ME TOO and TIME IS UP!

I loved watching the Golden Globes last Sunday because, though I never know many (as in only one or two) of the shows or movies being honored, I love watching everyone celebrate. And this celebration was particularly poignant, celebrating real and true stories that we do not like to tell – stories of abuse, of not seeing and acknowledging the other, of dismissing those not like us and so on. ME TOO and TIME’S UP ruled the night. So I would like to build on this theme and challenge all of us to expand that notion a bit.

Sexual harassment and abuse is horrible and racial profiling should no longer be tolerated and speaking before one thinks, maligning whole groups of people is unforgiveable. That being said there are other stories we must tell, that may exist on the sidelines even more so than discussed that evening.

What if you don’t look like everyone else or the way other people think you should? True story. During my college years at a well-known and well-reputed University, I had a professor who clearly did not like me. This educated and respected person made no secret that he found me to be not to his liking and he was rather disturbed that I even had the temerity to take his high level course. He used the power of grades to communicate this to me. Nothing I would do was ever good enough or thoughtful enough or intelligent enough. I had a good friend in the course, whom I often sat next to that was just his type of person. So one day, my friend and I conducted an experiment, as everyone else in the room well knew what was going on. I did not open my mouth, but rather wrote down my observations and what I wanted to say. She saw my comments and made them as her own. As always, she was brilliant; so either I had an uncharacteristically good day or we caught him. For fun at the end of the class, she wrote something down and I made the comment. Dumb and dismissed as always, I received the characteristic exasperated reaction from the professor. I guess she was just having an off day as I had had a good one! Some time later, another professional at the University asked me what the deal was with Professor X. I asked why and his reply was, “He came into my office and asked what the hell that damn JAP was doing in his class.” So, I was being abused and dismissed because of the way I dressed and not conforming to the hippy dippy preferences of this professor in the mid seventies. Does that count so I get to say ME TOO and TIME’S UP?

What if you are a woman who is religiously observant, well-educated and professional and believe fervently in reaching across every aisle to show respect and regard for all others? Some experiences. For many years, I have been and continue to be subject to prejudices because of my level of observance on the left side of the continuum of identity in the Jewish community and maligned as “controversial” on the right side. I have suffered professionally, being closed out of one institution in which I was heavily invested for 20 years, subjected to inappropriate comments by male colleagues (e.g. “That is some skirt.” Or “How can you be religious – that makes you a hypocrite and a bigot.”), and literally fired from one position for the reason that I was “too religiously observant and not a good role model” when I was observing to the same degree as others in the community. In the last instance, I was physically attacked by a woman lay leader, suffered as a result and then could not take legal recourse, because it was a Jewish organization. Had it been non-Jewish, I would have been able to address the situation legally. I have also been accused through the years of giving too young of an appearance, another non-starter legally when it happened because ageism only worked decades ago when this happened if you were cast aside for being too old, not for looking too young. There are other instances, including conferences I go to and have to make overtures to people who do not want to interact with me because it is obvious that I am religiously observant. Too many times, I have heard “You are not like any other Orthodox Jewish person I have met.” I think we all need to widen our understanding of who people are and NOT make snap judgments based on appearances, affiliations and such. Because of the intersection of my religious identity and values I hold to be dear and foundational, I have lived my entire life as a religiously observant Jewish woman who works for conversation, understanding, acceptance, and dialogue across the Jewish spectrum, among various faith communities and for all of humanity. Does that count so I get to say ME TOO and TIME’S UP?

Strange enough, it’s the younger generation – my kids’ generation who often “gets me” more than my chronological peers. Maybe this idea of being “fluid” and accepting and welcoming is something all could learn from our new generation of budding leaders and promising “rock stars” in all corridors of our lives. I do feel respected and honored in an appropriate way from these wonderful adults and do believe that those of us who have gone through too many generations of not enough acceptance of each other have much to learn from our younger colleagues. Then, I think that what a very smart woman said the night of the Golden Globes may ring true – the day will come, G-d willing (my addition) that we will not have to raise our hands and voices and say ME TOO and TIME’S UP but we will look before we speak, not judge based on what we think is right and open our eyes, our hearts and our minds to what we can all teach and learn from each other.