Conflict and Resolution are both possible – which will we choose?

First let me begin by saying I just do not have the time to keep this blog going, so this is why my offerings are now so erratic and infrequent. If you want to see my weekly Parsha Shiyurim/Torah studies on our readings in the Jewish community, please do go to either of these Facebook pages (remembering you may have to ask to be accepted):

https://www.facebook.com/sunnie.epstein

https://www.facebook.com/groups/mbiee.org

So why do I not have time? Because as I am acutely aware of and pained by the amped up degree of conflict in our reality today, I am constantly working on the resolution end of this continually vexing and increasingly difficult question. Through my work in Multi-Faith Dialogue, insuring welcoming communities for Orthodox LGBTQ+ individuals, addressing women’s issues such as domestic violence and procuring a Jewish divorce, teaching, etc. I try very hard to use my time to be part of the solution, not exacerbate the conflict. What is important, actually critical to note, is that those of us who can work to maintain calm and validation are even more needed in our world today. I look at the news, listen to commentators and feel so dejected. Then I join my professional teams as we work on shared goals and feel so much better and empowered.

Both in the United States and Israel, we are sitting after recent elections – elections that tell us several things.

1. We are all living in countries with divided entities that are very separate and too often antithetical to each other, no longer even interested in engaging with the other in too many instances. In a recent poll in the United States, we have learned that the one thing that Republicans and Democrats agree on to the highest degree is that the other party is an imminent threat to democracy. How sad, and clearly, we are not living up to the expectations of our Founding Fathers.

2. How long will this election and the resulting Knesset hold in Israel? Clearly both countries are so divided and the notion of resolution and compromise, so clearly and painstakingly etched in Jewish learning culture, is lost to too many. In the meantime, while the opponents in the boxing ring of politics are amplifying their hatred and opposition to their opposing political party, REAL issues are not dealt with and people are having their liberties and lives threatened. How is this in any way appropriate on any party’s or leader’s watch in these countries and others that call themselves democracies?

3. There is a commercial in the United States for an auto insurance company. It’s about being safe drivers. Two people approach an intersection and each tells the other to go first. They go back and forth and in the midst of their very polite debate about who should go first, a cute “little old lady” in a third part of the intersection just throws up her arms and zips on through. It’s adorable but …. While we are all NOT allowing the other to go first or even to listen to them as we learned so well from Hillel and Shammai, who will barrel through and destroy way too much?

4. We all know the statement “Evil prevails when good people do nothing.” Evil is destructive. Evil is not valuing human life. Evil is an active desire to rid the world of all people who do not agree with the person who wants to do so. Evil is taking up way too much of our collective bandwidth and for those of us working to insure women’s reproductive rights, the dignity of ALL people who are created in the image of G-d, the notion that economic disparity is not helpful to anyone in the end, and so many other causes of justice and social/cultural health, evil too often sucks the air out of the room.

As you know, I am a religiously observant Jew. Trust me, I get way too much backlash due to the work I do and the beliefs I hold within the larger Orthodox Jewish Community as it exists today. Yet, as an educated Jew who learns as well as teaches from our sacred texts daily, I often find myself in the middle of debates about different approaches to what our Rabbis held to be the correct way. Yes, there is some name calling and glib comments to be sure, including a controlled degree of comedic interchanges. However, this is conflict for the purposes of trying to do and be what G-d wants us to be. Within that dynamic, there are NOT always solutions, but there is resolution, often only partially so. Sometimes. it means each person goes the way they believe, while at other times we are told there is not a final answer and we will just have to do the best we can.

Trying to do and be the best we can means acting as honorable human beings. It means listening to each other and realizing that if we do not, we all stand to lose way too much. We are indeed in TWO Americas and the same might be said of Israel, in which a recently released mini-series called Autonomies in which there are two entities – a right wing religiously closed society and a separate state for everyone else. It is dystopian to be sure and represents the worst of where present conflicts could lead, with the two warring factions being within the Am Yisrael – the Jewish people, forgetting any other parties to conflicting needs and hopes.

