that goes into being a contributing member of a larger group of people.

According to a Nielsen report, adults in the United States watch five hours and four minutes of television per day on average (35.5 h/week, slightly more than 77 days per year). According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids ages 8-18 now spend, on average, 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment each day, 4.5 of which are spent watching TV. Over a year, that adds up to 114 full days watching a screen for fun and not interacting with other people, learning and honing social skills and participating in interactive athletic or creative activity. Conversely, numerous studies indicate that families spend a total of 34 – 35 minutes together as a family unit per day on average, and little of that is used for communication. The family was always the first social frontier for children and traditionally it was within the context of this social unit that children learned how to communicate, share space with others, have compassion for one another, listen and so on. At this point, this is severely compromised, though there is good news as more and more modern families are cutting screen time and other diversions significantly and intentionally planning family time and planned interactive involvements with increasing regularity.

Schools (including those considered to be some of our better ones) have in some cases become places where kids are left to their own devices with on line learning materials, and may end up doing nothing but playing and watching screens until they are caught (which has happened). This is now the main means of “interaction,” – programmed, distilled, biased and doing the thinking for too many people today. Again, while our motivated students can move faster and more efficiently with this delivery of their educational program, we must ask at what cost. This is consistent with so many observations and complaints regarding our present media- driven culture, including worries about our children’s communication skills beyond texting and IM’ing. How do we roll it back?

As an educator who has worked so hard to help students develop these skills of collaboration and cooperation through the decades of my professional activity, I am horrified and scared that in many ways, the hard work that my colleagues and I engaged in with great success is no longer valued. We have always held that the role of education was not to facilitate the production of automatons yet in some of our educational venues, that is what is happening. Individuals are so wrapped up with their own progress and trajectory, they do not stop to think about the other people around them; and then stop to consider how we can learn with and from each other, contributing to a self-centered way of viewing one’s world.

In collaborating and cooperating with others we are forced to go outside of ourselves, perhaps even, to move from our comfort zone to our courage zone. Doing so should be celebrated and valued at this point in our lives when so much is at stake as we watch in horror as basic skills of communication and being concerned about what you hear as much as what I say is being sidelined for the repeated loud and, often, offensive shouting we observe in our daily lives.

Is this really the world we want our children to grow up in and repeat for generations to come? I would suggest that we all insure that we work on communication skills and demand that our schools do the same. Otherwise all of one’s acquired knowledge will not be used for the potential good it can serve. This is not the first time we are confronting this dilemma; our history is riddled with it. It just seems that the stakes continue to get higher and unless we really care about and interact with each other in a meaningful way…. Well, we already see the other option too present in our world!

There is a New Supreme Court Justice in Place – What Have We Learned and Where Do We Go Now?

So here is my alternate reality. Judge Brett Kavanaugh is up to be a Supreme Court Justice. The country is terribly fractured due to poor examples of acting like an adult that are coming from the seat of the Executive Branch of our government, unfortunately. Scream, call people names, bully anyone and everyone who challenges you and so on …. By the way, Melania, didn’t you say you wanted to address bullying? Where are you when we need just that?

Anyway, so there is a judge that is being questioned and it gets difficult as evidence is uncovered of less than seemly, even horrible, behavior of this same person in his teen years and apparently into his twenties. Let’s imagine that this information comes to light and the judge who should have an even and appropriate temperament insists calmly that he has no memory of certain aspects of that time, while admitting to behavior that he is not proud of and regrets. A woman makes a very difficult statement about what happened to her and Kavanaugh’s involvement. She insists it happened; he insists it did not. There is an impasse. And then the statement I would hope could be made might go something like this. “Dr. Ford, I am sincerely sorry for what happened to you. That is truly horrible. I honestly do not have any memory of it. Yes, I did act like so many kids and did things I am not proud of and do definitely regret. If there is any chance that in fact I was involved as you say, Dr. Ford, I humbly apologize and in doing so would ask all of us to consider how foolish and inappropriate behaviors on any of our parts cold result in horrific memories and impact on others. I am truly sorry for anything I may have done that hurt anyone in such a profound way. That being said, I ask that all look at my record during the past twenty-five years. Yes, I am a conservative, but as you can see, I have voted with my conscience, not always adhering to one or the other ideology. I listen, I consider and I try to do what is right. I ask for forgiveness for the missteps of youth as I imagine we all do at times and again, Dr. Ford, I am truly sorry for what happened to you though I have no memory of being involved.”

So back to where we are. There is anger, frustration, ugly facial expressions, inappropriate accusations, disrespect for public officials, inappropriate and hurtful interactions, and a general disregard for what is honorable, while our children are watching and too many adults shake their heads in complete horror. We also note that too much of our society has now taken a page from that aforementioned Head of State’s playbook and think this is perfectly okay. Then we wonder why there is more violence, more disrespect, increasing lines of fracture and complete frustration in a country that we used to have such pride in for so many reasons. There is no wonder here, as Robert Bly (author of The Sibling Society) explains, that now instead of children looking at fairy tales and wanting to rid the world of the monsters that haunt us, they want to BECOME the monsters. That is what we are witnessing in our lives today.

Senators Coons and Flake, we need you, we need your friendship and respect that exist alongside your differences, we need to go back to the basics of how to act as human beings and for each and every one of us to remember that our way is not the only way. I do think that this has been a horrible display --- but not of the behavior of those of one political party, as the other political party has charged, but rather of the loss of common decency at the highest levels of the government of the land that claims that decency is a fundamental part of who we are. At this point, I am sad to say we as a country are NOT THAT and instead have become so much of what we abhorred for so long in other parts of the world. What do we do to get back to the example and reality we are supposed to be and how do we truly reclaim our identity as “one nation under God?” I am sure that God (however one refers to that entity) is crying “My children, my children, what has happened?” -- as the prophets taught so long ago.

An Important Lesson on Intersectionality from Camille Cosby

Erev Sukkot, this past Sunday morning, I looked at the newspaper as we always do on Sunday morning.. There on the first page was the trifecta of one of our most compelling major societal problems – articles about the situation with Judge Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford, a story about a Priest who had sexually abused multiple members of one family as well as others and one entitled ‘Cosby back in Court this week for sentencing.” Further along in the paper there was yet another article about a young man who had been sexually bused by his priest and ultimately took his life, because he could no longer live with the truth that was his life. Needless to say, I was depressed as well as overwhelmed by what has gone so wrong that the most basic right of sanctity and safety of self has become more political pawn in our public sphere than the fundamental value we have all cherished and fought so hard to achieve.

I was particularly horrified when Camille Cosby and her husband’s publicists were reported to have “compared him to civil rights icons Nelson Mandela and Emmett Till, insisting that he, too, is the victim of corrupt and racist justice system.”. Later in the week, his legal counsel stated “he is being persecuted like Jesus.”. Really???? If in fact these individuals did not say this, then shame on those who did; however, as I heard the latter comment from the person to whom it is ascribed, I do doubt this is the case and those who are responsible for these comments should be ashamed of themselves.

There is this phenomenon in our contemporary society and language called INTERSECTIONALITY. It is particularly invoked by our young 20- and 30-somethings to challenge all of us to look around us and consider the plight of others at best, and at worst, collapse all wrongs of society as they perceive them to be as one and the same. As defined by Webster and others, “intersectionality is an analytic framework which attempts to identify how interlocking systems of power impact those who are most marginalized in society.” At its best, this notion states that if one is concerned about one victimized or maligned portion of our population and human family, than we should be concerned about others. That is to say that people of color should care deeply about women, those with physical limitations should show compassion for those with mental or emotional limitations, LGBTQ community members should work to advocate for the rights of immigrants who are taking a difficult hit, to say the least, Jews should advocate for Muslims (which by the way, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks often claims), and so on. The theory of intersectionality as presently and properly practiced basically sets up situations where all of us should and must be sensitive to the vulnerabilities of others and this is a noble agenda for many self-evident reasons. For some, we think of it as common decency, which unfortunately is not quite so common as it should be in today’s fractured world.

