What are you proud of? I will begin. I am proud of……

At this fractious time in our country and lives, can we all stop and breathe and think of what we are proud of and hold onto for comfort, inspiration and hope? It is a most appropriate process in the Jewish community with the beginning of our year coming up and with the school year beginning for all - So here goes… I will begin…

I am proud of being a Jew.

I am proud of the values and foundational teachings of my faith that teach us to care for each other because we are created in the image of God, that is ALL OF US, regardless of faith, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, race, nationality, etc.

I am proud that my faith values humility and concern for others above so much else, even eclipsing so many of the observable rituals that define my life daily, when needed.

I am proud that a disproportionately high number of Jewish adherents are involved in social justice causes and trying through use of all of their resources to truly make this a better world.

I am proud that our ritual observances DO NOT in any way preclude our concern for those around us, contrary to what may unfortunately be observed in too many venues.

I am SO proud that our children who grew up in our home continue to understand all of this and exemplify it in the lives they live.

This is not to say that there are not those who do not see the inextricable connection I live and am expressing here. That makes me sad, but in no way does this minimize my pride in being a Jew, living as carefully as I can according to its teachings.

I am proud of being a person of faith in a world of people of faiths. I LOVE my work in Interfaith and Intrafaith relations and dialogue and understanding.

I am proud to stand with other peoples of faith together in time of pain, and in time of joy, with our respective words of prayer and healing and celebrtion.

I am proud of the shared principles of humility, caring for others, understanding that there is a force larger than ourselves (for me, that is G-d), and the value of accountability to that greater force in my life and in that of so many of the group that I find in these circles.

I am proud of the very strong bonds of friendship and love that are forged while we each maintain the specific practices of our respective belief systems.

I am proud of how we can celebrate with joy what we share and respect and have regard for where we differ.

That is not to say that I am not aware that there are many who cannot do so, but I am so proud and humbled by the many who can and do just this.

I am proud of my identity with Israel which truly tries to exemplify the best of being a country guided by faith principles, while not being choked by them.

I am proud of the hundreds of thousands of Israeli citizens and Palestinian citizens who are able to gracefully and successfully look beyond lines of belief, nationality and ethnicity and work for the betterment of the environment, in creating strong and important bonds of friendship and try collectively to keep this world a place we can all live in together in spite of forces that would work against that reality as well as ideal.

I am proud that Israel is often the first responder in too many world catastrophes and gets no credit for being so, in spite of its relatively small size.

I am proud that Israel accepts the challenge of how to be a democracy and a Jewish state simultaneously, though the inherent compromises in doing so are often not understood or misunderstood as well as overwhelmingly complex.

I am proud of the many citizens and people in the region working together in the creative arts, in sports, in healing arts, in scientific research and in so many initiatives to make this a better world for ALL of us.

This is not to say I am always a fan of its government or of every single practice that is associated with Israel, but neither do these differences of approach and opinion, when rightfully applied, detract from my pride in this country and what it has been able to accomplish in spite of world opinion. There is a lesson for us all here.

I am proud of being an American.

I love that the foundational principles are so rooted in the Judeo-Christian tradition of respect for humanity and compassion for all of its members, as shared by our Muslim siblings in faith and so many others as well.

I am proud of the many ways the United States has led the way in bettering our world for so many, in science, technology, arts, and so many fields or endeavor.

I am proud that my grandparents and their children (in the case of my mom’s and my father-in-law’s families) were able to come to these shores to find a life in which they could live and hope as Jews and as citizens of the world, while making meaningful contributions to that world.

I am proud of the many Americans who have similar family histories and memories and are working to right the wrongs presently inflicted on those who are seeking similar sanctuary in our fractured world today in this same United States of America.

This is not to say that I am not so very sad, disappointed and frustrated that too many people have forgotten these lessons and their past. In the Jewish community, we are constantly reminded to treat the other kindly and have empathy for them for we were once in their situation.

Yes, there are many reasons to be proud and hopeful regarding who we are as people of the world with our various loyalties, but in showing and feeling that pride, it MUST COME WITH HUMILITY, for if the people who gave us a chance and took us in did not do so, we would not be in the position we are presently in. Let us all remember this as we move into the year of 5780 in the Jewish calendar and into the coming 2019 – 2020 year of activity and initiatives.

