An Important Lesson on Intersectionality from Camille Cosby

Erev Sukkot, this past Sunday morning, I looked at the newspaper as we always do on Sunday morning.. There on the first page was the trifecta of one of our most compelling major societal problems – articles about the situation with Judge Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford, a story about a Priest who had sexually abused multiple members of one family as well as others and one entitled ‘Cosby back in Court this week for sentencing.” Further along in the paper there was yet another article about a young man who had been sexually bused by his priest and ultimately took his life, because he could no longer live with the truth that was his life. Needless to say, I was depressed as well as overwhelmed by what has gone so wrong that the most basic right of sanctity and safety of self has become more political pawn in our public sphere than the fundamental value we have all cherished and fought so hard to achieve.

I was particularly horrified when Camille Cosby and her husband’s publicists were reported to have “compared him to civil rights icons Nelson Mandela and Emmett Till, insisting that he, too, is the victim of corrupt and racist justice system.”. Later in the week, his legal counsel stated “he is being persecuted like Jesus.”. Really???? If in fact these individuals did not say this, then shame on those who did; however, as I heard the latter comment from the person to whom it is ascribed, I do doubt this is the case and those who are responsible for these comments should be ashamed of themselves.

There is this phenomenon in our contemporary society and language called INTERSECTIONALITY. It is particularly invoked by our young 20- and 30-somethings to challenge all of us to look around us and consider the plight of others at best, and at worst, collapse all wrongs of society as they perceive them to be as one and the same. As defined by Webster and others, “intersectionality is an analytic framework which attempts to identify how interlocking systems of power impact those who are most marginalized in society.” At its best, this notion states that if one is concerned about one victimized or maligned portion of our population and human family, than we should be concerned about others. That is to say that people of color should care deeply about women, those with physical limitations should show compassion for those with mental or emotional limitations, LGBTQ community members should work to advocate for the rights of immigrants who are taking a difficult hit, to say the least, Jews should advocate for Muslims (which by the way, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks often claims), and so on. The theory of intersectionality as presently and properly practiced basically sets up situations where all of us should and must be sensitive to the vulnerabilities of others and this is a noble agenda for many self-evident reasons. For some, we think of it as common decency, which unfortunately is not quite so common as it should be in today’s fractured world.

However, intersectionality is NOT without its potential pitfalls, as is the case with any ideology or theory. Here is where Camille Cosby and her husband’s supporters come in. Really? Like Nelson Mandela or Emmett Till? Comparisons to Jesus? Okay, this is INTERSECTIONALITY running amuck. As someone who goes into internal shock every time someone just thoughtlessly and way too easily compares anyone they decide is an oppressor or perceived wrongdoer as a Nazi or when Israel is cast in the same tonal colors as governing entities who hang their own citizens just for being who they are, I am once again saddened and horrified that we as a society have become so thoughtless and careless that we reduce our lives to meaningless and hurtful soundbites, no longer honoring those who have been victimized by truly horrific entities but claiming that all perceived victims are the same no matter what they may have done and even if they are not actually victims but rather perpetrators of wrongdoing.

Black lives DO matter and ME TOO is an important initiative and we must all remember that if our parents and grandparents came to this country seeking sanctuary, we should apply those principles appropriately so that the United States of America can continue to provide such to those who are truly victims of torture and whose lives are in peril. That being said, ALL THOSE WHO ARE CHARGED WITH WRONGDOING are not the same and are not equal. Please, can we all just remember that we are supposedly people of reason and leave the histrionics aside! No, Camille Cosby, your husband is no Nelsom Mandela or Emmett Till and I would hope you will reconsider how you have maligned their names and their battles.

MY BEST ROSH HASHANA EVER

This year for a variety of reasons, Ken and I tried something completely different. We decided to go to a Rosh HaShana retreat at Isabella Friedman Retreat Center. I was all ready to channel my inner hippie from decades ago and to get into a Kumbaya zone, though I knew there was an Orthodox minyan for davening (prayers) and the food is strictly Kosher. Actually, friends of our recommended this Retreat Center from their experience during another Chag (holiday), so we decided to see what it was all about.