As an American, our money, our pledge of Allegiance and so much else reminds us that we are “one nation under G-d.” But are we really? It’s fine to disagree, to want different things, to use different approaches… this is human nature. BUT when one side – either side -- villainizes the other, then how can we speak of “one nation under G-d.?” The Hebrew name of the United States is Artzot HaBrit, meaning the lands of the covenant. Interesting, in both the cases of the United States and Israel, covenant is involved. G-d’s name is invoked. We are to act in a way that does honor to that connection and yet….. here we are.

There is a statement in the Qu’ran, Surah 48 that I love. Muslims are taught that G-d (Allah for Muslims) could have made all people alike, could have created one nation, but instead created all different groups so that we can “compete in good works.” In other words, we can all teach each other and work with each other. In my Multi-Faith work which I value more than I can say, I often suggest that we have all been given pieces of the larger picture that The Creator G-d alone knows. By sharing what we know and celebrating what we share, we can also acknowledge there will be differences that will distinguish us from each other. However, those differences are not intended to destroy any chance we have of working together to honor G-d and to respect and cherish each other. Resolution means I SEE YOU. Conflict means in today’s world I DON’T OR DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. Which one will you choose?

The Way It Should and Can Be …As Imperfect As It Is

Ken and I returned from Israel a few weeks ago. We are there as often as possible and due to COVID, this has been the longest time not there in many, many years – 2 2/3 years. We were traveling throughout the country for a few weeks – Ashdod, Zichron Yaakov, Tzfat, Tiveria, Tel Aviv, Beerot Yitzchak, Ginot Shomron, Ma’ale Adumim and Yerushalayim, including the Old City. In all that time, we saw Jews of every religious appearance on the spectrum, Christians and Catholics, Muslims, Armenians, Arabs, Israelies, etc. and this was EVERYWHERE – at the Mamilla Mall, on the way to the Kotel, in the shuk, on the beach in Ashdod, in the many cities in which we spent time, in the museums that we went to – as we were interested in archeological work as a theme for this trip. There was PEACE and CALM, conversations amongst people obviously of different faith and cultural groupings --- in the interactions between everyone we saw, joy, sharing of spaces with respect AND everyone was holding onto their identity – as indicated in their dress, their language and their affect. This is the way it should be, the way it IS in most of Israel and unfortunately, the world is just not aware… and that hurts my heart.

Then I came home…. to the name calling, intolerance, “alternative facts,” and other harmful dynamics that have become a most normative part of daily life here in America. A candidate for governor of the state of Pennsylvania calling out his opponent for attending what he called a fancy privileged private prep school… which is a Jewish Day School at which the majority of students receive financial aid and is attended for reasons more akin to those that send families to, let’s say, Catholic schools as opposed to the fancy privileged prep schools. The entire Modern Orthodox community of which I am a part is trying to square how Yeshiva University states that it accepts and welcomes its LGBT students and then states that they cannot have a safe space for a club to gather, ultimately halting the good work of all clubs as a response to the uproar. Children should not see our television screens not because of violent shows or cartoons, but because of political advertisements that clearly cross the line of truth, appropriate messaging and so much else. And the list goes on….

I think I would rather be back in Israel. This is certainly not to say everything is perfect in Israel. Far from it. But so is the nature of the human being—we have free choice to accept or inflame each other; to work towards living together with respect, regard and humility or claim we are right and if one does not agree with us, its simple – they are wrong and deserve to be attacked because they are wrong. I am personally working to counteract this hatred and lack of understanding every day. When I am surrounded by my colleagues in the Multi-faith work we do together, I am heartened. When I watch those who are struggling to be included in their respective, because of gender diversity, sexuality, learning differences, physical or mental limitations, neurodiversity, or so many other reasons, I think of the missed opportunities of so much that we can and should be learning from these incredible souls. There is also the sadness that people are not considering that there are many ways to be.. and that ultimately, all of these differences are part of the design of humanity, which I believe, is intended by The Creator G-d.