Watch Our Boys because THEY ARE ALL OUR BOYS

I am always looking for Israeli television series and movies to watch because I love the depth, the character study and the rawness of it all, devoid of a lot of the fancy tricks too often marring what should be wonderful and/or poignant stories in too much of our American television media. It also feeds into my ongoing connection to and love, as well as frustrations (and that is okay too), regarding Israel, so much a part of my life and that of our family and friends. So, I hesitated with this one, and I am watching it, not because my wonderful son-in-law (first cousin of Joseph Cedar, one of the series’ creators and producers) told me to or not because it was simply a series telling a horrible and difficult story (many of them are just too hard to watch, because I am so over-sensitized to violence, abuse, hatred, etc.) but because after doing my own research, I agreed with my son-in-law that this series deserves our sincere and dedicated attention.

Our Boys retells the horrific events of the Summer of 2014 in Israel-Palestine of the kidnapping and murders of three Israeli boys and then the kidnap and murder of a Palestinian boy, about which there were many narratives, but ultimately was identified as a revenge killing. We are all too aware that this region is fraught with so much history, claims, frustration, enmity, unresolved issues and so on. This story, which was brought to light by Israelis and Arabs cooperating to tell a difficult chapter of what has recently been part of this totality of so much, truly asks, no demands, that we look deeply inside our most inner conscience and beliefs to figure out what we do and why we do so. This is NOT a matter of one side being all right and one side being all wrong, but rather extremists, and even worse those who blindly follow them, who are fighting and becoming identified with ongoing battles while innocent lives are lost as collateral damage, which just depresses me to no end, while not addressing the real problems that continue to plague all.

In a world that seems increasingly immune to the harms of bullying, hurtful words, and ultimately the resulting escalation into physical harm and loss of life without any consideration for each other as part of our family of humankind, even sidestepping the foundational beliefs of our religious traditions to which many claim they adhere faithfully, I worry deeply for our present as well as our future. I am fascinated and heartened by a group in Israel, The Parents’ Circle, in which Palestinian and Israeli family members who are bereaved as a result of loss of life due to the enmity that often marks the region, come together to share their losses, to connect as people and hopefully to get a message out that this has to end, because there is only painful and irreparable loss in this battle, no victories. In the film, Our Boys, this is so evident. These four promising lives are ended and snuffed out due to a loss of a sense of humanity. As the old saying goes, if one is so foolish as to practice “an eye for an eye” literally, we will end up with a world of no sight. Perhaps, this is indeed what has happened to all of us on too many levels.

Where Do We Go Now? - a 2011 Lebanese film about Christian and Muslim members in a village and their war with each other also makes this point; in this instance, it is Christian and Muslims who are decimating each other’s communities and families without compassion and understanding of the basic and most important humanity we all are meant to share. While that was fiction but based on a profound truth (and indeed includes some humorous elements), Our Boys is relating real events, including actual documentary footage and interspersing story-telling, to give us the balance of how these horrific events led to an even larger conflict with the impact on individual lives, when too many lose their sense of the value of those lives. When this happens, we have lost everything – the lives snuffed out and the humanity of those who remain. This is what I mourn when I look around me.

This past week was Tisha B’Av and the end of the three weeks of mourning in the Jewish calendar where we consider both lost community institutions such as our Holy Temple, and more important the loss of humanity when causeless and senseless hatred causes the loss of lives. Today, as I write this, is Tu B’Av, a day of joy and happiness in the Jewish calendar, replete with stories of love and kindness (think of it as the Jewish version of a sort of Valentine’s Day). Yet, it is so hard to allow myself to be enveloped by this spirit of light and love when as an American as well as a Jew who is intimately connected to Israel, I feel the pain of too many shootings and battles reflecting too much hatred that ends with too much loss of life. How do we stop hurting and crying and walk away from the reality where too many of those alive have lost their humanity, and in so doing, cause the loss of lives of those who may have been able to contribute much to that humanity, insuring that they will no longer have the opportunity to do so?