We got in our car on Sunday and prepared for the approximately four-hour drive to Connecticut, just over the state line shared with New York. We took the scenic route avoiding the Turnpikes and the peace and calm of all that we saw, even with rain, that seemed to be an ongoing theme throughout the three and a half days, was just breath-taking. We arrived at this beautiful retreat center that certainly did not disappoint. It was beautiful, bucolic even, with water (in the lake, not just coming down from the clouds), fields, trails (which I had hoped to try out but maybe next time when the water is only in the lake), beautiful cabins and lovely large spaces for gathering.

Isabella Friedman Retreat Center is a completely environmentally conscious and sustainable space and the food is reported to be amazing. So now, I can attest to the notion that this is not just a matter of report, but experience. The food was plentiful, beautifully presented and nourished the body completely. The surroundings were perfect for the contemplative nature of the beginning of these Ten Days of Returning to God that is part of the annual cycle of the rhythm of Jewish life and living. Sustainable practices are clearly front and center and one is definitely aware that the food we eat has a source, is grown and produced and served by the members of the internal community who live and work at the resort with pride and respect for the environment that provides us with all of these gifts.

There were two prayer options for the Rosh HaShana observance, one Orthodox and one Egalitarian. Additionally, there were members of the community that came together who just walked, hiked, talked, meditated, thought and just came to be in this inspiring and inspired space. The minute we walked into the Orthodox prayer space as well as entered the dining tent, it was clear that yes, my inner hippie was indeed in its happy space but there was actually quite a wide swath of people present – geographically (though most participants were from New York and New Jersey, people were there from California, Washington State and Toronto as well as many other regions of the United States), generationally (no we were NOT the only people there over the age of forty!), in terms of observance, sexuality, gender identity, with regard to what people eat and do not eat, and so on .. and we stayed in dorm like bunks, nice beautiful cabins (that would be Ken and me), tents and a variety of places to rest and relax. Multi-generational families, couples, individuals, groups of friends and just Jews of so many different orientations were part of this little world that would evolve over approximately 72 hours.

One of the biggest surprises and joys for me was the prayer experience. I too often get the impression that people feel that Rosh HaShana is a chore to get through, with way too many pages in the Machzor (prayer book) and up to nine hours of each of two days, as well as a good chunk of time the previous evening when it begins so as to seem rather daunting at best. But this was absolutely not the case. Rabbi Avraham Arieh Trugman spoke about the joy along with the judgment of the observance and the balance of so many different elements, that indeed may seem paradoxical, but in truth ask of us to bring our whole and complete selves to the Rosh HaShana experience. This was exactly what I felt – transported to that place where all of me was there. The singing and the communal voices raised as one led by Rabbi Avram Mlotek, the quiet contemplative prayer elements and the joy of being in this assemblage all combined to truly make this a special and meaningful Rosh HaShana. Each time we finished our long services, we did not race to leave, but rather danced and sang – sharing that joy that makes community at its best. This was exactly what I always want my prayer and community to be, and it was indeed that.

Another great joy for me in this space was the real feeling of Klal Yisrael. The various continuums listed above in terms of who was there added so much to the experience. People floated in and out of various groups, even between the prayer options, and there seemed to be this seamless sense of yes, we are this community, invested in each other and caring about those around us. Conversations were deep and new friendships celebrated with hopes of seeing each other again. I was honored to be teaching two classes, which also showed the value of bringing people together who may not pray the same, think the same and live the same, but in fact we are all part of the same unified whole. We truly celebrated what we shared and honored and respected differences as well. This was a huge part of this experience for me, and gives me something to hold onto as we re-enter our fractured world.

When I find myself in these spaces of diversity within unity and unity of diversity, I am bolstered and reminded of how we can and do build bridges and go back and forth across them, instead of being contained by fences and walls. The respect shown by all whether it was a traditionally clad Orthodox Rabbi or a Rabbi from the Egalitarian group who was female or a communal leader dressed more casually, it did not matter who said Kiddush, gave a D’var Torah or led Birkat HaMazon. We all did what we needed to do to fulfill our own traditions and practice; and more importantly, we were all Jews who came together hoping for and trying to begin a new year with positive energy and meaningful experience.

