Are we unified? Really?

I recently read a piece that was penned by a respected lay leader of the Orthodox Jewish community that puzzled me greatly and hurt me somewhat as well. The individual, based on his experience, which I honor and accept, extrapolated from his reality to the larger arena and posited that in the Jewish religiously observant world of today, people are accepting each other and that there is more unity than in the past, with the fear of this stated unity leading to complacency and ultimately lack of interest and blindness to challenges that may thwart or threaten it. He observed that what he saw were friendly disagreements and that the more serious rifts of the past were no longer apparent.

Totally acknowledging that individuals have various experiences and definitely allowing that the writer believes himself to be correct in his own perceptions of what is happening in the larger world based on his life and the differences he has observed, I would say that my experience has been precisely the opposite. Differences of opinion and perception are fine and we should value and treasure continuums of such points of view, respectfully and carefully acknowledging both what we share and where our differences exist. This is what I was taught as part of my Jewish learning and this is what I share with others and live to the best of my ability. My challenge is for all of us who are perceiving that there is more unity and less discord in our own silo of the faith groups to which we belong to consider who we are including in those groups, as well as who we no longer include there. I did in fact send a Letter to the Editor (which I hope will be published, but understand it may not feel comfortable for the publication to do so) indicating that as a child of the sixties and seventies, in terms of my most formative years, I remember much more unity and less exclusion or judgment in my experience of the same world. I remember a time when people did not have to define exactly where they stand on the continuum of religious observance, such as seems to be the accepted standard today as exemplified in occasional conversations to surveys that are taken to shuls (synagogues) and communities in which one feels that they are accepted and valued. I know from many friends and colleagues located in various areas geographically and other faith communities, that I am not the only one who is experiencing profound rifts in our communities of faith where they did not exist in past decades; and a recalibration of those communities to exclude those not “on the correct side of the rift.”

This is what I have experienced. In the sixties and seventies, it was enough to say that one was Jewishly observant. There was respect and I never felt “looked down upon” or questioned about my sincerity with regard to my religious observance. This was true regarding people with whom I had contact that were both to the left and to the right of where I hold on the religious spectrum of observance and belief. I was educated with this value of acceptance and the standard of learning from each other, and then experienced it throughout my years of university and in the first community in which I lived as a young married adult. Today my children do not have that option, unfortunately. I am blessed and feel a great deal of gratitude that they have indeed found communities of meaningful Jewish living and observance that work for them. That being said, it is often made quite clear to us where we belong and where we do not. In my own work with LGBTQ Inclusion in the Orthodox Jewish world, I have come across some amazing ROCK STAR Rabbis and Kehilot (congregations/communities) that are exactly what I remember and what we should be. In my own learning as a Jewish educated woman who teaches text, I have come across the same. I have also been embraced by those in the Orthodox Jewish world who appreciate the work I do in Interfaith and Intra-Faith (among faith communities and within the larger Jewish one, respectively) dialogue and learning. That being said, I know very well that I and many with whom I work are not experiencing what the writer of the article to which I responded has – in fact, we are told “you are not really Orthodox” and other statements that are similarly derisive have been part of our lives in recent years.

What do we do about this? I suggested in my letter that there needs to be ongoing discussion. Are we still including everyone in our religious faith communities who deserve a rightful place there or are we excluding those with whom we disagree and therefore defining our communities more narrowly, resulting in the perceived unity indicated? How many other faith communities and members of those communities are experiencing this manner of exclusion? We are taught that it is easy to have civil and respectful conversations with those with whom we agree; but we are to challenge ourselves to have those same types of interactions with those with whom we disagree. In our world which is increasingly polarized, one way to protect oneself is indeed to decide who is “in” and who is “out” to achieve such unity. But this is not unity, it is a selective form of false consensus. How do we “check in” with each other to listen to and understand our various positions and to pride ourselves on living in an honest and genuine way with all people – whether we are talking about humanity, citizens of our country, members of political parties, adherents in our faith community, and in general, any grouping of which we are part? When we have forgotten how to see each other, that is truly SEE each other and our true authentic selves, we can no longer even hope to aspire to the standard of “loving the other as oneself.” I think we can all learn from the teaching in the Koran that God could have made all of us the same but chose to make us different from each other so we could learn from each other to better ourselves. I don’t believe false or “selective” unity is the goal, but rather what is identified in the Talmud as Tarbut HaMachloket, an honest unified culture of discord. Let us all honestly strive for that together.