However, intersectionality is NOT without its potential pitfalls, as is the case with any ideology or theory. Here is where Camille Cosby and her husband’s supporters come in. Really? Like Nelson Mandela or Emmett Till? Comparisons to Jesus? Okay, this is INTERSECTIONALITY running amuck. As someone who goes into internal shock every time someone just thoughtlessly and way too easily compares anyone they decide is an oppressor or perceived wrongdoer as a Nazi or when Israel is cast in the same tonal colors as governing entities who hang their own citizens just for being who they are, I am once again saddened and horrified that we as a society have become so thoughtless and careless that we reduce our lives to meaningless and hurtful soundbites, no longer honoring those who have been victimized by truly horrific entities but claiming that all perceived victims are the same no matter what they may have done and even if they are not actually victims but rather perpetrators of wrongdoing.

Black lives DO matter and ME TOO is an important initiative and we must all remember that if our parents and grandparents came to this country seeking sanctuary, we should apply those principles appropriately so that the United States of America can continue to provide such to those who are truly victims of torture and whose lives are in peril. That being said, ALL THOSE WHO ARE CHARGED WITH WRONGDOING are not the same and are not equal. Please, can we all just remember that we are supposedly people of reason and leave the histrionics aside! No, Camille Cosby, your husband is no Nelsom Mandela or Emmett Till and I would hope you will reconsider how you have maligned their names and their battles.

MY BEST ROSH HASHANA EVER

This year for a variety of reasons, Ken and I tried something completely different. We decided to go to a Rosh HaShana retreat at Isabella Friedman Retreat Center. I was all ready to channel my inner hippie from decades ago and to get into a Kumbaya zone, though I knew there was an Orthodox minyan for davening (prayers) and the food is strictly Kosher. Actually, friends of our recommended this Retreat Center from their experience during another Chag (holiday), so we decided to see what it was all about.

We got in our car on Sunday and prepared for the approximately four-hour drive to Connecticut, just over the state line shared with New York. We took the scenic route avoiding the Turnpikes and the peace and calm of all that we saw, even with rain, that seemed to be an ongoing theme throughout the three and a half days, was just breath-taking. We arrived at this beautiful retreat center that certainly did not disappoint. It was beautiful, bucolic even, with water (in the lake, not just coming down from the clouds), fields, trails (which I had hoped to try out but maybe next time when the water is only in the lake), beautiful cabins and lovely large spaces for gathering.

Isabella Friedman Retreat Center is a completely environmentally conscious and sustainable space and the food is reported to be amazing. So now, I can attest to the notion that this is not just a matter of report, but experience. The food was plentiful, beautifully presented and nourished the body completely. The surroundings were perfect for the contemplative nature of the beginning of these Ten Days of Returning to God that is part of the annual cycle of the rhythm of Jewish life and living. Sustainable practices are clearly front and center and one is definitely aware that the food we eat has a source, is grown and produced and served by the members of the internal community who live and work at the resort with pride and respect for the environment that provides us with all of these gifts.

There were two prayer options for the Rosh HaShana observance, one Orthodox and one Egalitarian. Additionally, there were members of the community that came together who just walked, hiked, talked, meditated, thought and just came to be in this inspiring and inspired space. The minute we walked into the Orthodox prayer space as well as entered the dining tent, it was clear that yes, my inner hippie was indeed in its happy space but there was actually quite a wide swath of people present – geographically (though most participants were from New York and New Jersey, people were there from California, Washington State and Toronto as well as many other regions of the United States), generationally (no we were NOT the only people there over the age of forty!), in terms of observance, sexuality, gender identity, with regard to what people eat and do not eat, and so on .. and we stayed in dorm like bunks, nice beautiful cabins (that would be Ken and me), tents and a variety of places to rest and relax. Multi-generational families, couples, individuals, groups of friends and just Jews of so many different orientations were part of this little world that would evolve over approximately 72 hours.

One of the biggest surprises and joys for me was the prayer experience. I too often get the impression that people feel that Rosh HaShana is a chore to get through, with way too many pages in the Machzor (prayer book) and up to nine hours of each of two days, as well as a good chunk of time the previous evening when it begins so as to seem rather daunting at best. But this was absolutely not the case. Rabbi Avraham Arieh Trugman spoke about the joy along with the judgment of the observance and the balance of so many different elements, that indeed may seem paradoxical, but in truth ask of us to bring our whole and complete selves to the Rosh HaShana experience. This was exactly what I felt – transported to that place where all of me was there. The singing and the communal voices raised as one led by Rabbi Avram Mlotek, the quiet contemplative prayer elements and the joy of being in this assemblage all combined to truly make this a special and meaningful Rosh HaShana. Each time we finished our long services, we did not race to leave, but rather danced and sang – sharing that joy that makes community at its best. This was exactly what I always want my prayer and community to be, and it was indeed that.

Another great joy for me in this space was the real feeling of Klal Yisrael. The various continuums listed above in terms of who was there added so much to the experience. People floated in and out of various groups, even between the prayer options, and there seemed to be this seamless sense of yes, we are this community, invested in each other and caring about those around us. Conversations were deep and new friendships celebrated with hopes of seeing each other again. I was honored to be teaching two classes, which also showed the value of bringing people together who may not pray the same, think the same and live the same, but in fact we are all part of the same unified whole. We truly celebrated what we shared and honored and respected differences as well. This was a huge part of this experience for me, and gives me something to hold onto as we re-enter our fractured world.

When I find myself in these spaces of diversity within unity and unity of diversity, I am bolstered and reminded of how we can and do build bridges and go back and forth across them, instead of being contained by fences and walls. The respect shown by all whether it was a traditionally clad Orthodox Rabbi or a Rabbi from the Egalitarian group who was female or a communal leader dressed more casually, it did not matter who said Kiddush, gave a D’var Torah or led Birkat HaMazon. We all did what we needed to do to fulfill our own traditions and practice; and more importantly, we were all Jews who came together hoping for and trying to begin a new year with positive energy and meaningful experience.

We learn that the true miracle of Mount Sinai and the giving of Torah was that all came with “one heart and one voice.” We read during this observance that Abraham and Yitzchak approached the challenge of the Akeidah “the two of them together as one.” This is what I long for - that all of us come together with our different voices, various levels of observance, words of prayer, authentic selves, varied garb and amazing and wonderful ideas – and come to build amazing unity, enriched by the many forms of diversity we bring. Happy 5779 to all and thank you Isabella Friedman Retreat Center for a truly singularly inspiring Rosh HaShana.

Gimar Tov to all - may those of us in our Jewish cycle of observances be sealed for a good, meaningful and purposeful life in the coming year.

Mourning the way we are mourning….

I often remember the story (I think I have this more or less correct) of how Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill visited President Ronald Reagan when he was ailing and said “I love you Mr. President.” President Reagan stated, “I love you too.” What was so remarkable about this interchange is that it is well known and records clearly report that politically, these two men did not, shall we say, agree, on many occasions. In fact, one could say that they were political enemies. That being said, when it came to them as human beings and individuals there was a mutual respect. In fact it had a name in the media – FRENEMIES. Ah, those were the days…. When Democratic and Republican members of the House and Senate would meet at a bar together after a difficult conflict and pull of their shared humanity and love of country to chat and joke with each other, that is to be human with each other and to share that humanity. As a student in Washington DC, we actually would see some of these scenes at area bars and restaurants and it was highly instructive to all of us.

Here we sit as our nation mourns the death of John McCain, may his memory be for a blessing. No, I did not always agree with his politics, and in his later run for Presidency, while I was still fanaticizing about a potential McCain – Lieberman ticket that truly would have crossed the aisle of political loyalties, I really wondered what happened to him. I did not always agree with him, but I always respected him and knew that he loved this country truly and deeply. This is indeed a great thing to honor and to step back and hold ourselves accountable in terms of how we express this love and loyalty without hurting and maligning others. If that is me being a bleeding-hearted Democrat, then I accept the charge and accusation graciously.

