Candy Bars, Designer Sneakers, Manicured Nails and Lessons in Understanding Others

There is a fundamental Jewish teaching from Pirke Avot [Ethics of the Fathers] that instructs us to not judge another person/ your friend until you have reached his/her place. We all know the adage that feels a lot like this one “Don’t judge an Indian (or grouping or person of your choosing) until you have walked in his/her moccasins.” So, you may ask, what is the difference? I think that Hillel, the one to whom the first teaching is attributed is adding another level to this notion of realizing the experience of the person standing before you, so to speak, is NOT the same as yours or what it would be if it was yours. Until you TOTALLY understand that person, not in the context of your experience, your values, or YOUR moccasins; but rather, WHEN YOU HAVE REACHED THAT PERSON’S PLACE, you are not truly in a position to judge them. In fact, we also learn in Pirke Avot to judge the other person favorably, that is give people the benefit of the doubt, perhaps because we DO NOT actually know their reality and the context of their lives and decisions.

It seems that these are really valuable and foundationally important teachings to revisit and recommit ourselves to at this time of too much fracture in our society and often not enough understanding. This recalibration of how we look at each other’s experiences and realize we might not understand choices made in those situations may be particularly relevant in this season of gratitude, celebration and so much else.

These values were embedded in the environment in which I grew up and have been part of the ongoing spiritual and faith diet we provided for our children. One of the stories I remember well from my upbringing was shared by my mom. She along with her sister and mother, new immigrants to the United States, were poor and really struggled. Nonetheless, when they would see someone asking for money, my mom’s mom would give the person a nickel. My mom would watch them use the nickel to buy candy. She asked her mother how they could use the money they had just given them to buy candy when they were so poor – they should have used the money to buy something nourishing. My mom always explained that the answer was perhaps that was all they could eat or afford; not to judge them, just to remember that we don’t know why other people do what they do or what their story is.

During her senior year, our eldest daughter did her community service at a school/community center that had a program for unwed mothers and their children, often to help and protect them from their abusive boyfriends and/or families. She definitely met people that had a vastly different life from hers. One day she came home and was disturbed about the fact that there were young girls with their babies in designer sneakers in the program in which she was working. She didn’t understand how these welfare moms at such a young age had their children in expensive shoes when so much else was missing. We had long conversations with our daughter about how we had funds for our four children to go to college, with tens of thousands of dollars saved for that purpose. These young girls did not have any sources for or hopes of saving for college, a home or much else. They were showing their love for their children in the only way they could by buying what they thought they could afford, with the big things that add so much to our quality of life out of their perceived reach.

Years later, I was having conversations with colleagues about students in a Charter School who were getting food assistance and were being provided with many support structures due to their own lack of resources. The girls often came in with professionally manicured nails. One colleague asked why they would use money for that instead of books to read or other items that might truly improve their quality of life. Again, a manicure is a relatively small luxury and no amount of saving the money each one costs would improve the quality of life for these young ladies in their minds.

Now, clearly those of us who know to save for a home, for education, for vacations for the family and other such things have a perspective of life that has a long-range vision attached to it. This type of vision involves planning, resulting in retirement plans, contributing to community initiatives, and so much else that results from strategic planning for many years from now. That, in and of itself, comes with a set of assumptions – that our basic needs will be addressed, that we will be able to afford and access health care, carry insurance policies, and benefit from other important givens while planning for things much larger and more expensive.

It is incumbent upon those of us who have these lives to remember that when these givens are not present, a pair of designer sneakers, a manicure or a candy bar may be the only pleasure or “luxury” one can afford. Until one’s situation has changed to the point where they have reached that place, one cannot judge the need for these relatively tiny luxuries.

LARGE LIFE LESSONS FROM THE TALMUD!

I will share that I literally just finished learning the entire Talmud a few weeks ago -- this very intentional journey has taken me a bit more than seven years (beginning most days with one to two hours of learning, excepting weekends and vacations, etc.). It is so appropriate that the very last words of this rather large and extensive source is to remind us that our "goings" and our "teachings/laws" are the same Hebrew root (H-L-CH) and that if we walk around our lives without our teachings and laws, we just go about aimlessly and that is dangerous. It is only when we go about mindful of and adhering to our teachings and laws that we can function meaningfully. Hmmmmmm....

I feel that it is precisely this principle that joins all of us together as ethical, moral beings of (any) faith who share deeply held foundational beliefs. Here are a few other important lessons that are continued through this extensive tome.