Some observations from the home of my heart... Israel

Here I am in the homeland of my people, generations of all of mankind, history and religious beginnings of so many groups, and an amazing place in so many ways. One observation this time around (I am here once or twice a year) is that I feel I am on vacation from the “boxing ring politics” that have been taking over way too much space and energy in the United States. I do think my stress level is lower as a result (that and after my husband Ken returned the car we were using to get around – having a car is an entirely different stress level factor for me here). We have been in Tel Aviv, Haifa, and Or Yehuda to hang out at some wonderful museums and walk on the beach. Then there was our amazing time in Ginot Shomron and Ma’ale Adumin with various cousins. Now we are presently in Jerusalem and I see people of all religions and groupings walking around peacefully going about their business. I noticed religious Jewish men and hijab cloaked Muslim women sitting next to each other on the light rail transportation system, shoppers in the various Shukim (markets) in close proximity to each other, polite, smiling, going about their business, and interacting with civility, manners and respect. No boxing ring politics, no hatred, no conflicts. Yet, this is not what the headlines report; this is not the focus of newspaper articles… unfortunately. But in this home of my heart this is the reality so much of the time, it clearly warrants reporting and acknowledging.

I have been asked and do feel that it is the American setting that has become more fractured, less conversant and increasingly dangerous. My amazing cousin shared a beautiful article that she wrote about embracing differences in Israel and being “color aware” and not “color blind” that appeared in her synagogue newsletter. We have been in neighborhoods where people across religious lines, cultural and ethnic lines, etc. live together, shop together and work together. But again, this is not what is reported too often.

We were in the Old City in all four quarters (Jewish, Christian, Armenian and Muslim) on Christmas Eve, also the third candle of Hannukah. People of different faiths and garbs wishing each other Chag Sameach (Happy Holiday) whichever yours is. Walking around you heard Hannukah songs and saw the lights of public Hannukiot everywhere and then just down the street there were Christmas carols and decorations. And remember, this is the Jerusalem – the City of Peace – that we hear anything but that too often. Too many of us do wonder and shake our heads … we do not hate, we do not marginalize, we do not fear. We worry, we want equality, we try to figure out how to maintain the integrity of this wonderful place as a democracy and as a Jewish State. Those are legitimate issues with formidable challenges. Yet, in the meantime, we walk in the same markets, eat in the same restaurants, visit the same museums, rest on the same beaches, and so on.

True, there was a horribly sad incident here while we have been here … a tragic bus accident due, it is suspected, to a distracted bus driver in which four people were killed, one of whom we know. I do often say that if you want to be safe in Israel, watch who is driving the vehicle you are in and those around you (which is why having a car here makes me so nervous). It is often reported that many more people die here in traffic accidents than any other type of causative incident year after year, so here is the challenge for all to consider.

We ended the evening of December 24/Kislev 26 by going to a fabulous light and music extravaganza in the Tower of David showing the history of Jerusalem and all of its faith groupings, with the ending wishing all Peace. That is the reality here, even if it is not what you hear. That is why I keep coming back again and again and feel a sense of relief and calm each time I return to this home of my heart. May we all pray for a year of peace for all and may Jerusalem and Israel continue to show us the way in so many different manners. There are challenges to be sure, but look at the multitude of successes – the friendships – the desire for peace – the myriad of ventures of cooperation and so much else – this is the Israel of my heart.

Parshat Toldot: Embracing All of our Children and their Differences

Parents are different. Children are different. Families are different. We may not all like the same things. We may not all have the same professions, the same personalities, the same characteristics, the same aspirations in life, the same … and so the list goes on. Nonetheless, we are families. As such we are a collection of individuals who somehow form a collective unit, not necessarily always cohesive and not always easy. But we are family. This family unit began when G-d indicated in the very first chapters of Bereshit that an individual is not to be alone and that HaShem understood that each human being needed a partner. Thus G-d ordained that two are better than one, and as we learn much later in Kohelet, chapter Four: ט טוֹבִים הַשְּׁנַיִם, מִן-הָאֶחָד: אֲשֶׁר יֵשׁ לָהֶם שָׂכָר טוֹב, בַּעֲמָלָם. י כִּי אִם-יִפֹּלוּ, הָאֶחָד יָקִים אֶת-חֲבֵרוֹ; וְאִילוֹ, הָאֶחָד שֶׁיִּפּוֹל, וְאֵין שֵׁנִי, לַהֲקִימוֹ. יא גַּם אִם-יִשְׁכְּבוּ שְׁנַיִם, וְחַם לָהֶם; וּלְאֶחָד, אֵיךְ יֵחָם. יב וְאִם-יִתְקְפוֹ, הָאֶחָד--הַשְּׁנַיִם, יַעַמְדוּ נֶגְדּוֹ; וְהַחוּט, הַמְשֻׁלָּשׁ, לֹא בִמְהֵרָה, יִנָּתֵק.

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls, and hath not another to lift him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

So here is the magic of families, of couples, and of partnerships -- it was never meant for a human being to travel through this world of challenges, setbacks, wonderful experiences, and joys alone, but to share them with others. Who better to share them with than our families? But, to do so, we have to truly see each other in a genuine, and dare I say, authentic way.