This is what I observe daily – there is a profound difference between refusing to accept the other and struggling to figure out how we can live together in a way that maintains the integrity, well-being and safety of all. I see too much of the former in the United States at this point and more than is credited or acknowledged in too many public forums in Israel. There is an ongoing attempt to try to be and do better, though not always hitting the mark in this small country of so many different groupings. THE MAJORITY of the people that are in Israel are involved in various efforts one way or another to figure out how to live together. Israel is attempting to maintain its identity as both a democracy and a Jewish homeland, not an easy feat for so many reasons of which we are all aware. I feel this dynamic every time I am there and am hopeful, because the effort is ongoing and so very visible to anyone paying attention.

Then I come back to the United States and worry about this flailing democracy as it is now identified. How will our citizenry truly commit itself to and learn how to be a both/and culture instead of the either/or dynamic that presently exists and is tearing apart so much of what we have come to depend on in these United States of America. As one who is so grateful for the opportunity provided to the generation of immigrants in my own family by this country, I am hurt about how too much is running counter to this notion of providing such opportunity to people today. Personally, I am already exhausted. Maybe it’s time to go back to Israel and be part of a country that is trying so hard to reconcile so much of different histories, narratives, people’s perspectives and realities. I feel like the United States could learn a lot from the imperfect results but the ongoing efforts in Israel.

The Lessons We Learn From Each Other: Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni z’l

I have often written about people who have inspired me – the teachers and Rabbis whom I have had the ‘zechut’ (privilege) of learning with and from; my amazing peers whom I have been privileged to work with in trying to bring the best out from all of us; and the students who have always made everything so worthwhile and from whom I have always learned new insights. I have always taken the dictum of “Be not a sage on the stage, but rather a guide on the side” seriously and have tried continually to live by it.

Yesterday we learned about the death of one of the most remarkable teachers, people and ‘mensches’ (amazing human beings) with whom I have ever had the honor of sharing an orbit. Rabbi Dr. David Weiss HaLivni left our earthly community of learners, Jews, seekers, and human beings after 94 years of sharing his wisdom, his intellect and most important his heart with us. This loss comes at a time when our world is so fractured, too many have lost the sense of the importance of nuance and no longer value the skill set of listening and learning with and from others. While one of the most formidable sages, he always took on the persona of the guide on the side when I was in the room with him.

Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni was acknowledged as a Talmudic prodigy and was ordained as a Rabbi in his hometown of Sighet before reaching the age of 17. He and Elie Wiesel were lifelong friends and Wiesel often publicly credited HaLivni with safekeeping his Jewish soul and spirit during the horrors of the Holocaust. HaLivni would learn daily in the most horrible of circumstances, using his photographic memory of the Talmud and so much else. His method of learning with others was to reflect the conversation in the Talmudic page, pointing to the disagreement amongst the Rabbis and continuing the lively questioning process drew a great deal of criticism. He was one of the scholarly, strictly observant Jewish leaders who chose to teach at the Jewish Theological Seminary (the Conservative Rabbinical Seminary where he earned his doctorate) at a time when this was a line of demarcation between Conservative and Orthodox approaches in learning. He was there until 1983 when the Conservative Movement changed considerably (ordaining women was part of the realignment, but to be sure, there were other issues as well).

I am an observant Jew who was brought up in Baltimore. In my own educational journey, I was exposed to and educated by scholars of all ideological positions who encouraged such questioning and dialogue – including educators and Rabbis from Gateshead in England, Ner Yisrael in Baltimore, and non-Orthodox learning institutions as well. This notion that guided Weiss HaLivni’s life that one’s level of observance and adherence is not compromised by questions and exploration, hoping to truly absorb the complexity of our faith and its elements resonated well with me.

During the 1980s, I was literally thrown out as a professional in the Conservative Movement’s Educational Leadership in Greater Philadelphia because I was “too observant and therefore not an apt role model.” I had been told I have no home in the movement that began as an incredibly rich intellectual journey in the 1800s with strictly observant Jews. It was then that I could only find community in an Orthodox shul. At the same time, in the fall of 1984, a new organization, The Union for Traditional Judaism was formed and both Rabbi Dr. Weiss HaLivni and I found a home there – he as our founding Rav and me as a founding board member. I was immediately embraced by this group, closer to the roots of the Conservative Movement than what was happening in too many communities and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni became my Rav. In fact, I was privileged to bring him to other communities in my professional world in the years that would follow. One particularly poignant event that was supposed to happen was a conversation between him and Elie Wiesel at a Coalition for the Advancement of Jewish Education winter conference. However, unfortunately Wiesel was ill at the time, so we just engaged in a wonderful chat with Rabbi Weiss HaLivni, in a style that was uniquely his. You always felt like you belonged and he became an important support structure for me during the 1990s.