1. Clearly there are expected laws and behaviors dictated by religious standards, but we are TO LIVE BY THESE actions, not die because of them 2. Humility is highly valued, and it is the one who is humble and not a braggart that is favored over the one who is flashy and obvious. 3. We are to walk in the ways of G-d by following the example of G-d’s deeds and care for each other in the way that G-d cares for each of us. 4. The laws as presented are discussed, debated, reformulated and turned every which way. Often at the end of these deliberations, we are taught there is NOT agreement, but rather each authority goes his own way, or one may change their mind, or we just don’t know and all will be determined at some future point. In the meantime, we just are to plod along, but plod we must. 5. We are always to show gratitude – if we take one thing from the ground or our environment without blessing the source and G-d who creates it, it is as if we have stolen something that is not ours. 6. Our resources are meant to share with others; for those of us who benefit from privilege, we must remember that we are blessed with bounty so that we can share with those around us. 7. The well-being of the collective is of utmost importance and we are not to exclude ourselves from its concerns and needs. 8. Questions are the most valuable learning tool we have and sometimes we explore them for the purpose of seeing the many possibilities; in these cases learning is valued for its own sake. 9. Ideal standards are articulated not so that we achieve them, for limited human beings will not be able to do so, but so we strive for the best we can be and do. 10. Living without standards and boundaries is dangerous and destructive. 11. Saving and preserving life takes precedence over all else and we are obligated to put aside various commandments and dictates in order to do so. 12. We, in following G-d’s example, are to go above and beyond the letter of the law in order to keep its foundational elements of compassion and concern for all—loving all others as ourselves and remembering that G-d is at the core of all human beings. There are so many other lessons and teachings that are critical to our well-being and that of our community and all of humanity. I will be sharing these at the event below, if you wish to attend.

Let us all be empowered to keep sharing them with all those with whom we come in contact.

If you are interested, I am having a Siyyum B’Zoom (my celebration of finishing the Gemara with a bit of learning I will share). If you would like to attend and have not already let me know, please send me an email at shulisrose@aol.com and I will send you the Zoom Link. It is this coming Sunday, December 13, 2020 at 12:00 noon EST.

And Now What? After the 2020 Presidential Election "Day"

It is one week, since our going to the polls has halted. Has anything been settled? This is what I know at this point in terms of the political, psychological, emotional and collective space in which the country I live dwells.

Half of the country is angry. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks is supporting someone who has not celebrated the unity of the many people who comprise this country for four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, is supporting the leader of this country who has not definitively stated that hate crimes, rampant prejudice and discrimination and all that goes with that is WRONG under all and any circumstances. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are making excuses for the constant drumroll of horrible statements about women, people of color, people of different faiths, people from other countries, those with various differences (disabilities) etc. made by the leader of this country during the past four years. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, are supporting the notion that there are two ways – their way or socialism. Too many in these ranks are supporting a Supreme Court that may overturn the results of hard-fought battles to insure the rights for all, the OPTION (NOT the obligatory buy in) of Universal Health Care for those in need, and the right of a woman to make APPROPRIATE DECISIONS about her body. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks, will not even consider using Fact Check or looking at media forms with which they do not agree.

Half of the country is relieved and concerned. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are painting all Republicans as white supremacists, hatemongers, and KKK enthusiasts. Half of the country, or too many of them, is calling the entire other side Fascists. Half of the country, or too many in their ranks are listening to those who are still screaming from the other side and not the voices of reason. Half of the country, or too many in their midst are painting our options as right or not-right, not understanding that we will ALL have to compromise to find a ground where we can co-exist. Half of the country is not watching media platforms with which they disagree. Half of the country, or many in their midst DO NOT agree with each other within the half but DO agree that we have to work together in some way to find a better way.

Half of the country is being painted as Socialist and anti-police when this is inaccurate. Half of the country is being painted as terrorists and explosive when this is inaccurate. We must reintroduce ourselves to each other and learn how to speak about issues and differences in approach instead of calling each other names or using inaccurate and explosively poor labels to collapse everyone into THE OTHER SIDE. Those of us in each of these halves who are reasonable, who want peace and well-being for all and may differ in how to achieve this need to relearn how to negotiate and figure out how to come together.