In this week’s Parsha, we share the narrative of a family who could not find its way to live as a cohesive unit. From the beginning, Rivkah is told that there will be discord between her children. Then as they grow up we see that this discord is mirrored in parental favoritism and family conflict.

We read in Chapter 25 of Bereshit: וַיֶּאֱהַב יִצְחָק אֶת-עֵשָׂו, כִּי-צַיִד בְּפִיו; וְרִבְקָה, אֹהֶבֶת אֶת-יַעֲקֹב.

28 Now Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison; and Rebekah loved Jacob.

There will be this dichotomy of Rivkah-Yaakov and Yitzchak- Esau, opposing teams in this family unit through their adventures. Nechama Leibowitz has us look very carefully at the pronouns that clearly define the teams here. For example, in chapter 27, we note the following:

ה וְרִבְקָה שֹׁמַעַת--בְּדַבֵּר יִצְחָק, אֶל-עֵשָׂו בְּנוֹ; וַיֵּלֶךְ עֵשָׂו הַשָּׂדֶה, לָצוּד צַיִד לְהָבִיא. ו וְרִבְקָה, אָמְרָה, אֶל-יַעֲקֹב בְּנָהּ, לֵאמֹר: הִנֵּה שָׁמַעְתִּי אֶת-אָבִיךָ, מְדַבֵּר אֶל-עֵשָׂו אָחִיךָ לֵאמֹר.

5 And Rebekah heard when Isaac spoke to Esaw his son. And Esau went to the field to hunt for benison, and to bring it. 6 And Rebekah spoke unto Jacob her son, saying, “Behold, I heard your father speak unto Esau your brother, saying:

You know how when our children or siblings or parents are in our good graces, we say “my mom, my sister, etc.” BUT when we are not so happy we identify them (loudly, often!) as YOUR child, YOUR father, etc. This is what Nechama says is going on here. She also warns us that we should never identify these differences as inherently good or bad and hold onto those ideas, for this will only create fractured units in which the group that is supposed to bolster and validate each other will destroy instead. In this scenario, one stops seeing their own child as their child and this is clearly not a desired outcome.

We all must remember that our children, our parents, our siblings, and all those we love will not be the same as each other. Rather, we are to see each as dear… just as Yitzchak loved the fact that he and Esau shared a love of meat, according to some of our interpretive lenses. Further, we are to acknowledge that if we can see past differences that might seem to be challenging for us, we may derive great benefits. Note that Yaakov cooked the stew, which is to say that he had skill sets that were valuable to his father as well. Beyond the perceived trickery and what may seem to be actions we do not totally understand, the notion that we may not always know the entire story must inform how we act towards each other.

Remember that in the very beginning of our Parsha, G-d speaks to Rivkah and explains that her children will be different:

וַיִּתְרֹצְצוּ הַבָּנִים, בְּקִרְבָּהּ, וַתֹּאמֶר אִם-כֵּן, לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי; וַתֵּלֶךְ, לִדְרֹשׁ אֶת-יְהוָה. כג וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה לָהּ, שְׁנֵי גֹיִים בְּבִטְנֵךְ, וּשְׁנֵי לְאֻמִּים, מִמֵּעַיִךְ יִפָּרֵדוּ; וּלְאֹם מִלְאֹם יֶאֱמָץ, וְרַב יַעֲבֹד צָעִיר.

22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said: 'If it be so, wherefore do I live?' And she went to inquire of the LORD. 23 And the LORD said unto her: Two nations are in thy womb, and two peoples shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.

This is information she has, not Yitzchak. When she is conspiring with Yaakov later, she is acting on this information, no doubt. In other words, her intentions may be honorable, but not understood by all in her family unit. Here we learn that we do not always have the complete picture. This, I believe, is part of G-d’s design. As we learn in so many instances in our texts, only G-d knows all, we as mere mortals do not and cannot by definition.

So back to our families. Do we always understand why we each are the way we are? Is it always easy to embrace differences and ways of life we may not even have chosen for ourselves and our children? Is that the point? Or … is the point that we are to learn from each other, to hold on tight to that multi-threaded cord that ties us together as families and to thank G-d for the totality of blessings that make us each the individuals and the amazing collectives we are? Let us love our children, our siblings, our parents, and all those in our world for the individual human beings G-d made each of us to be in G-d’s ultimate wisdom.

Shabbat Shalom!

Why I Love The Jewish Concept of Leadership

Why I Love The Jewish Concept of Leadership

I have spoken about this before, but in my daily Gemara learning, I found this pearl of wisdom in Masechet Chulin 4b:

The ruler who listens to and responds to false words and ideas (or others or his or her own); his supporters and followers will be evil; the ruler who listens to truth, his supporters and followers will be righteous.