Our Boys is entitled simply Boys in Arabic and The Boys in Hebrew, with its writers and creators explaining that we are to see these young lives as being all of our boys – our children – our future. Lives lost as collateral damage because of too much hatred and too little sensitivity to this wonderful gift of life and what we can accomplish with it. This film causes all of us to consider how we must find another way to negotiate our differences and figure out how to live with each other. Even in the making of the film, the bringing together of Israelis and Palestinians in the directors’ chairs, amongst the producers, and in bringing together the actors who recreate the painful events, there is a powerful lesson. If our actors, writers, producers, artists, parents who have all suffered loss and so many others can cross lines of faith, identify and history to work with each other for a shared purpose to enrich our lives, why can’t the rest of our communities of faith and belonging come together to build, to teach, to share pain, and to figure out how to live together and learn from each other, instead of engaging in mutual destruction?

May the memories of Mohammed Abu Khdeir, Eyal Yifrach, Gilad Shaar, and Naftali Fraenkel be for a blessing, and more important a reminder of how quickly promising and G-d created lives are lost due to causeless hatred. Wishes for a Shabbat/Sabbath/Day of Rest and Consideration, of peace, love, and thought and healing to all!

Gratitude and Growth

I am writing this blog at a time where I have grave concerns for our country, for Israel and the rest of the world. I worry when our leaders forget that they are to represent what is in the best interest of all of the people to whom they are supposedly accountable and instead are more concerned about their individual fiefdoms. It used to be that we would speak of those countries who were led by individuals who did not think of the masses and be grateful that OUR country was not that country, and now…. I am worried, afraid, ashamed and so much else. That being said, I would like to think that contextually our expectations have evolved for many, hopefully the majority of us, and that we will be set back on a course of reason where we can talk through our differences with respect and honor, and not outshout those with whom we disagree. The very fact that this can be an expectation or even hope on any level represents growth – growth in what we hope for our fellow human beings, hope in what we ask of ourselves and hope in building a better and more secure world of cooperation and caring.

We don’t always see this growth in our involvements and actions, but sometimes if we just stop and think, we get to acknowledge with tremendous gratitude their presence. I am grateful that all of our children are doing things to make this planet and community of ours a better world. Our son Brian is working as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for children at risk. Talie is working to make medicine a more caring practice. Rachie is working with the Jewish Community Relations Council in Boston on many social justice concerns, presently consumed with protecting people who have been in their community as contributing members who fear deportation at present. Our daughter, Yoella, is maintaining her ethical and moral standards and bringing them to the practice of law. Our inherited children through marriage are also amazing, working on Environmental Concerns (Jeremy), guiding Jewish students at Vassar through their faith and identity journeys (Liz) and finishing Rabbinical school while bringing grace and high ethical standards to communities with whom she has contact (Mimi).

We all share frustrations with what is going on in our world. Yet, here I am with seven members of the next generation each working to make things better – to bring us to a higher level of caring and compassion than people long ago dared to hope for. Additionally, we all surround ourselves with those who also have memories of better times and hopes for better futures. It’s so hard to watch the news every day – any news – as no matter which way you turn, it’s clear that too many people have lost that sense of all people being created in the image of God. Yet, we are living at a time when more people than ever are volunteering, taking initiatives, reaching out to others. That is growth. I would like to think that we do not need a catastrophe to spur people on to good action, but in looking at the big picture, it is clear that more people are doing more things to help and share with others. That is clearly amazing growth.

Several weeks ago, I was walking home from synagogue on Shabbat and a woman beeped her horn and stopped the car. We chatted for a bit as we were both moms when our sons were going through school. I had not seen her son, one of our son Brian’s classmates for many years. There was this full-grown man sitting in the front seat and when Teddy said hi, I almost fell over. Of course, his mom remarked that I had a son that had grown up as well. The difference, I said, is that when you watch and see the day to day process, you don’t see the dramatic difference in the same way.

I would like to think that we can use this lesson – that we are watching situations evolve day to day. But if we step back and look at the level of social entrepenerialship in our world, if we consider the large numbers of relatively young adults who are doing so much and not just concerned with themselves, if we take notice of some of the very creative partnerships that are being build and if we stop to consider that so many who believe in the goodness and future of humanity are working so hard to protect it, we will indeed have gratitude for the growth that has occurred even if the Six O’Clock news does not document it.

Summertime and the Living is Easy… But I am depressed….

