Once Again, Horror Brings Us Together - Respponding to Pittsburgh

Motzei Shabbat (Saturday night after our Sabbath observance) I went to reconnect to the world (as we stay completely unplugged during our Shabbatot/Sabbaths and Hagim/Holidays) and found a flurry of emails talking about the tragedy in Pittsburgh and the community response. Immediately my colleagues from various faith communities in the community in which I live had already been moving on all cylinders to make sure we had a place and service to gather for the following evening at 7:00 pm, less than 24 hours of my viewing these emails.

My assigned task as President of our Cheltenham Area Multi-Faith Council was to get the word out to as many people as possible in different communities of faith. We live in a celebrated and acknowledged community of diversity, not unlike Squirrel Hill and people feel safe in this diversity and acceptance as well as valuing of each other. The fact that Squirrel Hill is such a community makes this already horrific occurrence even more startling. Truly nowhere is safe if we ever were naïve to think otherwise. I quickly blasted the information for a service that had to yet be planned, which would be done the following day, to as many people in our Jewish world and in our larger world of communities of faith in Montgomery County, where we live.

After another flurry of emails and phone calls, it was clear that there would be a meeting to organize this even at 3:00 pm Sunday afternoon. I entered the room and there were Rabbis, Cantors, Pastors and Reverends from other faith communities and whoever could be reached “on the fly” with absolutely no lead time. In one hour, we had ourselves a plan. We then each went our ways to go over our parts and figure out how to bring it together and less than two hours later, reconvened to gather with whoever was reachable and could come.

We found sanctuary in our very large sanctuary that was truly filled to the brim – with Jews across the ideological spectrum, many Christians of various iterations, Muslims and people of other faiths from our community as well. We all came together to share words of healing, honor the lives of those who were snuffed out tragically, and to take comfort and bring comfort to each other. I have received such an overwhelming avalanche of thank you emails and remarks from people about how meaningful Sunday night was.

So in that context, I want to offer a few remarks. First, we do tragedy really well. The majority of those of humanity who are good and caring find our ways to each other in times of need. How wonderful it would be if we could do the same at moments that are celebratory and those of shared observance. We in the Jewish faith always say at such times – May we all be worthy of sharing many joyful moments together. Yes, if we want to really feel community, let us share those moments too such as acknowledging our shared valuing of Thanksgiving as Americans, or coming together for important community conversations about critical issues that threaten even the peaceful and celebrated existence of communities like Squirrel Hill and Cheltenham, on opposite sides of Pennsylvania.

Secondly, and this is not a statement of politics, but of common decency at least and a foundational Jewish value (shared by other faiths) at most – WATCH OUR WORDS and teach our children to do the same. HOLD OUR LEADERS ACCOUNTABLE for what they say, for words certainly do lead to deeds and anyone who claims otherwise has not been paying attention to the world in which we live, like, forever. That is why in Proverbs we read “Death and life are at the hand of our tongue” – the mercy of what we say. Notice death is mentioned first, emphasizing the known idiom THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Finally, remember that our faiths ask us to be the best we can be. The fact that it was communities of faith who came together throughout this country and elsewhere in our world is significant. G-d wants us to love each other and to care about each other, for EVERY HUMAN BEING is made BeTzelem Elokim. Islam, Christianity and Judaism all hold as core the notion that we should love and care for the other as we do ourselves. When you look at someone else and see the reflection of yourself in their eyes and the God piece of their soul, one has to love one’s neighbor as oneself, maybe not always like, or agree with, but love as in respecting and honoring that at our core, we are all little tiny pieces of God who created us all.

When one forgets that, one loses their humanity. May the memories of eleven souls and the worlds they represented from the Tree Of Life Congregation and those of the policemen and first responders who have left this world for us to tend and fix always be for a blessing.

What are we teaching and learning and losing along the way?

It’s all around us – more and more technology and less and less interaction with each other. I think that this, too, is a dynamic that has contributed to where we are in our world at the present time. I am often involved in discussions dedicated to how we get people to listen to and interact intentionally and meaningfully with each other and not shout each other down, which seems to be the preferred way to go for too many people in our world today.

Schools are increasing their use of technology, which has its obvious advantages, However, unfortunately, in too many cases this is done at the expense of teaching about how to be community – both what one gets from being part of a collective and the responsibility that goes into being a contributing member of a larger group of people.

According to a Nielsen report, adults in the United States watch five hours and four minutes of television per day on average (35.5 h/week, slightly more than 77 days per year). According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids ages 8-18 now spend, on average, 7.5 hours in front of a screen for entertainment each day, 4.5 of which are spent watching TV. Over a year, that adds up to 114 full days watching a screen for fun and not interacting with other people, learning and honing social skills and participating in interactive athletic or creative activity. Conversely, numerous studies indicate that families spend a total of 34 – 35 minutes together as a family unit per day on average, and little of that is used for communication. The family was always the first social frontier for children and traditionally it was within the context of this social unit that children learned how to communicate, share space with others, have compassion for one another, listen and so on. At this point, this is severely compromised, though there is good news as more and more modern families are cutting screen time and other diversions significantly and intentionally planning family time and planned interactive involvements with increasing regularity.