It’s all about role models! And here we find ourselves in a time of history where our technological and scientific know how is so advanced and our human actions are being continually diminished and compromised in increasingly horrifying ways. So, we look to our leaders….

When those leaders teach that they can circumvent the consequences of the law they are elected and vow to uphold, what do we expect from those who serve and support them? When our leaders speak using offensive language, maligning entire groups of people, and showing blatant disrespect and disregard for the humanity of others, what do we expect from those who agree with them? Worse, what are our children witnessing as “acceptable behavior” and even admirable behavior in getting ahead in this world? What does this dangerous “new norm” look like? Not that it is in fact new, it’s just that those leaders we have looked to in the past for some integrity and some standards of correctitude have joined those we spoke against in circumventing the very parameters of the law and standards of conduct which make these countries, including the United States of America and Israel so special. I am particularly saddened by one leader, for whom I once had great respect and who has done so much in the past for humanity and for a special country based on the foundational teachings of its law – and the more recent actions of that particular leader.

This embracing of power for power’s sake is having an impact that is changing the tone of our own country to be sure, and is contributing to the malaise and complete dejection of an entire generation of young adults who themselves are being validated for not listening or seeing those around them and allowing self-absorption to take over and blind self-awareness. In so doing they are acting no less “appropriate” than what they see on any news feed available 24/7 regarding real time behavior of present leadership in too many instances.

In Jewish law there are many correctives to avoid this from happening. Teachers are responsible for what they misteach to their students and actions that result from such; leaders are to exemplify the behavior they are instructed to display given God’s instructions; and the King is actually instructed in Devarim/Deuteronomy (chapter 17) to write a Torah and keep it by his side. That law is to be read constantly in looped formation annually to the entire assemblage and the leader is as responsible to its dictates as the rank and file of the population. Why?

Because, as we learn in Masechet Chulin, evil and misguided leaders will be followed by and responsible for creating the same amongst their followers. Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks teaches that a leader is as great as those who follow that leader and do what that leader exemplifies in their actions. It works both ways, thus good leaders will inspire good people and vice versa. Sadly, it is this second option so operative in our times.

I continue to be baffled and try not to get too dejected by the irresponsible behavior in broad daylight by those who are looked to as examples. It used to be that we worried about the entertainment or sports figures that our children wanted to emulate who showed poor judgement and lack of respect for others at least and absolute abuse and disregard at worst. Now, we see this in our heads of state, our lawyers, our clergy, and others – just too many of those in front of whom a microphone is placed or who have an audience. They outshout, they use inappropriate language, they are smug, they completely disregard law, moral standards, and simply display the worst degree of narcissistic behavior – in short, behaving evil and modelling it for all to see. No wonder too many of our young adults are in such crisis.

For those of us who agree in communal accountability, in acting according to the notion that God created all of us, and that there is a shared responsibility for our planet, for each other, for those less fortunate in our society and that we are all here only because of those who have tried to preserve, to honor and to respect, let us commit to understand that OUR ACTIONS MATTER. OUR WORDS MATTER. And further, we need to show by example, that we are holding those who act otherwise, accountable and that these actions in broad daylight or otherwise simply ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE by any standards.

Lech Lecha: The Sum Total of All We are and Our Authentic Selves

Note: The following is a Dvar Torah I just shared at my shul. It is about ALL that it means to live our authentic selves (political and cultural tones of the term aside).

We know that there are pivotal events in our lives that become the prism through which we see and discern all that happened, happens and will happen to us. Often it may be a tragedy either in our lifetimes or well-hidden in past generations of our family tree. It could be some significant change or revelation we come to about ourselves and our place in this world. It could be a traumatic set of circumstances. It might be a supremely joyful event. How do we not forget such formative experiences in thinking about who we are when we consider the ramifications of these life-changing and defining occurrences and their impact on our authentic selves? All of this is part of our own journeys.

Our Parsha begins as G-d instructs Avram to leave all that he knows from the past – his land, his birthplace, and his father’s house—that is to completely cut himself off from all that has occurred in his life up to this point. But is this really even possible? We know that Avram took the people of his household and a good amount of property with him. What else did he have with him as determined by his experiences and legacy as he set off in a completely different direction then past generations of his family tree may have portended, following the instructions of God to do so?