For the first time in many months, I am watching some of the news – that which honors what Senator McCain stood for, his humanity with his strengths and self-admitted weaknesses as a human being, his love of country and his respectful stance. This is what I fear we have lost with his death. I remember for many years watching and reading our news media and being aware of what was happening in this country and feeling that we have such different views of what it is we should be as a democracy and as a nation that is humane and represents the best of humanity. I would get frustrated at times and then feel heartened at times that we are indeed living in a wonderful place and are striving to be so much better as we move along. I would value the democracy in which we live in which everyone gets their say without fear of being shut down or out-shouted.

Sadly, I no longer feel this way. I am hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated and I question deeply what is happening in our lives as Americans. To say there is a new low bar and that this measuring rod gets continually lowered daily is an understatement. I remember a few weeks ago, on Meet The Press, Chuck Todd ended a morning by stating that it really felt good to discuss actual issues in an intelligent way for a change. This is what I long for and I just do not see too much today.

Anger begets anger and we have been duly warned that prejudice and racism exist just under the thin veneer of a civilized society. These are the two most powerful truisms that I see operative today one a half years into this administrative cycle. Pettiness, narcissistic puerile tantrums and out-shouting everyone and anyone who disagrees is the chosen path of the present occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Maligning soldiers who have served, hurling horrible insults at large swaths of people, insulting those with whom this individual does not agree, use of inappropriate language and so many other behaviors clearly attest to what this person says as well as what this person does. And lest we think others do not notice and feel validated in taking on these behaviors, think again.

We know that prejudice related incidents and hate crimes have risen precipitously in this country. I am reminded of several people who have stated that now that the present administration is in place, they will do and say what they really think and want, because after all, if that person thinks that he can go in the middle of New York and shoot someone and still have supporters in place, than why can’t others do the same?

I am a Democrat. I did not agree with Reagan politics and much of what John McCain put forth especially in later years of his career. That being said, there was love of humanity, love of country and respect for the human community of which we are all part. Where is this today in the Executive leadership of this country? Too many people have forgotten how to speak with each other instead of out-shout each other; too many no longer feel any need to dialogue and learn about the other; and the giant step backwards in lack of tolerance and acceptance is so palpable it is disturbing, with too many Americans and people depending on this country fearing for their future.

John McCain, when asked about what he sees in the future, stated that he was optimistic about our county. What died with him? I think more than a bit of that optimism. Why? Because we are losing our grip as human beings who can agree to disagree, celebrating where we do agree and respecting and honoring differences and above all, remembering that none of us is above The One Who Created Us. That is to be embraced by all of us regardless of political party.

As we enter the Jewish year of 5779, it is appropriate to think and reflect about where we have been and where we are going. I will be praying this year that the United States of America finds its way back to a sane and respectful dialogue and that those who have forgotten that we are to celebrate our diversity will remember that without respect and regard for each other and understanding that we all have a great deal to learn from each other, the legacy left by so many of our leaders that truly tried to be and do their best will be severely compromised. Let us remember the love between Speaker of the House O’Neill and President Reagan and the respect and regard engendered by Senator John McCain. May their memories be for a blessing.

I just returned from Mars, so… Okay let’s try this again – how do we talk with each other when we disagree?

I just returned from a conference that was for academics who are invested in Multi-Faith Dialogue and Learning sponsored by the Hickey Center of Nazareth College under the able and gracious leadership of Dr. Muhammad Shafiq. We gathered from the United States, Canada, Indonesia, Pakistan, Israel/Palestine, Germany, Bangladesh, and other places as well. We are Muslims, Christians – including various strands of Catholics and Protestants, Jews, Hindus, and people of other faiths. We value our religious teachings, our texts and the foundational values of the religious scriptures we hold so dear. The topic of our discussions and learning this year was Religions and The (De)Legitimization of Violence.

It is always such a pleasure, relief and reason for hope in our fractured world when I can spend this type of dedicated time with people across lines of national, religious, ethnic and other types of identity where we can celebrate what we share and honor and respect where we differ. We do it so well and are often frustrated that this is not reflected in our world at large. You will not find any mention of this amazing group on the six o’clock news nor will you hear about their scholarship or share what they learn in the general press, because this group is focused on healing our world, not breaking its back further – and lets be honest, the media is not so interested! It is from this understanding of how different and special that this experience is that the title of this blog comes – one of my colleagues remarked “I feel like I am on Mars here.”

Last year at this conference, one of the speakers remarked that if we do not feel a bit uncomfortable at times, then we are not doing what we are supposed to do. Clearly there was some vexing in trying to understand those texts we all have in our scriptures that focus on survival of the group that adheres to it and statements regarding those that disagree. That being said, we all agreed, that NONE OF OUR SCRIPTURES validates violence or war or even disregard for the other just because we feel like it, or disapprove, or don’t like the way someone else believes.

We found several themes that were repeated regarding why these discussions are often thwarted, avoided or worse in our world and here are the main ideas that came from these interactions:

1. Too often there is the problem of using texts out of context. It is much easier to choose a phrase that validates one’s point of view than to take the time to study and learn its context and truly put the effort into grasping the fullness of its meaning and to the best of our ability, grapple with its actual intention.

2. There are many shades of gray in these discussions; every discussion involved the type of parsing and intentional interactions with the texts of the Scriptures of various groups that again, take time and patience as well as the understanding that this is not a matter of black or white but the many different ways we relate to the God to whom we hold ourselves accountable.

3. When we take the time to listen to each other deeply and ask questions of clarification instead of shouting down the other person who believes differently than we do with demeaning and dismissive language, we find that we often have the same challenges with our understanding of what God wants from us as well as the need to maintain the humility we as human beings with limitations must hold on to in trying to reach that level of comprehension. 4. We all come back to the point that we are all children of God, that The Creator God could have made us all the same but chose not to do so. We also agreed that we do not always understand God’s ways but try to discern God’s message by acting kindly and with care in our lives. This is foundational to all of us as people of faith.

In sharing and reaffirming these findings, we all agree that it is unjustified fear and insecurity as well as hubris and unchecked egos that create many of the problems that are identified in our world as religious differences and an inability to live together with other people of faith who may not believe just as we do. We cannot blame that on religion and certainly not on God, or whatever name we call The Holy One! By extending kindness to others, by putting our best selves out there and by teaching all around us to do the same, we can accomplish so much, without compromising our own belief systems. We as academic learners and teachers all agreed that doing so is as important as any text we can learn and distill for others, though our texts do indeed ask us to do just this! So here is my challenge and my question to each one of us – What are YOUR texts that you want to use to teach the essence of who you/we are as people of faith who believe in God?

My Favorite Rabbis, Priests, Reverends, Imams, Pastors and Religious Leaders in General

My favorite leaders of our many faith communities know that we are ALL created in the image of God, however we refer to the Almighty Creator of All.

These leaders know that we are responsible to be welcoming and inclusive of all people, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, race, ethnic group, abilities and disabilities they may have, etc.

These leaders remember our roots, our stories of persecution and immigration, often forced, and use the empathy garnered from those memories and their values to fight for what is right for all people.

These leaders of our many faith communities march in rallies, and lead us in doing so.

These leaders sign petitions fighting for basic rights and decency and challenge us to do the same.

Our best faith community leaders inspire us with their heartfelt words and do so continually in spite of any pushback they receive, and they do!

These leaders of our many faith communities show us by their example how to remember who we are as people of faith and fight for what is right and just, even when and sometimes, especially when our political leaders and others have totally lost their compass as to what it means to do so.

These leaders show us how to overcome our challenges by leading the way through sharing their own and the lessons that have come from them to forge their life direction.

These leaders of our faith communities show us how to care by caring, how to listen by listening and how to have empathy by sharing graciously from their own reservoir.