We learn that the true miracle of Mount Sinai and the giving of Torah was that all came with “one heart and one voice.” We read during this observance that Abraham and Yitzchak approached the challenge of the Akeidah “the two of them together as one.” This is what I long for - that all of us come together with our different voices, various levels of observance, words of prayer, authentic selves, varied garb and amazing and wonderful ideas – and come to build amazing unity, enriched by the many forms of diversity we bring. Happy 5779 to all and thank you Isabella Friedman Retreat Center for a truly singularly inspiring Rosh HaShana.

Gimar Tov to all - may those of us in our Jewish cycle of observances be sealed for a good, meaningful and purposeful life in the coming year.

Mourning the way we are mourning….

I often remember the story (I think I have this more or less correct) of how Speaker of the House Tip O’Neill visited President Ronald Reagan when he was ailing and said “I love you Mr. President.” President Reagan stated, “I love you too.” What was so remarkable about this interchange is that it is well known and records clearly report that politically, these two men did not, shall we say, agree, on many occasions. In fact, one could say that they were political enemies. That being said, when it came to them as human beings and individuals there was a mutual respect. In fact it had a name in the media – FRENEMIES. Ah, those were the days…. When Democratic and Republican members of the House and Senate would meet at a bar together after a difficult conflict and pull of their shared humanity and love of country to chat and joke with each other, that is to be human with each other and to share that humanity. As a student in Washington DC, we actually would see some of these scenes at area bars and restaurants and it was highly instructive to all of us.

Here we sit as our nation mourns the death of John McCain, may his memory be for a blessing. No, I did not always agree with his politics, and in his later run for Presidency, while I was still fanaticizing about a potential McCain – Lieberman ticket that truly would have crossed the aisle of political loyalties, I really wondered what happened to him. I did not always agree with him, but I always respected him and knew that he loved this country truly and deeply. This is indeed a great thing to honor and to step back and hold ourselves accountable in terms of how we express this love and loyalty without hurting and maligning others. If that is me being a bleeding-hearted Democrat, then I accept the charge and accusation graciously.

For the first time in many months, I am watching some of the news – that which honors what Senator McCain stood for, his humanity with his strengths and self-admitted weaknesses as a human being, his love of country and his respectful stance. This is what I fear we have lost with his death. I remember for many years watching and reading our news media and being aware of what was happening in this country and feeling that we have such different views of what it is we should be as a democracy and as a nation that is humane and represents the best of humanity. I would get frustrated at times and then feel heartened at times that we are indeed living in a wonderful place and are striving to be so much better as we move along. I would value the democracy in which we live in which everyone gets their say without fear of being shut down or out-shouted.

Sadly, I no longer feel this way. I am hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated and I question deeply what is happening in our lives as Americans. To say there is a new low bar and that this measuring rod gets continually lowered daily is an understatement. I remember a few weeks ago, on Meet The Press, Chuck Todd ended a morning by stating that it really felt good to discuss actual issues in an intelligent way for a change. This is what I long for and I just do not see too much today.

Anger begets anger and we have been duly warned that prejudice and racism exist just under the thin veneer of a civilized society. These are the two most powerful truisms that I see operative today one a half years into this administrative cycle. Pettiness, narcissistic puerile tantrums and out-shouting everyone and anyone who disagrees is the chosen path of the present occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Maligning soldiers who have served, hurling horrible insults at large swaths of people, insulting those with whom this individual does not agree, use of inappropriate language and so many other behaviors clearly attest to what this person says as well as what this person does. And lest we think others do not notice and feel validated in taking on these behaviors, think again.

We know that prejudice related incidents and hate crimes have risen precipitously in this country. I am reminded of several people who have stated that now that the present administration is in place, they will do and say what they really think and want, because after all, if that person thinks that he can go in the middle of New York and shoot someone and still have supporters in place, than why can’t others do the same?

I am a Democrat. I did not agree with Reagan politics and much of what John McCain put forth especially in later years of his career. That being said, there was love of humanity, love of country and respect for the human community of which we are all part. Where is this today in the Executive leadership of this country? Too many people have forgotten how to speak with each other instead of out-shout each other; too many no longer feel any need to dialogue and learn about the other; and the giant step backwards in lack of tolerance and acceptance is so palpable it is disturbing, with too many Americans and people depending on this country fearing for their future.