Yesterday, our wonderful daughter and son-in-law put their two also-wonderful eight-year-old daughters on the bus for overnight camp (YAY Camp Nesher!) for four weeks. Everyone is excited, the girls are well-fed, nicely clothed, loved, taken care of, safe and secure, have pretty new hair cuts, and so much else -- in short truly blessed. And we are grateful.

Then we watch the news and the horrible, unbelievable and terrifying conditions that children and families are in AT THE PRESENT TIME in THIS COUNTRY, the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA at our various borders and elsewhere. Children living without basic sanitation needs met, young people whose potential and dreams are so damaged at this point they may never be regained and people – of faith, fellow human beings, who are being treated as less than human by those claiming to be very much so, at least in their eyes.

Our eight-year old campers are the great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren of the immigrant population in the various branches of our family, whose members came to this country to escape persecution, imminent danger, and almost certain death in many cases. Sound familiar? If, G-d forbid, the same criteria used today were to be in operation then, with all of the shortcomings and challenges of that time duly noted, NONE of our family would most likely be alive, certainly not living the lives we live.

Let’s understand what exactly that means. Doctors in our family who are serving medical needs including one of our daughters who is trying to make significant changes in palliative care would not be contributing to our country. A lawyer who is bringing reason, conscience and ethics to law would not be who she is. We have amazing family members trying to work to better the environment (because we happen to believe that this is indeed a need), trying to make horrible situations better by working with people who have lived in this country for many years and are now at risk because of new policies out of Washington not at all addressing the inhumanity and horrors that are created as a direct result, educators teaching lessons of caring and compassion along with texts and religious teachings, and so many others. Our generation and our children’s generation IN OUR FAMILY and their hopes and dreams have not been destroyed, but we are acutely aware that in other families NOT UNLIKE OURS this is NOT the case.

There is now work afoot to get synagogues and other faith communities to collect and distribute packages to children whose lives have been destroyed, in one community in which one of our daughters live, she is actively involved in PIKUACH NEFESH, the Jewish teaching of saving souls and trying to restore the dignity of life to those from whom it has been ripped away by policies in this country. In my own Interfaith efforts, we are extremely aware of what is threatening all of us, and I am truly honored and awed to work alongside wonderful people of all faiths and join our hands, sit together, in our various religious garb and with our shared values and try to restore humanity and caring in any way we can.

It is so important that those of us who are comfortable, well-fed, nicely-clothed, loved, safe and secure, able to pursue our dreams and aspirations CARE ABOUT and WORK TO ALLEVIATE the pain of those who cannot. It is only through these efforts where “citizens will prevail where governments have failed” that we can find any comfort and feel that we are not oblivious to the pain and the sorrow that surrounds us on all sides.

I hope that all those in camp, swimming in pools, enjoying the lazy relaxing days of summer and working at careers and goals we are able to take pride in, vacationing, eating great barbequed food, and generally enjoying the comforts of a life we should never take for granted remember that there are those who are not so blessed. It is therefore our task to work on their behalf in whatever way we can. It is my prayer that those who are living presently in horrid conditions will soon be relieved of their pain and restored to the type of life our own previous generations took the same chance to assure that their future family members would have.

Shavuot D'var Torah 5779

Please note that this was my D'var Torah at our shul Mekor Habracha this past Monday morning, the second day of Shavuot.

Thursday morning, I was thinking about this D’var Torah and how I wanted to share something that is a very important part of my professional and personal life, namely my work as an academic and facilitator in the world of Interfaith Dialogue and Learning. It felt to me, that as we celebrate Torah and its teachings and look at the world around us and the lack of understanding of “the other and each other” that continues to affront us in the barrage of too many troublesome situations, this was an important facet of my life to share with you. Namely, in my work with clergy, academics, and people of other faiths, I find respect and regard while we celebrate what we share and acknowledge and hold sacrosanct those specific practices and beliefs in which we appropriately differ.

Then after mulling this around a bit, I opened my email, usually the first thing I do when I begin my day of learning, work and play. And I found the following from a cherished colleague and valued friend:

Sunnie, During the meeting yesterday, we got onto the topic of Shavuot and you mentioned staying up all night to study/discuss "everything," I suppose related to Torah?

I'm leading the usual Bible study at St. Peter's on Sunday about Pentecost/Shavuot, so will discuss both with the group. They coincide in the calendar this year!