R. Ya'akov Yosef of Polonnoye (1710–1784) one of the earliest followers of Hassidut teaches as follows:

"And the Lord said to Avram, Go, you, out of your country, and from your kindred, and from your father's home, to the land that I will show you; and I will make of you a great nation, etc." And the uncertainties will be clarified later. For the Rambam writes in the sixth chapter of Hilkhot De'ot (halakha 1) as follows: "It is natural to be influenced, in sentiments and conduct, by one's associates and fellow citizens. Hence, a person ought to associate with the righteous and shun the wicked. If the inhabitants of one's country are evil, he should leave for a place where the people are righteous… [or] he should live by himself in seclusion. And if they do not allow him, etc., he should go to the wilderness... Now you will understand, "Go you out of your country" – from your country to live among your kindred. And when you see that they do not allow you to conduct yourself in a righteous manner, distance yourself further also from your kindred and seclude yourself in your father's home. And if you are unable to serve God while with them, distance yourself even further from your father's home to a land that I will show you. (Toledot Ya'akov Yosef[6], Lekh Lekha 1)

Let’s consider what is being stated here. When we were all young we were taught the conventional narrative that Terach was an idol worshipper and represented everything we are not, while pure and good Avraham learned everything including his faith in God from mid-air, with no credit going to any past events in his life. Here in the beginning of Perek Yud Bet of Bereshit, he is told to leave everything behind, to seclude and distance himself from all that is not right, that characterized his past, in incrementally increasing degrees of separation. If there was nothing to leave of value, this would not be hard. But was this really the case? Is such a complete reboot from nothing even possible for us as humans, with our memories and interactions with all elements of our lives? How do we hold onto what was positive and constructive as well as formative, if we discard all that we were and did, never to look back or consider its impact on our lives?

Our Midrash, often helping us to fill in missing pieces of our narrative teaches that when Avram was born to Terach when the latter was 70 years of age, the astrologers came to Nimrod and proclaimed that this child was dangerous to the future of his fiefdom, as we learn in Baba Batra 91a. Nimrod then proceeded to go to Terach and try to get him to sell the child to him for large amounts of gold and silver, indicating he can always have future children. Terach however, not only did not agree to this horrific notion, but he took his son and his wife and hid them in a cave for three to thirteen years (depending on various versions of this story), bringing them food and all they needed for sustenance. Terach showed he needed to protect this child and also something about what was more valuable – the life of that child and not the promise of great riches. In this particular midrash, Avram comes to the realization that God, The One Who Created All, had to be something far different and far above and beyond the many different forces that were embraced by those who followed the conventional idolatrous belief systems of the time. He felt that something was different, that he himself was different from those around him and from the culture that was part of his story. It could be this seclusion in this cave that allowed him the needed space and opportunity to come to this realization about himself and how he was so different from those around him.

Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks teaches that we must also look to the cultural backdrop of all of our experiences and consider our place within them. He cites the work of

… three great American-Jewish sociologists, David Reisman, Nathan Glazer and Reuel Denney in their 1950 classic, The Lonely Crowd. Their argument was that particular kinds of historical circumstance give rise to particular kinds of people. It makes a difference, they said, whether you lived in a society with a high birth- and death-rate – where families had many children but life expectancy was short – or one on the brink of growth, or one in the early stages of decline. Each gave rise to its own type of character: not that everyone was the same but that you could discern certain traits in the population and culture as a whole….

Abraham was commanded to leave behind the sources of both tradition-directedness (“your father’s house”) and other-directness (“your land, your birthplace”). He was about to become the father of an inner-directed people.

His entire life was governed by an inner voice, the voice of God. He did not behave the way he did because that is how people had always acted, nor did he conform to the customs of his age.

He was different, he took chances and he went outside of the conventions of his time. We are taught by Rashi and many classical commentators that this was for his own good – that the very words Lech Lecha mean to go for your own sake. Avram was doing something to improve his situation but had to take a huge chance in doing so, one that would potentially alienate, separate and isolate him from all that happened before in his life. This complete recalibration of self from tradition-directedness and other-directedness that tied him to his past to inner-directedness meant taking on a new identity and in so doing so, Avram’s authentic self now becomes something quite different than that identity by which he was known until that point, as a resident of a community, as his parents’ son, and so on.

Rambam, in his opening to Hilchot Avodah Zarah, the fourth section in his Sefer HaMadah , teaches that Avram’s purpose and station in life is defined indeed by the many generations that proceeded him. Rambam recounts the history of humanity from HaAdam, the first human being created by G-d, as he acknowledges that it is important to understand how we reach certain thresholds in our collective history that will ultimately impact upon individual initiative and destiny. He goes on to explain how generations of humans made huge mistakes in realizing how wondrous the sun, moon and stars as well as other phenomena were and ultimately forgot that these entities were created; but rather thought that they themselves had some inherent power and therefore were worthy of worship. They did not understand that God wished to set up the universe in such a fashion so that every created element had its part to play and that the totality of all was G-d’s goal in creating the parts. They were outer-directed in considering that what they saw ruled them in some fashion and tradition-directed in following previous generations in believing this to be so. This, explains, Rambam, was the source of Avodah Zarah, the absence of a sense of the magnitude of The Divine, G-d, and instead reduction of awe that should be reserved for The Creator of All to worship of what could be seen in daily lives – the constellations, facets of nature, and so on. It was in this environment that Avram was raised and it was this perspective he had come to believe he could no longer accept or live within its confines.