And most important, it does not matter to these leaders if you are more liberal or more strictly religiously observant. As one of my favorite Orthodox rabbis says, people think I am being lenient in taking positions regarding the well-being of people. I am actually being MACHMIR (that means very strict) about the most important aspects of Jewish Law – to truly care about each other and to remember we are all made in the image of The Holy One.

The Deserts in Our Lives: Are They Physical or Spiritual?

In the Jewish rhythm of our weekly Torah readings, we recently began the fourth book of the Torah (The Five Books of Moses) called Numbers in English and BaMidbar in Hebrew. BaMidbar means “in the desert” and indeed this book speaks of the experiences of the Children of Israel during their forty years in the desert after having received the Law and witnessed the many amazing experiences, facilitated and directed by God. While one might think that there would be boundless gratitude and corresponding behavior, this is in fact not the case as the narrative is relayed to us. Quite the opposite, there is discord, rebellion and too many instances of serious missteps. This is not new – we have already read about the complaints regarding the Manna, the building of the golden calf and other such problematic events. So what is going on here? Is it the heat of the desert or is it something else – something much more generic to the human being?

I would suggest that there is a spiritual desert that parallels the physical desert and that its impact is much more far reaching and profound. We know the joke as to why it took forty years for the Jewish people to reach their destination – their leaders were men and they refused to ask for directions. Parenthetically as a woman who has NO sense of direction and with a husband who has a great one, but refuses to ask for directions…. I get this. If only they had had GPS or as we like to call her, Ms. Shirley Google (yes a female!). But actually, our sages teach us that they needed this time in the desert to throw off the mindset they had acquired as slaves in Egypt. The word for slave is EVED, but it is important to note that this word conveys the meaning of serving another and we are taught that the B’nai Yisrael while no longer servants to Egyptian masters, are in fact to serve God, The One who brought them out of Egypt to be God’s people. So what does this mean? We know it is not total and complete unfettered freedom, for there are far too many rules and regulations that dictate and define what that freedom means and how it is to be enacted.

What is the purpose of those rules and why would we want to be so disciplined and structured after having left such a situation? For an answer just look at your own teenage years or those of your children and you have your answer. We as human beings do have the potential to choose and to do so freely but as we see way too often those capacities are not always used for the best purposes. Consider (how can we not) the 24/7 newsfeed that is now a given in our lives, whether we like it or not. HERE IS THE TURTH! WE NEED RULES! WE NEED TO CHECK OUR HUBRIS! WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE! Being so may and hopefully does protect us from our own potential spiritual deserts. Perhaps this is the lesson of Sefer BaMidbar, the book of Desert Stories (or Numbers – yes, lets count those stories!).

Siblings forget how to behave and that G-d (and perhaps parents, hopefully) acknowledge that equal treatment of each loved child does not mean SAME treatment, but rather accommodating for the different needs and characteristics in an analogous way. Is G-d trying to teach us this when he calls Miriam, Aaron and Moses together at the Tent of Meeting (think of it as the Kitchen Talk – you know, the three of you get down here now! ) to explain that G-d’s relationship with each of them is different and they need to understand this.

Leaders have great responsibility with their words, clearly a MUCH NEEDED lesson for today. So when the scouts return and deliver their fearful reports about the land of Israel and incite the same fear and doubt amongst the masses, we are taught that leaders do matter and must take the additional responsibility of weighing and considering the impact of what they are to say. Here was their spiritual desert story. Korach and his rebellion is yet another example of this both from his point of view and perhaps in terms of the bigger picture regarding how he perceived leadership being handled. And then of course there is Moses striking the stone out of complete and total frustration. This is understandable to be sure, but what do the people learn from our leaders and what do our children learn from us when we are traversing the obstacles of our own spiritual deserts? What responsibility do we have to act in a way that will inspire the correct behaviors and responses and not incite the wrong ones? This, I believe, is the lesson of the forty years in the physical and spiritual deserts of BaMidbar, for all of us to consider carefully. May we all wade through those deserts in our lives with grace of soul, spirit of heart and adherence to THE ONE TO WHOM WE ARE ACCOUNTABLE.

I Love Learning so I Keep Teaching - A Message for Shavuot, Pentacostal and Ramadan

Shavuot is the holiday on which Jews celebrate the receiving of the Torah. It comes at the same time in the calendar generally as the Pentacostal in the Christian world and this year it also parallels the timing of Ramadan for our Muslim friends in faith. That is to say that all of our monotheistic children of Araham or Avraham Aveinu are in an intentional space in the rhythm of our lives.

As it turns out, I am doing a great deal of additional teaching at this point, including running an assortment of programs for people of all ages. In the past few weeks, I have sat on a panel regarding Interfaith Relations at a Muslim Youth Center Building, taught a Lenten session at a Lutheran Church nearby, shared some thoughts regarding intentionality and where we find the quiet of prayer with a group of co-religionists in our Multi-Faith Council, presented a learning session on Gender and Models of Leadership that Defy a Dichotomous Sense of Gender Expectations to members of the Orthodox Jewish community, facilitated a morning of learning at the Medical Mission Sisters about inclusion and justice in Jewish sources, and so on. Tomorrow night I will be teaching in a Tikkun Leil Shavuot (where we stay up all night and learn as we prepare to celebrate the receiving of our Torah about how we learn to argue and dialogue from our Jewish sources, where clearly there are disagreements, but they are to come with respect and honor of those with whom we are engaged – a most important and relevant lesson for our world today. And of course, there are my ongoing weekly classes with amazing young scholars who are aged six through ten or so, adults and my ever wonderful Senior Life Long Learners.

True, there have been lots of extra preparations and work to provide these experiences, and I am now beginning a new run of five such engagements over the next two months. But the amazing part is this is NOT work. I get to learn and learn some more….. and I love it. I get so energized by the way different projects intersect with, enhance and validate each other. And due to my many different experiences, I get to bring all of it into the group with which I am learning at any given time. I see the many facets of Torah, of faith, of our various communities of faith and of the many ways we approach God. This bolsters and encourages me when I get so frustrated with what continues to come over the 24/7 news feed. It restores my spirit and strengthens my faith.

My seven and eight year olds want to know why we don’t learn lessons and repeat the same mistakes. So do my Senior Life Long Learners. My colleagues, friends and students in interfaith settings are always amazed at how much we share and how similar we are, while I remind them to honor and acknowledge our differences as well. I love bringing the Gemara which I just love in terms of the process of text learning to my adult co-learners/students. And so it goes.

Shavuot is a celebration of Torah and learning and the many lessons that we can all learn from each other if we are listening and open to the dialogue and discourse that will continue to expand our own horizons. It’s easy to sit with a group of people with whom one agrees; the challenge is to be open to learn something new from those with whom we differ.

I wish all a meaningful Shavuot, an enriching Pentacostal and a fulfilling Ramadan. For those of you of other faiths, the message holds as well and I hope it will resonate at the appropriate season.