We are at war, not with a foreign intrusive power, but with each other and this is terrible. This can destroy who we are as the United States of America much more profoundly than any outside agent. WE ARE ALL part of this country – and WE ALL must get along or we will implode! People of all colors, religions, ethnicities, lands of origin, political bents MUST learn that we will all not be 100% happy 100% of the time, BUT the name-calling, disrespect, and disregard for each other will NOT help us move forward.

We do in fact have (at least) two very different entities (though if we look closer, it is more) within the United States of America, causing us not to be so united. As a moderate, who believes that we have to stop speaking in extremes, I would challenge all of us to consider what we agree on, honestly and openly.

Don’t defund the police; educate the police. Don’t defend the right to free speech when it leads to irreparable violence; teach how we can agree to disagree, and why we must do so, protecting and properly using our freedom of speech. Don’t separate yourself from your neighbors, you will need them. Don’t just think about yourself, think about others. Don’t just confine your news outlets to what you agree with; listen to all and demand that they report news correctly and accurately. Do demand that we speak with respect with each other. Do ask questions so we can all work towards a better understanding of each other. Do be consistent and remember that rules are supposed to be followed by all sides at all times consistently. Do remember that if you do not show concern for me, how can you expect that I will for you?

We learn in the Bible/Torah that Balaam was sent to curse the Israelites on behalf of Balak, and then could not do so when he saw how peacefully they were living together and how much they helped and cared about each other. What would happen today if Balaam visited the United States? That is what makes me sad beyond words. As Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks z’l has taught so consistently, we must stand up for the other and try to understand his/her perspective if we have any expectation of that person doing so for us. Empathy and understanding and kindness will save us; hatred and name-calling and intolerance will not.

What do we do now after The Elections?

I am writing this on Tuesday November 3, 2020 at 12:40 pm in the afternoon. There is a great deal of nervous energy, fear, concern and so much else all around us on so many levels. So many feel these sentiments and in many cases for vastly different reasons. What WILL our world look like and what will the future portend tomorrow morning, in four days, in a few weeks? How will we all react and adjust – for no matter who is elected as President of the United States and who controls the Senate and Congress, there is so much work to do.

The Hate Crimes rate is at an all-time high according to the FBI, ADL and other monitoring groups. Virtually all groups that could be seen as minorities or different (e.g. not white home-grown Americans, whatever that is) are at risk. ALL LIVES MATTER and it is so sad to me that we have to even say that.

We have all felt the impact of the Corona virus as it has wreaked havoc in our lives in so many ways. Entire industries and areas of activity are compromised, have to close or pare down, and generally we are all stressed due to limitations on our activities and many feeling that their world is so much smaller without travel, seeing close friends and family, working and schooling at home and so on. The environment is also dealing its blows with climate change and so many people feeling the results of horrendou storms and worse.

Concerns about voter suppression and attempts to control the election are rampant. Respect for too many of our leaders and the offices they hold has been severely compromised and not even held by too many. This country and its foundational principles are very much in question and too many of us feel that this is not the USA we have known all of our lives, with its warts, imperfections, disagreements and conflicts.

This election, regardless of the results WILL NOT SOLVE ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS, but rather hopefully signal the beginning of the extremely hard work it will take to address them. We know all too well it is much easier to let go of standards of behavior and ethical barometers than to put them back into their proper place. We will have to commit ourselves to doing this together and in many cases to work across differences in doing so, in order to begin addressing all of the other challenges that confront us collectively.

It is my fervent hope that we can all begin this work soon, and as fearful as I am that this may not be the case, I am just as concerned about relationships, families and friendships that have been compromised in THIS CIVIL WAR of words, screaming, violence and lack of understanding and empathy. There is a piece going around on Facebook reminding us that our family and friends, our neighbors and community members and all those in our orbit will still be here to help each other, to raise each other up to the challenges that await us or the reality that may require more perseverance and patience on our part than we think we even have. Let us all COMMIT TODAY BEFORE THE COUNTING OF THE VOTES TO BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER. CALL SOMEONE WHOSE POLITICS ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS AND REMIND THEM YOU LOVE THEM. For tomorrow, or next week, or next month some people will definitely be upset and we need to be here to support and help each other. Only then will we be able to move forward.

May G-d above truly bless all of us, the United States of America and shine light on us as we have been experiencing way too much darkness.