I came across this in a book: "stay up the entire night. . .studying and discussing a small section from each portion of the Torah." How do you do that?

Larry Sibley ( lecturer in practical theology at Reformed Episcopal Seminary, Blue Bell, PA, and visiting professor and faculty liaison at Baltic Reformed Theological Seminary, in Riga, Latvia).

So, this is where I will begin. How do we as B’nai Yisrael, also B’nai Avraham, along with others, best honor the Torah we celebrate on this Chag, besides seeing how late we can stay up and remain somewhat coherent while eating cheesecake? What is the foundational teaching and tone of that Torah and its dictates that we so cherish? Is it the very mid-point of VaYikra in Parshat Kedoshim where we read about how to treat people in our world, including loving the other as oneself? Is it found in the Tochecha we read last week, echoed a bit in today’s Haftarah reading from Habbakuk in tone about what happens when everything goes wrong and we do not abide by Torah and listen to God? Is it found in the final teachings of Sefer Vayikra we just completed during the last two weeks, including reminders yet again not to mistreat the GER amongst us whoever that may be, to not cheat, to care for the environment, be a good and contributing member of community, and of course, to remember that God is always with us and in us; holding us accountable? Obviously, it is all of this and so much more!

I feel an ongoing obligation to consider that as we sit here together today and these past two days to explore our intrinsic and hopefully intentional connection to the Torah and its teachings, we should also remember that unlike the world into which it was introduced, today we share these teachings with many others, specifically the Children of Avraham, namely the three monotheistic groupings of Jews, Christians/Catholics, and Muslims.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks often states that we must be in conversation with and maintain relationships with our other faith communities and their members. He also leads the way in doing just that, and this is one of the many reasons I am such a fan of his. In that tone, let me return to Larry’s email. Yes, we are experiencing a shared time of increased reflection and observance as well as celebration with our other monotheist siblings. Our Muslim brothers and sisters in faith just finished Ramadan. While we celebrate Shavuot, our Christian friends observe the Pentcostal. We are all celebrating and holding ourselves accountable to the One and Only One God, albeit with different nuances and elements. We are all the children of Avraham –Abraham-Ibrahim. And we Jews happen to be the oldest child, often not such an enviable position. Maybe that is why we often feel that we may be held to a higher degree of accountability in terms of facilitating a process by which the family gets along.

The week before last, I had the honor of planning one and speaking at two IFTAR dinners, one in Elkins Park, where our home and so much of our lives happens; and here in the city, where our hearts are and we actually appear as well. As part of the first IFTAR dinner, I shared the following from my Gemara learning a while back, as it related to the notion that we learn more about each other and share the experiences we can, without compromising our own faith and practices:

In the Talmud, a seminal text of Jewish law and practice, in Tractate Avodah Zarah, there is an extensive discussion about leather wine bags that were conventionally used in the ancient world to store and carry wine, and their permissibility for use by Jews if they had been used by non-Jews to store their wine. While this may seem rather inconsequential and a strange topic for this evening, the lengthy negotiations of the Rabbis regarding this topic are quite instructive and highly relevant to our gathering. The challenge addressed is both one of limits in terms of what was permissible for the Jews, given their dietary restrictions and purposes of use of wine, as well as one of respect and understanding that other religious groupings and people had other uses for wine that were not included Jewish practice, and as we know, some groups do not use libations at all.

What I found particularly interesting about this discussion is the assumption prompting the discourse. Namely, that the Jews and other people around them had ongoing contact, interacted with each other and understood that one person’s worship and use for libations was not the same as that of another in their worship. This notion is not lost on us in terms of all aspects of our practice, including differences amongst us, including various ways of refraining from the pleasures of life (including observance of fast days and days of restrictions for Jews, Ramadan for Muslims, Lent for Christians, etc.) which will differ amongst our groups but the shared notion of doing so should engender a sense of connection to one another.

In other words, this discussion about the permissibility of how to store wine and insure it was permitted for use was not about fear, exclusion, negating the existence of the other or any type of disrespect; rather, it was about how far do we go in interacting with each other while maintaining the integrity of our respective distinct identities. Parenthetically, in another part of this discussion, there are lengthy negotiations about doing business with other people in different communities during their festivals and days of observance, noting that we should all honor and respect each other at such times, while maintaining certain respectable distances as appropriate.

