Candy Bars, Designer Sneakers, Manicured Nails and Lessons in Understanding Others

There is a fundamental Jewish teaching from Pirke Avot [Ethics of the Fathers] that instructs us to not judge another person/ your friend until you have reached his/her place. We all know the adage that feels a lot like this one “Don’t judge an Indian (or grouping or person of your choosing) until you have walked in his/her moccasins.” So, you may ask, what is the difference? I think that Hillel, the one to whom the first teaching is attributed is adding another level to this notion of realizing the experience of the person standing before you, so to speak, is NOT the same as yours or what it would be if it was yours. Until you TOTALLY understand that person, not in the context of your experience, your values, or YOUR moccasins; but rather, WHEN YOU HAVE REACHED THAT PERSON’S PLACE, you are not truly in a position to judge them. In fact, we also learn in Pirke Avot to judge the other person favorably, that is give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps because we DO NOT actually know their reality and the context of their lives and decisions.

It seems that these are really valuable and foundationally important teachings to revisit and recommit ourselves to at this time of too much fracture in our society and often not enough understanding. This recalibration of how we look at each other’s experiences and realize we might not understand choices made in those situations may be particularly relevant in this season of gratitude, celebration and so much else.

These values were embedded in the environment in which I grew up and have been part of the ongoing spiritual and faith diet we provided for our children. One of the stories I remember well from my upbringing was shared by my mom. She along with her sister and mother, new immigrants to the United States, were poor and really struggled. Nonetheless, when they would see someone asking for money, my mom’s mom would give the person a nickel. My mom would watch them use the nickel to buy candy. She asked her mother how they could use the money they had just given them to buy candy when they were so poor – they should have used the money to buy something nourishing. My mom always explained that the answer was perhaps that was all they could eat or afford; not to judge them, just to remember that we don’t know why other people do what they do or what their story is.

During her senior year, our eldest daughter did her community service at a school/community center that had a program for unwed mothers and their children, often to help and protect them from their abusive boyfriends and/or families. She definitely met people that had a vastly different life from hers. One day she came home and was disturbed about the fact that there were young girls with their babies in designer sneakers in the program in which she was working. She didn’t understand how these welfare moms at such a young age had their children in expensive shoes when so much else was missing. We had long conversations with our daughter about how we had funds for our four children to go to college, with tens of thousands of dollars saved for that purpose. These young girls did not have any sources for or hopes of saving for college, a home or much else. They were showing their love for their children in the only way they could by buying what they thought they could afford, with the big things that add so much to our quality of life out of their perceived reach.

Years later, I was having conversations with colleagues about students in a Charter School who were getting food assistance and were being provided with many support structures due to their own lack of resources. The girls often came in with professionally manicured nails. One colleague asked why they would use money for that instead of books to read or other items that might truly improve their quality of life. Again, a manicure is a relatively small luxury and no amount of saving the money each one costs would improve the quality of life for these young ladies in their minds.

Now, clearly those of us who know to save for a home, for education, for vacations for the family and other such things have a perspective of life that has a long-range vision attached to it. This type of vision involves planning, resulting in retirement plans, contributing to community initiatives, and so much else that results from strategic planning for many years from now. That, in and of itself, comes with a set of assumptions – that our basic needs will be addressed, that we will be able to afford and access health care, carry insurance policies, and benefit from other important givens while planning for things much larger and more expensive.

It is incumbent upon those of us who have these lives to remember that when these givens are not present, a pair of designer sneakers, a manicure or a candy bar may be the only pleasure or “luxury” one can afford. Until one’s situation has changed to the point where they have reached that place, one cannot judge the need for these relatively tiny luxuries.

LARGE LIFE LESSONS FROM THE TALMUD!

I will share that I literally just finished learning the entire Talmud a few weeks ago -- this very intentional journey has taken me a bit more than seven years (beginning most days with one to two hours of learning, excepting weekends and vacations, etc.). It is so appropriate that the very last words of this rather large and extensive source is to remind us that our "goings" and our "teachings/laws" are the same Hebrew root (H-L-CH) and that if we walk around our lives without our teachings and laws, we just go about aimlessly and that is dangerous. It is only when we go about mindful of and adhering to our teachings and laws that we can function meaningfully. Hmmmmmm....

I feel that it is precisely this principle that joins all of us together as ethical, moral beings of (any) faith who share deeply held foundational beliefs. Here are a few other important lessons that are continued through this extensive tome.

1. Clearly there are expected laws and behaviors dictated by religious standards, but we are TO LIVE BY THESE actions, not die because of them 2. Humility is highly valued, and it is the one who is humble and not a braggart that is favored over the one who is flashy and obvious. 3. We are to walk in the ways of G-d by following the example of G-d’s deeds and care for each other in the way that G-d cares for each of us. 4. The laws as presented are discussed, debated, reformulated and turned every which way. Often at the end of these deliberations, we are taught there is NOT agreement, but rather each authority goes his own way, or one may change their mind, or we just don’t know and all will be determined at some future point. In the meantime, we just are to plod along, but plod we must. 5. We are always to show gratitude – if we take one thing from the ground or our environment without blessing the source and G-d who creates it, it is as if we have stolen something that is not ours. 6. Our resources are meant to share with others; for those of us who benefit from privilege, we must remember that we are blessed with bounty so that we can share with those around us. 7. The well-being of the collective is of utmost importance and we are not to exclude ourselves from its concerns and needs. 8. Questions are the most valuable learning tool we have and sometimes we explore them for the purpose of seeing the many possibilities; in these cases learning is valued for its own sake. 9. Ideal standards are articulated not so that we achieve them, for limited human beings will not be able to do so, but so we strive for the best we can be and do. 10. Living without standards and boundaries is dangerous and destructive. 11. Saving and preserving life takes precedence over all else and we are obligated to put aside various commandments and dictates in order to do so. 12. We, in following G-d’s example, are to go above and beyond the letter of the law in order to keep its foundational elements of compassion and concern for all—loving all others as ourselves and remembering that G-d is at the core of all human beings. There are so many other lessons and teachings that are critical to our well-being and that of our community and all of humanity. I will be sharing these at the event below, if you wish to attend.

Let us all be empowered to keep sharing them with all those with whom we come in contact.

If you are interested, I am having a Siyyum B’Zoom (my celebration of finishing the Gemara with a bit of learning I will share). If you would like to attend and have not already let me know, please send me an email at shulisrose@aol.com and I will send you the Zoom Link. It is this coming Sunday, December 13, 2020 at 12:00 noon EST.

And Now What? After the 2020 Presidential Election "Day"

It is one week, since our going to the polls has halted. Has anything been settled? This is what I know at this point in terms of the political, psychological, emotional and collective space in which the country I live dwells.

Half of the country is angry. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks is supporting someone who has not celebrated the unity of the many people who comprise this country for four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, is supporting the leader of this country who has not definitively stated that hate crimes, rampant prejudice and discrimination and all that goes with that is WRONG under all and any circumstances. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are making excuses for the constant drumroll of horrible statements about women, people of color, people of different faiths, people from other countries, those with various differences (disabilities) etc. made by the leader of this country during the past four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, are supporting the notion that there are two ways – their way or socialism. Too many in these ranks are supporting a Supreme Court that may overturn the results of hard-fought battles to insure the rights for all, the OPTION (NOT the obligatory buy in) of Universal Health Care for those in need, and the right of a woman to make APPROPRIATE DECISIONS about her body. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, will not even consider using Fact Check or looking at media forms with which they do not agree.

Half of the country is relieved and concerned. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are painting all Republicans as white supremacists, hatemongers, and KKK enthusiasts. Half of the country, or too many of them, is calling the entire other side Fascists. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are listening to those who are still screaming from the other side and not the voices of reason. Half of the country, or too many in their midst are painting our options as right or not-right, not understanding that we will ALL have to compromise to find a ground where we can co-exist. Half of the country is not watching media platforms with which they disagree. Half of the country, or many in their midst DO NOT agree with each other within the half but DO agree that we have to work together in some way to find a better way.

Half of the country is being painted as Socialist and anti-police when this is inaccurate. Half of the country is being painted as terrorists and explosive when this is inaccurate. We must reintroduce ourselves to each other and learn how to speak about issues and differences in approach instead of calling each other names or using inaccurate and explosively poor labels to collapse everyone into THE OTHER SIDE. Those of us in each of these halves who are reasonable, who want peace and well-being for all and may differ in how to achieve this need to relearn how to negotiate and figure out how to come together.

We are at war, not with a foreign intrusive power, but with each other and this is terrible. This can destroy who we are as the United States of America much more profoundly than any outside agent. WE ARE ALL part of this country – and WE ALL must get along or we will implode! People of all colors, religions, ethnicities, lands of origin, political bents MUST learn that we will all not be 100% happy 100% of the time, BUT the name-calling, disrespect, and disregard for each other will NOT help us move forward.

We do in fact have (at least) two very different entities (though if we look closer, it is more) within the United States of America, causing us not to be so united. As a moderate, who believes that we have to stop speaking in extremes, I would challenge all of us to consider what we agree on, honestly and openly.

