An Important Lesson on Intersectionality from Camille Cosby

Erev Sukkot, this past Sunday morning, I looked at the newspaper as we always do on Sunday morning.. There on the first page was the trifecta of one of our most compelling major societal problems – articles about the situation with Judge Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford, a story about a Priest who had sexually abused multiple members of one family as well as others and one entitled ‘Cosby back in Court this week for sentencing.” Further along in the paper there was yet another article about a young man who had been sexually bused by his priest and ultimately took his life, because he could no longer live with the truth that was his life. Needless to say, I was depressed as well as overwhelmed by what has gone so wrong that the most basic right of sanctity and safety of self has become more political pawn in our public sphere than the fundamental value we have all cherished and fought so hard to achieve.

I was particularly horrified when Camille Cosby and her husband’s publicists were reported to have “compared him to civil rights icons Nelson Mandela and Emmett Till, insisting that he, too, is the victim of corrupt and racist justice system.”. Later in the week, his legal counsel stated “he is being persecuted like Jesus.”. Really???? If in fact these individuals did not say this, then shame on those who did; however, as I heard the latter comment from the person to whom it is ascribed, I do doubt this is the case and those who are responsible for these comments should be ashamed of themselves.

There is this phenomenon in our contemporary society and language called INTERSECTIONALITY. It is particularly invoked by our young 20- and 30-somethings to challenge all of us to look around us and consider the plight of others at best, and at worst, collapse all wrongs of society as they perceive them to be as one and the same. As defined by Webster and others, “intersectionality is an analytic framework which attempts to identify how interlocking systems of power impact those who are most marginalized in society.” At its best, this notion states that if one is concerned about one victimized or maligned portion of our population and human family, than we should be concerned about others. That is to say that people of color should care deeply about women, those with physical limitations should show compassion for those with mental or emotional limitations, LGBTQ community members should work to advocate for the rights of immigrants who are taking a difficult hit, to say the least, Jews should advocate for Muslims (which by the way, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks often claims), and so on. The theory of intersectionality as presently and properly practiced basically sets up situations where all of us should and must be sensitive to the vulnerabilities of others and this is a noble agenda for many self-evident reasons. For some, we think of it as common decency, which unfortunately is not quite so common as it should be in today’s fractured world.

However, intersectionality is NOT without its potential pitfalls, as is the case with any ideology or theory. Here is where Camille Cosby and her husband’s supporters come in. Really? Like Nelson Mandela or Emmett Till? Comparisons to Jesus? Okay, this is INTERSECTIONALITY running amuck. As someone who goes into internal shock every time someone just thoughtlessly and way too easily compares anyone they decide is an oppressor or perceived wrongdoer as a Nazi or when Israel is cast in the same tonal colors as governing entities who hang their own citizens just for being who they are, I am once again saddened and horrified that we as a society have become so thoughtless and careless that we reduce our lives to meaningless and hurtful soundbites, no longer honoring those who have been victimized by truly horrific entities but claiming that all perceived victims are the same no matter what they may have done and even if they are not actually victims but rather perpetrators of wrongdoing.

Black lives DO matter and ME TOO is an important initiative and we must all remember that if our parents and grandparents came to this country seeking sanctuary, we should apply those principles appropriately so that the United States of America can continue to provide such to those who are truly victims of torture and whose lives are in peril. That being said, ALL THOSE WHO ARE CHARGED WITH WRONGDOING are not the same and are not equal. Please, can we all just remember that we are supposedly people of reason and leave the histrionics aside! No, Camille Cosby, your husband is no Nelsom Mandela or Emmett Till and I would hope you will reconsider how you have maligned their names and their battles.

MY BEST ROSH HASHANA EVER

This year for a variety of reasons, Ken and I tried something completely different. We decided to go to a Rosh HaShana retreat at Isabella Friedman Retreat Center. I was all ready to channel my inner hippie from decades ago and to get into a Kumbaya zone, though I knew there was an Orthodox minyan for davening (prayers) and the food is strictly Kosher. Actually, friends of our recommended this Retreat Center from their experience during another Chag (holiday), so we decided to see what it was all about.

We got in our car on Sunday and prepared for the approximately four-hour drive to Connecticut, just over the state line shared with New York. We took the scenic route avoiding the Turnpikes and the peace and calm of all that we saw, even with rain, that seemed to be an ongoing theme throughout the three and a half days, was just breath-taking. We arrived at this beautiful retreat center that certainly did not disappoint. It was beautiful, bucolic even, with water (in the lake, not just coming down from the clouds), fields, trails (which I had hoped to try out but maybe next time when the water is only in the lake), beautiful cabins and lovely large spaces for gathering.

