Mourning the way we are mourning….

I often remember the story (I think I have this more or less correct) of how Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill visited President Ronald Reagan when he was ailing and said “I love you Mr. President.” President Reagan stated, “I love you too.” What was so remarkable about this interchange is that it is well known and records clearly report that politically, these two men did not, shall we say, agree, on many occasions. In fact, one could say that they were political enemies. That being said, when it came to them as human beings and individuals there was a mutual respect. In fact it had a name in the media – FRENEMIES. Ah, those were the days…. When Democratic and Republican members of the House and Senate would meet at a bar together after a difficult conflict and pull of their shared humanity and love of country to chat and joke with each other, that is to be human with each other and to share that humanity. As a student in Washington DC, we actually would see some of these scenes at area bars and restaurants and it was highly instructive to all of us.

Here we sit as our nation mourns the death of John McCain, may his memory be for a blessing. No, I did not always agree with his politics, and in his later run for Presidency, while I was still fanaticizing about a potential McCain – Lieberman ticket that truly would have crossed the aisle of political loyalties, I really wondered what happened to him. I did not always agree with him, but I always respected him and knew that he loved this country truly and deeply. This is indeed a great thing to honor and to step back and hold ourselves accountable in terms of how we express this love and loyalty without hurting and maligning others. If that is me being a bleeding-hearted Democrat, then I accept the charge and accusation graciously.

For the first time in many months, I am watching some of the news – that which honors what Senator McCain stood for, his humanity with his strengths and self-admitted weaknesses as a human being, his love of country and his respectful stance. This is what I fear we have lost with his death. I remember for many years watching and reading our news media and being aware of what was happening in this country and feeling that we have such different views of what it is we should be as a democracy and as a nation that is humane and represents the best of humanity. I would get frustrated at times and then feel heartened at times that we are indeed living in a wonderful place and are striving to be so much better as we move along. I would value the democracy in which we live in which everyone gets their say without fear of being shut down or out-shouted.

Sadly, I no longer feel this way. I am hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated and I question deeply what is happening in our lives as Americans. To say there is a new low bar and that this measuring rod gets continually lowered daily is an understatement. I remember a few weeks ago, on Meet The Press, Chuck Todd ended a morning by stating that it really felt good to discuss actual issues in an intelligent way for a change. This is what I long for and I just do not see too much today.

Anger begets anger and we have been duly warned that prejudice and racism exist just under the thin veneer of a civilized society. These are the two most powerful truisms that I see operative today one a half years into this administrative cycle. Pettiness, narcissistic puerile tantrums and out-shouting everyone and anyone who disagrees is the chosen path of the present occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Maligning soldiers who have served, hurling horrible insults at large swaths of people, insulting those with whom this individual does not agree, use of inappropriate language and so many other behaviors clearly attest to what this person says as well as what this person does. And lest we think others do not notice and feel validated in taking on these behaviors, think again.

We know that prejudice related incidents and hate crimes have risen precipitously in this country. I am reminded of several people who have stated that now that the present administration is in place, they will do and say what they really think and want, because after all, if that person thinks that he can go in the middle of New York and shoot someone and still have supporters in place, than why can’t others do the same?

I am a Democrat. I did not agree with Reagan politics and much of what John McCain put forth especially in later years of his career. That being said, there was love of humanity, love of country and respect for the human community of which we are all part. Where is this today in the Executive leadership of this country? Too many people have forgotten how to speak with each other instead of out-shout each other; too many no longer feel any need to dialogue and learn about the other; and the giant step backwards in lack of tolerance and acceptance is so palpable it is disturbing, with too many Americans and people depending on this country fearing for their future.

John McCain, when asked about what he sees in the future, stated that he was optimistic about our county. What died with him? I think more than a bit of that optimism. Why? Because we are losing our grip as human beings who can agree to disagree, celebrating where we do agree and respecting and honoring differences and above all, remembering that none of us is above The One Who Created Us. That is to be embraced by all of us regardless of political party.