THE LAW OF THE LAND IS THE LAW – AND THAT MEANS YOU TOO

One of the things I do is cheerlead for religion. As an observant and dedicated practitioner of Judaism, I truly believe that the foundational principles and the dictates of Jewish practice have the potential to truly bring out the best in each of us. I find the same to be the case for my friends and colleagues of Christian, Moslem and other communities of faith. That being said we have a problem, and succinctly stated, here it is. There are those who are members of all of our faith traditions who believe that by observing what they consider to be the “letter of the law,” they are exempt from its spirit or any other system of law which may be relevant to their lives – including civil law, laws of humanity and so forth. In so doing, they may not even be following the letter of the law, but that is an entirely longer and more complicated conversation. Too many stories. We all know the unfortunate barrage of narrative of sexual abuse, tax evasion, misappropriation of funds intended for a stated purpose in our religious communities and so forth. There is the self-proclaimed fervently religious individual who sets himself up as a paradigm of all that is right and correct in life who proceeds to build a huge house in a township and proudly states with a laugh, “I have broken every ordinance they have. We got around them.” Then there are the honorees in religiously observant communities who absolutely use public funds inappropriately or do not properly report income and skirt their taxes. There are the communities that push sexual misconduct under the rug and coerce people to let the community deal with the problem so as not to “harm” the community. Business dealings in our non-profit religious organizations that occur between a religious leader, who is an employee, and the board that governs the community of faith. All of these are seriously problematic, both from a legal point of view as well as from the religious perspective as well. In Jewish teachings, we learn that “dina d’malchuta dina” -- the law of the land is the law! That is to say that NO OBSERVANT JEW is exempt from being a totally honest and law-abiding citizen. This standard is also held by my colleagues mentioned above in their respective communities. No wonder too many people turn away from what they observe as the blatant hypocrisy of religious communities. While I totally understand their angst, and cannot say they are wrong, I do believe that we all need to step back and remember that there is never any guarantee that this Priest or that Rabbi or another Pastor or youth leader, just because they are working within the context of the religious sphere necessarily lives according to the proper codes of conduct. Yes, there is way too much “hiding under the cloak,” so to speak. So how do we address this problem, especially in our present climate where more and more passes seem to be given to those in authority or those who “seem to be” so religious? We learn in our Jewish teachings to choose your own mentor (Rabbi or leader) and to acquire for yourself a friend to share your journey. Here is the answer. We need to ask ourselves who are our role models and be careful NOT to yield to what may “seem to be Kosher,” if you will, but rather insure that you are associated with those who are, as we learn in Jewish texts, “tam v’yasher” – or truly and completely honest and acting with integrity. If we can do this for ourselves and empower those around us NOT to assume but to ask questions and choose carefully, very carefully, then perhaps we will be able to truly help our various faith communities put all that they are and the wonderful lessons they teach out there for all to see.

THE CONTINUATION OF SPECIAL and THOUGHTFUL DAYS IN THE JEWISH CALENDAR

I write this on the eve of Yom HaShoah, the Holocaust Memorial Day in the Jewish calendar, which comes precisely four days after the end of Pesach/Passover, when we celebrate FREEDOM and its many gifts as well as challenges. We all go to ceremonies, light candles, listen to survivors tell their story and say NEVER AGAIN – never again should such a horrid event occur. Then a mere week later, we observe and celebrate Yom HaZikaron – Israel’s Memorial Day and Yom HaAtzmaut – Israel’s Independence Day. Wrapped up in these two observances which come on two consecutive days is the particular admixture of our losses, namely those who have died in defending Israel, along with the celebration of Israel being a recognized, powerful and in many ways remarkable entity in our world today. But this did not just happen and it is critically important that we are always mindful of the many different elements in our lives and how they interact with each other, often in complicated and extremely protracted ways, reflecting a most delicate balance and ever-present vulnerablity.

Earlier today, when I was learning with my favorite second graders at Perelman Jewish Day School, I asked the students to think about the aftermath of leaving Egypt and all that we discussed in learning about Pesach/Passover. In doing so, I made two columns on the board, one named YISRAEL and the other named MITZRAYIM. I then asked them to think of words to describe each. We began as one might expect, with the clearly identified good guys (Yisrael/Israel) and the bad guys (Mitzrayim/Egypt). For Yisrael, the kids used the descriptive terms of NICE, KIND, HARD WORKING, TRUSTING IN GOD, CARING ABOUT EACH OTHER and so on. For MITZRAYIM, such words were elicited as BAD, MEAN, POWERFUL, SELFISH, RUDE, and such. Then at one point, one child shouted out US for YISRAEL. At that point, I had achieved what I wanted. Within this time frame, one kid asked “Weren’t there any Egyptians that were nice?” Then we were really off to the races for what I wanted to convey to these very wise seven and eight year olds. We spoke about how this is NOT always an issue that can simply be reduced to GOOD guys and BAD guys but in actuality, we all have the potential to be either and elements of both are included in the complexity of who we are as human beings. We can turn too easily to the default position of I AM GOOD and THE OTHER IS BAD, whatever that may mean. That being said, this reduces humanity to what it is not – singular and easily caricatured. …

Okay, so now it is mid-Thursday and I have attended Yom HaShoah programs and taught a class about what it means to be a perpetrator or a bystander and go on with your life while terrible things happen. In preparing my class, I used a particularly chilling source which included excerpts from Daniel Goldhagen’s book, Worse than War, which shows in a carefully and skillfully constructed argument how the behaviors of a perpetrator can seep into the most cautious of us and how we, the GOOD people, can become part of what is VERY BAD and wrong. He shows how the Nazi perpetrators among many others in various atrocities were good family men, went to church, loved their families and participated in the very human actions that they told themselves were not part of the lives of those they wished to annihilate. It was precisely through this process of dehumanization that people “joined the party,” so to speak, and were complicit in the horrors that have occurred, both in the events today commemorates, and in too many cases since then.

While it is clear that those of us who see ourselves as honest, caring and good people want to (and need to) distance ourselves from what is evil, it is important to recognize its presence and to understand and feel our own vulnerability to its pull. I feel that this is the case in the country in which I live at this time. While rhetoric has reached an increasingly high pitch, and the most bizarre statements are made by the person, who supposedly represents this country and its ideals to the world – too many have reduced what is a clear and present danger to comic and dismissive antics. TOO MUCH IS AT STAKE.

In a few days when Yom HaZikaron and Yom HaAtzmaut are observed with solemnity and then celebrated with joy in Israel, the joining of the messages – the visceral participation in a nation wide moment of silence where cars literally stop on the highway and everyone gets out and stands at attention, similar to what happened today, will lead to the parties and the streamers and the joy of celebrating seventy years of the Third Commonwealth of the State of Israel. BUT, and this is a most important qualifier – NO ONE will not be mindful of the losses that led to that victory – both when the world realized that Jews were not safe in Europe too late and in the loss of life that birthed this country, with its good points and not-there-yet points.

I would ask that Americans take a card from Israel’s national playbook. We CAN NO LONGER afford to glibly allow that adage of old reoccur, namely that evil happens when good people do nothing. We must all act! We must all remember! We must ALL understand that if one is vulnerable and threatened we are all vulnerable and threatened! If some are not free, we are all not yet free! Only when we understand this, can we say NEVER Again (recently co-opted by just such a movement of threatened populous in the United States) and truly mean it!

Pesach, Freedom and Using our Freedom Responsibly

In the past few weeks I have vacationed in Hawaii, read Noa Baum’s book, A Land Twice Promised, finished another book, Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, and of course continue with my daily learning of Gemara with its many lessons about how we negotiate conflicting interests in situations where there are disputes about property and personal rights, as well as having participated in various learning circles with my students of so many different ages, all with their wisdom to share. There always seems to be this theme of intentional listening no matter where I go and what I am doing or reading these days –-- I mean really hearing and absorbing the perspective of the person sitting and chatting with you, while holding on to your own thoughts and narrative and beliefs – accepting their perspective as legitimate for them and yours as appropriate for you, if the interaction is indeed honest and constructive.

I will begin where I am right now – sitting in the airport in Honolulu waiting for our plane to Phoenix, where hopefully we will eventually get to Philadelphia at some point in the next few days, depending on the weather over which we have no control. So of course, everywhere you go in this wonderful and beautiful place, you hear the word Aloha. What exactly does Aloha mean? It’s a combination of all the manifestations of the word Shalom – meaning greetings, peace and wholeness; with the added components of love, happiness, and compassion. Everyone wishes it to each other and you really feel like they mean it. There is a calm here, a sense of peace and contentment. Another important word I learned is Ohana, meaning home, family, and relationality. Such an important and heartfelt word with a wonderful mixture of pride and humility – you feel its presence everywhere in Hawaii. I remember this observation from the last time that we were in Hawaii fifteen years ago, and I was not imagining or romanticizing about it – that sense is still here and it seems as sincere and real as can be. Even the very means of communication – the Hawaiian language, with its total of twelve letters --- yes, that is right, twelve letters and here they are: A, E, I, O, U, H, L, M, N, W, K and P – reflect this. The language has a very soft sound and lyrical lilt to it, with only TWO hard consonants – the K and the P. Everything else is soft and gently melodic. I think there is something to be learned here --- less can definitely be more. Relaxed people speaking a gentle language with a calm demeanor – there is so much to learn from this.