Isabella Friedman Retreat Center is a completely environmentally conscious and sustainable space and the food is reported to be amazing. So now, I can attest to the notion that this is not just a matter of report, but experience. The food was plentiful, beautifully presented and nourished the body completely. The surroundings were perfect for the contemplative nature of the beginning of these Ten Days of Returning to God that is part of the annual cycle of the rhythm of Jewish life and living. Sustainable practices are clearly front and center and one is definitely aware that the food we eat has a source, is grown and produced and served by the members of the internal community who live and work at the resort with pride and respect for the environment that provides us with all of these gifts.

There were two prayer options for the Rosh HaShana observance, one Orthodox and one Egalitarian. Additionally, there were members of the community that came together who just walked, hiked, talked, meditated, thought and just came to be in this inspiring and inspired space. The minute we walked into the Orthodox prayer space as well as entered the dining tent, it was clear that yes, my inner hippie was indeed in its happy space but there was actually quite a wide swath of people present – geographically (though most participants were from New York and New Jersey, people were there from California, Washington State and Toronto as well as many other regions of the United States), generationally (no we were NOT the only people there over the age of forty!), in terms of observance, sexuality, gender identity, with regard to what people eat and do not eat, and so on .. and we stayed in dorm like bunks, nice beautiful cabins (that would be Ken and me), tents and a variety of places to rest and relax. Multi-generational families, couples, individuals, groups of friends and just Jews of so many different orientations were part of this little world that would evolve over approximately 72 hours.

One of the biggest surprises and joys for me was the prayer experience. I too often get the impression that people feel that Rosh HaShana is a chore to get through, with way too many pages in the Machzor (prayer book) and up to nine hours of each of two days, as well as a good chunk of time the previous evening when it begins so as to seem rather daunting at best. But this was absolutely not the case. Rabbi Avraham Arieh Trugman spoke about the joy along with the judgment of the observance and the balance of so many different elements, that indeed may seem paradoxical, but in truth ask of us to bring our whole and complete selves to the Rosh HaShana experience. This was exactly what I felt – transported to that place where all of me was there. The singing and the communal voices raised as one led by Rabbi Avram Mlotek, the quiet contemplative prayer elements and the joy of being in this assemblage all combined to truly make this a special and meaningful Rosh HaShana. Each time we finished our long services, we did not race to leave, but rather danced and sang – sharing that joy that makes community at its best. This was exactly what I always want my prayer and community to be, and it was indeed that.

Another great joy for me in this space was the real feeling of Klal Yisrael. The various continuums listed above in terms of who was there added so much to the experience. People floated in and out of various groups, even between the prayer options, and there seemed to be this seamless sense of yes, we are this community, invested in each other and caring about those around us. Conversations were deep and new friendships celebrated with hopes of seeing each other again. I was honored to be teaching two classes, which also showed the value of bringing people together who may not pray the same, think the same and live the same, but in fact we are all part of the same unified whole. We truly celebrated what we shared and honored and respected differences as well. This was a huge part of this experience for me, and gives me something to hold onto as we re-enter our fractured world.

When I find myself in these spaces of diversity within unity and unity of diversity, I am bolstered and reminded of how we can and do build bridges and go back and forth across them, instead of being contained by fences and walls. The respect shown by all whether it was a traditionally clad Orthodox Rabbi or a Rabbi from the Egalitarian group who was female or a communal leader dressed more casually, it did not matter who said Kiddush, gave a D’var Torah or led Birkat HaMazon. We all did what we needed to do to fulfill our own traditions and practice; and more importantly, we were all Jews who came together hoping for and trying to begin a new year with positive energy and meaningful experience.

We learn that the true miracle of Mount Sinai and the giving of Torah was that all came with “one heart and one voice.” We read during this observance that Abraham and Yitzchak approached the challenge of the Akeidah “the two of them together as one.” This is what I long for - that all of us come together with our different voices, various levels of observance, words of prayer, authentic selves, varied garb and amazing and wonderful ideas – and come to build amazing unity, enriched by the many forms of diversity we bring. Happy 5779 to all and thank you Isabella Friedman Retreat Center for a truly singularly inspiring Rosh HaShana.

Gimar Tov to all - may those of us in our Jewish cycle of observances be sealed for a good, meaningful and purposeful life in the coming year.