Don’t defund the police; educate the police. Don’t defend the right to free speech when it leads to irreparable violence; teach how we can agree to disagree, and why we must do so, protecting and properly using our freedom of speech. Don’t separate yourself from your neighbors, you will need them. Don’t just think about yourself, think about others. Don’t just confine your news outlets to what you agree with; listen to all and demand that they report news correctly and accurately. Do demand that we speak with respect with each other. Do ask questions so we can all work towards a better understanding of each other. Do be consistent and remember that rules are supposed to be followed by all sides at all times consistently. Do remember that if you do not show concern for me, how can you expect that I will for you?

We learn in the Bible/Torah that Balaam was sent to curse the Israelites on behalf of Balak, and then could not do so when he saw how peacefully they were living together and how much they helped and cared about each other. What would happen today if Balaam visited the United States? That is what makes me sad beyond words. As Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z’l has taught so consistently, we must stand up for the other and try to understand his/her perspective if we have any expectation of that person doing so for us. Empathy and understanding and kindness will save us; hatred and name-calling and intolerance will not.

What do we do now after The Elections?

I am writing this on Tuesday November 3, 2020 at 12:40 pm in the afternoon. There is a great deal of nervous energy, fear, concern and so much else all around us on so many levels. So many feel these sentiments and in many cases for vastly different reasons. What WILL our world look like and what will the future portend tomorrow morning, in four days, in a few weeks? How will we all react and adjust – for no matter who is elected as President of the United States and who controls the Senate and Congress, there is so much work to do.

The Hate Crimes rate is at an all-time high according to the FBI, ADL and other monitoring groups. Virtually all groups that could be seen as minorities or different (e.g. not white home-grown Americans, whatever that is) are at risk. ALL LIVES MATTER and it is so sad to me that we have to even say that.

We have all felt the impact of the Corona virus as it has wreaked havoc in our lives in so many ways. Entire industries and areas of activity are compromised, have to close or pare down, and generally we are all stressed due to limitations on our activities and many feeling that their world is so much smaller without travel, seeing close friends and family, working and schooling at home and so on. The environment is also dealing its blows with climate change and so many people feeling the results of horrendou storms and worse.

Concerns about voter suppression and attempts to control the election are rampant. Respect for too many of our leaders and the offices they hold has been severely compromised and not even held by too many. This country and its foundational principles are very much in question and too many of us feel that this is not the USA we have known all of our lives, with its warts, imperfections, disagreements and conflicts.

This election, regardless of the results WILL NOT SOLVE ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS, but rather hopefully signal the beginning of the extremely hard work it will take to address them. We know all too well it is much easier to let go of standards of behavior and ethical barometers than to put them back into their proper place. We will have to commit ourselves to doing this together and in many cases to work across differences in doing so, in order to begin addressing all of the other challenges that confront us collectively.

It is my fervent hope that we can all begin this work soon, and as fearful as I am that this may not be the case, I am just as concerned about relationships, families and friendships that have been compromised in THIS CIVIL WAR of words, screaming, violence and lack of understanding and empathy. There is a piece going around on Facebook reminding us that our family and friends, our neighbors and community members and all those in our orbit will still be here to help each other, to raise each other up to the challenges that await us or the reality that may require more perseverance and patience on our part than we think we even have. Let us all COMMIT TODAY BEFORE THE COUNTING OF THE VOTES TO BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER. CALL SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICS ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS AND REMIND THEM YOU LOVE THEM. For tomorrow, or next week, or next month some people will definitely be upset and we need to be here to support and help each other. Only then will we be able to move forward.

May G-d above truly bless all of us, the United States of America and shine light on us as we have been experiencing way too much darkness.

HOW LOVELY IT IS WHEN WE CAN ALL COME TOGETHER

There is a profoundly meaningful as well as hopeful statement that is uttered by Jews when they enter prayer community in our synagogues. It goes as follows “How goodly are your tents Jacob, how lovely your dwelling places Israel.” It is based upon the blessing uttered by one who came to curse and malign the Jewish nation as we are told in the book of Numbers/BaMidbar. Yet when he (Balaam) saw how peacefully and openly the community lived, he was moved to bless instead of curse.

In this time of everything BUT such peaceful co-existence in too many instances (unfortunately), sharing and caring and above all COMPASSION for all, it is often hard to hold onto this image. Yet there are moments in time… and this past Sunday was precisely one of these. I am still floating.

Along with an amazing group of colleagues with whom I was honored to create a steering committee, including an Imam, Catholic nun and other intentional people of faith (THANK YOU Aziz, Sister Cathy, Megan and Sa’id), we brought together a gathering of over 100 people for a day of study and sharing about Giving and Forgiving. This conference was originally scheduled for this past March, but like so many such initiatives in our present COVID-19 reality, it had to be first cancelled, then rescheduled. Finally, it was set for this past Sunday once it was clear we were going to have to use a Zoom format instead of the hospitality of the Catholic college where it was planned to be held.

A collection of scholars, religious leaders and others shared important teachings from Christianity. Catholicism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, and Secular Humanism, among others. We also heard from civic and governmental leaders as well as philanthropists. These amazing people work regionally as well as nationally and internationality. (Due to the silver lining of presenting on Zoom, we could do that!)

What was so palpable and impressive was that the many different paths we have all taken in our life journeys have all been based on the same set of foundational beliefs of humility, the idea that hubris divides and hurts, we should all have compassion for our fellow human beings, see and try to alleviate the suffering of those who are vulnerable and so much else. We were all collectively blown away by the fellowship, shared values and amazing level of conversations as well as texts that repeatedly teach us these important formative concepts and beliefs, AND that we can honor and respect differences WHILE we celebrate what we share.

The proceedings of this four plus hour conference can be found here; and I highly recommend that you check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpeEa_d2pLs&feature=youtu.be

So much of my life is dedicated to building and expanding these important bridges of understanding to heal and rebuild, instead of hurt and destroy. This coming week is the Torah portion of Noach in the Jewish community. We have one story where an individual (Noach) is cited as being “a righteous person in/for his time” – he does what he is told to do, no more and no less. Then, he too goes astray later in the Torah reading. I cannot help but noting and thinking that this has to be somewhat precipitated by his not invested himself in becoming part of the collective, to concern himself with those around him, and therefore acting as one agent, not accountable to others.

At the end of these chapters of reading we have the narrative of the Tower of Babel, where there was cooperation alright – but to build something so representative of hubris that it would be eternal, supplanting G-d. That is not the way either. We need these relationships to be balanced – between us and G-d (or the Force/Source in which we believe) and between each other – in order to work in the symbiotic way intended.

Go through this video. If you cannot listen to the entire program just choose bits and pieces or listen to units of it at different times. You will hear respect for each other, love for all of humanity, profound lessons of caring and compassion for others, and important instances of people not just talking the talk, but walking the walk -- regardless of one’s way to get there and the faith community with which one does (or does not) associate. This is truly representative of the best of who we are.

My husband, Ken, always says that whatever is happening, we must remember that ultimately there are more people who want the correct things for the correct reasons – caring for others, sharing and caring with our resources and remembering that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US is created BeTzelem Elokim, in the image of G-d. It is gatherings such as this one that do reinforce that feeling in my heart and soul.

This is why I am very concerned about our democracy

In 1972 I was a student at George Washington University. That was the year of a presidential election. Richard Nixon won the election. Our student population was very concerned. One night at the very Republican F Street club, there was a celebration. Bob Hope was the headliner. He came out front and performed for a largely democratic student population and hor d’oeuvres were passed around. There were jokes, assurances that we need not worry, that our politics may be different but we all wanted the same democratic protections. We felt better.

Then I was worried about George W. Bush because of his demeanor and political positions, but he actually showed, as all Republican Presidents during my life thus far, respect for the law of this land and the fundamentals of democracy. I think back to Ronald Reagan who showed compassion and concern for all of us as Americans. Again, I did not agree with all of his politics but understood that he was really trying to do what was right in terms of his belief system and that of those who supported him.

In terms of full disclosure, as I believe strongly in the separation of church and state, rights for all people regardless of gender, sexuality, color, nationality or ethnicity, and have been willing to pay more taxes for support systems for those who need it, I have been a life-long democrat. HOWEVER, there have been instances when I voted for a Republican candidate if I felt they were the most qualified and best candidate, because I had faith that each of these people did believe in the nature and characteristics of our special democracy. That is until now, and this is why I am scared.

Consider that research has recently focused on countries that supposedly or actually use democratic elections to end democracy. In the New York Times, Amanda Taub observed as follows in April, 2017.

The recent referendum in Turkey, in which President Recep Tayyip Erdogan claimed a narrow majority of votes to expand his presidential authority, is the latest example of a puzzling phenomenon: Democratically elected leaders who triumph in elections even as they move toward autocracy by undermining checks and balances and consolidating power.

Today, the most common way for a democracy to collapse is through the actions of an elected incumbent, not a coup or revolution. Hugo Chávez, elected to four terms as president of Venezuela, used his time in office to dismantle the institutions of Venezuelan democracy and expand his own authority…

This phenomenon, which experts call “authoritarianization,”highlights a deep vulnerability built into the structure of democracy itself. Once in power, unscrupulous leaders can sometimes manipulate the political environment to their own benefit, making it more likely that they will be victorious in future contests. By winning those elections, they gain the stamp of democratic legitimacy — even for actions that ultimately undermine democratic norms.