HOW LOVELY IT IS WHEN WE CAN ALL COME TOGETHER

There is a profoundly meaningful as well as hopeful statement that is uttered by Jews when they enter prayer community in our synagogues. It goes as follows “How goodly are your tents Jacob, how lovely your dwelling places Israel.” It is based upon the blessing uttered by one who came to curse and malign the Jewish nation as we are told in the book of Numbers/BaMidbar. Yet when he (Balaam) saw how peacefully and openly the community lived, he was moved to bless instead of curse.

In this time of everything BUT such peaceful co-existence in too many instances (unfortunately), sharing and caring and above all COMPASSION for all, it is often hard to hold onto this image. Yet there are moments in time… and this past Sunday was precisely one of these. I am still floating.

Along with an amazing group of colleagues with whom I was honored to create a steering committee, including an Imam, Catholic nun and other intentional people of faith (THANK YOU Aziz, Sister Cathy, Megan and Sa’id), we brought together a gathering of over 100 people for a day of study and sharing about Giving and Forgiving. This conference was originally scheduled for this past March, but like so many such initiatives in our present COVID-19 reality, it had to be first cancelled, then rescheduled. Finally, it was set for this past Sunday once it was clear we were going to have to use a Zoom format instead of the hospitality of the Catholic college where it was planned to be held.

A collection of scholars, religious leaders and others shared important teachings from Christianity. Catholicism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, and Secular Humanism, among others. We also heard from civic and governmental leaders as well as philanthropists. These amazing people work regionally as well as nationally and internationality. (Due to the silver lining of presenting on Zoom, we could do that!)

What was so palpable and impressive was that the many different paths we have all taken in our life journeys have all been based on the same set of foundational beliefs of humility, the idea that hubris divides and hurts, we should all have compassion for our fellow human beings, see and try to alleviate the suffering of those who are vulnerable and so much else. We were all collectively blown away by the fellowship, shared values and amazing level of conversations as well as texts that repeatedly teach us these important formative concepts and beliefs, AND that we can honor and respect differences WHILE we celebrate what we share.

The proceedings of this four plus hour conference can be found here; and I highly recommend that you check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpeEa_d2pLs&feature=youtu.be

So much of my life is dedicated to building and expanding these important bridges of understanding to heal and rebuild, instead of hurt and destroy. This coming week is the Torah portion of Noach in the Jewish community. We have one story where an individual (Noach) is cited as being “a righteous person in/for his time” – he does what he is told to do, no more and no less. Then, he too goes astray later in the Torah reading. I cannot help but noting and thinking that this has to be somewhat precipitated by his not invested himself in becoming part of the collective, to concern himself with those around him, and therefore acting as one agent, not accountable to others.

At the end of these chapters of reading we have the narrative of the Tower of Babel, where there was cooperation alright – but to build something so representative of hubris that it would be eternal, supplanting G-d. That is not the way either. We need these relationships to be balanced – between us and G-d (or the Force/Source in which we believe) and between each other – in order to work in the symbiotic way intended.

Go through this video. If you cannot listen to the entire program just choose bits and pieces or listen to units of it at different times. You will hear respect for each other, love for all of humanity, profound lessons of caring and compassion for others, and important instances of people not just talking the talk, but walking the walk -- regardless of one’s way to get there and the faith community with which one does (or does not) associate. This is truly representative of the best of who we are.

My husband, Ken, always says that whatever is happening, we must remember that ultimately there are more people who want the correct things for the correct reasons – caring for others, sharing and caring with our resources and remembering that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US is created BeTzelem Elokim, in the image of G-d. It is gatherings such as this one that do reinforce that feeling in my heart and soul.

This is why I am very concerned about our democracy

In 1972 I was a student at George Washington University. That was the year of a presidential election. Richard Nixon won the election. Our student population was very concerned. One night at the very Republican F Street club, there was a celebration. Bob Hope was the headliner. He came out front and performed for a largely democratic student population and hor d’oeuvres were passed around. There were jokes, assurances that we need not worry, that our politics may be different but we all wanted the same democratic protections. We felt better.

Then I was worried about George W. Bush because of his demeanor and political positions, but he actually showed, as all Republican Presidents during my life thus far, respect for the law of this land and the fundamentals of democracy. I think back to Ronald Reagan who showed compassion and concern for all of us as Americans. Again, I did not agree with all of his politics but understood that he was really trying to do what was right in terms of his belief system and that of those who supported him.