As we enter the Jewish year of 5779, it is appropriate to think and reflect about where we have been and where we are going. I will be praying this year that the United States of America finds its way back to a sane and respectful dialogue and that those who have forgotten that we are to celebrate our diversity will remember that without respect and regard for each other and understanding that we all have a great deal to learn from each other, the legacy left by so many of our leaders that truly tried to be and do their best will be severely compromised. Let us remember the love between Speaker of the House O’Neill and President Reagan and the respect and regard engendered by Senator John McCain. May their memories be for a blessing.

I just returned from Mars, so… Okay let’s try this again – how do we talk with each other when we disagree?

I just returned from a conference that was for academics who are invested in Multi-Faith Dialogue and Learning sponsored by the Hickey Center of Nazareth College under the able and gracious leadership of Dr. Muhammad Shafiq. We gathered from the United States, Canada, Indonesia, Pakistan, Israel/Palestine, Germany, Bangladesh, and other places as well. We are Muslims, Christians – including various strands of Catholics and Protestants, Jews, Hindus, and people of other faiths. We value our religious teachings, our texts and the foundational values of the religious scriptures we hold so dear. The topic of our discussions and learning this year was Religions and The (De)Legitimization of Violence.

It is always such a pleasure, relief and reason for hope in our fractured world when I can spend this type of dedicated time with people across lines of national, religious, ethnic and other types of identity where we can celebrate what we share and honor and respect where we differ. We do it so well and are often frustrated that this is not reflected in our world at large. You will not find any mention of this amazing group on the six o’clock news nor will you hear about their scholarship or share what they learn in the general press, because this group is focused on healing our world, not breaking its back further – and lets be honest, the media is not so interested! It is from this understanding of how different and special that this experience is that the title of this blog comes – one of my colleagues remarked “I feel like I am on Mars here.”

Last year at this conference, one of the speakers remarked that if we do not feel a bit uncomfortable at times, then we are not doing what we are supposed to do. Clearly there was some vexing in trying to understand those texts we all have in our scriptures that focus on survival of the group that adheres to it and statements regarding those that disagree. That being said, we all agreed, that NONE OF OUR SCRIPTURES validates violence or war or even disregard for the other just because we feel like it, or disapprove, or don’t like the way someone else believes.

We found several themes that were repeated regarding why these discussions are often thwarted, avoided or worse in our world and here are the main ideas that came from these interactions:

1. Too often there is the problem of using texts out of context. It is much easier to choose a phrase that validates one’s point of view than to take the time to study and learn its context and truly put the effort into grasping the fullness of its meaning and to the best of our ability, grapple with its actual intention.

2. There are many shades of gray in these discussions; every discussion involved the type of parsing and intentional interactions with the texts of the Scriptures of various groups that again, take time and patience as well as the understanding that this is not a matter of black or white but the many different ways we relate to the God to whom we hold ourselves accountable.

3. When we take the time to listen to each other deeply and ask questions of clarification instead of shouting down the other person who believes differently than we do with demeaning and dismissive language, we find that we often have the same challenges with our understanding of what God wants from us as well as the need to maintain the humility we as human beings with limitations must hold on to in trying to reach that level of comprehension. 4. We all come back to the point that we are all children of God, that The Creator God could have made us all the same but chose not to do so. We also agreed that we do not always understand God’s ways but try to discern God’s message by acting kindly and with care in our lives. This is foundational to all of us as people of faith.

In sharing and reaffirming these findings, we all agree that it is unjustified fear and insecurity as well as hubris and unchecked egos that create many of the problems that are identified in our world as religious differences and an inability to live together with other people of faith who may not believe just as we do. We cannot blame that on religion and certainly not on God, or whatever name we call The Holy One! By extending kindness to others, by putting our best selves out there and by teaching all around us to do the same, we can accomplish so much, without compromising our own belief systems. We as academic learners and teachers all agreed that doing so is as important as any text we can learn and distill for others, though our texts do indeed ask us to do just this! So here is my challenge and my question to each one of us – What are YOUR texts that you want to use to teach the essence of who you/we are as people of faith who believe in God?