Manipulating and winning elections has become a kind of exploit in the rules of political legitimacy — a way for would-be autocrats to hack the system.

Source https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/18/world/europe/how-autocrats-can-triumph-in-democratic-countries.html

Similar dynamics have taken place in Russia, many South African countries, Eastern Asia, and throughout the world. The most concerning dynamic that is now being examined is how what appears to be democratic process is being manipulated to end democracy and turn countries into a quasi- or direct dictatorships. This occurs when candidates do not show respect for the law of the land and claim they will use whatever means possible to serve their own purposes. What follows are examples of such statements made by these candidates and leaders in different countries:

“….my commitment is to Hungary not having significant minorities with different cultural characteristics and backgrounds among its citizens.” Stated by Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orbán

“As for the proposal to lift restrictions for any person, any citizen, including the incumbent president, to allow running in future elections ... this option is possible,” Stated by Vladimir Putin, in support of bypassing previous elements of the constitution and extending his rule until 2036 possibly.

"The person who wrote this story will pay a heavy price for it; I won't let him go unpunished." Stated by Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Erdogan is seeking a sentence of life imprisonment for the journalist, Can Dundar.

The Prisoners Are Also the Guards: Everyone is required to join a "loyalty"-enforcing "mass organization," such as the "Kim Il Sung Socialist Youth League." Because North Korean society is designed to be so fiercely competitive, and because that competition doesn't mean doing a better job so much as sniffing out "ideological impurity" both at work and at home, you've got to be willing to turn against your neighbor just to survive. Any North Korean who wants a good chance at feeding their family must join the state's efforts "maintain ideological discipline" and "provide another surveillance mechanism for state security." About one out of every 25 married women, for example, are recruited into the inminban "neighborhood units" that are expected to openly spy on their friends and family and to sniff out enemies, whether they exist or not; failure to produce makes you suspect. Everyone is an informer and an enforcer, doing Kim Jong Un's work for him.

Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/08/defying-history-how-kim-jong-un-could-hold-onto-power-for-decades/260744/?gclid=CjwKCAjw8MD7BRArEiwAGZsrBQjqb_G8yFj8lc9QBpO38lWnkYQnAH6aCdbvPtYE0S5mZ58hSLv5qRoCVK0QAvD_BwE While this is not a direct qute ut a narrative, it has been fact checked and is accurate.

Make the lie big. Make it simple. Keep saying it, and eventually people will believe it. Stated by Adolf Hitler.

There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet. Stated by Muammar Gaddafi

I could go on and on. Threatening the protection of the free press, ignoring the oppression of various groups while claiming rights for the privileged, statements that we do not want people in our country who are “different than us” – whoever the “us” is, threatening to not abide by elections or just rendering them non-consequential, calling one’s ruled entity the best or the only true democracy and other such comments go against the grain of everything these United States of America stand for. This is what scares me and it should instill fear in all of us – women; people of different faith communities including Muslims and Jews, both groups having experienced greater degrees of persecution and oppression in recent years; people of color and different ethnicities and racial groupings; immigrants and people from different national origins; our own native or First Americans, LGBTQ individuals, different socio-economic groupings, and so on. Do you have friends, family, people you love who re or fit into any of these categories? Do you truly understand what happens when a democracy slips into autocratic government? Do you realize how often this has happened? Do you yourself as a child or grandchild or great-grandchild of victims of Nazi Germany, the Stalinist regime, the immigrants who have escaped lands of oppression and persecution understand what is at stake in our democracy at present?

There have been presidential elections in the past where I was not thrilled with either candidate but I voted and if the other candidate won, I at least knew that the parameters of our constitutional democracy would protect me. Are we that comfortable at this point? If nothing else, we need to vote for the candidate who respects the law, who cares about EVERY American, the one who knows that we all share some responsibility to help those who do not have as much privilege and that we must continue to agree to disagree while abiding by the fundamental constitutional elements that make our country the democracy it is and MUST continue to be.

How We Live and Hopes and Expectations From our Leaders

I remember a story my mom told me many times years ago about a teacher she had when she was a child in Hebrew School. Her teacher made it very clear that Jews are to carefully follow all of the Mitzvot – commanded actions from G-d, and if they do not do so, there would be dire consequences. Keeping Kosher, observing Shabbat, honoring parents, and other obligatory actions were required at all times or else…. Then it happened! My mom, in her early years, mortally afraid of this particular rather severe teacher and that lightening would come and personally strike her if she did not heed Mrs. Strict and Authoritative Teacher’s word, saw this woman eating non-Kosher food on a Shabbat afternoon. Now I want to make it clear that the fact of her actual personal observances was not the problem. BUT everything my mom had learned in her class flew out of the window, so to speak, and that may have been one of her existential crises in her earlier years. I know that, in her honor, and the lesson learned from this anecdote, that when I have been in positions to influence or model behaviors for students or a community, I have always been as honest as I possible could and asked others to do the same. Better, I thought, to model different genuine ways of identifying as a person of faith and religion, for example, than have teachers, in positions to influence, falsely claim to be something they were not.

In a lot of my work, whether around my teaching involvements on critical issues in our lives, advocating for women’s participation and rights in religious settings, advising and supporting LGBTQ members of the Orthodox Jewish community, in my Multi-Faith work, teaching about racial and social injustice, Environmental Sustainability, etc., I am always horrified by how many stories I come across (way too much) where those who are in positions of potential influence abuse those positions and mislead at least and ruin at worst the lives entrusted to them. A Rabbi who wields such power over followers abusing children, a Priest who is trusted hurting those in his charge, a sports coach taking advantage of those in his care, political leaders who do not themselves follow the rules that govern the country or state entrusted to their care, and so on. I remember when I was very young, one of the children in our extended family circle could be a bit of a rascal. His mom would remark how he would try to maintain eye contact with her while he was doing something he was not supposed to RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER – a childish notion that he could get away with something by directing his parent’s attention elsewhere. If he did not look at and see what was wrong, neither, he supposed, would she. That was a child’s perspective; he grew up to become quite a fine and honorable man. But what about those who have clearly not done so?

As a human being, Jew, American, mom, family member, friend and within the context of all of my professional values, I have always believed that what we say and what we do have an impact on all those around us. The words that come out of our mouths mean nothing if not consistent with and supported by our actions. I live this way, I teach this way, I hold myself to this standard and take very seriously the responsibility that I have as one who potentially influences others and do not want anyone to suffer from any potential disconnects between my words and actions. This is the way I live and this is what I would hope that others in positions of influence, far more wide-reaching than my own as leaders in various contexts, would do as well. We are taught in our Jewish texts that we walk with G-d by modeling proper behaviors that are set before us by The Creator of All to replicate.

For so many years, we would try to teach our children and the successive generations of young people to do just this – to model proper behaviors, hopefully observed in those in whom they should place their trust. I remember my parents wanting me to see certain models of behavior amongst leaders, Rabbis, teachers, etc. Then we had our many young people who preferred to choose sports figures, actors and actresses as role models – rich, famous and with more material resources than they knew what to do and not always those who do such wonderful things for others… clearly there are both options--- and we tell them to choose their role models more carefully.

We want our children to have respect for authority. We want them to follow laws that are operative in our society. We want them to treat all others with the respect and honor that we are all accorded. Racism, prejudice, lack of social justice, not treating others who are different than us appropriately, being selfish with resources, and simply not caring about anyone except oneself are those behaviors we avoid and teach our children how to do so by our example and those who lead with the same code of behavior.

So how have we gotten to this point where human decency and the most basic levels of acceptance of others are now no longer givens? How is it that we cannot just agree to disagree and speak with each other in honorable and caring voices, sharing our points of view and not shouting out the other? How do we explain to our children that once again, depending on what neighborhood you are in, what political leanings you have, what the color of your skin is, what religious symbols you wear, you must be very careful to not expose yourself as who and what you are in order to remain safe and unharmed. For those of us who thought those battles may have receded at least a bit, unfortunately we are ALL TOO AWARE that these problems are clearly front and center in our lives in a way that is much too painful.

Anti-Semitism is on the rise, Muslims are afraid to share who they are, blacks have to be careful how they respond to what may be abusive and undeserved accusations or diatribes, people of privilege act disparagingly towards those who have not had such opportunity, Native Americans aren’t even recognized for their part in this country’s history, immigrants are maligned and endangered on so many levels and on the list goes… even though we ALL come from these backgrounds! AND ALL OF THIS IS OKAY, EVEN PREFERRED BY TOO MANY OF OUR FELLOW AMERICANS.

My husband and I were recently having a conversation about sports teams recently (a subject at which you know I excel …. LOL!) and we were discussing how names of teams such as the Washington Redskins were changed. He asked me how I felt about this. My answer was changing a name or taking down a statue IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM of what is going on at this present point. Imagine, just imagine if people could proudly say who they are and use the identifying terms of their choice, wear their garb, and be accepted for who they are. Terms are pejorative because of the meaning attached. What if Redskins could be a nomenclature of pride in an alternative universe where we talk about the different Native American names that reflect the nature and context of their history just as referring to Blacks is NOT a bad thing, though clearly other assigned titles to this grouping are NOT respectful? What if we could speak freely about who we are and the characteristics we proudly hold as part of our heritage? What if we could have intelligent conversations around this symbol or that statue and the lessons learned from that person or situation – both those that are part of our past and to be remembered for their slight and any pride that may be found as well? But it appears to me that sadly, this is not the case.