In terms of full disclosure, as I believe strongly in the separation of church and state, rights for all people regardless of gender, sexuality, color, nationality or ethnicity, and have been willing to pay more taxes for support systems for those who need it, I have been a life-long democrat. HOWEVER, there have been instances when I voted for a Republican candidate if I felt they were the most qualified and best candidate, because I had faith that each of these people did believe in the nature and characteristics of our special democracy. That is until now, and this is why I am scared.

Consider that research has recently focused on countries that supposedly or actually use democratic elections to end democracy. In the New York Times, Amanda Taub observed as follows in April, 2017.

The recent referendum in Turkey, in which President Recep Tayyip Erdogan claimed a narrow majority of votes to expand his presidential authority, is the latest example of a puzzling phenomenon: Democratically elected leaders who triumph in elections even as they move toward autocracy by undermining checks and balances and consolidating power.

Today, the most common way for a democracy to collapse is through the actions of an elected incumbent, not a coup or revolution. Hugo Chávez, elected to four terms as president of Venezuela, used his time in office to dismantle the institutions of Venezuelan democracy and expand his own authority…

This phenomenon, which experts call “authoritarianization,”highlights a deep vulnerability built into the structure of democracy itself. Once in power, unscrupulous leaders can sometimes manipulate the political environment to their own benefit, making it more likely that they will be victorious in future contests. By winning those elections, they gain the stamp of democratic legitimacy — even for actions that ultimately undermine democratic norms.

Manipulating and winning elections has become a kind of exploit in the rules of political legitimacy — a way for would-be autocrats to hack the system.

Source https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/18/world/europe/how-autocrats-can-triumph-in-democratic-countries.html

Similar dynamics have taken place in Russia, many South African countries, Eastern Asia, and throughout the world. The most concerning dynamic that is now being examined is how what appears to be democratic process is being manipulated to end democracy and turn countries into a quasi- or direct dictatorships. This occurs when candidates do not show respect for the law of the land and claim they will use whatever means possible to serve their own purposes. What follows are examples of such statements made by these candidates and leaders in different countries:

“….my commitment is to Hungary not having significant minorities with different cultural characteristics and backgrounds among its citizens.” Stated by Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orbán

“As for the proposal to lift restrictions for any person, any citizen, including the incumbent president, to allow running in future elections ... this option is possible,” Stated by Vladimir Putin, in support of bypassing previous elements of the constitution and extending his rule until 2036 possibly.

"The person who wrote this story will pay a heavy price for it; I won't let him go unpunished." Stated by Turkey’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Erdogan is seeking a sentence of life imprisonment for the journalist, Can Dundar.

The Prisoners Are Also the Guards: Everyone is required to join a "loyalty"-enforcing "mass organization," such as the "Kim Il Sung Socialist Youth League." Because North Korean society is designed to be so fiercely competitive, and because that competition doesn't mean doing a better job so much as sniffing out "ideological impurity" both at work and at home, you've got to be willing to turn against your neighbor just to survive. Any North Korean who wants a good chance at feeding their family must join the state's efforts "maintain ideological discipline" and "provide another surveillance mechanism for state security." About one out of every 25 married women, for example, are recruited into the inminban "neighborhood units" that are expected to openly spy on their friends and family and to sniff out enemies, whether they exist or not; failure to produce makes you suspect. Everyone is an informer and an enforcer, doing Kim Jong Un's work for him.

Source: https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2012/08/defying-history-how-kim-jong-un-could-hold-onto-power-for-decades/260744/?gclid=CjwKCAjw8MD7BRArEiwAGZsrBQjqb_G8yFj8lc9QBpO38lWnkYQnAH6aCdbvPtYE0S5mZ58hSLv5qRoCVK0QAvD_BwE While this is not a direct qute ut a narrative, it has been fact checked and is accurate.

Make the lie big. Make it simple. Keep saying it, and eventually people will believe it. Stated by Adolf Hitler.

There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet. Stated by Muammar Gaddafi

I could go on and on. Threatening the protection of the free press, ignoring the oppression of various groups while claiming rights for the privileged, statements that we do not want people in our country who are “different than us” – whoever the “us” is, threatening to not abide by elections or just rendering them non-consequential, calling one’s ruled entity the best or the only true democracy and other such comments go against the grain of everything these United States of America stand for. This is what scares me and it should instill fear in all of us – women; people of different faith communities including Muslims and Jews, both groups having experienced greater degrees of persecution and oppression in recent years; people of color and different ethnicities and racial groupings; immigrants and people from different national origins; our own native or First Americans, LGBTQ individuals, different socio-economic groupings, and so on. Do you have friends, family, people you love who re or fit into any of these categories? Do you truly understand what happens when a democracy slips into autocratic government? Do you realize how often this has happened? Do you yourself as a child or grandchild or great-grandchild of victims of Nazi Germany, the Stalinist regime, the immigrants who have escaped lands of oppression and persecution understand what is at stake in our democracy at present?