That is how it appears to be. But that is clearly not the whole story. Last time I was here, we learned about some of the conflicts and fractured nature of the Hawaiian identity – the fiftieth state of the United States as of 1959 but before that a Monarchy whose very identity was taken away on so many levels. With pride from its past as a royal government with its rooted Polynesian culture, it has become a wonderful part of the country of which it is part. The day I spent at the Iolani Palace reinforced this perspective as did our time at Pearl Harbor. Its men and women have long and proudly served in the military and its American citizens of Japanese ancestry were some of the most decorated soldiers and military units this country ever saw. The nature and the magnificence of the surroundings, the myths that are still woven intricately into the Hawaiian identity, the art, music and everything about this place has its own distinct identity to be sure. Yet, there are feelings of how American are Hawaiians? Are they seen as American even if their ancestral roots go back to Japan or elsewhere? Are they looked at as Americans or indigenous others? Are they accorded the dignity to which they are clearly entitled? Identity is always such a tricky matter and this tension is indeed present, seeping through the magnificent scenery and its proud people in little and subtle ways when one pays attention, which I always try to do.

Simultaneously, as I have just finished reading these two books, again, I am caught in the quagmire of the world of complicated and multi-faceted identities, fractured history and interaction of people who need to negotiate a shared existence and not relegate each other to THEM, the enemy, the one who will not be my friend and whom I will not consider as an equal, one entitled to the same rights of existence as those in my life. Koreans and Japanese and Chinese in Pachinko; and Israelis and Palestinians in Noa’s narrative of the development of her storytelling performance – in both of these narratives and in my touring and learning about so much of the history of Hawaii, the notion that there is not just ONE TRUTH that is MY REALITY is so prevalent. The importance of being able to see our reality from the vantage point of another’s truth while not compromising our own is critical if we are going to move forward in our world today. Listening to Hawaiian music and just living in the world of Aloha for a few days brings a sense of serenity and calm we could all use more of in our lives. By acknowledging that we all have our stories and our pain and our historical narratives and that these are the ingredients of our truth allows us to interact with each other in a caring and compassionate way instead of living with increased angst with no indication of resolution. Further, when we hear the story of the other, we recognize our own reality and how much we ultimately share. Watching and hearing Hawaiians speak of their mythology and gods and goddesses that are part of the very landscape of the volcanoes, beautiful waterfalls, lava spills, beautiful flora and all that is here and I identify as God’s wondrous artwork – I acknowledge that while we have different explanations of these wondrous phenomena, we all agree that there is an other-worldliness and sense of awe-inspiring amazement that is shared. The breath we share in our collective gasp at this beauty transcends the notion that there are different explanations behind individual elements of that reaction to wonder.

So now, two days later, I am sitting in yet another airport, this one in Detroit, REALLY hoping that this last one and a half hour flight will finally get us home, almost two days after we were to be home in Philadelphia. After making peace with the impact of yet another Nor’easter, we ended up spending a bonus two days in Phoenix until we could finally get a plane – the one we are now waiting for at 3:05 am Friday morning. We used our time in Phoenix to continue our education about yet another group of Americans that are too often seen as “other,” namely the Native Americans. We spent a day at The Heard Museum, which I highly recommend as a “must do” if you find yourself in Phoenix, either by plan or … not. Seeing the painful stories of confused identity, the attempts at acculturation by sending the Native American children to boarding schools to “make them good and proper American citizens” while attempting to purge them of their rich and powerful history and heritage, the sad stories of artists who held so much pain in them, and of course the military exhibit – again standing as witness to those decorated soldiers who did so much for our country in which we all live and yet did not merit the same consideration as citizens that those of us of privilege do not have cause to question.

What is so terribly wrong with this picture? Pesach or Passover is quickly approaching for those of us in the Jewish community. This is the most celebrated and observed holiday or experience of the entire Jewish calendar. Its seminal story of freedom and the change of destiny from a group of slaves to a nation of free people is critical to our world on so many levels. Yet, while we may intellectually appreciate the transition and think that we have achieved what needs to bring the best of humanity out in all of us, we have to remember the other part of this freedom – the responsibility that comes with being able to determine one’s own destiny.

Our family loves Sedarim (the special Passover meals the first two nights of the holiday), I mean we really LOVE them. We often take on themes that will help us craft an experience that is particularly meaningful and gives each Seder its own special script, if you will. One of our Sedarim this year will be focused on Oppression and Oppressed People in our World, and how the text of our Haggadah (the script that frames this meal and experience) enjoins us to remember the one who is not as advantaged and privileged as us and our responsibility to care for and advocate for them – that is using our privilege for good.

This is clearly in my mind as I begin to think carefully about these experiences, which happen in one week. As I consider and plan for these festive and meaningful gatherings, I will be remembering the Hawaiians who treasure their past and bring a unique sense of serenity and history and Aloha to our reality. I will be thinking of Israelis and Palestinians who need to (and are in rapidly increasing numbers) come to a better understanding of each other beyond the politics in which too many of us get mired. I will be thinking of Koreans with their proud heritage and treasured past who live in Japan and who deal with the very real threat of losing their ancestral identity. I will be considering the Native Americans, their beautiful art and their rich history and stories which have lessons for all of us.

Let us all remember that freedom is something that free people must value enough to grant to all around them. If we do not feel that the “other” (whoever that may be) is worthy of freedom, than are we ourselves so worthy; and are we truly free? This is the foundational lesson of Passover and so much else in the rhythm of Jewish life – you shall NOT oppress any other, for you were oppressed in the land of Egypt. Let us all celebrate our respective seasons of freedom while remembering that all human beings are to be included in our hopes for such validation and actualization of self. With sincere wishes of Shalom and Aloha for all!

Lessons from Baba Kamma: How Far Does Honesty and Integrity Go?

I have a dear friend who was a Prison Chaplain on the West Coast for many years. During his tenure he, a Rabbi ordained in the Conservative Movement would have among his prisoner populations self-proclaimed observant Jews, who were indeed such according to their appearance and an ongoing barrage of complaints and challenges regarding whether or not their needs as Halachically observant Jews were being met. Fair enough, well sort of… I remember one time, my friend shared with me a conversation he had during one of these challenging interactions (based on the fact that he as a Conservative ordained Rabbi could not possibly state positions indicating that needs were being met for matters such as the need to drink wine for Shabbat or Hagim, scheduling chores so that Shaharit – the morning prayers- could be said at precisely the right time, the correct Matbeah – order and cadence of prayers – was used and so on. In short, they just kept yanking his chain. One day he asked one of these pious observant Jews what they were in prison for – a fair question, to be sure. “Embezzlement,” the gentleman replied, “and that’s okay because its not forbidden in the Torah.” Enough said! First of all, do we really have to even go there – that embezzlement or any type of “creative financial management” of that sort is not robbery?

I have a wonderful jeweler/artisan named Lucy in my life, who makes a lot of custom jewelry for me. She is a lovely lady and it is always fun to have her make stones and pieces I have from past chapters of living come to life in a new and meaningful way. Once I brought her a very sizable stone of Eilat to take out of its silver base and put into a good gold one so I could give a nice gift of my mom’s jewelry to a cousin with whom I am very close and love dearly. The piece came out beautifully and I had told Lucy to keep the silver for something else she will do. I noticed when I picked up the piece, the silver framing was there. I reminded her that she could add it to her stockpile of supplies. Then she insisted on paying me for it. I refused and finally told her it was a very small gift – a token of my appreciation for all that she does.