As too many of our human brothers and sisters and those who lead them have forgotten or lost what it means to be truly HUMAN by being HUMANE, unfortunately it feels like with some of these conversations about symbols or names, we are fighting about rearranging the furniture while the Titanic is sinking…. to use a metaphor.

We need to BEGIN AGAIN….. can we please remember that we will NOT all agree? Can we remember that 100% of the people will NOT be 100% happy 100% of the time? Can we remember that the gift and foundational essence of democracy is that we will NOT all agree? And finally, can we remember to accept all of this with intelligence and honor and respect for what we share as well as the differences that are a given part of our collective? And then, maybe, just maybe, we can work TOGETHER and UNIFY on the issues that really matter – pandemics and their impact, racial and social injustice that are ripping apart the fabric of our American society, inequity of opportunity and resources, rampant hatred and prejudice, concerns about the environment that is being destroyed, and so on…

I remember as a much younger person and through the years watching both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions and participating in debates about different perspectives of what it means to be the United States of America. It gave me a sense of pride that we could be so civil and people who spoke and led showed how we can disagree respectfully, state our positions and come together as a country. Sadly, oh so sadly, I do not feel like this any longer. This year, we COULD NOT have our children watch both conventions without being very careful – I did so as in the past, and to say it was painful is quite the understatement. I do NOT want my students, the people I love and cherish, friends and family, to learn from what was heard, to model what was shouted, to tell lies that are clearly counter-indicated by facts and documents….. these are not the lessons I want to impart and for my daughter’s children and their peers to replicate. So now, we teach without the example of too many of these leaders, and maybe we should focus more on some of those pop culture folks who are better role models.

I and many of those around me are profoundly upset in our present situation. We who respect and honor those who have served this country, we who try to work for social and racial justice, we who treasure the many different voices of faith that remind us to be the best we can be, and we who want to live by the values that we have been taught and hope and pray that our leaders will do the same…. As we are taught, we must each intentionally and carefully choose for ourselves our teachers and leaders and acquire colleagues, hopefully worthy of following. May we each do our part to continue to work to heal our fractured world and speak out and up when necessary without outshouting each other!

I LOVE lemonade so when there are lemons coming our way, guess what….

This summer began with questions, puzzled looks, disappointed faces, tears, and so forth given that summer camps were closed, overnight camp experiences cancelled and parents are working from home, kids are addicted to their screens even more so given that this is how they were going to school and in general, what WERE WE GOING TO DO? For adults, we were upset that plans had to be cancelled – we were supposed to be in Rome for an international conference in June and there was a possibility I and my daughter and her family would be in Israel for July. Obviously none of this happened.

One of the things that struck me in the beginning of this Covid 19 Odyssey was a lovely piece some clever person created that showed a parent and their child in the year 2030. The parent asked the child who was in his later teenage years what he remembered from 2020. He could not remember at first. Then the parent began … “I had to work from home, you guys went to school from home, we were all in self-isolation, parks were closed, no entertainment spots to go to, we could not get out of the house, etc. etc. It was just so frustrating.” Then the child thinks and says, “Oh right, now I remember, that was the BEST year of my childhood. We had dinner together every night, dad and I played ball in the yard, we played board games and laughed as a family, enjoyed our home, and it was just great. BEST YEAR EVER!”

So, for my summer of 2020, I continued to work. Always, meetings, classes I teach, programs I run, etal. were on the screen, and at the same time I took the moment and made lemonade… that is, we hatched up this idea of Machaneh (Camp) Savta for two nine year olds and a six year old and a three year old as well, when she could detach from her mommy and daddy’s arm or leg for a while. We spent a lot of time in the pool, used imagination in playing with a toy village, read and completed summer school packets, the six year old went to a virtual camp for a few hours in the morning resulting in several house scavenger hunts, we all dovened (prayed) and learned the weekly Torah portion together, completed art projects, learned sewing skills and made skirts, learned about some of the issues swirling around us in our world on an age appropriate level, cooked dinners, just hung out, played games, took walks, etc.

It was really quite lovely, if somewhat complicated at time keeping all of the balls in the air at once. I know these wonderful members of the newest generation of our family will tell stories about our experiences and also about our unplanned experiences, like the ceiling collapsing in their bedroom due to a huge mistake made by an air conditioning service person, a flooding of my downstairs office and crafts room due to faulty covering of one of our window wells, and the lovely power outage that left us in the dark telling ghost stories. But through it all, we laughed, were busy and happy and in the end, it really was a lovely summer experience in every way.

We are the fortunate ones! We could do all of this and come up with a wonderful and satisfying Plan B for our kids. I hope that for all of us who are able to do so, this will be our approach. This time does absolutely present some different and wonderful opportunities, if we are paying attention. You know that saying -- “Life happens while you are making plans.”

So what else will I take from this time? I make sure to phone friends regularly as much as possible to stay in touch. I’ve even used the moment to reconnect with college roommates and my best friend from childhood thanks to my very busy ZoomRoom. My wonderful husband Ken has taken up reading books, which I enjoy as well so we do more of that. We are appreciative of the comfort and resources we have to make this time meaningful. It is a slower pace generally and our world has gotten a bit smaller, but we are grateful for so much and I am especially thankful that we have all had the good sense to use the opportunity of this moment instead of mourning what we can’t do. Oh and right, for my husband and children and all who care – GO PHILLIES with your cardboard fans, FLYERS, and SIXERS with your onscreen fans! Be well all, stay safe, and make this time as special as possible. Now it’s time for that cool glass of lemonade!

Can we get a grip on Intersectionality?

In linguistics, we learn that definitions are often contextual. That is to say a term can be misappropriated or specifically designated to mean something other than originally intended given certain context and conditions. So, for example, here is a term that has been giving me headaches, recently” INTERSECTIONALITY!

A dictionary definition (Seventh Collegiate Dictionary) is:

the interconnected nature of social categorizations such as race, class, and gender as they apply to a given individual or group, regarded as creating overlapping and interdependent systems of discrimination or disadvantage.

This term has historically been used to indicate inclusivity, that is to say to recognize my whole self, as I am all of me, not just one thing. All of these different aspects of who I am intersect to form my whole identity – my gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. When I am at a disadvantage or somehow being discriminated against, it may very well be because of my race, religion, gender, etc. that all impact upon and intersect with each other. For example, it is known that black transgender women are at a significantly higher risk for being subjected to extreme violence than virtually any other group in the United States. When did we. begin to use this term to express “all of me?”

According to the Columbia Journalism Review, “Intersectionality” was coined in 1989 by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a civil rights activist and legal scholar. In a paper for the University of Chicago Legal Forum, Crenshaw wrote that traditional feminist ideas and antiracist policies exclude black women because they face overlapping discrimination unique to them.

The term was intended to be one of affirmation, so that we see ALL of each other, and not just focus on one aspect of an individual, understanding the many reasons for discrimination, and hopefully how we can counteract this. We all have many different identity points, facets of our lives and do not want to be reduced to a caricature of any one aspect of who we are. Further, when different reasons for discrimination compound each other, there are members of our community who need our advocacy and concern even more,

So, what has happened in our present world of contention where too many causes and issues are too often conflated so that instead of the intended meaning of this term where we are to see all of the many aspects of what makes us an individual or group and be cognizant of any disadvantage that accrues due to that total picture, too many among us are reducing the many variegated aspects of who and what we are to simplistic and erroneous minimal categories. Here all victims are victims and all oppressors are oppressors summarily without looking at the nuanced reality of different groups and their stories and challenges. Israel is NOT an absolute oppressive annihilator (though there are policies that may not be well-informed on many levels), all immigrants are not suspect (any more than every group has its suspect members), all people of color are not lazy (we all have those too!), all Jews are not rich, all Muslims are not terrorists and so on…. We are all people of many identities – I for example, am a mom, wife, woman, observant Jew, supporter of the value of all lives and social justice, an academic, a creative thinker, and so much more. Do NOT reduce me to a bleeding heart liberal or call me names because I support Israel and DO NOT tell me that I cannot love Israel (though disagree vehemently with policies and practices of its government and some of its own identity groups) and feel that we must 100% support black lives, Muslim people of faith, help immigrants, and so on. I live by the foundational Jewish belief that we must respect every human being for G-d is at the core of each and every one.

When I see and value and accept you as a person of faith, gender identity, nationality, racial grouping, and all of the many other facets of who you are as a complete human being, THAT IS INTERSECTIONALITY. When one says you cannot support Black Lives Matter (even with troubling statements in its position statements with which I vehemently disagree) and love Israel and be a person of privilege (due to my racial identity, but not my gender nor my religious grouping) and otherwise reduce us to the A or NOT-A binary options, THIS IS NOT INTERSECTIONALITY.