John McCain, when asked about what he sees in the future, stated that he was optimistic about our county. What died with him? I think more than a bit of that optimism. Why? Because we are losing our grip as human beings who can agree to disagree, celebrating where we do agree and respecting and honoring differences and above all, remembering that none of us is above The One Who Created Us. That is to be embraced by all of us regardless of political party.

As we enter the Jewish year of 5779, it is appropriate to think and reflect about where we have been and where we are going. I will be praying this year that the United States of America finds its way back to a sane and respectful dialogue and that those who have forgotten that we are to celebrate our diversity will remember that without respect and regard for each other and understanding that we all have a great deal to learn from each other, the legacy left by so many of our leaders that truly tried to be and do their best will be severely compromised. Let us remember the love between Speaker of the House O’Neill and President Reagan and the respect and regard engendered by Senator John McCain. May their memories be for a blessing.

I just returned from Mars, so… Okay let’s try this again – how do we talk with each other when we disagree?

I just returned from a conference that was for academics who are invested in Multi-Faith Dialogue and Learning sponsored by the Hickey Center of Nazareth College under the able and gracious leadership of Dr. Muhammad Shafiq. We gathered from the United States, Canada, Indonesia, Pakistan, Israel/Palestine, Germany, Bangladesh, and other places as well. We are Muslims, Christians – including various strands of Catholics and Protestants, Jews, Hindus, and people of other faiths. We value our religious teachings, our texts and the foundational values of the religious scriptures we hold so dear. The topic of our discussions and learning this year was Religions and The (De)Legitimization of Violence.

It is always such a pleasure, relief and reason for hope in our fractured world when I can spend this type of dedicated time with people across lines of national, religious, ethnic and other types of identity where we can celebrate what we share and honor and respect where we differ. We do it so well and are often frustrated that this is not reflected in our world at large. You will not find any mention of this amazing group on the six o’clock news nor will you hear about their scholarship or share what they learn in the general press, because this group is focused on healing our world, not breaking its back further – and lets be honest, the media is not so interested! It is from this understanding of how different and special that this experience is that the title of this blog comes – one of my colleagues remarked “I feel like I am on Mars here.”

Last year at this conference, one of the speakers remarked that if we do not feel a bit uncomfortable at times, then we are not doing what we are supposed to do. Clearly there was some vexing in trying to understand those texts we all have in our scriptures that focus on survival of the group that adheres to it and statements regarding those that disagree. That being said, we all agreed, that NONE OF OUR SCRIPTURES validates violence or war or even disregard for the other just because we feel like it, or disapprove, or don’t like the way someone else believes.

We found several themes that were repeated regarding why these discussions are often thwarted, avoided or worse in our world and here are the main ideas that came from these interactions:

1. Too often there is the problem of using texts out of context. It is much easier to choose a phrase that validates one’s point of view than to take the time to study and learn its context and truly put the effort into grasping the fullness of its meaning and to the best of our ability, grapple with its actual intention.

2. There are many shades of gray in these discussions; every discussion involved the type of parsing and intentional interactions with the texts of the Scriptures of various groups that again, take time and patience as well as the understanding that this is not a matter of black or white but the many different ways we relate to the God to whom we hold ourselves accountable.

3. When we take the time to listen to each other deeply and ask questions of clarification instead of shouting down the other person who believes differently than we do with demeaning and dismissive language, we find that we often have the same challenges with our understanding of what God wants from us as well as the need to maintain the humility we as human beings with limitations must hold on to in trying to reach that level of comprehension. 4. We all come back to the point that we are all children of God, that The Creator God could have made us all the same but chose not to do so. We also agreed that we do not always understand God’s ways but try to discern God’s message by acting kindly and with care in our lives. This is foundational to all of us as people of faith.

In sharing and reaffirming these findings, we all agree that it is unjustified fear and insecurity as well as hubris and unchecked egos that create many of the problems that are identified in our world as religious differences and an inability to live together with other people of faith who may not believe just as we do. We cannot blame that on religion and certainly not on God, or whatever name we call The Holy One! By extending kindness to others, by putting our best selves out there and by teaching all around us to do the same, we can accomplish so much, without compromising our own belief systems. We as academic learners and teachers all agreed that doing so is as important as any text we can learn and distill for others, though our texts do indeed ask us to do just this! So here is my challenge and my question to each one of us – What are YOUR texts that you want to use to teach the essence of who you/we are as people of faith who believe in God?