There have been presidential elections in the past where I was not thrilled with either candidate but I voted and if the other candidate won, I at least knew that the parameters of our constitutional democracy would protect me. Are we that comfortable at this point? If nothing else, we need to vote for the candidate who respects the law, who cares about EVERY American, the one who knows that we all share some responsibility to help those who do not have as much privilege and that we must continue to agree to disagree while abiding by the fundamental constitutional elements that make our country the democracy it is and MUST continue to be.

How We Live and Hopes and Expectations From our Leaders

I remember a story my mom told me many times years ago about a teacher she had when she was a child in Hebrew School. Her teacher made it very clear that Jews are to carefully follow all of the Mitzvot – commanded actions from G-d, and if they do not do so, there would be dire consequences. Keeping Kosher, observing Shabbat, honoring parents, and other obligatory actions were required at all times or else…. Then it happened! My mom, in her early years, mortally afraid of this particular rather severe teacher and that lightening would come and personally strike her if she did not heed Mrs. Strict and Authoritative Teacher’s word, saw this woman eating non-Kosher food on a Shabbat afternoon. Now I want to make it clear that the fact of her actual personal observances was not the problem. BUT everything my mom had learned in her class flew out of the window, so to speak, and that may have been one of her existential crises in her earlier years. I know that, in her honor, and the lesson learned from this anecdote, that when I have been in positions to influence or model behaviors for students or a community, I have always been as honest as I possible could and asked others to do the same. Better, I thought, to model different genuine ways of identifying as a person of faith and religion, for example, than have teachers, in positions to influence, falsely claim to be something they were not.

In a lot of my work, whether around my teaching involvements on critical issues in our lives, advocating for women’s participation and rights in religious settings, advising and supporting LGBTQ members of the Orthodox Jewish community, in my Multi-Faith work, teaching about racial and social injustice, Environmental Sustainability, etc., I am always horrified by how many stories I come across (way too much) where those who are in positions of potential influence abuse those positions and mislead at least and ruin at worst the lives entrusted to them. A Rabbi who wields such power over followers abusing children, a Priest who is trusted hurting those in his charge, a sports coach taking advantage of those in his care, political leaders who do not themselves follow the rules that govern the country or state entrusted to their care, and so on. I remember when I was very young, one of the children in our extended family circle could be a bit of a rascal. His mom would remark how he would try to maintain eye contact with her while he was doing something he was not supposed to RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER – a childish notion that he could get away with something by directing his parent’s attention elsewhere. If he did not look at and see what was wrong, neither, he supposed, would she. That was a child’s perspective; he grew up to become quite a fine and honorable man. But what about those who have clearly not done so?

As a human being, Jew, American, mom, family member, friend and within the context of all of my professional values, I have always believed that what we say and what we do have an impact on all those around us. The words that come out of our mouths mean nothing if not consistent with and supported by our actions. I live this way, I teach this way, I hold myself to this standard and take very seriously the responsibility that I have as one who potentially influences others and do not want anyone to suffer from any potential disconnects between my words and actions. This is the way I live and this is what I would hope that others in positions of influence, far more wide-reaching than my own as leaders in various contexts, would do as well. We are taught in our Jewish texts that we walk with G-d by modeling proper behaviors that are set before us by The Creator of All to replicate.

For so many years, we would try to teach our children and the successive generations of young people to do just this – to model proper behaviors, hopefully observed in those in whom they should place their trust. I remember my parents wanting me to see certain models of behavior amongst leaders, Rabbis, teachers, etc. Then we had our many young people who preferred to choose sports figures, actors and actresses as role models – rich, famous and with more material resources than they knew what to do and not always those who do such wonderful things for others… clearly there are both options--- and we tell them to choose their role models more carefully.