Our identities are complex and nuanced and multi-faceted, just like each of the elements of those identities. Our tenth commandment teaches not to covet your neighbor’s identity or belongings, acknowledging that we are all many different things. That is what makes us interesting. Instead of looking at labels, let us work on creating affinity groups in a meaningful way. I was learning with my daughter’s two nine-year-old and six-year-old daughters this morning about Tisha B’Av, the saddest and most mournful day in the Jewish calendar, that will be on Thursday. We were talking about the destruction of the Jewish Temple due to Sinat Hinam, causeless hatred, which I think is the result of the MISUSE of the terms INTERSECTIONALITY in our world today and how we have to build our community with good people with constructive and caring values, REGARDLESS of the various identity points that may “mark” us as part of this “good” group or that “not good” group. They got it!

Can we please all take on this lesson? I see and care but will never discriminate against you because of the religious garb you wear; what your gender is – binary or not, what is the color of your skin; the language that is your mother tongue…. I SEE YOU and I understand that these ARE IMPORTANT PARTS OF YOU. What I care deeply about is that we do not conflate these identities inappropriately and instead use our shared values of caring, sharing, forgiving and giving, and humility and faith in the greater good and so much else to build consortiums and communities that are healing and accepting. COME ONE COME ALL, AND BRING ALL OF YOU to the party! Then hopefully my headaches will go away.

DeSean Jackson, Public School Principals, Orthodox Jewish Rabbis and Political Figures

So, I was just inundated with reactions to statements made by DeSean Jackson last week, including a friend and colleague who asked me to write about this (Thank you IG). First of all, in terms of full disclosure, I had no idea who this person who caused such an uproar is and had to be educated as to his being a team member of the Eagles (football team for Philadelphia, for those of you as outside of the sports awareness loop as I generally am, much to the chagrin of my family and too many friends!) and his importance to them as a great wide receiver (whatever that is!). So, this is what I have figured out…. This Eagles wide receiver who is supposed to be really great and very valuable to the team, and therefore probably admired by and a potential role model to many made comments that were clearly anti-Semitic (as well as incorrectly attributed) causing a great stir and angst among many.

As one who believes that we best learn when putting isolated incidents in context, let us concider the time-honored words of Tom Lehrer, in his song, National Brotherhood Week.

Oh, the white folks Hate the black folks And the black folks Hate the white folks To hate all but the right folks Is an old established rule

But during National Brotherhood Week National Brotherhood Week Lena Horne and Sheriff Clark are dancing cheek to cheek, it's Fun to eulogize the People you despise As long you don't let them in your school…

Oh the Protestants hate the Catholics And the Catholics hate the Protestants And the Hindus hate the Muslims And everybody hates the Jews, but during

National Brotherhood Week National Brotherhood Week, it's National Everyone-Smile-At -One-Another-hood Week, be Nice to people who are Inferior to you It's only for a week so have no fear Be grateful that it doesn't last all year

Source: https://genius.com/Tom-lehrer-national-brotherhood-week-lyrics

Then of course there is the writing of German Lutheran pastor Martin Niemöller, on whose tombstone, one iteration of the following sentiment appears:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Going further, there are too many various versions of this sentiment, including the very dark and chilling poem by Maurice Ogden entitled The Hangman which you are free to look at here:

https://www.edhelper.com/poetry/The_Hangman_by_Maurice_Ogden.htm

We get it! People hate people who do not agree with them; do not think like them, do not live like them, do not look like them, and simply are deemed, by whatever arbitrary criteria, as not worthy of their approval. This hatred may be intentional, inherited, representative of social constructs, conscious or subconscious. Unfortunately and generally, the permission to actively exercise this hatred is just clearly ingrained in our society. So, there is nothing we can do about it, right? Wrong! WE CAN and DO make a difference.

Two stories that happened to our son, Brian prove this. We are a Jewish Day School family and our three older daughters went completely though these schools. This was clearly our intention for our youngest, our son, but the school he went to was not, to be clear and concise, a safe or validating space for him and the other school we wanted to consider did not want to take him on as a student. So, we had our first experience with the Public School system; in our area, specifically and thankfully the Cheltenham Township Public Schools and wonderful Dr. Pamula Hart, conscientious Mrs. Irene Parker, fabulous teachers and many opportunities throughout his education. The first incident was in elementary school when a group of boys took Brian’s Kipah on the playground during recess, which he wore all of the time along with Tzitzit, to school, and began tossing it and playing “Keep Away.” Dr. Hart would not have it! She spent hours and hours talking to the boys who did this, the by-standers who watched, Brian, the parents of all involved and then brought everyone together in conversation for apologies, to learn more about each other and to understand that we need to work and play and learn together with respect. The lesson was well learned by all. We had no more incidents until ….

In grade seven, Brian was sitting in class and the girl behind him started drawing a swastika on his neck. She was immediately removed from class, I was called out of a faculty meeting I was running and told about the situation. I ascertained that Brian was fine and then asked about the girl. They told me this meant an immediate expulsion as Cheltenham is a No Place for Hate School System. I then asked them to back up – I had one question – is this girl brand new to the school system? The principal answered that she was and how did I know to ask? My response was that there was no way a student who had been there for the previous year, during which one third of the year was a study of the Holocaust and all that went wrong as well as lessons learned would do that. I could not believe that students educated for years in this school system, which valued midot (standards of behavior) as well as any other aspect of the educational system, would commit such an infraction. I indicated that she needed education not expulsion. The faculty then worked with me to come up with a two-week course to “catch her up” to the rest of the community regarding this important topic and she would serve an in-school suspension while she was working through the material. At the end of her study, she wrote a beautiful apology to Brian and they became good friends. This was the brilliance of Dr. Hart and Mrs. Parker and the faculty of Cheltenham Public Schools -- to educate, process and carefully watch for and oversee change – they were successful! We were thrilled!

I hear it and I see it … this lack of respect, care, knowledge of the other and the fear it generates. That is precisely why I spend so much time working across faith lines, trying to negotiate relationships between those who may not have knowledge of each other. I absolutely love and cherish my friends and colleagues who are Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, and across other religious spectrums and within the continuums of these communities. We speak respectfully, we ask questions, we genuinely care for each other and ALL OF US are doing this in concert with our respective faith’s foundational beliefs providing direction and energy. I often state that I have far more in common with these individuals than with those in my own faith community who forget that a most critical part of being religiously observant is to live with humility, not hubris; to remember that no one person has the complete picture; to consider how your story impacts on others and theirs on you; and that ultimately, we need each other in important and continuing ways. These relationships are healing, validating and meaningful and the work we all do together is so important and MAKES HUGE DIFFERENCES!

For those who prefer to play the “who said this” game, it’s so easy to get angry and to feel justified in one’s own reactions… The fact of the matter is that THERE ARE MEMBERS OF ALL OF OUR GROUPS THAT ACT WITH SUCH LACK OF CONCERN WITH OTHERS. I have often heard people, for example, in more religiously pitched communities claim that their way of life is the best and ensures proper behavior. Yet, I can give you a too long list of Orthodox Rabbinic authorities who DO NOT ACT according to the standards of behavior DEMANDED by our system of life (and to be sure, there are many, many WONDERFUL Orthodox Rabbis who do!). My point is that when we hear about Priests, Rabbis, people in religious authority and people in important positions of political leadership whose actions and words are followed by many and should be standing as role models act inappropriately, I get far more upset than when this is the case with, from my perspective, a random member of one sports team.

But, I know all too well that many will look at DeSean Jackson and others like him as their role models before considering their national or religious leaders and here is where he and others like him have to learn that with the privilege of their position comes responsibility. Education, such as that which our son and his school community received in his public school education and so many receive in wonderful educational institutions – both private and public; the example that is provided by responsible and intelligent leaders in our community who understand that with THEIR position of privilege comes a platform with great responsibility – this is what we should be looking at, publicizing and paying attention to. If we take those who misuse and abuse their platforms off of them (hint to social media here!) and give that space to those who are sharing meaningful and caring and helpful messages, maybe we will not have the problem of DeSean Jackson, his words and those who have not benefitted from positive role models who follow him and inflame our already fractured world further!

The Peasants are revolting!

They certainly are! Okay, here is a trivia question for anyone reading this from the Milford Mill High School Graduation classes of 1970 and 1971 in Baltimore Maryland. Do you remember that line? It was from the class of 1971’s Farewell Assembly as our friends, one year older, were graduating and leaving us in charge of the school! It was a joke that garnered appropriate laughter. However, in our contemporary reality, the humor is lost. Everyone is revolting and everyone is finding each other revolting, unfortunately. Forget tolerance, we have lost a sense of common human decency in too many instances. Civil rebellion has been an important aspect of our history on many levels. We have seen instances of when such reaction held those in power who abused others in check and we have held onto this as a right as civilians and human beings and members of governed entities.

In my work with members of other faith communities, with learners of all ages and religious and ethnic identities, in my ongoing communications with many wonderful Orthodox Jewish Rabbis who are working to insure that their communities are inclusive, and just in conversations with close and beloved people in my life with whom I may differ significantly in terms of politics or be different in level of religious observance, there is mutual and shared respect and true love for each other. We learn from each other, share our ideas and maintain our individual identity and integrity while insuring we do not compromise that of the other. This is a skill set that many of us have been taught, to have civil conversations and caring interactions, and yet, too often people are unable to do so. How sad.

I recently received an email from somone with whom I have sporadic content, when I wished them health and safety and expressed my hopes for healing of our fractured world, which is generally my message as many of you know. This is the response I received:

The civil unrest is very troubling. We need to look into this very deeply To determine our destiny.