This morning, I finished Masechet Baba Kamma, a Tractate of Talmud learning and want to share something from this learning as a mini-Siyyum. I am looking forward to a more official celebration of this Masechet and my learning of it in one of the shuls I go to in the near future. So you are now thinking, okay, Sunnie has lost it…. what in the world is she writing about? So I will share how this all connects, though my fellow Talmud learners are probably already there.

You see, so much of Jewish Law is about how we go in our daily lives, our actions, our interactions with others, the actual things we do, the intent with which we do them, and the outcomes of those actions, including the impact on others. The very word for Jewish Law is HALACHA, that is HOW WE GO or GOING.. that is going about the daily actions in which we are involved in a proper way.

So now, back to my two stories. First my friend the Rabbi who was a prison chaplain and his predicament! Embezzlement IS stealing… GENEIVAH. As Baba Kamma nears its end, very clear distinctions are made between stealing and robbing, with someone’s knowledge or without someone’s knowledge and the requirement to not only return the stolen goods but also to make right the wrong that was committed. These discussions are lengthy and take up so much of the Tractate which is 236 very long pages of discussion and qualifications and definitions and imagining various iterations of wrongdoing. Further, within these teachings, we learn about the incredible harm that such a lack of respect for the property of others does and that it can hedge on being similar to murder. Just think, for example, of all of the victims we know who lost their life savings to Bernie Madoff and his dishonest practices, while so many in the religious sectors of the Jewish community had sung his praises for being such a dedicated Jew for so long. Baba Kamma teaches that even if there is a hint that something could look like misappropriation of the funds or belongings of another, it is not to be done. While Jews often talk of a “fence around the Torah” when it comes to Shabbat, Kashrut and other ritual aspects of our lives (and remember, I guard all of these Mitzvot carefully), I wonder how many worry about this. Clearly not one who thinks that embezzlement is somehow okay. And yes, there is what to be concerned about whether we are dealing with those in our faith community as well as those outside of it. When we cheat or steal or take anything that is not ours, we DISHONOR GOD. Further, the text teaches that the one who steals LOSES HIS SOUL and in the end will not come to any good. Further, his own children and future generations may suffer.

And now back to my second story. Lucy is Asian and observes a different code of ethics and behaviors in terms of their source, but not so much in terms of their impact. Her persistent desire to return to me what was mine feels now like it comes right off of the last pages of this Tractate, which clearly stipulates how much an artisan who is contracted to make something for someone is entitled to keep as theirs and how much goes back to the owner of the material. Lucy was observing the “letter of this law” in her process and by gifting her in the end, I released her from her obligation to return what was mine. This is clearly spelled out in this text.

Baba Kamma is one of three tractates, along with Baba Metziah and Baba Batra about property law, about damages, about punishments and clearly proscribed limits to be placed on them – another lesson for contemporary society to consider – that are commensurate with the wrong done, and the notion that one must not only return stolen or ill-gotten goods but must also make the wrongdoing to the person who was affected right by their admission of their wrongdoing. There is so much else here but then this might go on and on… for 236 long pages and we would not want to do that, so I will end here and wish all a Shabbat Shalom and a meaningful Lent to my Christian friends, Happy Korean New Year to those watching the Olympics, and the wish that we all keep to the spirit of the laws to which we are accountable as much as the letter of the law. Be well, all!

Why Boxers Must Retire and Pride in the Philadelphia EAGLES!

Why Boxers Must Retire and Pride in the Philadelphia EAGLES! Okay, so the second part is obvious. It is indeed a wonderful time to be in Philadelphia. I have watched my entire family over the past decades REALLY WANT a winning team and now they and all of us have it. I love the positive energy and the excitement and the pride in this wonderful team of guys who have worked so well together to achieve what no one thought possible just six months ago. But there is another side that worries me.

Some years back, I met a boxer. I mean a REAL boxer with big flashy championship belts and everything. WORLD CLASS! A really nice guy and kind of fun to hang out with, not to mention quite different from the circles of people I normally know and have contact with.

I noticed right off the bat that he was a bit sluggish in his speech and had a distant cast to the look in his eyes. Now this guy was the one whose hand was raised and everyone cheered. But he had his share of punches and jabs to the head through his years of boxing. And I must say, it showed and definitely had an impact on the quality of life at the point I met him. This seems all the more poignant and reason to give pause as we all know that we are hearing more and more in the news and in various sources about the down side of these sports – the lost lives, the ruined lives, the lesser quality of life. How do we square the elation that is presently going on in my city with this reality that is so much a by-product of this sport that engenders this excitement. More and more parents DO NOT WANT their children to play or be involved in these sports that have such a high degree of potential harm.

I remember thinking about this at one point during the Super Bowl when a player from the New England Patriots seemed to be disoriented during the game and began going around in circles (I think his last name is Cooks). He was struck when he ran into the helmet of another player and then taken off the field. What is going on in his head and how will he be in ten or twenty years? I wonder.

Years ago, I met a former Philadelphia Eagle in an airport when I was traveling for work. We sat and chatted as random travelers often do. No, as my family clearly indicated their disappointment in me, I did not get his name and definitely did not ask for an autograph. But he talked a good deal about how the game has changed so much and become less sport and more something else – entertainment, business, money maker – and not for the good of the players, who now may themselves have different reasons that motivate them to play. He bemoaned the fact that more injuries are overshadowing the pleasure of the game and that these injuries can bring long lasting effects diminishing one’s quality of life. I asked him if other players from his era felt the same way and he indicated that yes, many he knew did. Definitely a sobering conversation and this may have something to do with why I do not really enjoy watching sports where there is a real potential for such devastating harm.

But, I did watch the Super Bowl and cheer like crazy with our friends as the game progressed, and shared the nervous feeling in the room when it was possible that there was going to be another outcome. We cheered and yelled at the end and it was pure elation. Pride in feeling part of this country, our city and so much else! Proud of the humility and the gratitude and the feeling of God’s presence as indicated by so many players and coaches when they spoke! And then I wondered about these guys and the impact this game that they love so much and to which they have such loyalty is being kind or cruel to them.

I know there is great discussion about this in many circles. I do not know where it will lead. I do hope however that we all remember that behind all of the pageantry and excitement, there are human beings and somehow we need to show concern for them and their future. How do we walk that balance beam? How many of us even think about it?

RELIGIOUS OBSERVANCE AND DAILY LIFE: THE DYNAMIC DUO

The Pope says it. Many Rabbis for whom I have great respect and regard say it and often! Many ministers and Imams and various clergy and religious people within many different traditions claim and live it. We need to be in both worlds – the world of our faith and the world of our daily dealings and each should inform and be informed by the other. This is the only way this religion thing will work constructively. Clearly, that is why Jews have tomes and tomes of text explaining what it is exactly that the Torah says and how we are to apply it in our lives. Acknowledged are the dynamics that there are often conflicting issues and dynamics and that a standard that will work in one context is not the one to apply in another context even though they may look similar – the difference is definitely determined by the details – requiring an equal dose of knowledge of the world that is as well as the religious standards by which one lives. It is ONLY at this intersection that Jewish law or Halacha is crafted and intended to be practiced.

Throughout my career I have focused on bringing together the texts and teachings of my religious heritage (as well as others that I find so instructive and inspiring), the critical issues of the day, and the learners in the room. This is how our lives, as people of faith and observance, are meant to be lived. In my daily learning of Gemara, this is reinforced. Recently as I am in the middle of Baba Kamma, I came across the following statement that would challenge that sentiment:

"But is learning Greek wisdom really prohibited? ... Shmuel stated in the name of Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel, “I can apply this to what I saw myself. A thousand young men were in the household of mu father. Five hundred of them studied Torah and five hundred studied Greek wisdom, and no one remains from this second group except for myself and my cousin ….The members of Rabban Gamliel’s household were different in that they spoke the language and learned Greek wisdom, for they were close to the Roman monarchy.” [Baba Kamma 82b - 83a]

I am well aware of those in the more right pitched part of the Orthodox Jewish community who do not value nor pursue secular (or general) fields of knowledge. It would appear that here they have strong support for that position and in other such statements of a seemingly similar sentiment, which do exist. Further, one could (and many do) make the case that this would bolster the position of those in this same part of the Orthodox Jewish world who aschew any contact with the outside world in a meaningful way or any steps that would take them away from Torah, so to speak. There are similar groups with similar reasons in other religious groupings as well.