This worked for a number of years and Rabbi Weiss HaLivni reinforced that I was on the right track as a learner, engaging with the culture of disputation that one finds in the Gemara, and in many ways keeps Jewish learning alive and fresh throughout generations. I think of him from time to time today and how much more we need voices like his in our deeply fractured world. Too much of Orthodoxy has in too many cases become narrowly “yeshivishized” and is barely recognizable to me, who grew up within its framework. The great divide between those way to the right and others way to the left of our Jewish continuum leave too many of us (who are indeed observant) bereft of our embracing wider Jewish tent.

This is in many ways a loss beyond words. Rabbi Dr. Weiss Halivni gave so much during his 94 years. It is now up to us to continue to take up what he called The Book and the Sword (title of his seminal book) and learn in his spirit and merit. May the teachings and the character of David Weiss HaLivni continue to inspire us all and for those of us who were privileged to learn from him, let us remember the spirit as well as the words and impart both to others.

Pesach Sameach, Happy Easter and Ramadan Mübarek and ...

This is the season of celebrations and observances and we also wish our Zorastrian friends a meaningful Nowruz and Sikhs have just observed Vaisakhi, Baha’i faith adherents begin Ridvan and I am certain I am missing others, but know you are included in my heart and this message.

We love our holidays and so often mark time by our celebrations, observances and religious calendars. In so doing, each and every one of us are acknowledging that there is something bigger than us individually and very often that recognition is accompanied by a sense of humility and understanding that we are but limited human beings.

Unfortunately, we are all witnessing too many situations in our world in which this understanding is not exhibited and hubris takes its place. For me, this is antithetical to who I and so many people in my life are as individuals who adhere to a faith tradition – any faith tradition. You secular humanists are included here, for you too acknowledge that the good of the collective must define and limit the expanse of the individual. This we ALL share regardless of whether or not we believe in a Divine Being or the name and character of that Being.

My dear Muslim friends are in the midst of Ramadan, fasting from food and drink during the day for one entire month. A very dear friend and colleague (Thank you AN) explained to me during one of our many conversations that this is the easy part. The more challenging part is to also “fast” from bad thoughts of others, not engaging in gossip, not undertaking business transactions without considering the implications for ALL people impacted and so on. In other words, the 24/7 behavioral norms that we are told to observe are the most challenging. Any Jew who has experienced the fullness of Yom Kippur totally gets that – the more draining part of the day is the introspection and self-held accountability more than the withholding of food and drink (barring medical conditions, which incidentally may exempt one in both cases from that part of fasting but NOT the larger and more intentional part of our deeds).

Lent is about withholding some things we enjoy and praying and learning – amplifying our spirituality and lessening our physical emphasis if you will. Ramadan and Sefirat HaOmer (the counting of the Omer, the period between Pesach/Passover and Shavuot, which parallels the Christian Pentacostal) have the same focus.

We are watching hubris destoy our world on so many levels. These seasons are about thinking broadly and expansively about both our limitations as individual humans and how we can up lift ourselves through our beliefs and adherence to a Divine power. For me, that is G-d/HasShem/Creator of the World. Who is that for you?

Regardless of the belief system to which we adhere, can we all just take a moment, step back and ask ourselves how our actions are impacting those around us. Are we healing or destroying? If we are healing, then we are already working in the ways that God, in any manifestation ( or… Source of All or Force of All that Begins for some of us, including agnostics and atheists) intended for us as human beings to work together in community to heal, care and have compassion for each other.

Wishing all meaningful observances and joyful celebrations, in any way that works for you.