My Favorite Rabbis, Priests, Reverends, Imams, Pastors and Religious Leaders in General

My favorite leaders of our many faith communities know that we are ALL created in the image of God, however we refer to the Almighty Creator of All.

These leaders know that we are responsible to be welcoming and inclusive of all people, regardless of gender identity, sexuality, race, ethnic group, abilities and disabilities they may have, etc.

These leaders remember our roots, our stories of persecution and immigration, often forced, and use the empathy garnered from those memories and their values to fight for what is right for all people.

These leaders of our many faith communities march in rallies, and lead us in doing so.

These leaders sign petitions fighting for basic rights and decency and challenge us to do the same.

Our best faith community leaders inspire us with their heartfelt words and do so continually in spite of any pushback they receive, and they do!

These leaders of our many faith communities show us by their example how to remember who we are as people of faith and fight for what is right and just, even when and sometimes, especially when our political leaders and others have totally lost their compass as to what it means to do so.

These leaders show us how to overcome our challenges by leading the way through sharing their own and the lessons that have come from them to forge their life direction.

These leaders of our faith communities show us how to care by caring, how to listen by listening and how to have empathy by sharing graciously from their own reservoir.

And most important, it does not matter to these leaders if you are more liberal or more strictly religiously observant. As one of my favorite Orthodox rabbis says, people think I am being lenient in taking positions regarding the well-being of people. I am actually being MACHMIR (that means very strict) about the most important aspects of Jewish Law – to truly care about each other and to remember we are all made in the image of The Holy One.

The Deserts in Our Lives: Are They Physical or Spiritual?

In the Jewish rhythm of our weekly Torah readings, we recently began the fourth book of the Torah (The Five Books of Moses) called Numbers in English and BaMidbar in Hebrew. BaMidbar means “in the desert” and indeed this book speaks of the experiences of the Children of Israel during their forty years in the desert after having received the Law and witnessed the many amazing experiences, facilitated and directed by God. While one might think that there would be boundless gratitude and corresponding behavior, this is in fact not the case as the narrative is relayed to us. Quite the opposite, there is discord, rebellion and too many instances of serious missteps. This is not new – we have already read about the complaints regarding the Manna, the building of the golden calf and other such problematic events. So what is going on here? Is it the heat of the desert or is it something else – something much more generic to the human being?

I would suggest that there is a spiritual desert that parallels the physical desert and that its impact is much more far reaching and profound. We know the joke as to why it took forty years for the Jewish people to reach their destination – their leaders were men and they refused to ask for directions. Parenthetically as a woman who has NO sense of direction and with a husband who has a great one, but refuses to ask for directions…. I get this. If only they had had GPS or as we like to call her, Ms. Shirley Google (yes a female!). But actually, our sages teach us that they needed this time in the desert to throw off the mindset they had acquired as slaves in Egypt. The word for slave is EVED, but it is important to note that this word conveys the meaning of serving another and we are taught that the B’nai Yisrael while no longer servants to Egyptian masters, are in fact to serve God, The One who brought them out of Egypt to be God’s people. So what does this mean? We know it is not total and complete unfettered freedom, for there are far too many rules and regulations that dictate and define what that freedom means and how it is to be enacted.

What is the purpose of those rules and why would we want to be so disciplined and structured after having left such a situation? For an answer just look at your own teenage years or those of your children and you have your answer. We as human beings do have the potential to choose and to do so freely but as we see way too often those capacities are not always used for the best purposes. Consider (how can we not) the 24/7 newsfeed that is now a given in our lives, whether we like it or not. HERE IS THE TURTH! WE NEED RULES! WE NEED TO CHECK OUR HUBRIS! WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE! Being so may and hopefully does protect us from our own potential spiritual deserts. Perhaps this is the lesson of Sefer BaMidbar, the book of Desert Stories (or Numbers – yes, lets count those stories!).