In the Midrash, we are taught that from an early age, Avram did not believe in these visible “powers” of nature and felt there was something else – another force that was responsible for all that is – G-d. As such, he was the first monotheist. One can only imagine what it must have been like for him to try to forge his way, different from all those around him, denying the lies he had heard told and had to be confronted with up to this point, and the loneliness he must have felt in doing so. Anyone who has gone through such a significant coming to terms with self must feel empathy for him as a human being in this situation – the potential for isolation and disorientation it conveys. Everyone else was acting as though what they had been told was true was just that, and yet he could no longer continue living what for him was untruth. He was compelled to search for and take on his authentic identity and existence.

Nehama Leibowitz uses the phrase “he was wandering in his mind” during this time, amplifying Rambam’s point that he had been “wandering in his heart” and trying to process all that he had heard and learned along with his questions until he found a truth he could accept. He had already arrived at a point where he was ready for God to instruct him to go forth and craft a new reality for himself – this was the result of everything he had been through and it certainly did not come from mid-air.

What made Avram what he was and what he would become? Here is Jonathan Sacks’ inner-directedness. Avram had discerned that the generations of looking outward to how things appeared just did not work for him. In making this discovery, he had to reformulate his reality and consider what it meant to live his authentic life. Looking inward, he was able to consider how he would then move to a different type of outer-directedness, namely one focused on God, in whom he believed and had faith. As he did so, he would begin a new tradition-directedness for future generations of monotheists. As such, his place in general history, as well as Jewish history is singular, pivotal and irreplaceable. He teaches all of us to look inside and reclaim our authentic selves. In so doing, we pull what is positive and constructive from our past, just as he benefited from Terach hiding him in a cave in which he could consider how different he was. Upon coming out, he was more readied and prepared to take his place in history as a guide to us all in showing us how to live authentically, question the past, and honestly consider what our place in the world should be.

Shabbat Shalom!

Thinking about our Communities in the Jewish Year of 5780

We are social beings. G-d created us that way. We are not part of the animal kingdom where babies are born and then in minutes or a bit more, walk, fly or swim away. We are born physically dependent to enable the development of social skills, interactive techniques and empathy for each other. Biology tells us this and our religious systems amplify the point in many of the teachings and narratives we all hold dear. As we grow and mature, we hopefully come to appreciate the people in our lives and the connections we make. Additionally, we are to love and care about each other and to acknowledge that ultimately, as we are taught in Kohelet/Ecclesiastes 4:12 (and will read on the Chag/holiday of Sukkot), And if one prevails against one that is alone, two shall withstand that person; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. In other words, together we can accomplish so much more than we can apart.

Unfortunately, as we look around us and there is too much divisiveness, too much yelling, not enough acceptance and not enough caring about each other, deeply caring as The One Who Created Us intended. And yet, what amazing things happen when we get this and practice this sense of community, creating those threefold cords that cannot be broken. I just experienced yet another such community during Shabbat Elul and Rosh HaShana at the beautiful Isabella Friedman Retreat Center. Our community of about two hundred souls included all ages, a wide spectrum of observance levels, and just as wide a spectrum of gender and sexuality identities. Particularly evident were two entities – An Orthodox community and an LGBTQ+ community. We all made community together and created a strong cord that simply could not be torn asunder in any way. We prayed together in different minyanim, sang together, ate together, learned together and just lived in this wonderful environmentally beautiful and charged space for five days as a collective that was absolutely breathtaking in so many ways.

I was honored and awed to be able to teach throughout the five days, including sharing a D’var Torah (words of Jewish learning) related to the weekly Parsha/Torah reading on Shabbat, which is among other things, interestingly enough about COMMUNITY. In Parshat Netzavim, ALL OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL – men, women, children, all ages, the leaders of various categories, the water carriers and wood choppers and EVERYONE was to be standing at attention to hear the lessons to be imparted. I contrasted this to another community model as found in the Talmud in Masechet Hagiga where we are taught ALL ARE OBLIGATED TO COME TO PARTICIPATE IN THE HAGIGA OFFERING EXCEPT … and then just about every possible category of people except able-bodied flawless adult men are listed. BUT during the rest of the Masechet/Tractate, these categories of people are brought back into the community with some seminal teachings, including the following:

1. All may not be obligated in the actual deed of the offering, but if they want to participate because it brings a sense of emotional well-being (nachat ruach) then the community is to enable their participation.