An offered conclusion in one stream of this discussion was that if the wineskins are new, the bags may be used for Kosher wine after use by others, for the wine from previous use had not permeated the bag and thus altered the state or the taste of the wine to be used for Jewish practice, which was the actual concern. This was not the case regarding old wine skins, that had become more supple and less resistant to the absorption of what they contained, thus taking on elements of the wine that had been already placed there, and as a result, not permissible for use by the Jewish members of the community. In this discussion of sharing and interaction, here there are limits that insure the distinct identity of each group part of the gathering. What a wonderful lesson in maintaining the character of who we each are while joining others in creating spaces of sharing such as this beautiful space this evening.

In our world today, imagine if we would all live by the foundational teachings of all of our religious traditions which teach • Love your neighbor as yourself - • Do not make war with other nations, turn your swords into plowshares - • Every human being is created in the image of God - • Do not embarrass or hurt another, for if you do so, you are embarrassing and maligning God -

Among my most treasured belongings are a German/Hebrew Tanach and Siddur both published in the late nineteenth century in Germany. Allow me to share with you how they came into my possession. My parents had dear friends, Gibby and Gladys Stahl. They were generational German Protestants and lived through the horrors of World War II on the other side, albeit with conflicted and disappointed feelings regarding what happened in their own faith communities, regarding Jews, people with various physical challenges, gay people and the others that were targeted for persecution, with of course the Jews singled out for extinction. These two books were found in a stockpile somewhere and given to the Stahls as “souvenirs” of this people called Jews. They did not know what to do with them… until they met my parents, the first Jews with whom they had ever had contact, and ultimately to become among their closest friends. Uncle Gibby, as we knew him, gave these books to my parents and said “I think this will mean something to you.” First of all, I am amazed that he held onto these important “survivors” for as long as he did as they did not have meaning for him. And now, I have them in my library – to remind my family and those in my home and to act as witnesses both to what happens when we forget to act the way HaKadosh Baruch Hu wants us to act towards each other and also what happens when people can be kind and patient enough to learn from each other. This is one of the stories that comes to mind when I think of my parents and the legacy they left me, most appropriate today as we prepare to say Yitzkor and bring to mind all of Klal Yisrael, including our past generations.

We know this is such a central part of our task and Tafkid (purpose) as observant Jews – to include, think of, and act on behalf of others. Even amidst our Torah reading today as we recount the obligations and observances connected to the Shalosh Regalim (three pilgrimage festivals), we are reminded that while we rejoice, we are to assure that our families, our servants, the Levite, the Ger, orphan, widow and all in our cities are to be included. We must be kind to the other, we are commanded to include the other, and today, Rabbi Sacks would have us speak, celebrate and learn with all others and ultimately to realize that as people of faith, we share much more than we may think. On this particular topic, the traditions that have informed the generations of all Children of Abraham do agree and we should not be sidetracked by those who would have us believe otherwise.

Chag Shavuot Sameach to all.

Who Am I As A Person of Faith and Practice?

Note: This was recently published as an Op-Ed in The Jewish Exponent. Given responses I received, for which I thank all who did reach out, I have decided to share it here. Let us all think of ourselves as people of faith and belief and practice according to the God in whom we believe and to whom we hold ourselves accountable, not to the subjective and often arbitrary standards others would like to impose.

Are you really Orthodox? But you are an advocate for LGBTQ Jews. You are active regarding women’s issues and rights. You’re President of the Cheltenham Area Multi-Faith Council. An Orthodox person would not do those things, right? Yes, this conversation is part of my life.

For several years about two decades ago, my family was in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit for our three daughters. During that time, we went to the Bat Mitzvah of a dear friend’s daughter in Connecticut. The ceremony was beautiful and the shul experience was precisely as I remembered my own upbringing with complete davening, a full reading of the Torah portion and educated committed Jews coming together to pray and observe a celebratory moment in a family’s life. I came back and reported my experience to my mother. After I was sharing our experience, she asked how I identified myself, as we were clearly brought up as being part of the Halachically observant community (in a somewhat natural and relaxed manner, characteristic of the time) and this experience was in a Conservative synagogue, part of a movement that was no longer recognizable to me, even as a loyal alumna of United Synagogue Youth. I answered that as a Shomeret Mitzvot (one who observed the laws and dictates of daily Jewish living) who believed in the value of our historical experience and being part of the world and addressing its injustices and challenges, I would still consider myself a Conservadox-Orthoprax Jew (which would technically make me Conservative) but no one else did. Everyone considered me Orthodox given the optics of my level of Kashrut observance, the way I dress, honor Shabbat, etc. That’s funny, my mom replied, because I still consider myself an Orthodox Jew even though no one else does.