Two Profound Challenges – One Needs Medicine, Science and Reason; the Other Needs Compassionate Rebooting

Okay, forgive the pithy statement, but consider that… as we begin this new year, we continue to be confronted by two overwhelming challenges – one is COVID, the other is hatred. What I find so interesting is how they actually are intertwined. With the extreme political fracturing we are all experiencing at this time, whether or not one is vaccinated and masked have become political calling cards for too many. This simply makes no sense. With political loyalties dictating how one attends to one’s health or does not do so, we are endangering too many people in ways that are really quite reprehensible.

To be clear, I am NOT talking about those who have legitimate, well-researched concerns or health situations that would mitigate against their being able to safely be vaccinated. I myself had a one-hour appointment with a wonderful immunologist discussing my own health situation and only after that long evaluation and conversation and research, did I feel that it was safe for me to be vaccinated. I WOULD recommend that others do the same – and that our decisions are made for our own personal safety and health and those around us. It is difficult, there is not one simple answer and we are all in this together. Let us use our heads and avail ourselves of the medical and scientific resources that are meant to be used for our well-being.

Here is what I AM talking about. The fracturing of our world, our country, our communities is the result of too many years of seething hatred for each other building up just below the public surface (or not even), with a certain combination of factors allowing it to explode into our lives – through all types of media, choices made in elected officials, positions taken on issues that could potentially hurt the freedoms of so many of our citizens and send our country way too far back in time, and in the increasing drumbeat of anti-any group I do not like incidents in our world – fires, taking hostages, killings, distrust in our officials who are to protect us and so on.

I am presently reading Fareed Zakaria’s important book, Ten Lessons for a Post-Pandemic World, in which he sets out the historical precedents that led to our present situation. Politics, governments, people who do not understand the intense responsibility they have as officials, everyone making decisions for themselves, etc… so much has worked against us. There are no surprises here – he and many others just remind us about the truly toxic germ of HATE and the MISTRUST that evolves from its presence. So many have written in this tone, showing how the fracture we see did not begin in 2015 – but rather has its seeds firmly planted many years earlier. Further, the hatred we are all subject to, has always been there and now permission has clearly been granted to shout it from the rooftops.

As more than one person I know in my own religiously observant world has declared, NOW, I will tell you what I really think – about all the groups that are bums, that I hate, that are lazy, etc. etc. Really? Yes, we ALL have bad actors in our respective racial, ethnic, religious, national, and cultural groupings – we all have those who identify as we do to whom we would NEVER want to be compared. But why are we defaulting to those examples of the abuse of our human capacities? Let us instead focus on the great examples of humanity and caring and compassion with whom we have contact. In so doing, we continue to work to build bridges that connect, not walls that divide.

In response to the deep sadness and angst I feel about our world at this present time, I try to work in groups and with colleagues with whom we build those bridges, insuring acceptance for LGBTQ Jews in a world and country in which new threats to their integrity and well-being abound. I find solace in sharing texts I learn with people who look for the healing messages that encourage us to stand by our convictions and not succumb to the negativity all around us. And then … there are my beloved colleagues and brothers and sisters in faith that I am so honored, privileged and humbled to work with to help our hurting world, showing how faith – ALL of our faith traditions – do indeed share messages of love, acceptance and compassion. I invite you to watch the following program which I was honored to be part of on Martin Luther King Day, with my colleagues from my Multi-Faith work. We believe that by addressing the Myth-conceptions we may all have about each other and sharing what we love about our faith traditions and what we find challenging with each other, we can work together to help spread something other than hate – overcoming it with love and compassions.

https://youtu.be/Qkoqb5FZ3Gk

If you want more of this type of conversation, please go to www.interfaithlibrary.com for an ongoing learning experience and feel free to share, comment and ask questions in the many places in which conversation is invited. Let us DIALOGUE that is dia-logos, or work together through words of understanding and care to address the far more compelling disease that pervades our world today. With prayers and hopes for our brothers and sisters in our human community in Ukraine and throughout the world in which too much hate and selfish quest for power does not allow too many to see the other. Let us see each other, embrace and have empathy for each other – this is what I believe G-d has put us here to do.