Schools (including those considered to be some of our better ones) have in some cases become places where kids are left to their own devices with on line learning materials, and may end up doing nothing but playing and watching screens until they are caught (which has happened). This is now the main means of “interaction,” – programmed, distilled, biased and doing the thinking for too many people today. Again, while our motivated students can move faster and more efficiently with this delivery of their educational program, we must ask at what cost. This is consistent with so many observations and complaints regarding our present media- driven culture, including worries about our children’s communication skills beyond texting and IM’ing. How do we roll it back?

As an educator who has worked so hard to help students develop these skills of collaboration and cooperation through the decades of my professional activity, I am horrified and scared that in many ways, the hard work that my colleagues and I engaged in with great success is no longer valued. We have always held that the role of education was not to facilitate the production of automatons yet in some of our educational venues, that is what is happening. Individuals are so wrapped up with their own progress and trajectory, they do not stop to think about the other people around them; and then stop to consider how we can learn with and from each other, contributing to a self-centered way of viewing one’s world.

In collaborating and cooperating with others we are forced to go outside of ourselves, perhaps even, to move from our comfort zone to our courage zone. Doing so should be celebrated and valued at this point in our lives when so much is at stake as we watch in horror as basic skills of communication and being concerned about what you hear as much as what I say is being sidelined for the repeated loud and, often, offensive shouting we observe in our daily lives.

Is this really the world we want our children to grow up in and repeat for generations to come? I would suggest that we all insure that we work on communication skills and demand that our schools do the same. Otherwise all of one’s acquired knowledge will not be used for the potential good it can serve. This is not the first time we are confronting this dilemma; our history is riddled with it. It just seems that the stakes continue to get higher and unless we really care about and interact with each other in a meaningful way…. Well, we already see the other option too present in our world!

There is a New Supreme Court Justice in Place – What Have We Learned and Where Do We Go Now?

So here is my alternate reality. Judge Brett Kavanaugh is up to be a Supreme Court Justice. The country is terribly fractured due to poor examples of acting like an adult that are coming from the seat of the Executive Branch of our government, unfortunately. Scream, call people names, bully anyone and everyone who challenges you and so on …. By the way, Melania, didn’t you say you wanted to address bullying? Where are you when we need just that?

Anyway, so there is a judge that is being questioned and it gets difficult as evidence is uncovered of less than seemly, even horrible, behavior of this same person in his teen years and apparently into his twenties. Let’s imagine that this information comes to light and the judge who should have an even and appropriate temperament insists calmly that he has no memory of certain aspects of that time, while admitting to behavior that he is not proud of and regrets. A woman makes a very difficult statement about what happened to her and Kavanaugh’s involvement. She insists it happened; he insists it did not. There is an impasse. And then the statement I would hope could be made might go something like this. “Dr. Ford, I am sincerely sorry for what happened to you. That is truly horrible. I honestly do not have any memory of it. Yes, I did act like so many kids and did things I am not proud of and do definitely regret. If there is any chance that in fact I was involved as you say, Dr. Ford, I humbly apologize and in doing so would ask all of us to consider how foolish and inappropriate behaviors on any of our parts cold result in horrific memories and impact on others. I am truly sorry for anything I may have done that hurt anyone in such a profound way. That being said, I ask that all look at my record during the past twenty-five years. Yes, I am a conservative, but as you can see, I have voted with my conscience, not always adhering to one or the other ideology. I listen, I consider and I try to do what is right. I ask for forgiveness for the missteps of youth as I imagine we all do at times and again, Dr. Ford, I am truly sorry for what happened to you though I have no memory of being involved.”

So back to where we are. There is anger, frustration, ugly facial expressions, inappropriate accusations, disrespect for public officials, inappropriate and hurtful interactions, and a general disregard for what is honorable, while our children are watching and too many adults shake their heads in complete horror. We also note that too much of our society has now taken a page from that aforementioned Head of State’s playbook and think this is perfectly okay. Then we wonder why there is more violence, more disrespect, increasing lines of fracture and complete frustration in a country that we used to have such pride in for so many reasons. There is no wonder here, as Robert Bly (author of The Sibling Society) explains, that now instead of children looking at fairy tales and wanting to rid the world of the monsters that haunt us, they want to BECOME the monsters. That is what we are witnessing in our lives today.

Senators Coons and Flake, we need you, we need your friendship and respect that exist alongside your differences, we need to go back to the basics of how to act as human beings and for each and every one of us to remember that our way is not the only way. I do think that this has been a horrible display --- but not of the behavior of those of one political party, as the other political party has charged, but rather of the loss of common decency at the highest levels of the government of the land that claims that decency is a fundamental part of who we are. At this point, I am sad to say we as a country are NOT THAT and instead have become so much of what we abhorred for so long in other parts of the world. What do we do to get back to the example and reality we are supposed to be and how do we truly reclaim our identity as “one nation under God?” I am sure that God (however one refers to that entity) is crying “My children, my children, what has happened?” -- as the prophets taught so long ago.