Who I was in the late sixties through the mid-seventies as a Shomeret Mitzvot Jew was not questioned. Whether we went to Conservative or Orthodox shuls, we were all observant, part of the world, concerned about social issues, and our level of adherence to ritual law did not preclude our being part of the larger world. In those days, one could find sound amplification systems in Orthodox shuls and Mechitzot (separate sitting for men and women) in Conservative identified synagogues. As a USY officer, I had to be completely observant and involved in full-time Jewish learning. Making special arrangements for classes missed in college due to days of observance, eating at the Hillel dining hall, explaining why I could or could not participate in various events, observing Shabbat, etc. were just part of who I was (notwithstanding a few rebellious years).

A few years ago, a friend told me my upbringing was “not frum (Jewishly observant)” because I did not go to Jewish Day School. Some Rabbis in the Orthodox world claim that I can’t be observant because I am an advocate for LGBTQ inclusion (and specifically so in the Orthodox Jewish world incidentally), I am active in Jewish learning and scholarship (as a woman), work in Interfaith Learning, Dialogue and Relations, teach about the responsibility for environmental sustainability, advocate for social justice causes directly informed by Halacha, and so on. I have had to justify myself continually throughout the years due to the fact that who I am defies the descriptions that are available today in our very color-blocked and limited understanding of what it means to be who we are. If we do not squarely fit into the proper box politically, socially, culturally or religiously we are considered persona not gratis. I have suffered both personally and professionally due to this in choosing the Philadelphia area as my home but have not wavered. Sending my children to the “wrong” Jewish Day schools, allowing them to socialize with boys and girls together and so on… criteria that were never part of my experience as a Halachically observant Jewish child.

So now we have Open Orthodoxy, Modern Orthodoxy, Centrist Orthodoxy, Traditional Orthodoxy, etc. and it is no longer enough to say one is a Jew, or identified with an ideological stance, but now one has to qualify what they mean with even more nuanced and often narrow descriptors. Trying to discern all of this can be exhausting not to mention frustrating.

All I know is we have brought our children up in a Shomer Mitzvot home with the full scope of Jewish ritual practices, observances and celebrations, Jewish education, camp, frequent experiences in Israel, and most important the foundational values and core standards of what it means to be a practicing Jew. So, you tell me, what kind of Jew do you think I am? Further, does it matter? After all, this is between Ribbonu shel Olam and me, is it not?

Troubling Times and Heart-Lifting Messages

Yesterday I was privileged to participate in a lovely spiritual and healing program with our Multi-Faith Council run by two wonderful women of spirituality and faith, Marge Sexton and Bonnie Ostroff. I just love these gatherings and all aspects of my work with multiple faith communities. I cherish how we can simultaneously celebrate what we share and have respect and regard for where we differ, understanding the value of both of these dynamics and their intersection. I am awed by how SILENT we can be to LISTEN (note the same letters make up each word) to each other’s words and hearts. I value more than I can say the safe space we all collectively create, whether it is a group of us taking a walk through beautiful and serene nature as we just did or in gatherings with religious scholars and thinkers from around the world and within a multitude of faiths. I learn so much from these experiences and they lift me up from the depths of concern and worry I have for our world and planet at present, with all of its noise and distraction.

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. Muslims are in the middle of Ramadan. Christians are in the period of time before their Pentecostal observance and Jews are counting the Omer, as we look towards Shavuot. This week was Memorial Day and Independence Day in Israel while we also acknowledge that it was a difficult time, the Naqba, for our Palestinian neighbors. Memorial Day will soon be here for Americans, and the list goes on. So many moments to stop and be thankful, be reflective, consider the sacrifices so many have made and may still be making, be mindful that one person’s moment of joy may and will simultaneously be another’s moment of sorrow, and just stop to be silent and really listen to the voices around us. It is then that I think we really learn so many important lessons.