We want our children to have respect for authority. We want them to follow laws that are operative in our society. We want them to treat all others with the respect and honor that we are all accorded. Racism, prejudice, lack of social justice, not treating others who are different than us appropriately, being selfish with resources, and simply not caring about anyone except oneself are those behaviors we avoid and teach our children how to do so by our example and those who lead with the same code of behavior.

So how have we gotten to this point where human decency and the most basic levels of acceptance of others are now no longer givens? How is it that we cannot just agree to disagree and speak with each other in honorable and caring voices, sharing our points of view and not shouting out the other? How do we explain to our children that once again, depending on what neighborhood you are in, what political leanings you have, what the color of your skin is, what religious symbols you wear, you must be very careful to not expose yourself as who and what you are in order to remain safe and unharmed. For those of us who thought those battles may have receded at least a bit, unfortunately we are ALL TOO AWARE that these problems are clearly front and center in our lives in a way that is much too painful.

Anti-Semitism is on the rise, Muslims are afraid to share who they are, blacks have to be careful how they respond to what may be abusive and undeserved accusations or diatribes, people of privilege act disparagingly towards those who have not had such opportunity, Native Americans aren’t even recognized for their part in this country’s history, immigrants are maligned and endangered on so many levels and on the list goes… even though we ALL come from these backgrounds! AND ALL OF THIS IS OKAY, EVEN PREFERRED BY TOO MANY OF OUR FELLOW AMERICANS.

My husband and I were recently having a conversation about sports teams recently (a subject at which you know I excel …. LOL!) and we were discussing how names of teams such as the Washington Redskins were changed. He asked me how I felt about this. My answer was changing a name or taking down a statue IS NOT SOLVING THE PROBLEM of what is going on at this present point. Imagine, just imagine if people could proudly say who they are and use the identifying terms of their choice, wear their garb, and be accepted for who they are. Terms are pejorative because of the meaning attached. What if Redskins could be a nomenclature of pride in an alternative universe where we talk about the different Native American names that reflect the nature and context of their history just as referring to Blacks is NOT a bad thing, though clearly other assigned titles to this grouping are NOT respectful? What if we could speak freely about who we are and the characteristics we proudly hold as part of our heritage? What if we could have intelligent conversations around this symbol or that statue and the lessons learned from that person or situation – both those that are part of our past and to be remembered for their slight and any pride that may be found as well? But it appears to me that sadly, this is not the case.

As too many of our human brothers and sisters and those who lead them have forgotten or lost what it means to be truly HUMAN by being HUMANE, unfortunately it feels like with some of these conversations about symbols or names, we are fighting about rearranging the furniture while the Titanic is sinking…. to use a metaphor.

We need to BEGIN AGAIN….. can we please remember that we will NOT all agree? Can we remember that 100% of the people will NOT be 100% happy 100% of the time? Can we remember that the gift and foundational essence of democracy is that we will NOT all agree? And finally, can we remember to accept all of this with intelligence and honor and respect for what we share as well as the differences that are a given part of our collective? And then, maybe, just maybe, we can work TOGETHER and UNIFY on the issues that really matter – pandemics and their impact, racial and social injustice that are ripping apart the fabric of our American society, inequity of opportunity and resources, rampant hatred and prejudice, concerns about the environment that is being destroyed, and so on…

I remember as a much younger person and through the years watching both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions and participating in debates about different perspectives of what it means to be the United States of America. It gave me a sense of pride that we could be so civil and people who spoke and led showed how we can disagree respectfully, state our positions and come together as a country. Sadly, oh so sadly, I do not feel like this any longer. This year, we COULD NOT have our children watch both conventions without being very careful – I did so as in the past, and to say it was painful is quite the understatement. I do NOT want my students, the people I love and cherish, friends and family, to learn from what was heard, to model what was shouted, to tell lies that are clearly counter-indicated by facts and documents….. these are not the lessons I want to impart and for my daughter’s children and their peers to replicate. So now, we teach without the example of too many of these leaders, and maybe we should focus more on some of those pop culture folks who are better role models.

I and many of those around me are profoundly upset in our present situation. We who respect and honor those who have served this country, we who try to work for social and racial justice, we who treasure the many different voices of faith that remind us to be the best we can be, and we who want to live by the values that we have been taught and hope and pray that our leaders will do the same…. As we are taught, we must each intentionally and carefully choose for ourselves our teachers and leaders and acquire colleagues, hopefully worthy of following. May we each do our part to continue to work to heal our fractured world and speak out and up when necessary without outshouting each other!