So how do I reconcile this seeming validation for such a closed worldview with the intellectual and sophisticated stance I so often find in the Gemara and other Jewish texts. I go to context and look at the larger text within which such statements appear; which is really the only way to understand them and their intended message. In this case, my comfort is found in the last statement about proximity, physically and culturally, and in so many ways to the Roman monarchy. The students and members of Rabban Gamliel did NOT live in isolation in their closed monochromatic village, but were part of the larger world. It was in that context that this knowledge was sought, needed and valuable. In fact, it was Rabban Gamliel in Maseches Rosh Hashanah 2:8, who had the charts of phases of the moon in his upper office which would be used to help the witnesses who would proclaim the New Moon for the community. Rabban Gamliel knew well that he and all those he influenced had to be part of both the secular world of living and the Jewish world of observance; and that it was only in bringing these two together in a symbiotic interaction that each would be actualized in daily life. This was particularly critical in understanding the science of the phases of the moon as this was, you will remember, before printed calendars, and communities depended on this information for the very rhythm of their lives.

I watch and am continually honored and heartened to hear, many years after our shared learning experience, students of mine report that they are following this formula daily in their lives. My own children honor and awe me daily as they bring their Jewish knowledge and foundational values to their work, community involvements and all that they do to try to make our world a better, kinder place. Doctors, lawyers, community organizers, educators, business people and all of us are concerned today about the state of our secular world. In response, there are too many in the more closed and isolated parts of our religious spectrum who will say, “See, the students who dabble in secular knowledge are only going to destroy or be destroyed,” echoing what they might want to read into this text from Baba Kamma. Yet, my contention is that it is precisely these people who can bring so much healing and good energy to our fractured world. Further, those who feel an obligation or responsibility to do so will indeed make a profound difference. This is what I believe Rabban Gamliel understood and why he approved of such a bringing together of the secular and the religious.

In the Jewish cycle of Torah readings we finished several weeks ago reading about Yoseph (Joseph) who did precisely that in his role as Viceroy of Egypt and simultaneously bringing his family back together, insuring the continuation of the Jewish nation as he did so. Some of his actions are questioned and reasonably so, but what is one of the most important takeaways from this narrative is his bringing together these two worlds within the reality of his life. Then we moved on to the narrative of Moshe (Moses), who clearly brought together his Jewish sensibilities and what he had learned due to his proximity to, actually privileged residence, in the Egyptian world. Today, think of the many leaders in our world who are speaking out from a profound sense of this interfacing of the secular and the religious and compare them to those who would separate these two spheres, focusing excessively on the one or the other.

In Yoma 72b we read as follows: "If one is deserving, [the Torah] becomes for him an elixir of life; if undeserving, a deadly poison." As I often write in this blog and in so many other places, this is a matter of balance. Our bodies need our souls, we are better with our partners and friends in life than alone, we accomplish so much more together than separate. It is no different with our knowledge from these two spheres. This was understood by our teachers of the Mishnah and Gemara and so many others to come. This is the beauty of Jewish knowledge. Remember that much more of the Talmud and so many sources of Jewish law are precisely about how we live our lives day to day than our ritual practice. What does that tell us? It confirms what the Pope, Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, and so many teachers of so many faith communities confirm and teach today – that the purpose of religious teaching is not to scare us into hiding, but rather to help us bolster and make our world a better and more reasonable place for all.

ME TOO and TIME IS UP!

I loved watching the Golden Globes last Sunday because, though I never know many (as in only one or two) of the shows or movies being honored, I love watching everyone celebrate. And this celebration was particularly poignant, celebrating real and true stories that we do not like to tell – stories of abuse, of not seeing and acknowledging the other, of dismissing those not like us and so on. ME TOO and TIME’S UP ruled the night. So I would like to build on this theme and challenge all of us to expand that notion a bit.

Sexual harassment and abuse is horrible and racial profiling should no longer be tolerated and speaking before one thinks, maligning whole groups of people is unforgiveable. That being said there are other stories we must tell, that may exist on the sidelines even more so than discussed that evening.

What if you don’t look like everyone else or the way other people think you should? True story. During my college years at a well-known and well-reputed University, I had a professor who clearly did not like me. This educated and respected person made no secret that he found me to be not to his liking and he was rather disturbed that I even had the temerity to take his high level course. He used the power of grades to communicate this to me. Nothing I would do was ever good enough or thoughtful enough or intelligent enough. I had a good friend in the course, whom I often sat next to that was just his type of person. So one day, my friend and I conducted an experiment, as everyone else in the room well knew what was going on. I did not open my mouth, but rather wrote down my observations and what I wanted to say. She saw my comments and made them as her own. As always, she was brilliant; so either I had an uncharacteristically good day or we caught him. For fun at the end of the class, she wrote something down and I made the comment. Dumb and dismissed as always, I received the characteristic exasperated reaction from the professor. I guess she was just having an off day as I had had a good one! Some time later, another professional at the University asked me what the deal was with Professor X. I asked why and his reply was, “He came into my office and asked what the hell that damn JAP was doing in his class.” So, I was being abused and dismissed because of the way I dressed and not conforming to the hippy dippy preferences of this professor in the mid seventies. Does that count so I get to say ME TOO and TIME’S UP?

What if you are a woman who is religiously observant, well-educated and professional and believe fervently in reaching across every aisle to show respect and regard for all others? Some experiences. For many years, I have been and continue to be subject to prejudices because of my level of observance on the left side of the continuum of identity in the Jewish community and maligned as “controversial” on the right side. I have suffered professionally, being closed out of one institution in which I was heavily invested for 20 years, subjected to inappropriate comments by male colleagues (e.g. “That is some skirt.” Or “How can you be religious – that makes you a hypocrite and a bigot.”), and literally fired from one position for the reason that I was “too religiously observant and not a good role model” when I was observing to the same degree as others in the community. In the last instance, I was physically attacked by a woman lay leader, suffered as a result and then could not take legal recourse, because it was a Jewish organization. Had it been non-Jewish, I would have been able to address the situation legally. I have also been accused through the years of giving too young of an appearance, another non-starter legally when it happened because ageism only worked decades ago when this happened if you were cast aside for being too old, not for looking too young. There are other instances, including conferences I go to and have to make overtures to people who do not want to interact with me because it is obvious that I am religiously observant. Too many times, I have heard “You are not like any other Orthodox Jewish person I have met.” I think we all need to widen our understanding of who people are and NOT make snap judgments based on appearances, affiliations and such. Because of the intersection of my religious identity and values I hold to be dear and foundational, I have lived my entire life as a religiously observant Jewish woman who works for conversation, understanding, acceptance, and dialogue across the Jewish spectrum, among various faith communities and for all of humanity. Does that count so I get to say ME TOO and TIME’S UP?

Strange enough, it’s the younger generation – my kids’ generation who often “gets me” more than my chronological peers. Maybe this idea of being “fluid” and accepting and welcoming is something all could learn from our new generation of budding leaders and promising “rock stars” in all corridors of our lives. I do feel respected and honored in an appropriate way from these wonderful adults and do believe that those of us who have gone through too many generations of not enough acceptance of each other have much to learn from our younger colleagues. Then, I think that what a very smart woman said the night of the Golden Globes may ring true – the day will come, G-d willing (my addition) that we will not have to raise our hands and voices and say ME TOO and TIME’S UP but we will look before we speak, not judge based on what we think is right and open our eyes, our hearts and our minds to what we can all teach and learn from each other.