My first reaction was to say yes, I agree that we need to look at how people cannot talk to each other or listen to each other and this indeed does compromise the viability of our destiny. But then, I realized this was not the context of the statement. As monuments are being taken down, and so many symbols of who we are collectively are being questioned in terms of their intentions and agenda, people are clearly drawing their lines in the sand and screaming, yelling and kicking to maintain them. WE ARE IN THIS MESS TOGETHER BUT ARE FIGHTING EACH OTHER AS ENEMIES! How did this happen?

I have been reading Yuval Noah Hariri’s amazing book Sapiens – A Brief History of Humankind, in which he speaks about how we have lost our ways as humans while screaming about our religious identities, political alliances, ethnic identities, racial affiliations – and maligning anyone not sharing them. The most recent concept of intersectionality where ALL VICTIMS identify with ALL OTHER VICTIMS they identify as such and then vilify the rest of us is a poignant and sad example of this dynamic. As Hariri discusses how we need each other more than ever given the many overwhelming threats to our continued existence globally, how are we to accept and cherish our differences and consider the notion that we may even learn something significant from each other, widening our own parameters of understanding of our vast human family?

There is a great deal of Gemara/Talmudic discussion about speech and blasphemy, posing the query as to whether or not such use of words is a “ma’aseh,” i.e. a concrete deed that is completed, or not? As words can and do definitely lead to death and horrible consequences, it is clear that speech is indeed a facilitative action, a concrete deed, with very real consequences. How many of us have heard of someone who died by suicide due to not being able to withstand verbal bullying any longer? I feel like this is clearly the situation we are in.

We ALL need to continue to speak and act on behalf of causes in which we believe. This freedom of speech is important and a most foundational element of who we are as thinking, intentional beings -- we may respectfully revolt but this is not revolting nor should it be seen as such. That being said, we also have to remember a basic rule of communications theory – when I speak I must be cognizant and aware of what you hear; otherwise my message will not get through. I DO CARE AND CRY for the injustices in our world at present against Blacks, Jews, Muslims, Women, LGBTQ persons, children without advocates, immigrants and all others who are not accorded the full panoply of human rights to which we are all entitled as being created in the image of G-d. Many who disagree say I am a bleeding heart liberal or being “lenient” in my approach to law; but I am going with several Orthodox Jewish Rabbis for whom I have deep respect who say this is not being “Meikel” or lenient but rather observing strictly the most important and fundamental principles upon which all Jewish law is based. As Hariri states in his study, this belief is shared in the history of our humanity by many thought systems and religious structures. It is individuals who have forgotten this and those of us who have not have the responsibility to remind others that we are to remember that each person is important and special, has an expectation of basic human rights, and when one person is not accorded such, we are ALL compromised.

At this time of global climatic compromise, too many instances of enmity, lack of acceptance of others, and so much else that has taken us many steps backwards in our shared journey, let us commit ourselves to accepting each other and listening, I mean truly listening when people are at risk…even if and especially when we do not agree... Because a system that does not protect one group of its citizens and population will ultimately abuse all of them, when that purpose is served. We in the Jewish community say: All of Israel is responsible for each other. In terms of all of us as the children of Adam and Eve, let us consider that All of Humanity is responsible for each other, peasants, or otherwise!

THIS IS NOT ABOUT POLITICS, IT IS ABOUT….

THIS IS NOT ABOUT POLITICS, IT IS ABOUT….

Wearing a mask to protect one’s health and that of those around us is being prudent, a good citizen and in appropriate self-interest at this time in our reality. AND YET, there are those in our country who would have us believe it is a political statement. Really?

Being horrified at police brutality is about caring about human beings. BLACK LIVES MATTER is about being appropriate citizens and good human beings. Holding individuals who carry accountable for being responsible and controlling their own tempers is about observing the laws set for the country we all share and so much else. It is NOT a political statement!

Loving a country that is a democracy in the Middle East and a homeland for Jews and so many others, by the way, from so many other lands, is about identifying with the land of my history, my religious identity and so much else. It is based on foundational principles of justice and concern for all human beings that are fundamental to all monotheistic religious codes. It is NOT a political statement!

I have been reading Susan Rice’s book, Tough Love: My Story of the Things Worth Fighting For, have watched the documentary of Richard and Mildred Loving’s story, on which the movie Loving is based, and have watched numerous you tube recordings and read memoirs and writings dedicated to peoples’ understanding of their identity and what in the larger stage on which we live threatens that identity. Rice speaks of a time when Democrats and Republicans got along well, had meaningful debates about their differences with respect and reasonably pitched voices. THIS IS WHAT I REMEMBER from my years in the middle of so much between the mid-sixties and early seventies, when I was in Baltimore and Washington DC. We all had our political affiliations and perspectives but our friendships WERE NOT based on politics. Our statements and precautions we took for our health WERE NOT seen as political. We were all part of the family of people that call the United States of America home.

I know too many people who have died from COVID 19 and protecting all of ourselves, our families and our communities is about using the common sense that G-d is kind enough to bestow upon us to act sensibly and responsibly. No amount of shouting, name-calling and disrespectful tweets and barbs will change that.

I am profoundly worried about our country. I am proud of the MANY, MANY people who are working to hold the reasonable and moderate middle and are using their voices of sanity and reason. That being said, we CANNOT ignore the hatred, prejudice and violence that has been unleashed in this country. NO ONE PERSON no matter what position, has created that. It has always been here. BUT, the responsibility each of us have to respond to this in a way that is healing and restorative is critical and anyone who allows voices of authority to claim that “there are very fine people” in all groups including the Ku Klux Klan and other white extremist groups validates and gives tacit permission to all those who hate us to act violently and THEY ARE doing just that -- because we are Jews, because we are Muslims, because we are people of color, because we are LGBTQ -- because we are not part of the White America they want to fight for . DO NOT take this glibly, we all know previous chapters of history when this was done, certainly in the later 1930s in cultured and well-educated Germany, and we know where that led.

Use your voices! Write, teach, read, learn … and remember that if, in the words of Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, we do not rise to stand with each and every group who is maligned, than we have no right to ask that they do the same for us. And anyway, it is the right thing to do, it is the moral and just thing to do, it is the HUMAN thing to do. BLACK LIVES MATTER! LGBTQ LIVES MATTER! JEWISH LIVES MATTER! MUSLIM LIVES MATTER! ALL LIVES OF MORAL JUST HUMANS MATTER! KEEPING OURSELVES HEALTHY MATTERS And this is NOT political!!!!!!!!

Sustainability vs. Profitability: Adjusted Times Require Adjusted Thinking and Planning

I recently saw an interview on television with a restaurant owner that impressed me greatly. The owner was asked how he was dealing with the reality at present and what it was doing for his business. He remarked that he is not really making money per se, but is dedicated to putting food on people’s tables and insuring that his employees can do the same for their families. He is not looking for profitability in this time just sustainability – can he break even or not lose too much financial viability. I think this is a wonderful role model for all in thinking about how we look at what is happening at present and the adjustments we must all make. One question that is getting a great deal of attention at this time is vacation home owners and those who have rented their properties for periods in the summer. If the ones who were planning a vacation can no longer benefit from the offerings of their vacation home site, then should they be entitled to refunds? One shore home owner is quoted as saying that the would-be-vacationers were renting their home, not the area, and the deal stands. Now we all know that is not really what they were renting…. Others are being more understanding. But so it goes. We, along with so many others, are waiting to hear about refunds for our plane tickets to Rome, which has been totally shut down and we have nothing to go to there now in June. So how should we handle these situations?

A few days ago, in my Gemara learning I came upon this text in BT Mas. Arachin 20:b for those who want to check it out: “The one who rents a house to his friend and the walls become infected with leprosy….” Of course, the question is, what is his obligation to refund the renter’s money? In this discussion, there are several situations (as is the habit in Talmudic discourse) about different conditions that can rise and what options we should exercise, whether through obligation or because it is the proper thing to do or because it will maintain a peaceful and viable community. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone would approach our present situation with that type of thinking and follow the lead of the restaurant owner in the first situation cited above?

Some of our car insurance companies realize we are not driving and cutting rates or providing refunds. Some land owners and landlords are acting with the same thinking. There are those businesses and individuals who are acting honorably and I am sure this will bode well for them when we move out of our present cloud of existence. I would suggest we all note who is acting in a caring empathic manner towards all of us and support them later while for those who are still focused on profitability, well….

I think there is an opportunity here – to act honorably, to stop worrying about what is best for each individual in isolation of the group but rather to be concerned about the health of all from which we will ultimately benefit in the long run. I and many of my colleagues are presently providing free programming on line and I know it is appreciated. We are doing this because we care and because as long as we can sustain ourselves, we are not concerned about profit at this time. That should not be our focus – there is too much else to attend to and do.

Often in the Gemara, there are rulings that are cited “for the benefit of X.” In other words, sometimes it is more about what we should do than what we have to do. That would be a great guiding principle at this time in our lives. As we have learned, we are indeed all in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Some of us are quite comfortable, while others are not so blessed. Let us all watch out for each other and when we are thinking about our property we have rented for vacation, or tickets we have sold or any other agreement we have made while so much of our reality has been upended, let us all ask ourselves – what do we need to sustain us and where can we not worry about the profit, and instead use that potential resource to benefit others, so their boats can sustain them more readily.