Siblings forget how to behave and that G-d (and perhaps parents, hopefully) acknowledge that equal treatment of each loved child does not mean SAME treatment, but rather accommodating for the different needs and characteristics in an analogous way. Is G-d trying to teach us this when he calls Miriam, Aaron and Moses together at the Tent of Meeting (think of it as the Kitchen Talk – you know, the three of you get down here now! ) to explain that G-d’s relationship with each of them is different and they need to understand this.

Leaders have great responsibility with their words, clearly a MUCH NEEDED lesson for today. So when the scouts return and deliver their fearful reports about the land of Israel and incite the same fear and doubt amongst the masses, we are taught that leaders do matter and must take the additional responsibility of weighing and considering the impact of what they are to say. Here was their spiritual desert story. Korach and his rebellion is yet another example of this both from his point of view and perhaps in terms of the bigger picture regarding how he perceived leadership being handled. And then of course there is Moses striking the stone out of complete and total frustration. This is understandable to be sure, but what do the people learn from our leaders and what do our children learn from us when we are traversing the obstacles of our own spiritual deserts? What responsibility do we have to act in a way that will inspire the correct behaviors and responses and not incite the wrong ones? This, I believe, is the lesson of the forty years in the physical and spiritual deserts of BaMidbar, for all of us to consider carefully. May we all wade through those deserts in our lives with grace of soul, spirit of heart and adherence to THE ONE TO WHOM WE ARE ACCOUNTABLE.

I Love Learning so I Keep Teaching - A Message for Shavuot, Pentacostal and Ramadan

Shavuot is the holiday on which Jews celebrate the receiving of the Torah. It comes at the same time in the calendar generally as the Pentacostal in the Christian world and this year it also parallels the timing of Ramadan for our Muslim friends in faith. That is to say that all of our monotheistic children of Araham or Avraham Aveinu are in an intentional space in the rhythm of our lives.

As it turns out, I am doing a great deal of additional teaching at this point, including running an assortment of programs for people of all ages. In the past few weeks, I have sat on a panel regarding Interfaith Relations at a Muslim Youth Center Building, taught a Lenten session at a Lutheran Church nearby, shared some thoughts regarding intentionality and where we find the quiet of prayer with a group of co-religionists in our Multi-Faith Council, presented a learning session on Gender and Models of Leadership that Defy a Dichotomous Sense of Gender Expectations to members of the Orthodox Jewish community, facilitated a morning of learning at the Medical Mission Sisters about inclusion and justice in Jewish sources, and so on. Tomorrow night I will be teaching in a Tikkun Leil Shavuot (where we stay up all night and learn as we prepare to celebrate the receiving of our Torah about how we learn to argue and dialogue from our Jewish sources, where clearly there are disagreements, but they are to come with respect and honor of those with whom we are engaged – a most important and relevant lesson for our world today. And of course, there are my ongoing weekly classes with amazing young scholars who are aged six through ten or so, adults and my ever wonderful Senior Life Long Learners.

True, there have been lots of extra preparations and work to provide these experiences, and I am now beginning a new run of five such engagements over the next two months. But the amazing part is this is NOT work. I get to learn and learn some more….. and I love it. I get so energized by the way different projects intersect with, enhance and validate each other. And due to my many different experiences, I get to bring all of it into the group with which I am learning at any given time. I see the many facets of Torah, of faith, of our various communities of faith and of the many ways we approach God. This bolsters and encourages me when I get so frustrated with what continues to come over the 24/7 news feed. It restores my spirit and strengthens my faith.

My seven and eight year olds want to know why we don’t learn lessons and repeat the same mistakes. So do my Senior Life Long Learners. My colleagues, friends and students in interfaith settings are always amazed at how much we share and how similar we are, while I remind them to honor and acknowledge our differences as well. I love bringing the Gemara which I just love in terms of the process of text learning to my adult co-learners/students. And so it goes.

Shavuot is a celebration of Torah and learning and the many lessons that we can all learn from each other if we are listening and open to the dialogue and discourse that will continue to expand our own horizons. It’s easy to sit with a group of people with whom one agrees; the challenge is to be open to learn something new from those with whom we differ.

I wish all a meaningful Shavuot, an enriching Pentacostal and a fulfilling Ramadan. For those of you of other faiths, the message holds as well and I hope it will resonate at the appropriate season.