Hopes for Healing in 2022 – Can We Begin By Getting To Know Each Other?

Today is the one-year anniversary of January 6, 2021. I remember well exactly where I was and what I was doing an how horrified I was. Same feeling as September 11, 2001. Both acts of hatred, terrorism and lack of any sense of empathy for humanity. Both adamite statements of I AM RIGHT and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong and so much more. Too many people killed and lives permanently damaged due to hatred and lack of knowledge of “the other,” among many other dynamics. I woke up with this feeling of sadness and devastation at the destruction of so much I hold dear.

Then I turned on the television to check in on the news this morning and this is what I heard. It was a narrative of the goodness of so many with a kidney donation chain that began with one family searching for a kidney amongst their own and not finding a match BUT there was a match to someone else on the registry and then that family searched for someone to donate… and a chain of love, compassion, and saving the sanctity of lives was begun – without concern for race, religion, political beliefs, ethnicity or…. It was an affirmation that WE ARE ALL PART OF THIS HUMAN FAMILY. I feel better and energized to do the work I do today and going forth…

Earlier this week I had the pleasure of learning Torah and related Jewish topics with my 7-year old and 11-year old (x 2, they are twins) granddaughters. We generally learn weekly and in both of our lessons this past Monday we were talking about separation and divisions – specifically those that God makes in Creation of the world as we know and experience. You know, Bereshit/Genesis Chapter One, where God is constantly dividing – light and darkness, day and night, land and water, waters above and waters below and so on. The 11-year-olds and I were exploring how this notion of separation can lead to trouble. God separated and divided, organizing all so we could move on from chaos of “tohu v’vohu” – the massive confusion that needed organization or it was nothingness --- to organization and structure so that we could function. Then the 7-year old and I were discussing Parshat HaShavuah (the weekly Torah portion we learn and read in shul) about Pharaoh and the plagues and that here too there were many instances of separation and divisions.

We learn that separations and dividing all that is allows us to use what we have in more productive ways. BUT, it was NOT lost on these smart young ladies that separation can also lead to thinking that one is better than the other – light preferable to dark, day not as scary as night, and the slippery slope is short until we apply these distinctions to each other, the color of our skin, the nature of our religious beliefs, the political party to which we subscribe, and so on. THIS was not the intention, I believe, of God making these divisions.

Rather, I seek out differences and love the unique nature of each element in our world and how everything combines to result in something so much more powerful than the individual parts that compose it. Think about it – dissect a beautiful sunset in your mind, notice all of the different elements, and how they all combine to give you this breathtaking effect. Why can we not do the same with each other?

One of my favorite teachings of the sacred text of Islam, the Qur’an is Sura 49:13 where we learn

We have created you all out of a male and a female, and have made you into nations and tribes, so that you might come to know one another.

In Judaism, we know all too well that we begin the narrative of our faith with the story of Creation that my lovely young scholars are learning as they prepare for their B’not Mitzvah next year, when they will share some of these lessons with those who come to celebrate with them. We know that we are ALL B’nai Adam – the children of Adam. We too teach that we should all remember that we share ancestors and should treat each other accordingly. This is what I strive for every day, whether in my work finding accepting and welcoming communities for LGBTQ observant Jews with Eshel or in my Multi-Faith work with so many incredible colleagues or in the many shiyurim (classes and lessons) I share with others. We all know we share so much and respect our differences. We know to ask when we do not understand something and DO NOT attack or assume. We build bridges that connect not fences that divide. We come to know each other across so many potential divides and instead appreciate the tapestery of humanity we represent. This is what bolsters me.

To be sure I will watch the January 6 anniversary observances today. I will also watch the celebration of Betty White’s one hundred years (according to the Jewish/Hebrew calendar she did make it to 100 years and 7 days) of goodness and compassion and I will carry with me the joint message of those wonderful donors and recipients in the kidney donation chain. There I find hope and optimism that as my husband Ken always says, there are more good people in the world who care and want what is right for all than others who do not…. and I pray that our grandaughters can share these lessons with the entire congregation that will join them next year.