I have shared before but it bears repeating a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Scott Peck years ago where she was recounting a recurring dream that she has in which she is flying a bit off the ground and keeps seeing children. When she asks them “How are you?” the respond, “That is the wrong question. You should ask me what I was sent here to teach you today?” I just love that notion – it is at the heart of my daily opportunities for learning with so many others through the course of a given week, where I facilitate the process of looking at texts and considering their meaning. But the bonus, the real payment, is the many lessons I learn from those in the learning circles I have the honor of facilitating. Here are just a few lessons I carry with me to help me wade through the distracting and disruptive voices that are too loud and too worrisome in our world today. I have learned them and continue to consider them (thus all are voiced in present tense) daily as validation that there are so many wonderful people and lessons to learn from them. These lessons come from people of all faiths, backgrounds and ages. As we learn in Proverbs/Mishlei, Wisdom can be and is found on the street, that is to say, everywhere and at all times, if we are open to its voice.

From Nourah, I learn to always try to be the best person of faith and belief I can be and to never stop trying. From Neli, I learn that adult sarcasm and nuanced humor can quickly be picked up by a seven-year-old and repeated. From Fredda, Adel, Carol and so many others in my SAG group, I learn that no matter what challenges life throws at you, keep smiling, hold your head high and take pride in yourself. From Alison, Ella, and the rest of the Mishmar groups, I learn that figuring out the nuances of difficult texts and interpretations are the property of people of all ages, including eight year olds. From Jerry S., Bonnie, Esta, Ava, Jerry P., Susan, Esther, and Lisa, I learn that siblings are not necessarily only those you are related to; some we choose along the way and hold onto for life. From Larry and Lois and from Linda and Frank, I learn the beauty of love and marriage at all stages of life. From Tom, I learn that one can care as deeply for your own child as you do. From so many of my colleagues and friends – RL, LJS, CS, MK and others, I learn that we all have our challenges and yet we all function with so much grace and love for others. From too many to mention who are part of my MBIEE community I learn that aging can be and is fun – and vital, well into one’s 90’s and they all share a very positive attitude, which I love. From Rachel, I learn that we should always be prepared to make new friends in our lives, because amazing ones will come by. From so many grandparents of the PJDS community and SLLLs of Samuel A. Green House, I learn how important it is to pass our legacy stories on to the next generation. From Neima I learn how to think deeply and from Adel I learn how to smile and laugh broadly. From Kassia I learn to never, and I mean NEVER underestimate an almost two-year-old. From Yoella and Jeremy I learn that it is so fun to watch one’s children parent as they combine their own styles with what you hope you were able to teach them. From Aria, Bentzi, Lador, Sylvie, Eva, Sydney, Charlie, Yuval, Naomi, Alyssa, Esther, Jacob and all of the other wonderful Mishmar students from PJDS, I learn that it does not matter how old the people in your learning circle are – EVERYONE has lessons to teach each other. From Rachie and Talie I learn how to maintain calm in a storm and how to rejoice when you see your children following their passions in their careers. From Mimi and Liz, I learn how happy one is when one knows their child has found the love of their life and when those choices are so wonderful, you are proud of them and your children. From Brian, I learn that each person truly has to find their own way and be accepted for that. From Bethanie, I learn that flying around your living room in fairy wings can be a great form of discipline or just invoke fear in your children. From all of my Eshel family, I learn that we all love our families and children and appreciate the foundational teachings of our faith in acceptance of each other just the way G-d chose to fashion us. From my CAMC friends and all of those I work with in Interfaith work, I learn how remarkably similar our foundational principles are. From Steve, I very recently learned that we are all “in the middle of our story.” From my amazing husband, Ken, I learn that love and a positive relationship do not hurt or harm, but help and validate every day.

These are just a few of the hundreds of lessons and people I carry in my heart daily. I love you all for the lessons you have and continue to teach me and share with all those around you. May we all value being SILENT and LISTEN for those lessons. Doing so definitely gives us the strength, the Hizzuk, we need to go forth and continue to be better and do better in spite of what may be happening around us. Happy Celebrations and Observances to all.