Be well all and stay safe!

Busy, Teaching, Learning, Thinking, Observing, Connecting, and Counting Blessings

Hoping all in your world are well and safe. This has clearly been a time with its challenges. Too many people have died and we have all lost friends, relatives, neighbors and fellow members of our human family. We are not in gatherings, we are not traveling, we are mostly running our worlds from limited boundaries. Some of us are definitely stepping up our game in using technology. We are socially connecting in new ways at physical distances. We are all waiting for a return to some type of normalcy, even though we are all aware it probably will not return to what we are used to. What will our lives look like going forward? What blessings and lessons from this time will we take with us, helping us to live further enriched and meaningful lives, protecting ourselves, each other and our world better?

Within this surreal situation, I am one of those people who has blessed to be able to move my life onto on-line formats -- teaching, meeting with various groups and colleagues, planning programs (including our Multi-Faith Council’s upcoming Annual IFTAR Gathering this coming Wednesday, May 6), and going to lots of Zoom events – and thinking about the reality that we are indeed all in this together. Zoom Rooms are now our club house. Neighbors out for a walk are always stopping for conversation and many of us are actually meeting in a meaningful way for the first time. Within all of this, we all take note of the graduations, personal milestones and special occasions which will not be happening now, but I have begun to suggest that again we think of how to recapture these moments later – perhaps high school and college graduations the end of fall semester when people are home, a later celebration of a Zoom wedding, or …? On the other hand, exposure is increased for those of us on line --- The classes I teach which normally in physical space can attract between ten and twenty-five people at one time are now being seen by as many as several hundred, when they are archived. These are the opportunities of the moment. In some groups I teach, I have people “in the same room” from Canada, California, the Mid-west and the East Coast….

This week is a particularly busy one as I reconnect with my younger Torah scholars, students at Perelman Jewish Day School. One of the things we learn together is the weekly Torah portion. When we last met, we were still in the historical narrative and beginning of being a communal entity in Sefer Shemot (Exodus). Now we are in VaYikra (Leviticus) – a book of laws of purity and action. As we look at where we are at this moment in time, we have just hit the mid-point of the Torah narrative this past Shabbat. We read the Holiness Code in Parshat Kedoshim, reminding us how we are different than other peoples and how we are to maintain our identity and standards of behavior no matter what we observe others doing. This is always an important lesson for all of us – the understanding and embracing of our moral compass. How do we maintain proper behavior and standards of health and well-being in a world in which such may not be the bar by which all is measured? Additionally, the book of VaYikra is about purity and cleanliness and keeping our bodies as well as our souls clean and healthy. This lesson is clearly relevant for our time and the connections to be made are obvious. What may NOT be so obvious is the notion of touch-contamination, clearly discussed in our Torah reading of two weeks ago and greatly expanded in our Talmud and other Codes of Law. I will actually begin this week’s lessons with these children as well as my adult Torah study groups with these lessons – in which we are reminded that the walls of our houses, material of our clothing, surfaces on which we work, etc. can all carry various Tum’ot – those impurities that have physical as well as spiritual consequences.

Too often, people think of religious codes as only dealing with religious observance standards, per se. Yet, as I have shared often enough, our Jewish texts are concerned about business ethics, how families and friends treat each other, not cheating in our daily actions, treatment of our animals, our earth and so much else that contributes to the well-being of our physical realm – all of which is considered sanctified ground. I really think of this as one of the greatest blessings of all – the notion that all we are and all we do has potential to heal, strengthen, validate and so much more, if enacted properly.

When we do begin to re-enter the larger realm of activity in our daily lives, in hopefully what will be intelligent and graduated steps, let us consider how to think of all those and all that is around us – and how our footprint and touch impact on all, as taught in our religious and legacy texts. Here’s to considering the reality and potential blessings of a post-COVID 19 World informed by the lessons we are learning now!

Seize this opportunity!

Still checking my Facebook feed twice daily (except Shabbat and Yom Tov coming up…) for humor and thoughts…. And here is one of my favorites: G-d saw that we are running too fast and doing too much and not thinking….. so G-d gave us all a TIME OUT! Another observation is that in the beginning of this present reality of ours, everybody was setting up schedules for children, trying to completely replicate work and school schedules and then…. After a few days, 31-year-old Sally who had been homeschooling her children ages about sixty years, schedules are thrown out, and this piece of wisdom shines through it all – use this opportunity to do what we may not have had time to do before. There is one post (and I hope that you have all seen these and that the references I am making are familiar to all) that is a conversation in 2030 between a parent and an 18-year-old about what they remember from 2020. The parent remembers the disruption, the fear, the scarcity of basic supplies and the worries of the time. The 18-year-old who was eight at the time remembers it as the happiest time of his childhood – with scavenger hunts in the backyard, so much facetime with his grandfather, family dinners every night and the family being together.

So, I ask you which way do we want to go? What will our children and grandchildren remember about this moment in time? What will we and how much control do we EACH have over the memories we produce in this situation in which we find ourselves? I love the story of the woman in Maryland who decided her children’s school day should continue to begin with the Pledge of Allegiance, so she took a large American flag to the end of the driveway and her family began their day thus. After a bit, the entire neighborhood is now coming together every morning for the Pledge and “Circle Time” to check in with each other, by projecting their voices. In the Jewish community, much has been discussed and many are coming together for daily prayers in new and creative ways, either praying together or praying as individuals (without the required minyan, or prayer quorum) but nonetheless together with others doing the same. One parent created a huge Chutes and Ladders board on her driveway to have kids play from, as one friend and respected colleague of mine put it – a socially interactive – but from a physical distance. Kids are baking, learning their measurements and life skills along the way while mom teaches them; families are scrapbooking and sharing their wonderful Legacy Stories with each other; people are reading books; walks in the park are so appreciated and in general, the pace of life is slowing down a bit and everyone is being INTENTIONAL about what they are doing. I am personally learning and teaching daily with groups on Zoom, through phone conferencing, Face Book pages, Face Time, etc. What’s wrong with this?

Nothing really, and while the circumstances are clearly scary and we, as everyone else, are looking at very empty Seder tables for the upcoming holiday of Passover and our Christian friends are confronting the same as Easter approaches and IFTAR dinners will be small as well for our Muslim brothers and sisters in faith, think about what this time brings – more time with family in intentional conversations, more phone calls to friends and those in our lives who we just always mean to call but cannot, praying in circles and with people (in what I suspect may actually be an uptake in attendance), upgrading our technology skills so we can see each other and create so many meaningful interactions in virtual venues… and for those of us who are truly blessed with all of the creature comforts we need, we are thankful as well as mindful of those who do not have all of this, helping in any way we can.

It is said that tragedy and extreme circumstances bring out the best in us, and I agree with that, though I think it is sad that this is what it takes for too many people. Nonetheless, let us all breathe deeply and be in touch with our core selves, while staying in touch, reading good books, taking walks where we can at safe distances, and just keeping in mind what is important and acting sensibly. Be well all, stay safe, and remember the blessings you have and let’s all use this moment so we can remember it as remarkable, aside from the obvious limitations. Now off to a Zoom Birthday Party and then plan to watch another really funny sketch someone has posted from The Carol Burnett Show – laughing is so good for the soul. I highly recommend it.

GOING INTO SHABBAT, THE BLESSINGS IN THE MIDST OF OUR REALITY

My intention was to write and post this before Shabbat on Friday, and indeed began this then. However, after a week of cancelling everything and putting it all back together again in different ways to the highest degree possible, I ended up too close to the start of our Jewish Sabbath and had to leave this until Sunday. I clearly have thoughts at this time going into our weekly 25 hour experience of NO TECHNOLOGY whatsoever, you know, being UNPLUGGED, after spending all week truly communicating with everyone by phone, phone conferencing, Zoom, Face Time, etc….. So here are some initial observations:

1. Kids, can someone explain to me what is so cool about being plugged in continually to your technology and not having face to face people time; I really don’t get it.

2. I am really glad I love my husband Ken and that we get along so well, because we are definitely spending lots of time together.

3. I thought my tech skills were pretty okay, but really have to up my game; though I will say age grouping matters. (See #4)

4. In our Elkins Park shul, where I am a member of the “junior congregation,” I seem to be one of the more tech-savvy individuals. I know my kids get how sad that really is; do you?

5. I am eternally grateful for our home, the financial stability we have and the many blessings we have been granted by God that is getting us through this time.

6. I LOVE the sense of humor this is bringing out. FUNNIEST posts ever. My personal favorite “The cleaning lady just called. She is working remotely from home and will give us instructions about what to do.” And there there are the hysterical rants of moms who ARE NOT TEACHERS – one from Israel and one from the United States. Still laughing.

Humor, having what we need to get through the day, love of those around us and our own resources …. All so important at this point in time. We are doing all of the healthy things we are supposed to be doing. I have a full schedule of teaching, learning, doing work, helping people connect to communities and so much else. I am also making a point to speak with AT LEAST FIVE PEOPLE every day like we are supposed to. And I know that I am so blessed to be able to live through this time with, compared to others, limited inconveniences and concerns.