2. Even though all are not obligated in the actual deed of the offering, all are obligated to be happy (mechayavim b’simcha) and therefore, should not be excluded, but included.

3. Many supposed “exclusions” are due to the literal nature of language, but such exclusions are often ameliorated and qualified so that people who want to be can be included.

4. The experience of communal happiness and community is increased by the inclusion of many, not the exclusion of most so that very few are left in the end.

By including and welcoming all into our Rosh HaShana community, by joining all of our voices, sharing the songs and niggunim (beautiful wordless melodies) that so many brought with them and sang from their heart, we were all enriched and floated on the beauty of these tunes well into the night.

By enjoying and benefitting from the food from this Environmentally Sustainable community and its farms and resources, we all ate well, healthily and were nourished in a wonderful and meaningful manner.

By joining in prayer, we all sang from our hearts and found the beauty of words and tunes permeate the air around us with true Kavanah (intentionality) and Simcha (joy and happiness, which is commanded for us all). We did this both in our Orthodox and Egalitarian spaces, with people moving seamlessly between them as they wished and to the extent they desired.

By being in a place together that is so land conscious and appreciative of all that G-d has bestowed upon us, the gratitude we shared for ALL that was there and ALL who were there was awe inspiring in a way that will take us into the coming Jewish year with an increased appreciation of the world and community of which we are all part.

By sharing learning sessions where individuals from the various prayer communities came together to learn with and from each other, we all made new friends and came to expand our circles of the people we appreciate.

What wonderful lessons learned to take into the year of 5780. My blessing for all of us is that we all continue to talk to people who may be “outside” of our conventional community circles and learn more about each other, so we can always be that threefold unbreakable cord no matter what challenges come our say.

Shana Tova and Gimar Tov to all in the Jewish community and with gratitude for all beings of faith who are trying to be our best selves at all times, creating communities that are truly inspiring and inspired.

Parshat Ki Teitze: Going Outside of our Comfort Zone

This Parsha is about how we function in previously unknown territory, that is, what do we do when we “go out,” in other words, go out to new experiences, outside of the confines in which we find comfort and routine as we confront new and challenging horizons. Does going out to war mean all bets are off and we can do what we want? If we find someone in need outside of our home base, can we just ignore them and say “not my problem?” To be sure, GOING OUT can be scary, but if we do not meet such experiences with adequate preparations and set parameters, it can also be limiting, paralyzing even, and at worst self-effacing. How has this “going out” had its impact on us and how have we done in meeting its challenge?

One of my favorite contemporary teachers and thinkers is Tamar Ross. Ken and I and an assortment of our daughters and daughters-in-law have had the zichut/privilege to learn by her. In her book, Expanding the Palace of Torah, she speaks at length about how the male- dominated world of Jewish text learning and scholarship did not want to allow women to enter its doors, but rather wanted to keep the keys to our hallowed texts and their lessons to themselves. They, too often, did not want to have their beloved texts GO OUT to the domain of the women, for fear of what would happen to them; and more importantly concerned about the loss of the power they held in hiding those keys.

Virginia Wolff makes a very similar point in her essay, “A Room of One’s Own,” in which she audaciously presents the topic of women potentially writing fiction to show the male dominance of her world in the first decades of the twentieth century, where male college men ate well, lived well and thought well, while women who had precious few academies of higher learning even available to them, did not have the comfort of monetary stability or even high quality food to give them the security and nourishment needed to write fiction – to think about their world enough to create one that was believable within its boundaries. She imagines that Shakespeare had an equally brilliant and erudite sister, who lacking the privileges of her brother, ended up wandering listlessly and ultimately dying by suicide. How grateful I am that enough women have GONE OUTSIDE of the confines set for them so that we can have the lives we have as women today, including bringing in the texts and legacies of our collective lives!

Ken and I have been watching, which by the way I find extremely difficult, Tales of the City, a series which reflects the work of Armistead Maupin, and his representation of the world of LGBT persons in the United States from the years of 1978 – 2014. In this magical world of Anna Madrigal and her Barbary Lane community, individuals who cannot find a place in the larger world given their sexuality or gender identity, create their own. In the fifth installment of this ten- part series, there is a carefully scripted narrative of how the generations cannot speak with each other even within the confines of this idyllic collective. Younger members of this community that is supposedly inclusive, where members did not find the same outside, cannot find a way to respect how those in their 60s and older lived a different reality than their own, losing their entire circle of friends to AIDS, and confronting profound prejudices that did not allow them to literally come out into the world. Younger women take for granted the equality that did not grow up with the more experienced members of the community, but rather became an option due to their hard work and battles. Younger people of color do not understand the gratitude they need to show towards the elder members of their own community, for whatever the battles are now, they were that much more difficult and unmanageable then. How grateful I am that our daughters and daughters-in-law are able to live their very important and meaningful lives as gay women today, with gratitude to those who ventured out in years past. I love the kindness they show to people of all ages, colors, situations in life, gender identity and sexuality, as they daily GO OUT into the world.