Mostly, it’s about health everyone – our physical and mental and emotional health. Stay in touch with each other and take care of yourselves. For those of us with children in our lives, use this time to have special experiences. I agree with all those who say, yes, keep a school schedule going, but use this time to do things you may not have a chance to do with the normal craziness of life. Here is an opportunity to think about our days and our lives differently and who knows what lessons we will take with us into our lives, when G-d willing, they return to a normal and “out of isolation” pace.

So as you can see, I DID finish this before Shabbat so I wish all a Shabbat Shalom – a day of peace and rest and healing. Stay in touch and keep yourselves in health.

Lessons from the Gemara on Safety in a Pandemic Reality

Wouldn’t you just know that as it turns out in my ongoing Talmud study, I am in the latter part of Masechet Chulin, learning about Tum’ot, impurities that are passed from thing to thing, person to person, animal to animal, animal to person, etc…. you get the point. I most recently am learning about the yad – the holder or stem of a piece of fruit, for example, and the shomer – the skin of that fruit, for example, and the degree to which they can carry such impurities and uncleanliness (and jeopardize our health and well-being). So, let’s think about an onion, one example in the text that is discussed in detail – it has three layers of skin or shomer/shomrim. For each layer there are distinct degrees of how it can convey uncleanliness or impurity and what is permitted for consumption and what is not. The discussion is very protracted, detailed and at times quite confusing… and guess what – here we are! How do we function in our lives these days given the limitations put on interactions and gatherings, etc. in the face of COVID – 19?

Consider how it began. Here is a concise answer found at https://abc11.com/5997396/ where you can check out the video.

Q: How did it start? A: There's a family of viruses called coronavirus. So, this is one of a family of viruses. There are seven that can affect humans. Four of them circulate all the time. We see them year after year. Three are what we call novel or new and spread more quickly and cause more severe disease. So, these are things like SARS, MERS and then this one. Those three, what we think happened, is that they were in animals and then they had enough of a mutation that they were able to jump from infecting animals to being able to infect humans. So, what we think is that that live animal market in Wuhan... there was enough animals and enough of a shift that the virus was able to move from animals to humans. And then able to spread human to human.

In the text of Masechet Chulin, there are many details regarding defilement – both ritual and non-ritual (definition of Chulin) that can be carried and cause problems such as those we are witnessing today. Differentiations are made regarding ritual defilements (e.g. carrying of impurities) and daily problems of defilement and disease that can and will impact our lives.

For example, Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz comments as follows: The Gemara [Chulin 124a – 130b] relates that there are also differences between ways that ritual defilement can be contracted. For example, aside from coming into physical contact with the dead animal, tumah can also be transferred by carrying the animal, even if one does not touch it (see Vayikra 11:40).

In the Jewish community, we will be celebrating Pesach with our elaborate Sedarim in a few weeks. One of the many pivotal moments of our Sedarim is the recitation of the Ten Plagues – The Eser Makot. While we recount these as miracles of G-d in saving the people of Israel from the taskmasters in Egypt, we know there are scientific phenomena that explain them as well, not to say that God had any lesser hand in their occurrence. As I often explain, a miracle or nes is defined in one of my favorite Hebrew dictionaries as “an action of G-d, an action of man, an action of nature, and their simultaneous timing.” So we can talk of blood waves when the floor of the ocean is disturbed, the lice carried by infected frogs as they come onto land and so on until we have a national disaster such as a pandemic that now confronts us. For an explanation of the plagues and some accompanying scientific information go to https://www.livescience.com/58638-science-of-the-10-plagues.html

These are certainly scary times. There have been comparisons to the Spanish Flu of 1918 and other worldwide spread of disease. While many drastic measures are now being implemented, or so it certainly seems, to keep us all safe, perhaps it would do us all well to consider what we have come to take for granted in terms of protecting our health and well-being through good common-sense practices.

In Masechet Chulin 103a – 109b, which I was learning about a week ago, there is an extensive discussion concerning washing hands, before one eats, after one eats and even during a meal. Again, through all of the details, clearly there are ramifications for both ritual purity and just common-sense healthy practice. As someone who lives with these practices, I notice that often they are too often handled quite perfunctorily. Yet, now with the 20-second-hand-wash ritual that is being implemented in our general lives where there are constant washings and warnings against touching our faces and watching our physical contact with others, we have to wonder why is it that historically Jews, with their frequent washings and laws against ongoing physical contact with others, often did not face the scourge of pandemics to the same extent as our other brothers and sisters in our world of humanity, though this is not necessarily so this time around? Not because of any qualitative difference but perhaps because of an understanding that we cannot take contact with all other creatures, including animals, for granted. We must all work to stay healthy, protecting ourselves and others.

Clearly, we all have great reason to be fearful and concerned. But instead of being paralyzed by that fear, let’s all consider how we can live in a more healthy and guarded way, keeping ourselves and others around us safe. Be safe all and stay healthy!

MEANINGFUL SPACES OF DIVERSITY

I find that many of us are just shaking our heads more and more and asking ourselves how we got to this point. What would our grandparents and great-grandparents and those who came before them say – who risked everything to come to a place where there was freedom for all, justice that is honest and has integrity and where hard work and subscribing to fundamental values of rightful living would await them and be the backdrop of their future generations’ lives. And here we are! It makes many of us too sad, depressed and dejected.

Then, I have the privilege and honor of being in so many different spaces of diversity, respect and honor that reflect those very values that are at our root as people of faith and as Americans who should know better. Jack Bly, whom I quote from time to time, explains in his important book The Sibling Society that the problem today can be articulated in part by looking at our fairy tales. In generations past, he explains, Jack went up that beanstalk to rid his world of the danger of the giant, whereas today kids want to go up the beanstalk, kill the giant and then become the new giant. No wonder this is a problem – we just need to look around us and see that too many of our leaders and those in “high and public” places are going against the Biblical injunction expressed in Isaiah, “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness.”

In so many special spaces, those of us who do not in any way want to be the giant but rather want to restore justice and kindness and empathy for all those in our world come together. We are people of faith – all faiths and all degrees of observance ranging from the more ritualistically identified to the most liberally defined. We all agree that we are all God’s children, carry the sense of humility that comes with holding oneself accountable to a Higher Being/Divine Source and are able to celebrate what we share while respecting and honoring our differences, never asking each other to compromise our beliefs and foundational truths but to bring them graciously and openly to the table of discourse. I will say here and now that I never feel questioned or compromised as an Orthodox Jew, who subscribes to the commandments of Torah in which I believe. If anything, I feel heartened by how many bridges we can build together while tearing down walls and fences, in learning more about and appreciating each other. It makes me feel even closer to God as I learn more and more about all of God’s children.

We meet for coffee and share our thoughts about how we continue to find strength in our faith and what we believe to be true even though too much in the world around us may challenge that. We participate in shared text study sessions. We plan conferences for others to come and learn how to live this life we share on this planet and in the communities of which we are part constructively - as we believe God would want us to, no matter what name we use to invoke our Divine Source or the form in which we believe that Being exists. We come together as Jews, Christians of various iterations, Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Zoroastrians and so many others to put the pieces of the puzzle of our existence in a way that honors who we each are and celebrates our coming together in these shared spaces. These spaces are invigorating, uplifting and reaffirming. I urge all of us to find and facilitate and create more and more of these spaces so that others can feel the power and amazing light these connections bring.

Yesterday, I was at a program in a Presbyterian Christian space where one of the topics was our children and grandchildren and why so many of them are turning away from religion per se. It strikes me that while more than a quarter of Americans claim that they do not subscribe to any religious structure or specific regimen, as much as 92% of our fellow citizens do believe in something – they believe in a Higher Being, search for spiritual meaning in their lives and so on. I am certain that this aversion to established systems is parallel to the oft-named “hopelessness, helplessness and alienation” many of our rising adult generations feel at this point. We need to be there for them – we need to remind them that the goal of our lives is not to become the giant but to care for and be empathic for each other. To no one’s surprise, we find in these shared spaces that our challenges are similar, our hopes are shared, and we are all struggling to figure out our place in the world and then help those who look to us for guidance to do the same.

I urge all of us to stand up and be counted – to bring our whole selves to these meaningful spaces of diversity and show that together we stand strong. Find conferences and opportunities in your communities and be part of these wonderful spaces. For those of you who live in the Delaware Valley area, note the wonderful work of organizations like American Jewish Committee, POWER, EMGAGE, our Multi-Faith Councils and others. Specifically, contact me at shulisrose@aol.com if you want more information about some of these programs, including important Multi-Faith sharing experiences on Sunday, March 15, 2020 at the Masdijullah and on Saturday, March 21, 2020 at Chestnut Hill College.

A quick postscript. I often write about the important of interfaith and intrafaith work. It is just as important and I am just as involved (if the individual who critiqued me for the interfaith and multi-faith work I do is reading this) in building bridges within my larger Jewish faith community. I often joke (somewhat sadly) that I spend way too much time dispelling myths of what it means to be religiously observant to those who have caricatured ideas of what that means and similarly I have to dispel stereotypes of those who not quite as ritualistically observant to those who do not understand them. Folks, can we please come out of our suffocating silos and just TALK WITH EACH OTHER! You will be pleasantly amazed, I promise!