Then I am also following Our Boys, the collaborative work of Joseph Cedar, Hagai Levi and Tawfik Abu-Wael, telling a specific part of the long arc of narrative of the difficult summer of 2014 in Israel that led to the Gaza War. Many people in Israel and the Jewish community are angry that this film does not focus on the inside Jewish story of the three young Jewish boys who were kidnapped and killed, but rather on the dynamics that came later with the revenge killing of a young Palestinian man. We would rather focus on our inside stories, not those that take us outside … outside of our comfort zone, outside of what we know to be true, outside of our established loyalties, outside where we have to confront the humanity and challenges of the other.

However, the problem is that this is where so much of life happens and our ability to develop and use well-honed skill sets to confront these challenges – be it considering a tragedy of another person with whom we may or may not feel a kinship, understanding the truths of another generation and their battles, or showing gratitude to those who paved the way for us to live our lives today with whatever challenges we still confront – it is that ability that will determine how we manage outside of our known truths, our comfort zone, our established habits and so forth. I am so grateful for the hundreds of thousands of Jews across the ideological spectrum, Arabs, Muslims, Palestinians, Christians and others who understand that this chapter of the events of that summer was chosen to be told as a story showing the anatomy of hatred, something we are all both prone to and subject to, in an attempt to make us all take a hard look at its disastrous impact. I am also grateful to the hundreds of people who span all of these groups who came together to create this important series, with the noblest of intents. To be sure, many CAME OUT of their worlds to do so.

We are in the last chapters of our Torah Reading cycle. We are taught that in the repetitive tropes and new ideas of Devarim, we are now no longer sharing the legacy of the narrative that came before us, but rather looking to those generations not yet present and sharing in a manner that will insure their continuity and lives as members of this Jewish collective. We will no longer be a desert nomad people as we had been for the previous forty years, but an empowered group in charge of our destiny. That destiny comes with both established practices and new ones to insure our identity does not get lost but rather strengthened as a result of the new horizons to be reached. We will GO OUT to many lands, some of which will accept us and others that will not, and then we will GO OUT again and do so again until we can live ... with our practices and identity and the promise of yet more generations to come.

This particular Parsha reminds us of boundaries that we are to observe in our behavior and actions that may have been normative for others. How we are to act in times of war, not taking the eggs from a nest when the mother bird is sitting on them, insuring our children behave properly, not engaging in prostitution, not taking advantage of those who are working for us or who do not have the privilege we may have, insuring our legacy and so much else. In other words, we are to consider the good of the collective whole and monitor our actions accordingly, always remembering that we do not do this ourselves, but through the work and hard-won battles of others. This is commanded to us as we are reminded that we are part of God’s holy congregation, no matter how far outside of our physical and psychological boundaries of past experiences we venture.

Then in the middle of all of this, we read

You shall not despise an Edomite, for he is your brother. You shall not despise an Egyptian, for you were a sojourner in his land. לֹֽא־תְתַעֵ֣ב אֲדֹמִ֔י כִּ֥י אָחִ֖יךָ ה֑וּא לֹֽא־תְתַעֵ֣ב מִצְרִ֔י כִּי־גֵ֖ר הָיִ֥יתָ בְאַרְצֽוֹ:

These pivotal words remind us to go against what our inclination may be in terms of how each of these people acted towards us in that past, yet we are instructed to remember that God has a larger plan, that the Egyptians did provide for us in time of need, and additionally we are not to engage in unseemly behavior regardless of what others do. This notion of remembering what it is to be a stranger, that is outside of one’s comfort zone, and treat others accordingly as they themselves venture out of their zones and into ours is critical, a repeated trope appearing no less than 36 times throughout our Torah. Who knows, doing so may just break old established and not-so-constructive patterns!

These teachings we confront in these final Parshiot are all about doing as reflected in the very names of these Parshiot … כי תצא about going out, כי תבוא coming into the land, ראה watching others, נצביםstanding at attention for important instructions, האזינו listening to all that is instructed and only after all do we finally come to the point where we receive the blessing – וזאת הברכה. There is an important message here in this structure --- going out into unchartered territory is admittedly cause for concern, it is scary, and to be sure we are taking chances. However, it is only through those chances that survival happens, the very reason that each and every one of us is here today – those chances taken by others to go out of what was known, take WHAT was known about how to proceed and to go out, GO OUT AND LIVE, for as we are taught, the Mitzvot are given to us to live by them, wherever our lives and our journey may take us. Let us remember that this is both instructive for us and equally, in terms of how we treat and regard others around us.

Shabbat Shalom.